Dating ESFP and tips for small talk

probably no way to know for awhile. I see a problem right out of the gate. . because someone is nice to you doesn't mean you turn yourself inside out for them. that sounds like a trauma response to me. .then you report being numb and blank. . yeah slow down with this. .forgive me for jumping on it, but I strongly suggest you do some trauma work with a therapist or this scenario will repeat itself. . hope I wasn't too negative. .

 

On my dates I immediately describe Lady Liberty being sodomized by Wall Street.

If they get it, they're a keeper.

 

Basically, smalltalk sucks.

 

The whole purpose of 'small talk' is to root around and find something that will engage the both of you in a proper conversation. It's less about you than it is about gauging the other person; their mood, their receptivity, what catches their interest, what doesn't, etc. If you're just going 'hey'/'hi'/'how's it going'/'good, you?'/'good too' over and over again, obviously, you're going to go nowhere fast. So... you need to volunteer a unique piece of information you'd feel comfortable discussing that has the potential for several threads of conversation. If the conversation catches, you can get into the topic specifically. If it doesn't catch, you go general.

As an example:

'Hey, what are you up to?'
'I'm just watching [Blank Show]. I'm on episode six, and I'm already getting addicted. Have you seen it?'
'No.'
'Oh, well it's really good. It's about [blank] and [blank] starring [blank.] I don't know what it is, but I really enjoy [blank] genres.'
'I'm more into [other blank] shows to be honest.'
'Yeah? Me too! Which ones have you seen?'

It's best to keep a few conversation/topic avenues opening while you're still probing for common conversational ground.The wonderful thing about extroverts is that they only ever really need a push before they start rolling down the conversational hill. lol

But from the sounds of it, maybe small talk isn't so much your problem; you sound like you find yourself pretty self-conscious around this person. Is it because you're questioning their interest in you? Or are you worried about something? You need to find some way to relax and put yourself at ease and the conversation will flow. Otherwise, he's going to start wondering if you're interested in him. It's a two-way street, after all. If you're not being receptive to him, he might start backing away. I

If it helps, maybe before you call him, compile a list of things you'd like to talk about. Or send him a few funny memes or an interesting article to break the ice. That could also serve as a conversation starter.

Good luck!

 

idk what this ESFP is thinking but if you're Ni dom and want to get over small talks you should initiate that since personally i find it hard to make that leap, unless it's confrontations

 

Tell him

 

well that's a dick move, i agree you should tell him

 

he's not satisfying you now. if he doesn't change, he won't satisfy you in the future. what's the point?