I have been thinking about compassion. How it fits into my life and what it means to me. What does compassion mean to you? How does compassion fit into your life? Is compassion something you extend to all people, living things, only those close to you, or in some other way. Do you work in a field that requires compassion? How do you extend compassion to others? Do you think compassion is a trait we are born with or is it learned behavior, or both? Do you think it is possible for people to develop higher levels of compassion? If so, how?
Compassion - what does it mean to you?
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Sometimes I find it much easier to be compassionate to people who I don't know that well or sometimes even virtual stranger. I am a very compassionate person, sometimes to a fault. My downfall is those close to me....hurt me past a certain degree and I will end you, even if its just cutting you. I don't really know how to describe what compassion means to me as it's just an inbuilt trait I've had very strongly since I was a child. It just comes naturally.
My INTJ friend D is a very angry cold person sometimes, I've hanging out with him a lot over the past year---- very controlling: seems to be fascinated with blowguns, mocks me for my ancestors, for a scientist he's always making logical errors, seems to spend all his time on the computer playing video games--- not a very kind or even a friendly person really. He loves to talk about dinosaurs, lego, superman, videogames--- I'm not interested in these things at all. I don't see why he is so interested in this totally irrelevant meaningless information----- but when I hang out with him I see reflections of myself in him sometimes--- I feel compassionate towards him. Not sure why this is---- but he's a dreamer: his dream is a very dark one-- a path of his own choosing---- my compassion is realized in the fact I'll never confront him-- or mock him, or hurt him, and old friend is an old friend, though he doesn't behave well often. I don't plan on seeing much of him in the future--- but I think he's ok in his own way.
I found this definition of compassion. "A deep awareness of the suffering of all living things (beyond judgment, profit, or status) coupled with the wish to relieve it." I don't know if compassion is something people are born with or if it's possible to develop higher levels of compassion.
I would be interested in the psychological and sociological theories on compassion. I also wonder if compassion is unique to the human species or do other species feel compassion. Is it entirely an emotional response or are there physiological responses that happen when one experiences compassion.
I gravitate towards anything that exhibits compassion; people, professions, etc.. I wonder if there are different levels of compassion and if so, what are the lowest and highest levels. Lowest maybe being a psychopath, highest being God or Buddha. I don't know. Is it possible to achieve the highest level of compassion as a living human being. Just a few light philosophical thoughts :becky:
I would be interested in the psychological and sociological theories on compassion. I also wonder if compassion is unique to the human species or do other species feel compassion. Is it entirely an emotional response or are there physiological responses that happen when one experiences compassion.
I gravitate towards anything that exhibits compassion; people, professions, etc.. I wonder if there are different levels of compassion and if so, what are the lowest and highest levels. Lowest maybe being a psychopath, highest being God or Buddha. I don't know. Is it possible to achieve the highest level of compassion as a living human being. Just a few light philosophical thoughts :becky:
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I have no empirical evidence to back my thoughts up but it seems to me that everyone is able to care about the universal welfare of others. Willingness to believe this care will pay off - care begets vulnerability after all, and few like feeling pain - and personal exposure probably play a part in its manifesting, though. Not sure this answers the question. There are a lot of variables surrounding motivation, separating one thing from another can be tricksy.
About levels. Here is a link to Wikipedia concerning a related study. It seems to me that compassion, an emotion and a motivator, works like a muscle. You must use it frequently while navigating life to make it strong enough to be useful and efficiently move you from place to place. There are numerous studies on animals showing compassion - lots of elephants and dolphins, if I remember right.
Personally, I plan to go into a field where compassion is the highest order of the day. Care for others' well-being has always come easily, though sometimes it shows up impersonally if I feel that getting too close to someone and their problems would be a bad idea.
About levels. Here is a link to Wikipedia concerning a related study. It seems to me that compassion, an emotion and a motivator, works like a muscle. You must use it frequently while navigating life to make it strong enough to be useful and efficiently move you from place to place. There are numerous studies on animals showing compassion - lots of elephants and dolphins, if I remember right.
Personally, I plan to go into a field where compassion is the highest order of the day. Care for others' well-being has always come easily, though sometimes it shows up impersonally if I feel that getting too close to someone and their problems would be a bad idea.
Hi Sadie.
You have touched upon one of my favorite topics.
Yes. By and large all humans are born with innate compassionate tendencies. It's our environment which diminishes this for most of us in Western cultures.
Yes. Compassion can be taught (re-awakened). My introduction to this idea was through a woman named Pema Chodron - an American - turned Buddhist nun. She has a most extraordinary take on life because she used to be the typical woman in the US: married/children/job/divorce etc. I think she's 75 yrs old now - full of life - joy - and a fierceness for loving humanity/humans and all of our foibles. I bought her audio book "When Things Fall Apart" years ago and learned the concept of practicing Compassion. She teaches Tonglen:
http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/tonglen1.php
I can remember listening to her and would burst out laughing at her stories about her amazing journey. I swear she's an INFJ 'cause she can laugh AT herself with complete candor. She taught me a lot about myself too and I daresay she was one of 2 Teachers that helped me get started.
Practicing compassion is not only about being loving and kind to others. It's about being compassionate for one's Self. When I began Vipassana I was taught how to practice "Loving Kindness" towards myself first - then how to expand it outwards in ever widening circles. There are many wonderful little guided meditations out there for it - but my favorite is Jack Kornfield's version. There are many - many - teachings on compassion at the dharmaseed website for free.
And of course the West needs proof of all of the compassion ideas put forth from the East. So... research shows...
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080326204236.htm
and...
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/10/081007172902.htm
I have them bookmarked.
My concept of compassion has evolved over the last several years as it expands and grows to include the totality.
I have learned - when one "practices" compassion - one sees where their compassion ends - and then works to make it begin where it left off. I constantly run into people/issues/places/things where my compassion abruptly stops. When I see it happening - I drop into Tonglin/Loving Kindness - and then the compassion starts up again and I expand.
This forum has been an eye opening expansion project for me. :bounce: And I am very grateful for the opportunity to practice. :w:
Hi [MENTION=2578]Kgal[/MENTION],
I too think compassion can be developed. But I'm not sure if it works the same for everyone. For me, my compassion deepens as I walk through some of the fires of my own personal experiences. As my experience (awareness) expands I am more and more opened.
I agree that we have to extend compassion towards ourselves first in order to be able to extend compassion to others.
I agree that remaining mindful of where ones compassion ends (our limitations) becomes a catalyst for expansion. It's easy to be compassionate towards what we believe to be "right", but what about when we believe something is "wrong". It's easier to judge and condemn that which we believe to be "wrong" as opposed to feeling compassionate. That concept can get sticky, feeling compassion for something that you believe is "wrong" isn't the same thing as condoning the behavior. Does that makes sense?
I agree, we are surrounded by experiences to practice the art of compassion and sometimes I fail miserably and am forced to look at my own limitations and start again. Such is life.
Thanks for the response and the links.
I too think compassion can be developed. But I'm not sure if it works the same for everyone. For me, my compassion deepens as I walk through some of the fires of my own personal experiences. As my experience (awareness) expands I am more and more opened.
I agree that we have to extend compassion towards ourselves first in order to be able to extend compassion to others.
I agree that remaining mindful of where ones compassion ends (our limitations) becomes a catalyst for expansion. It's easy to be compassionate towards what we believe to be "right", but what about when we believe something is "wrong". It's easier to judge and condemn that which we believe to be "wrong" as opposed to feeling compassionate. That concept can get sticky, feeling compassion for something that you believe is "wrong" isn't the same thing as condoning the behavior. Does that makes sense?
I agree, we are surrounded by experiences to practice the art of compassion and sometimes I fail miserably and am forced to look at my own limitations and start again. Such is life.
Thanks for the response and the links.
When it comes to compassion towards those whom I believe to have done wrong, I revert to the Chinese proverb of teaching a man to fish rather than giving that man a fish to feed him that day. In that I mean, I don't believe tough love to be any less compassionate than kindness or charity. It is a very fine line to keep one's balance, but I definitely subscribe to it.
"You can give a man a fish and he can feed his family for a day or you can teach a man to fish and he can feed his family for the rest of his life." Great quote and a favorite among teachers :becky:
I think compassion is a practice, and a courtesy (thus classy). It takes personal integrity to behave toward others with compassion. It is also a selfless act, as sometimes you can potentially put yourself at risk, or put your own destination on a longer road. For a person who has compassion as an easily accesible vein, and not use it, is from a karmic point of view, unwise. With regard to developing compassion, it rolls with inertia. You can radiate it, in the same way that you can radiate anger, for example. It really does take tolerance and a certain depth of understanding to proceed with compassion, in an appropriate manor, thus making it an artform of sorts. I could go on and on, but I don't know that that would be a very compassionate thing to do.
Yes. :nod: It does make sense.
What About when we believe something is wrong...
I don't know quite how to put into words - what is whirling in my mind when I think upon your question.
First - you captured the essence of the issue when you said..."It is easier to judge..."
This is the starting point - the point at which you feel this stickiness - the unease - the unwillingness to budge past it. Am I right? So - right then - right there - you focus your awareness on that. What is it anyway? Ideas? Concepts? Rules? Values? Where do those come from? How do they feel to you? What emotions arise? Where do they come from in your body?
As you begin to untangle the knot of where your judgment comes from you begin to see more Truth. You begin to see you are failing miserably.
(I love the fact you can say that about yourself! Me too! I fail miserably all the time. Thanks for telling me.)
And...then...you... stop... judging...
This is the most significant point. This is pivotal. This is what many call "The Choice Point".
To me...this is practicing Compassion.
Yes. I know the judging doesn't stop completely. It jumps back in and we continue on and when we notice it happening again we struggle with it.
Yet each time you can stop it - your ability to practice gets stronger and stronger - and then your judging gets weaker and weaker. After a while you're clinging on to right and wrong gets very tenuous as your world view gets wider and wider.
There is one more important idea here....and that is your intention. Practicing Compassion is simply your intention to ...ummm...put forth a calm peaceful loving emotion out into the world around you.
Yes. I know it's hard when you look at people who are in - or- creating conflict in the world. Like suicide bombers for example. Can you feel compassion for them when they cowardly walk into a crowded market and cause death and destruction to innocent people? When I think about them...I visualize them sitting on the floor in an empty room looking up at their Teachers. I think about how they are being fed lies mixed with truth. I remember how I've been fed lies mixed with truth all of my life and how many mistakes I've made because of it. I think about how many of my mistakes affected those around me. I cringe and I feel such sadness and anger well up in me... I think "Oh how could I have been so stupid"? I judge myself harshly....
Then it hits me...I'm no better than they. Yes.. I know I didn't use bombs to kill people. But I don't really know what I might have done had I been in their shoes. I look at myself and realize I did the best I could with the knowledge at hand. I practice compassion for myself in that moment. Then I look at the suicide bombers and I have compassion for them too. They believe they know - they judge - they think they're doing what's best under their circumstances.
They Judge. I Judge. We are all Judging based upon values/ideas/knowledge/lies/truths that come our way.
And then I let go....and I breathe in Love from all around me....
I realize that only feeling the emotion of Love will make any difference in that moment.
For me. For them. For the world.
I think compassion is a practice, and a courtesy (thus classy). It takes personal integrity to behave toward others with compassion. It is also a selfless act, as sometimes you can potentially put yourself at risk, or put your own destination on a longer road. For a person who has compassion as an easily accesible vein, and not use it, is from a karmic point of view, unwise. With regard to developing compassion, it rolls with inertia. You can radiate it, in the same way that you can radiate anger, for example.
It really does take tolerance and a certain depth of understanding to proceed with compassion, in an appropriate manner, thus making it an artform of sorts. I could go on and on, but I don't know that that would be a very compassionate thing to do.
Ohh... Please elaborate! This perspective sounds very interesting.
Thankyou for asking kgal.
My perspective comes largely from knowing myself deeply, from years of hard introspection after personal tragedy, and also my career as a nurse. An example of a typical day at work is, I'll care for a very needy nip tuck typle woman, (I'll call her Ms. P) in for a breast augmentation, for example, who puts on a histrionic display over whatever ails her, no matter how small her concerns seem to others. Only to, on the other side of the curtain, have the quiet young mother (I'll call her ms. ) going through her second mastectomy, with poor prognosis for life beyond five years. Her children waiting by her side, wondering when mommy will be better. The feelings of the plastics lady, are real. I'm torn with extreme empathy for the mother with cancer, and yet, Ms. P, is complaining because she doesn't want the IV in her hand to leave a mark, or something like that. Fighting back the tears for Ms. , disturbed by the contrast in the two women, I exercise my zen muscles, and put myself in the shoes of Ms. P, and genlty advise her how best to avoid a scar, albeit my interaction with her very quiet, fluid and gentle to encourage a more reserved display of her emotions. The empathetic flip needed to respond with compassion, takes practice. In younger years, I would have ignored her, or made a friendly joke about how the sky was falling, and vent to my friends about the injustice of it all, but that would only have been to pacify my own annoyance with her, and I'd limit by own growth toward a global perspective of loving kindness, and positive evolution.
Thankyou for asking kgal.
In other words....you suspended your judging mind with regard to Ms. P....and proceeded to engage with her as if she were another human being on your floor?
Those two situations are a huge contrast to each other. I admire your ability to go ahead and administer your skills equally between the two.
I too can relate to the "younger years" of rolling eyes and making derogatory jokes due to judging people whether their issue was worthy or not. It feels good to know I am at least making small steps away from that mind set.
I guess that all goes along with the practice of being mindful. Sometimes though, for me, there's a fine line between toning down the j, and rationalizing the the kool ade I just had to drink. I have so much more to learn.