[ISFJ] - Confused by INFJ's mixed? signals | INFJ Forum

[ISFJ] Confused by INFJ's mixed? signals

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by neow, Nov 23, 2017.

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  1. neow

    neow Newbie

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    Hi! I've been lurking on this forum a few times but I decided to join ^_^

    I'm a female ISFJ and I have known this INFJ for 2 years now. We both study the same thing but he's 2.5 years younger than me if that's relevant :p We've also both never actually been in a relationship. I'm usually more friendly with the other guys in my group and pat them on the head etc (because I always feel like I shouldn't violate his personal space too much - although I've playfully hit him a few times when he takes his jokes too far with me)

    I'm actually not sure whether he likes me and is afraid I don't (I didn't think I did but in my opinion it's more self-denial or me trying to stop myself), is using me to make another girl he likes jealous, suddenly thinks that I like him and was trying to distance himself from me but for some reason decided it was a bad idea, or something else I haven't thought of.

    I've just been really confused lately because he seems to give signs he's interested (according to my friends outside our friendship group) but at the same time to me, he seems interested in the other girls sometimes and just several days ago for the first time, acted really differently by acting cold and distant with me the day after being extremely warm towards me for several days until yesterday when he suddenly started being more of his usual self towards me (I asked him directly if there was something wrong the day before that and he said I was overthinking in the same distant way so it surprised me a lot when he did a 180 back yesterday).

    So below I explain things in detail with context but I'll first just TL;DR the points that confuse me:
    1) That night he started being distant (and a little cold) for a few days, I was talking in our group chat about how I was feeling down because "a coworker I like more is going away for a few months" (I've told him about this one before so I assumed he knew it was just a favourite female coworker of mine). He messaged me privately with "he or she? the coworker?" and I said straight up "she" without thinking or asking why and he just said "ohhh okay".

    Just yesterday when he stopped being completely distant and cold towards me after a few days, we were talking with our other friend in chat and I mentioned this guy we knew (because we bumped into them that night we were hanging out and was giving an update) from our cohort messaging me for advice about a failed resit exam through a female friend he lives with. He responded with "why does he want your opinion though". Am I reading too much into this?

    2) He'll be near me a fair bit and approach me a lot to talk but I've noticed him twice already when sitting with his legs crossed to the side and pointing towards the girl (INFP) he used to be really close with called "V" (not sure if it's coincidence or not because he's also tall). This same girl has once joked about us being "as a couple" in a language both of us didn't understand when we were both insulting each other playfully then laughed it off when another friend explained. She seems seek him out more if he's talking to me or joking with me so I'm not sure if he could be using me to make her jealous? (or I'm REALLY overthinking it)

    3) During the time he was being distant towards me, he would sound less enthusiastic/interested than usual and try to end conversations quickly with "I have to go to "sleep" :p".

    In our private convos and in the group chat, would rarely respond to me and normally to the others. We normally would interact a LOT and if we dissed/mocked each other, it would be with a clear playful tone to it. However during the two times he would address me directly in those two days, he would passively insult me in a non-playful tone, for example I was joking about getting lost and he said "but you always get lost..." or "she wasn't talking about you though...". I decided to respond by ignoring that he said that and continue the conversation with the group as normal.

    4) I have directly asked him if anything was wrong the day before he stopped being that distant and cold and said it was because I sensed something was wrong. Normally if he says anything it'll be in a reassuring tone accompanied by emojis or punctuation but he simply said "No, you're overthinking" and "do tell me if something is wrong though". I just replied "okay " as I decided if he wanted distance I would let him have it. The next day sudden change and he's making effort to be involved in conversations I was having with the other guys in our group about gaming (he doesn't know anything about it)??

    5) Despite the above, there's another girl who everyone adores (including myself and we've both discussed our concerns about her and a guy she likes who likes her back) that I've noticed he'll make a lot of effort in conversation with (she just left to be overseas for a few months). We were on voice chat and I noticed him asking things I didn't know about.

    Overall: I just want to know what to make of this so I know whether to take measures to prevent myself from either liking him more than I have started to. He treats me differently than the other two girls but at the same time he seems to show more concern and caring towards them than me.

    NOW FOR CONTEXT:

    We started becoming closer this year (at least I thought so) and because we're both from fairly traditional backgrounds (backgrounds where it's a little off if the female is older in the relationship - I know, outdated right? but during a discussion with a mutual friend once, she asked us if that would be an issue to us and we both said no), I didn't expect anything would happen.

    A few months ago we hung out in a small group with two other friends and I mentioned a high school friend of mine he's met (who I've known 7 years and used to hang out with one-on-one a lot) messaged me. Later when we were waiting our buses home he asked me if I would hang out with him again, to which I said "I don't know." I have told him that I'm not interested in that guy in that way though and said why (he's potentially controlling - INFJ said he could see that).

    I didn't think much of that then, but when I mentioned this guy had messaged me out of the blue again (after him not talking to me for several weeks), he asked me "are you going to hang out with him again?" and I said "I don't know, maybe if he doesn't annoy me" to which he didn't really react. He asks me if I need help with online assessment and he has offered to carry things for me before without me asking (he once took a bag I was holding and said "I want to carry it hahaaha").

    During exams, I simply mentioned that my boss' relative had to cover my shift but out of the blue he started suggesting I should get to know the guy better and that he might be my age. I took that as him implying that I should go with guys my age and thus reinforcing our friend status (he's aware of my situation with my relatives pushing me to date) and that since he was studying the same thing as us, he "must be a smart cookie". I just replied that I didn't know anything about him and we proceeded to talk about our past crushes somehow (he wouldn't tell me anything about his in detail though so I didn't insist).

    So I just ignored all of that until when our group went out together one day, where I went to order a drink at a cafe after meeting up. Everyone else had their drinks and were sitting down outside so I decided to wait in line by myself. He came up to me to talk and after I grabbed my drink, he pointed out "did you see that? he was checking you out, I saw him looking you up and down omg". I was really confused and flustered because I wasn't aware that was the case? So I tried to brush it off and when we got back to the group he told them about it as well but they were confused/didn't care :tearsofjoy:.

    Later that day we went to a bar to get food and drinks and I had invited a friend outside the group (same cohort so he knew her well) so she sat in-between us. We drank a little and then our friend "V" (a girl he used to spend a lot of time with before we started talking more) went off with her close friend for a walk (we all suspect they could be dating). He suddenly asked me if I wanted to go for a walk as well but because I didn't want to ditch my friend I had invited, I said I didn't feel like it and he just stayed.

    I'm so sorry this is so long >_< I have a tendency give as much detail and context as possible to avoid misunderstandings D:
     
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  2. dwr46y

    dwr46y Well-known weirdo

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    TL;DR
    Don't spend to much energy reading. Write for own story, see what happens.
     
  3. OP
    neow

    neow Newbie

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    What do you mean by "Write for own story, see what happens."?
     
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  4. dwr46y

    dwr46y Well-known weirdo

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    I mean act on what you want instead of reacting to how someone else is thinking of feeling.

    You don't know what people are thinking of feeling.
     
    neow, INFJ16, Wyote and 3 others like this.
  5. Happy Phantom

    Happy Phantom Well-known member

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    Did you read all of the op?

    @neow “Do you like me, yes or no.” Tear a piece of paper into two parts and have him answer yes on one, or no on the other.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #5 Happy Phantom, Nov 24, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2017
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