Conversation skills | INFJ Forum

Conversation skills

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by SpoofyMcPoof, Sep 7, 2009.

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  1. SpoofyMcPoof

    SpoofyMcPoof Community Member

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    How important is it to you that your friends or significant other can hold their own in a good conversation?

    For me it's eminently important. Without good conversation my interest often dies and we drift apart. I'm not sure why it's so important to me, perhaps it's my need for variety.

    What do you think? Which type have you found to be the best conversationalists? Personally I like to talk to INTP's...mostly because they spend so much time researching things that they have lots of interesting concepts to talk about.
     
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  2. BenW

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    I'm quite the cunning linguist, myself.
    And a master debater.

    Eh, in seriousness...
    I do tend to enjoy the company of my more intelligent friends the most.
    I had an awesome time with a particular buddy of mine (ENTJ/P), just smoking a joint and talking about various scientific/technological topics for almost three consecutive hours.

    I generally tailor my conversational abilities to the party at hand.
    Sometimes it feels good to massage your ego by talking smart to people who are clearly below you, but I recognize it's a bad habit to get in to.

    While I enjoy talking to people who are smart (especially if I can tell that they're are smarter than myself), conversely, I would much rather talk to an average person than talk to a person who thinks (wrongly) that they are smart... Nothing more infuriating than that.
    I don't care if it's hardcore arrogance, or if they're just a blowhard, I hate being around people like that.
     
    #2 BenW, Sep 7, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2009
  3. Gaze

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    It depends on the purpose of discourse? If it's to relax and "shoot the breeze," then it may feel just as great to talk about nothing, whether or not everyone in the conversation is highly intellectual or average. I think good conversationalists are those who enjoy having a conversation with anyone or about anything depending on your interests, personality, typology, etc. It varies.

    The assumption here is that highly intelligent people will always want highly "intellectual" or intelligent conversation. Many don't. And it depends on the persona everyone is trying to convey in the conversation. If you just want to relax and talk about something light, you may make small talk just to get along. You may not care about showing your intellect, unless something comes up which sparks your interest. If you're more concerned about the feelings of those involved, then you may pace the conversation to fit the style and comfort level of those who are speaking.

    It's interesting because many think someone isn't that intelligent or not much of an intellectual because they're not wanting to talk about something smart almost always. I suppress my intellect in many cases, since some may not be as interested in discussing theory or may not have the understanding to talk about it. So, instead of stating my beliefs, I focus on the interaction rather than communication of ideas. I can speak on a number of topics without having factual information using basic theoretical principles and good old fashioned logic and common sense. But there are those "intellectuals" who have a rigid understanding of the facts, and quote books and theorists, and their idea of intellectual engagement is not the idea and the validity of the concept but the ability to state an idea and argue for its unequivocal acceptance.

    So, it really depends, doesn't it?
     
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    #3 Gaze, Sep 7, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2009
  4. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    Yeah, the conversation has to have substance. I didn't really notice this until I had a ESFJ friend whom all she talked about was the guy she had a crush on, her feelings, and her struggle between deciding which guy she should go for when really both of them 'didn't like her like that' and she knew it. I only hung out with her once, a sleepover. After that I seriously never talked to her again. I definetly think that N types are better to converse with because they are more creative and funnier and just more entertaining. EN's are the best. INT's are also pretty rad. I just think that extroverted sensors in general tend to be really fucking bad at conversations, from my expierence.

    I like different types for different types of conversations though.

    ENTPs- I notice that ENTPs, when talking, are the story telling type. My buddy Colby always begin's a sentence with "One time, me and my buddy," and then it goes from there. They are quick witted and always squeeze a joke in there. The one I know though, doesn't go 'too far'. He is extremely polite around the gender he is attracted to, but me, I'm one of the guys so he'll say pretty much anything. They are full of charisma but you aren't going to get deep feelings from then or anything. Most of them have an ego problem, and apparently they play it up to hide their insecurties in other words: feelings. ENTPs I almost like the best because they can be fun but talk very seriously about politics. They just get distracted easily.

    INTPs: They are great to talk to about serious things. They are less lighthearted than their ENTP cousins and they tend to make darker, more cynical jokes from what I've notice. There is an extreme difference between male and female INTPs: while the males are more serious and study ideas, collecting facts like jesus is trying to save the world, females are a lot more 'silly'. INTP females will usually appear ditsy and stupid, but highly creative. They often have a lot of inside jokes and will start laughing randomly for no reason, and although they are logical they tend to be very lazy and self centered. INTP females are very comical and can make anyone laugh with their twisted, quirky sense of humor, but they're also very blunt like INTP males and will say really pissy things to their friends such as "I actually don't like any of you." People put up for it for some dumb reason. INTP males are the same way, and if a women slaps an INTP male for argueing against her political beliefs, it is likely that he will just laugh instead of do anything about it. This type of communicator is also very impersonal and also tends to look at things as if they were a robot.

    INTJ: These are probably my favorite type. They are very in depth about whatever they talk about and generally have strong political views. INTPs are different, sometimes an INTP won't give a damn about politics and will actively avoid it for a variety of reasons. INTJs will get their hands dirty, and often like to point out that other people's points of views are wrong. I just love the nitty gritty details an INTJ will get into. They are extremely smart persons, but they will act silly and throw people off guard. When they say things like "I just popped your comment cherry" it is quite disturbing to people who take them seriously. Awesome awesome type though. Love them. The downside is that they insist they are right on everything and will never admit that their facts could be wrong or that their point of view may be invalid. Although they are supposed to be scientists, the fact of the matter is that they have an ego that comes with it; it's as if the facts that they know are what make them so important, they gather knowledge to gain confidence, and once their knowledge is disproven so is their worth.

    INFP: Infp's will typically talk about people and their observations about people. They are very accurate on how they perceive people to feel or think, and they will typically go on and on about their analysis of people. INFPs usually like to take care of people and are known to drop off gifts randomly at people's houses, perhaps when they are having a bad day, and pretending someone else did it so their feuding friends will make up. They tend to be liked by all. But then, other times, especially when an INFP is feeling underappreciated, they will go on and on with paranoia about perceived slights that did not actually happen. They may cry, or go in depth about their emotions with makes ISTPs very, very, very uncomfortable. The pros about them is that they are funny, but when they get serious they are usually very emotional and overwhelming.

    ENFPs: basically, the god of all communicators. ENFPs are great because they have 1000 best friends. Essentially, they are warm and friendly to everyone, and make them feel special. They will tell you a 'secret' to gain your trust, and once you speak about that secret to someone else you realise that everyone within 20 blocks has been told this 'secret' and was told to keep it quiet (which they obviously didn't). The ENFP is the master manipulator, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and sexually. They'll call you up, upset but not crying, complaining about something awful that happened. You'll think that they trust you, and then you turn around and they called 22 other people once you hung up. I mean really. ENFPs are funny and very very often cause problems. They'll purposely create conflict because they get bored. They'll lie to avoid hanging out with you. They will spread gossip and pretend that they didn't know what they were doing. Oh, but they knew. And that's the beauty of an ENFP and their conversations.

    INFJ: Typically an INFJ is good to talk to about whatever they are interested in. They will usually get really poetic about the issue and explain how their opinions on political issues are based on their strict moral code. INFJs will often be the people who you seek out to help with conflict, but anger very easily if you try to point out any of their mistakes and in general should attempt to stay objective when they are mediating. INFJs are typically very analytical and sensitive. While INFPs seem to be able to appear less emotional and perhaps detached, it's very hard for an INFJ to appear this way if they have opened up. Unlike INFPs, INFJs do not put on a front. Instead they are just very shy and secretive people. Once they open up, it is clear to see how vulnerable they are, and also how they anger/upset so damn easily. They make really weird jokes and in general have morbid or quirky sense of humor, that is quite similar to the INTP sense of humor. They really aren't quick witted, they take a long time to think and an INFJ is going to be better for in depth, emotion filled conversations than anything else.
     
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    #4 slant, Sep 7, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2009
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  5. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    I don't understand how you would come to this conclusion. That's how I've observed different types to be. How would you use that in having a conversation with someone? I just don't think I understand your implications very well.
     
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  6. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    Well yeah but they are generalizations, I don't know why anyone would use observations as a guideline to behavior. It really isn't my problem if other people chose to use it as a rigid guideline, it's their fault that they operate that way and are so quick to judge.
     
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  7. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    Oh. No, I wasn't intending anything I was just sharing my expierences with those types, and kind of saying the type of conversation I prefer and the negative sides to those conversations. Everyone's a little different but it would take too much typing to explain that, I thought people would get that it was just a generalization based on firsthand experiences.
     
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  8. Gaze

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    Sorry. Forgive my zealous pursuit of this point. It's taken too much away from the OP. : )
     
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    #8 Gaze, Sep 7, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2009
  9. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Damn slant! You really fucking pierced my heart with that one! Sent shivers down my spine. All too familiar... I feel used goddamnit!
     
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  10. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    O_O" Wow, I think Slant may have just helped me type one of my close friends! Thanks! ^^"

    As for me, I really appreciate good conversations. If I can't talk to people, I don't min sitting in silence, but sometimes people seem bored and annoyed, like I should be talking to them, even if they make no move to talk to me ^^" It's confusing when that happens.

    I particularly enjoy talking to INTJs. They seem more aware and honest than most of the other types in my experience. Although, I haven't had a good chance to talk to an INFJ I know yet, though he's qite scary, 'cause it feels like he knows too much O_O
     
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  11. Pristinegirl

    Pristinegirl Well-known member

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    There are two sides to every story!
    Let me remind you that you are extremely biased and unilateral...
    So have a think about what the other side of the story would be!
     
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  12. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    I like to think I am very good at holding a conversation, and I seldom give others the time of day if they aren't very good at it. I put SO much weight into clear communication, as I feel it is one of the most important things there is. As such, if someone doesn't even try with it, I don't talk to them.
     
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  13. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Please tell the other side!
     
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  14. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    Well most of that was supposed to be a compliment because 2 of my bestest friends are ENFPs. It's a skill.
     
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  15. transcendentalethos

    transcendentalethos Community Member

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    Yup, that sure is me, but add a dash of insecurity to this mix and get an even less talkative individual.
     
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  16. Pristinegirl

    Pristinegirl Well-known member

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    ENFPs: They will tell you a secret because they trust you and in return gain your trust.

    This is exactly why the secret spreads in the first place because someone didn't keep their mouth shut. People love talking behind our backs.

    You got it twisted; crying about something awful NOT complaining! What is the problem with confiding in more than one person? We do trust you alot, as with other important people too!! - Fe makes us seek connection with others through sharing about ourselves!! We feel obliged to let the people we care about know what is going on otherwise it feels as though we are decieving them!

    No it's not becaue we are bored! We are just naturally melodramatic.

    This is nothing but a stereotype. However when it does happen as with any other human being. It may be due to the influence of their environment because they are easily suggestible and may conform as they keep the conversations going and alive.

    And that's the beauty of an ENFP and their conversations.
     
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    #16 Pristinegirl, Sep 7, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2009
  17. WhiteWolf

    WhiteWolf Community Member

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    I'm curious about this as well.
     
  18. Pristinegirl

    Pristinegirl Well-known member

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    HAHA wow that surely was a hell of a funny way of complimenting Slant!... Its definetly a skill, we're histrionics! :D
     
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  19. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    First of all, I'm not friends with people and I don't date anyone unless we are first able to naturally have deep conversations that just flow--there has to be a genuine rapport there.

    To be honest, I am awful at conversing. I don't go to dinner parties and fill the air with witty banter or charged discussion because:
    I. just. don't. care.

    Talking bores the hell out of me most of the time.. So many intricate social rituals when it comes to speaking with acquaintances and people one has just met. It's like a boring slow folk dance I'd rather just walk away from.

    Talking exhausts me, and I don't do it for sport.
    I only do it when I mean it.
     
    #19 acd, Sep 7, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2009
  20. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Exactly. So I end up saying not a lot, much to my family's annoyance.
     
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