Do you ever feel as if you're "trying too hard"? | INFJ Forum

Do you ever feel as if you're "trying too hard"?

Gaze

Gaze

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Do you ever feel as if you're "trying too hard"?

I think i tend to do this when i'm interacting with people, because i know i'm not comfortable but i don't want to make them feel uncomfortable, so i try too hard to fit, relax, or be flexible so that i blend in. But in the end, it often seems forced and unnatural. And many can spot it pretty easily. They see through it like a facade.

Anyone has had similar experiences?
 
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sometimes. greatly depends on the temperament of the other person, and how well we know each other. if i can sense they're uncomfortable it makes me uncomfortable and the whole thing kinda goes downhill from there, lol
 
I never really feel like I'm "trying too hard", because I tend not to act like someone I'm not just to try to fit in or seem comfortable with a situation... Even if it's true that everyone puts on a guise sometimes just to feel accepted, I avoid situations which make me too uncomfortable.

While sometimes it seems like a good thing to break out of that "introverted shell", putting yourself in a really uncomfortable situation which requires so much effort seems like more trouble than it's worth in the long-run...

If anything, I do feel as though I "put a lot into" interacting with others, but it's only because of an abundance of authentic caring for other people and the fact that I get satisfaction out of investing myself and helping people...
 
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Introvacist said:
While sometimes it seems like a good thing to break out of that "introverted shell", putting yourself in a really uncomfortable situation which requires so much effort seems like more trouble than it's worth in the long-run...
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Yeah, seems to be.
 
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Yes I do this all the time whenever I'm forced to be social...I just don't relate to most people at all and have nothing much to say to them, so I have to put up that facade in order to have any kind of reaction and anything to say. Or maybe I'm creating a barrier by automatically assuming that we have nothing in common. I don't know...People are weird.
 
yeah im trying to work on this by making myself go out and talk more, not easy stuff when you feel like you've got the majority of what you need at home or in your head, but im trying to find more of a balance, due to recent discovery of the enneagram. im just banking on that being social will get easier and i will find a rhythm eventually, otherwise i wouldn't bother.
 
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toska said:
Yes I do this all the time whenever I'm forced to be social...I just don't relate to most people at all and have nothing much to say to them, so I have to put up that facade in order to have any kind of reaction and anything to say. Or maybe I'm creating a barrier by automatically assuming that we have nothing in common. I don't know...People are weird.
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I'm generally well liked by others, even if I'm in an uncomfortable social situation that I'd rather avoid... If I have "nothing much to say" I listen. If I can pick up on anything in the conversation I know anything about, I bring it up, or I ask a question and let others guide the conversation instead of all eyes being on me...

Instead of "assuming that we have nothing in common", or that there can't possibly be anything I'd want to talk about in the first place, since I don't even really want to be there in the first place, playing off of other peoples cards can be useful. As long as you're able to listen and pick up on things like that, instead of "trying too hard", you let others do some of the work for you...
 
People are draining vampires. Especially introverts. It takes too much energy to motivate them.
 
Introvacist said:
If I have "nothing much to say" I listen. If I can pick up on anything in the conversation I know anything about, I bring it up, or I ask a question and let others guide the conversation instead of all eyes being on me...

Instead of "assuming that we have nothing in common", or that there can't possibly be anything I'd want to talk about in the first place, since I don't even really want to be there in the first place, playing off of other peoples cards can be useful. As long as you're able to listen and pick up on things like that, instead of "trying too hard", you let others do some of the work for you...
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Highlighted areas are generally true.
 
Only with people who are shyer than me. It's weird. I am compelled to keep them laughing. I really try hard to ease them or open them up or something. Usually, I succeed because they laugh at all my jokes.. But maybe that's just because they are uncomfortable.. And no one has called me annoying yet.. Though maybe they just haven't said it aloud..
 
Res said:
I think i tend to do this when i'm interacting with people, because i know i'm not comfortable but i don't want to make them feel uncomfortable, so i try too hard to fit, relax, or be flexible so that i blend in. But in the end, it often seems forced and unnatural. And many can spot it pretty easily. They see through it like a facade.
Click to expand...

^^^yes. I wish I could mute the little voice that tells me I'm "not doing it right" because I listen to the little voice more than I listen to the person that I'm talking to and then I don't have enough time to think of a response/I listen to the little voice more than I pay attention to what I'm saying and then I mis-speak.. That's why I prefer writing.
 
Anita said:
Do you ever feel as if you're "trying too hard"?

I think i tend to do this when i'm interacting with people, because i know i'm not comfortable but i don't want to make them feel uncomfortable, so i try too hard to fit, relax, or be flexible so that i blend in. But in the end, it often seems forced and unnatural. And many can spot it pretty easily. They see through it like a facade.

Anyone has had similar experiences?
Click to expand...

Ooooh yeah. It usually ends up with me talking way too much and feeling like I need to fill every silence with words, so I run my mouth a lot. It's pretty embarrassing, so I try to catch myself before I really get on a roll with it.
 
I try too hard to protect people from the negative consequences of their decisions. I only have this problem offline.
 
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