Courage? | INFJ Forum

Courage?

Jana

Jana

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Apr 18, 2009
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How brave are you?
Meaning can you always stand for your belifs?
I find it tough when i have to stand up against mayority in some conversation. I do that sometimes, but yesterday group of my coworkers trastalked about people who were not there. They were totally wrong and mean, but I did not manage to open mouth and tell them:"You are soooo wrong!" because I was coward. Though I am not always, afterwards, feeling bad and feeling useless:), I realised that I really need to get courage for some things!
So, is it Fe in INFJ that can make us to fear of mayority?

Btw, this is partly conffesion gor being total stupid coward, so feel free to say that to me few times:)
 
PeaceSeeker said:
The smartest people are the quietest ones ;)

Don't let your ego make you think that you're not courageous.
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Nice thing to say, but I let someone to be mean to one I like.
So, Fe went bad? INFJ and conformism?
"Protector" who is afraid to protect from time to time (usually people tell me that I always has to find excuses to people's behaviour and to people in general)?
 
I don't have any beliefs. If I do, I make temporary ones, and then I break them. Whenever I hear someone talk behind people's backs I just think to myself "Not interesting!" and leave. Whether they are talking behind other people's backs, or someone jumps in preaching about how it's not right to talk behind people's backs, the expression on my face would've been o_O and then I would've left, either way I'm leaving.
 
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Jana said:
Nice thing to say, but I let someone to be mean to one I like.
So, Fe went bad? INFJ and conformism?
"Protector" who is afraid to protect from time to time (usually people tell me that I always has to find excuses to people's behaviour and to people in general)?
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Well if your friend was there then I'm sure you would have said a few things to those people.
There is no better protector than an INFJ.

Personally I try my best not to get into unnecessary arguments with people because I know that if my trigger goes off then comes the yelling/swearing and strong urges to use violence.
Better to smile and ignore those idiots.
 
PeaceSeeker said:
Better to smile and ignore those idiots.
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Well, I did very brave thing: I put my glasses and had some "very important" thing to do, so I got up from table...Is silent protest still protest?

They would not have tresh talked if said person were there...typical..

It is true that people don't change mind because of arguments...Ignoring is the way to spare my nervs, you are right with that.
 
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I would always stay out of office drama. My old workplace was like Survivor but all of the good people left and you never knew who was going next. DONT get involved in office drama. You have to see those people way too much. I would just nod or smile a bit. Usually I let people think I'm dumb to avoid talking, which isn't the best, but it's a method.

In those situations, usually nothing will be gained in telling those people off. They probably won't consider their actions after the conversation is over (maybe they will I don't know) but I think there's nothing to be gained in simply standing up for someone who isn't there. Now if they WERE there, yeah I would be speaking up.

I'm speak up a lot. It gets me into trouble. If it were a social thing, yeah I would tell people off for trashing talking a friend, but like I said...ugh the workplace....it's just messy. Stay out of it. You know what's true.
 
lantern said:
I would always stay out of office drama. My old workplace was like Survivor but all of the good people left and you never knew who was going next. DONT get involved in office drama. You have to see those people way too much. I would just nod or smile a bit. Usually I let people think I'm dumb to avoid talking, which isn't the best, but it's a method.

In those situations, usually nothing will be gained in telling those people off. They probably won't consider their actions after the conversation is over (maybe they will I don't know) but I think there's nothing to be gained in simply standing up for someone who isn't there. Now if they WERE there, yeah I would be speaking up.

I'm speak up a lot. It gets me into trouble. If it were a social thing, yeah I would tell people off for trashing talking a friend, but like I said...ugh the workplace....it's just messy. Stay out of it. You know what's true.
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Hahah, I do the same thing.
Sometimes it IS tough to stand up for other people. If I feel the environment is hostile, I don't say too much. However, if I am very close to the people they are talking about, I defend them. Or, if they are gossiping and acting as if everything they are stating is fact, I question them. "How did you get this information?" Or "Why do you think that?" And usually they cannot come up with a good answer. People just want to talk.

-Anna
 
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I know, I really don't mess with office plays. Though my workplace is rather good. But sometimes I ask myself is it avoiding trouble sign of wisdom or cowardness:)?
 
Annabreher said:
Hahah, I do the same thing.
Sometimes it IS tough to stand up for other people. If I feel the environment is hostile, I don't say too much. However, if I am very close to the people they are talking about, I defend them. Or, if they are gossiping and acting as if everything they are stating is fact, I question them. "How did you get this information?" Or "Why do you think that?" And usually they cannot come up with a good answer. People just want to talk.

-Anna
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Yes, I usually end up asking people those kinds of questions too! Isn't it amazing what you see after you give people back their own stuff?

[MENTION=1069]Jana[/MENTION], you were not cowardly. The way I see it, is you probably just sensed that defending your co-worker(s) would just be a waste of time. Choosing not to engage sends a strong message of a silent reminder to others that they are behaving offensively in some way. :)
 
PeaceSeeker said:
The smartest people are the quietest ones ;)

Don't let your ego make you think that you're not courageous.
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Absolutely! [MENTION=4162]PeaceSeeker[/MENTION] said it best!

Listening and observing other's behaviors will teach you about people in general. It will help you to make the best choices for yourself. To keep you safe.
Certainly if anyone asks your opinion you can tell them you see no reason to discuss a person in the form of slander and gossip. But if you judge them harshly for their ignorance and gossip behavior - they will retaliate in one form or the other.
Also, if the opportunity comes up that your knowledge of who said what could be of value to the person being slandered - then you would be in a position to help them.

People often gossip and put others down to build themselves up. To give them a sense of power or control. They are small minded and small hearted.
You are not.
 
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Hey, people thanks to all. You wise observation put different light on silent behaviour!
 
I don't think it's cowardly to listen in silence, the more you hear the greater your leverage for the future. Blowing up at them right then wouldn't have done much to protect your friend, they'd just continue to talk about her behind her back and add you in there too. Gaining knowledge about biases and rivals can help you protect your friend when she really needs it.
 
[MENTION=1069]Jana[/MENTION] Would it have made a difference if you would have said anything? Probably not so I don't see how that's cowardly.
 
bickelz said:
@Jana Would it have made a difference if you would have said anything? Probably not so I don't see how that's cowardly.
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[MENTION=3545]bickelz[/MENTION]

No, I don't think that anybody would change opinion...
So, infj in general tend to be cautious in brave behaviour:)
 
wello I cant speak fro everyone, but I suppose that bravely cautious is my way of daling with these things. .I work in an enviornmet where there is alot of this kind of trauma/drauma. . I do my best to stay out. . if Ihae to stand up for someone I will, but I know in the end it wont matter all so much, but I'll feel better about it. .
 
YES. Silent protest is still protest. You pick & choose your battles. I am sure you made a wise decision.
 
I think in an office environment where the worst you have to worry about is someone saying something rude or untrue isn't too bad. Or just talking about the scandalous truth, sometimes it's pretty racy. If it's just gossip, for the fuck of it, then whatever it will get old soon.

Now if it came down to someone possibly losing their job due to, say alleged rumours of sexual assault, THEN you better start talking. I don't think that the smartest people are the quietest. At all. They are reflecting, or don't want to risk their necks and put their asses out there to get an office talk beat down.

Too many terrible things have happened with too many quiet people around. Of course we are talking about office confrontation, but if you want to extend this out into real life, you better stand up when it really counts, like witnessing an assault, fire, theft.

"Someone else will do something about it" is a bit too pervasive in our lives. I'm tired of it. I would rather do too much and look like an idiot than sit back and say nooo, I'd rather just watch this happen and let someone else fix it.

So I suppose this is fairly out of context in regards to office drama. But just keep in mind every action and inaction has a consequence. This person being talked about might hear that you didn't stand up for them and question your friendship.

Workplaces can just be the fucking bowels of existence if no one's happy. I worked at a place with extremely low morale. It's terrible. Don't get dragged into it, but hopefully these gossiping co-workers find something new to talk about once your pal becomes old hat.
 
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