Dating ESFP and tips for small talk | INFJ Forum

Dating ESFP and tips for small talk

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Akanksha, Apr 4, 2020.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 3 users.
More threads by Akanksha
  1. Akanksha

    Akanksha Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2019
    Threads:
    6
    Messages:
    44
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    87
    Trophy Points:
    887
    MBTI:
    Infj
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    Hi guys!
    I hope you're all doing fine.
    Well I need some advice with how things are going on, guess in shitty at it with minimum experience.
    So I met this ESFP online and we had few conversation (which weren't inought for me to know someone) but he initiated to meet. Im trying to meet new people and go out a lot since I left college because I literally met 0 people while I was in college for 4 solid years. So I agreed to give it a shot.
    We met, he was really nice to me, typical chatterbox, I was listening... I don't know whenever someone treats me good I melt, I feel like I don't deserve it and since they're treating me good it's my turn to put the whole goddamn world infront of them.
    We got drunk, watched a movie and things happened between us. Not gonna lie it was soothing but I was numb the whole time.. totally blank! I get panic attack, shivering and all because of trauma. I was glad I told him I take time to process things and he gets it.
    The next day I wasn't able to concentrate anywhere. He started seeing me alternate days. I'm glad things are going good lately but I get blank and emotional and weird with him. He barely know me and idk how to put things up.
    Then lockdown happened and mostly it's just "hi! What's up? hi. What's up?" Small talk going on. I don't know what to do with it. I don't know if it's right or wrong. Idk if he's into me or just his usual esfp fling.
     
    Aneirin likes this.
  2. Aneirin

    Aneirin AKA, David
    Donor

    Joined:
    May 29, 2011
    Threads:
    16
    Messages:
    4,667
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    17,873
    Trophy Points:
    1,206
    Location:
    home
    MBTI:
    infj
    Enneagram:
    type 4w5
    probably no way to know for awhile. I see a problem right out of the gate. . because someone is nice to you doesn't mean you turn yourself inside out for them. that sounds like a trauma response to me. .then you report being numb and blank. . yeah slow down with this. .forgive me for jumping on it, but I strongly suggest you do some trauma work with a therapist or this scenario will repeat itself. . hope I wasn't too negative. .
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Ren, kyledge and Akanksha like this.
  3. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    9,219
    Featured Threads:
    3
    Likes Received:
    33,936
    Trophy Points:
    2,976
    MBTI:
    ENTJ
    Enneagram:
    3w4, 3-8-7
    On my dates I immediately describe Lady Liberty being sodomized by Wall Street.

    If they get it, they're a keeper.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. OP
    Akanksha

    Akanksha Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2019
    Threads:
    6
    Messages:
    44
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    87
    Trophy Points:
    887
    MBTI:
    Infj
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    Sorry but can you elaborate this please.
     
    acd likes this.
  5. OP
    Akanksha

    Akanksha Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2019
    Threads:
    6
    Messages:
    44
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    87
    Trophy Points:
    887
    MBTI:
    Infj
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    Thanks for the suggestion.. and it was not negative in any way. Personality I'm still not comfortable with consider to visit a therapist. I'm working on it. I don't think I have that trust on people or therapists.
     
  6. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    9,219
    Featured Threads:
    3
    Likes Received:
    33,936
    Trophy Points:
    2,976
    MBTI:
    ENTJ
    Enneagram:
    3w4, 3-8-7
    Basically, smalltalk sucks.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. OP
    Akanksha

    Akanksha Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2019
    Threads:
    6
    Messages:
    44
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    87
    Trophy Points:
    887
    MBTI:
    Infj
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    Should I just try to confront that why are we having small talks? Is everything fine blah blah or should I play it cool and try to improve
     
  8. sassafras

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    173
    Messages:
    14,465
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    44,385
    Trophy Points:
    2,376
    MBTI:
    .
    The whole purpose of 'small talk' is to root around and find something that will engage the both of you in a proper conversation. It's less about you than it is about gauging the other person; their mood, their receptivity, what catches their interest, what doesn't, etc. If you're just going 'hey'/'hi'/'how's it going'/'good, you?'/'good too' over and over again, obviously, you're going to go nowhere fast. So... you need to volunteer a unique piece of information you'd feel comfortable discussing that has the potential for several threads of conversation. If the conversation catches, you can get into the topic specifically. If it doesn't catch, you go general.

    As an example:

    'Hey, what are you up to?'
    'I'm just watching [Blank Show]. I'm on episode six, and I'm already getting addicted. Have you seen it?'
    'No.'
    'Oh, well it's really good. It's about [blank] and [blank] starring [blank.] I don't know what it is, but I really enjoy [blank] genres.'
    'I'm more into [other blank] shows to be honest.'
    'Yeah? Me too! Which ones have you seen?'

    It's best to keep a few conversation/topic avenues opening while you're still probing for common conversational ground.The wonderful thing about extroverts is that they only ever really need a push before they start rolling down the conversational hill. lol

    But from the sounds of it, maybe small talk isn't so much your problem; you sound like you find yourself pretty self-conscious around this person. Is it because you're questioning their interest in you? Or are you worried about something? You need to find some way to relax and put yourself at ease and the conversation will flow. Otherwise, he's going to start wondering if you're interested in him. It's a two-way street, after all. If you're not being receptive to him, he might start backing away. I

    If it helps, maybe before you call him, compile a list of things you'd like to talk about. Or send him a few funny memes or an interesting article to break the ice. That could also serve as a conversation starter.

    Good luck!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Akanksha and ruji like this.
  9. kyledge

    kyledge Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2020
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    88
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    316
    Trophy Points:
    792
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    ESTP
    Enneagram:
    8w9
    idk what this ESFP is thinking but if you're Ni dom and want to get over small talks you should initiate that since personally i find it hard to make that leap, unless it's confrontations
     
    Akanksha likes this.
  10. OP
    Akanksha

    Akanksha Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2019
    Threads:
    6
    Messages:
    44
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    87
    Trophy Points:
    887
    MBTI:
    Infj
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    First of all, that's so sweet of you to actually share your views and then making me notice that you commented ☺️.
    I'm trying but the thing is our texts are more like hi what's up *I try to initiate/ask questions* we share 2-3 more texts and then he'll stop seeing my text. Next day he'll come back with *Hii*
    UGHHH how should I make him realise what's going on.
     
    kyledge likes this.
  11. Professor Snep

    Professor Snep Smart. Sexy. Snep.

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2017
    Threads:
    0
    Messages:
    2,201
    Likes Received:
    8,280
    Trophy Points:
    1,182
    MBTI:
    Potions
    Enneagram:
    Leviosaaaa
    Tell him
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  12. kyledge

    kyledge Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2020
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    88
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    316
    Trophy Points:
    792
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    ESTP
    Enneagram:
    8w9
    well that's a dick move, i agree you should tell him
     
    Akanksha likes this.
  13. OP
    Akanksha

    Akanksha Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2019
    Threads:
    6
    Messages:
    44
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    87
    Trophy Points:
    887
    MBTI:
    Infj
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    I hope I won't shoOoOo away this guy too
     
    kyledge likes this.
  14. kyledge

    kyledge Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2020
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    88
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    316
    Trophy Points:
    792
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    ESTP
    Enneagram:
    8w9
    he's not satisfying you now. if he doesn't change, he won't satisfy you in the future. what's the point?
     
    Akanksha likes this.
Loading...

Share This Page