Do INFJs ever feel guilty for enjoying themselves too much? | INFJ Forum

Do INFJs ever feel guilty for enjoying themselves too much?

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by floatingbridge, Jan 5, 2014.

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  1. floatingbridge

    floatingbridge Life's a ride
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    Something that has been on the back of my mind for a bit. Do any other INFJs ever feel guilty for enjoying themselves too much?

    Like for example...

    You've had a good fun outing with friends, but don't want to risk the good day by going further to another event.

    You've watched a good movie, but don't want a movie marathon because you want to remind yourself the importance of reality.

    You laugh at all the inappropriate jokes, but is the first to sober up because you know it's politically/ ethically incorrect... thoughts?
     
  2. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I think it may be a sensitivity to cultural taboos, more than something native to INFJs per se.

    I think that Australian INFJs, for instance are generally far more politically incorrect, and less reserved about enjoying themselves - but this only reflects the fact that Australia is more "easy-going" in terms of having few taboos and virtually no Calvinistic influences.

    INFJs from the the US Midwest and Northeast, on the other hand, seem to be far more conscious about the kind of things you mention.
     
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  3. sprinkles

    sprinkles Well-known member

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    Not really since I don't like to take things far. I barely make it through one movie or outing anyway. As for jokes, a lot of them I just don't think are funny.

    I used to be more wild but now I'm the type of person that wants to go home at 6 o'clock in the evening. -.-
     
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  4. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    Sometimes.
    For me it's quite personal at times; I often found myself enjoying the company and the talk with people I shouldn't go near with for emotional purposes.
    It's quite a temptation; and I think the awareness that 'damn, I'm crossing my boundaries' can and have lead into guilt.

    Is it wrong? I dunno. I am aware that guilt does not do me any kindness; but so is crossing and lowering my own boundaries because it's 'fun'. It's unfair because when it stops being fun-- the backlash will be harsher.
     
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  5. Reverie

    Reverie Newbie

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    No. Why wouldn't I be allowed to have as much fun as anyone else?
     
  6. djpyro21

    djpyro21 Newbie

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    A possible explanation.

    We have Se which gives a desire to experience the world through our five senses (fine food, clothing, pleasure) as our inferior function. If our Ni is the driver, the Fe our navigator, Ti the 12 year old, it makes our Se the 4 year old.

    This is typically viewed as a source of mistrust within ourselves as the no one wants a 4 year old driving their car. So we make rules within ourselves to limit over indulging ourselves because once we do we do it to the extremes.

    BUT, from the other perspective our inferior function is something we aspire to do very well. We aspire to act like an ESTP (Se Ti Fe Ni) and be able to have a mastery of the physical world like they do.

    Dario Nardi's research on EEG and personality types has given evidence that as we get older we develop characteristics of our opposite type. In our situation an ESTP.

    I say, do not be afraid of the inner child and let him/her come out and enjoy themselves. With time and enough experiences the 4 year old will grow up and give us a means to bring the fruits of our Ni into the physical world.
     
  7. say what

    say what I like soft things...so soft!

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    I don't feel guilt, but sometimes I do get emotional. If I find something extremely enjoyable, I tend to get overwhelming happy and grateful (and occasionally tear up!) ...but I don't feel guilt, more gratefulness that I am experiencing it.
     
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  8. LucyJr

    LucyJr Well-known member

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    For me is not that I feel guilty, because I think the ideal is to enjoy in everything that I do. Its just that I don't like loosing time. Then I feel guilty.
    For example, if I go out with friends for a few hours having fun, its ok and I enjoy it. But if that kind of thing becomes days, then it looses its appeal for me, and I feel guilty because I could do other useful things.
     
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  9. say what

    say what I like soft things...so soft!

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    Oh...that's a really good point! I guess that kind of changes my answer completely. Like you, I do feel guilty for enjoying myself, especially if I have deadlines or work to complete. I almost can't fully enjoy myself if I know I have work to do....
     
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  10. Ghoulia Yelps

    Ghoulia Yelps Community Member

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    Yes, but to me the examples in the op suggest a kind of sensory overload.
    There are certain movies and video games, music even that I have to be in the mood for, otherwise I feel overwhelmed.
    Too much of that, and too much stimulation, I can't handle.
    Like I couldn't go to Disney World and go clubbing afterwards, I would need time alone too reflect and sort my brain out.
     
  11. La Sagna

    La Sagna I did it! I'm a butterfly!

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    I can relate to LucyJr about feeling bad when I think I am wasting time. For that reason I think I only 'allow' myself to have fun under certain circumstances, usually it is related to wanting to make somebody happy or create some quality time for bonding (with the extroverts in my life which are plentiful). So the circumstance is usually that somebody has invited me to do something and I will accept and go because I don't want to reject them. If I decide to go though I will make sure to maximize the fun that I have and I won't feel guilty about that. Another way that I 'allow' myself to have fun is if it includes a form of exercise, like dancing, I really enjoy dancing and it's great exercise so if I get the chance to do that I will have a lot of fun and get lots of exercise. I also love to participate in fun charity events.

    I also like to include a component of fun when I am getting something done, like today, I'm painting a room, which isn't really fun, but I put music on and dance and act goofy while I am doing it so I have fun at the same time, which adds exercise also, and gets the work done (Of course, I only do that if there are no witnesses). I think I have a difficult time having just simple fun without feeling like there is something good attached to it, except if I am drinking...which has caused me some feelings of embarrassment if not feelings of guilt in the past...those are the times that my ESTP shadow has come out to play...fun...but not how I would normally choose to behave.
     
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    #11 La Sagna, Jan 11, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2014
  12. isabellajay

    On Holiday

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    [MENTION=9401]LucyJr[/MENTION] 100% with you. At the end of the day, I review things I've done and usually end up thinking, "Why did I waste 3 hours of my time on _______ when I could've done something worthwhile?" I'll come home from being with friends and wonder about why I've just wasted my evening, even if I had a lot of fun.
     
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  13. LucyJr

    LucyJr Well-known member

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    Yeah. You know what I find interesting? That if I do what I consider to be my responsabilities, then IS need to have a good, carefree time. Its like I'm responsible for that too haha. But no really, its a spontaneous enjoyment and fun which is fulfiling.

    And I personally think that's the problem of many people today. They want to have fun all the time, even working. And then they wonder why they don't catch the essence of having fun. Classic philosophers like Plato have said that you can't have a good time if you try to escape your reaponsabilities. And working will bring you joy for that work, and that joy will be the basis for having a good time, a quality time, with family or friends. This is an old truth that it seem the modern man forgoted.

    Its like this. If you want quality time in any area, you'll have to first have quantity time. You can have quality time all the time, because its looses its essence, its appeal. Out of that quantity time, true quality time will raise.
     
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  14. JGirl

    JGirl no chocolate flavored gum? wow

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    this is more how it is for me too
    i need to come down from one thing before i go onto something else. if i am out i even have to spend some time alone when i get home before i can go to bed. i have to empty it out of me so to speak.
     
  15. ElleG

    ElleG Newbie

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    Yeah, I think the Inferior Se is definitely what could be being picked up on with the thought of feeling guilty for enjoying oneself "too much". In theory, the inferior function isn't really developed until midlife, though there can be those who might be more mature than their years and might be developing more of an awareness of their inferior function a little earlier in life (thirties, probably not twenties).

    More info on cognitive process and development: http://www.cognitiveprocesses.com/16Types/16Types.cfm
     
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  16. Gust

    Gust Regular Poster

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    I find that, especially when in the presence of others, I feel very embarrassed when indulging in any kind of snack food, or eating in general if it isn't a formal meal. I feel judged when I have "fun" so I generally try to avoid both indulging in any kind of sensual pleasure when around other people, and avoid having fun. I refuse to allow my stoic seriousness to be breached. As an INFJ, I think this is definitely a factor.
    But I also think my 135 Enneagram tritype is a factor as well.
    I'm very conscious of what I say, and try to avoid making statements that might be offensive. I often feel very terrible after stating something that could be perceived as rude.
    I think being an INFJ is definitely a factor.
     
  17. MrSquared

    MrSquared Well-known member

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    Umm... Doesn't sound like me. I'm generally a glutton for comfortable situations with truly trusted friends. Such things can be hard to find and arrange. So I tend to enjoy it while I have it.

    Again... The statement didn't necessarily sound like my own understanding. But this could be tied in with a trust factor on my end. AKA I trust that things will continue to go well since they already have (not necessarily true). And this isn't to say that 2-3 movies into the Saturday I'm secretly kicking myself for letting these people live in my living room. Hue hue.

    Uuuummm.... You're making this tough. :) Correct is such a strong word here. I'd say that I'm probably the first to sober up because I (personally) like to be in control of myself and have the option to go home as soon as possible. Pending I've discharged all obligations and favors towards others. I really do value my individual time to refresh and relax (R&R).

    Hope this provided you with something of value. :)
     
  18. Gus

    Gus No strings attached

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    I was on board with all the examples until this one. I will never feel guilty for laughing at something that's funny even if I don't agree with the point of view (morally or logically). A joke is a joke, not meant to be taken seriously, it's just meant to make you laugh.
     
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