Dating Thinking Types | INFJ Forum

Dating Thinking Types

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by CoffeeShopDiva, Apr 21, 2009.

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  1. CoffeeShopDiva

    CoffeeShopDiva Community Member

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    In the past I have almost exclusively dated thinking types. I have found that these relationships have lacked the emotional connection that I need.

    Is it possible to get an emotionally fulfilling relationship between Feeling and Thinking types?
     
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  2. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    By thinking types, I presume you mean Te types? (See cognitive functions).

    My experience is that 'thinking types' are good to connect with intellectually - even emotional exchanges are really on an intellectual level. But when push comes to shove, the Fi of an INTJ, for instance is focused on their own feelings, not on yours. So if you need your prospective loved one to show defference towards your feelings, you had better look for someone with Fe - an 'F type'.
     
  3. OP
    CoffeeShopDiva

    CoffeeShopDiva Community Member

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    That's what I was worried about, too. Thanks for your input.

    I've dated an ISTJ, an ISTP and an ESTP.
     
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  4. Altruistic Muse

    Altruistic Muse Community Member

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    I think this may be right as a generalisation, but there are thinking types around who have become more feeling towards others as time goes on (possibly individuation?) and also those who have an academic interest in being caring, and do it for this reason. One of my exes was like this (INTJ). He was very caring and thoughtful but it was because he liked to see it cheer me up rather than because it came naturally to him. Personally, I have gone out with an F before and I found it a bit draining to be thinking emotionally all the time. I quite like the fact that rational types balance you out and offer logical solutions to problems. Fe types might sympathise, but sometimes (personally) that's not what I actually need, I like to be given a hug and then told how to solve it.
     
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  5. Lucifer

    Lucifer Registered User #666

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    If it weren't thinkers and feelers would never get married now would they.
     
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  6. TheLastMohican

    TheLastMohican Captain Obvious
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    Remember that some F types have Fi (not Fe). If you're looking for warmth in a relationship, you might find more in some T types than in some F types.
     
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  7. Lucifer

    Lucifer Registered User #666

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    Good point cherrio!
     
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  8. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    Also, do remember that we access all these processes - just not in the order that they happen. So you can have someone who is an INTJ with strong feeling processes, and you can have an INFJ with strong thinking processes. I dated an INTJ for a while and I feel deeply for him, and he did have warmth - just not in the average way that we would view a warm person.
     
  9. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I'm drawn to thinking types.. The NT temperament. NFs are fascinating and fun and I can swim inside their soul and they in mine almost instantly, but I find a relationship with another NF (for me) is too unstable.

    My intj actually has a pretty rich inner emotional world, but he's very strategic (who can resist using the word 'strategic' when speaking of intjs??) in who he reveals this aspect of himself to. (I happen to be so lucky.) I think once a thinking type has decided to open up, they are very warm and affectionate. It seems the way they warm up is by learning from their partner and also from being accepted by their partner. If you try to pry them open it won't work and they won't bleed their heart all over you right away--it has to be shown that you can be trusted and that you are not interested in controlling or changing them... I think.

    Also, what I love about intjs is that if something matters to them, they don't give up. They sincerely work at it.
     
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    CoffeeShopDiva

    CoffeeShopDiva Community Member

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    Thanks for the input, guys. It seems like I'll just have to start getting my feet wet again in order to find out.
     
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  11. WhiteWolf

    WhiteWolf Community Member

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    I have done a couple of personality tests now, but they seem to swing between INFJ and INTJ. But I relate myself allot more to INFJ then INTJ and don't know where the T is coming from :p

    So... Is there a big difference between T and F? if I may ask :p
     
    #11 WhiteWolf, Apr 21, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2009
  12. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

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    I've thought of this myself---but I think when we really focus on mbti types, it's hard for us to remember that there are people who can't get categorized because they're soo balanced!!! (like my sister). I also consider myself a very balanced INFJ. I control myself very well and sometimes with a very strong mind---its a marriage of head and heart. I have some pretty balanced INTJ friends too. They show affection in their own ways and I know they appreciate me. We get along very well---so, it really depends on the person. I personally wouldn't be able to have a relationship with a strong T OR a strong F.
     
  13. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

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    Gotta agree with this one---the normal INTJ personality profiles make me go "eek" but the intjs I know are very genuinely warm and sincere. (In my opinion, even, sweet). But it all depends on how close they are to you and how much they trust you. I could easily say my intj friends are my best friends. So---may be on the surface they may seem hard to understand and "cold." But really, they're quite warm inside.
     
  14. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    Coffeeshopdiva - to identify types with Fe (extraverted feeling) check out the table on this site - it is a very, very handy reference to the cognitive functions for each type.

    http://www.interstrength.com/curriculum/16types.html
     
  15. OP
    CoffeeShopDiva

    CoffeeShopDiva Community Member

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    Thanks for the link.

    What would be the difference between Fe and Fi in relationship context?
     
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  16. rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

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    if in a relationship both have developed their cognitive functions thoroughly, it shouldn't be too big of a problem to communicate and meet emotional needs...however their may be different approaches depending on type as to how this is done.
    also maybe this will help :) http://www.infj.com/INFJ_Relationships.htm
     
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  17. lostintranslation

    lostintranslation Community Member

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    I wouldn't like being in a relationship where I might be connecting with someone on an intellectual level, but emotionally if that person is cold and distant that would send my NF-self into a downward spiral. Like what arbygirl and rainrise said- it's down to how developed their processes are, highly developed T over F, vice versa. It's down to the person really; as long as there is understanding and compassion..
     
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  18. Lurker

    Lurker Has nothing to destroy
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    In really simple, crude terms, Fi is about internal beliefs and values, they look at a situation and think how would I feel, Fe is about others and asks how do they feel. Sounds like a Fe-filled soul would be what you're looking for, in terms of NTs that's developed ENTPs and INTPs.

    Of course it is, not going to work for everyone though. I'm NT and want a deep emotional connection or it's a waste of my time however it's something that I'm terrible at putting out there, it takes a long time and a lot of effort to get me to open up and I would want my partner to take their time both in revealing themselves and in getting me to open up. I feel deeply and strongly I jut don't reveal this easily cause emotions are uncontrollable and simply put, icky.
     
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  19. anica

    anica dark dreamer
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    I'm dating a guy who's been analyzed--quite accurately, I think--as an ENFJ but who has well-developed thinking processes. In fact, he's pretty well-rounded in general, and he sounds a lot like your INTJ, especially the last bit.
     
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  20. OP
    CoffeeShopDiva

    CoffeeShopDiva Community Member

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    Thanks for your input, guys. Although, its all pointless now.
     
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