Comparison to others

I do this often. Not so much in the sense that it makes me competive. It is more the fact that I need to give myself something tangible to work with to gauge how I am doing and progressing. If I don't have anything to compare myself to, I won't know how I am doing to the level that I want to know and I then stress out.

 

I think it's partly due to competitive nature of humans in general. It's useful in survival, one person is benefiting over you and you mean to find a ways to that comfort.

 

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I am constantly on the lookout for ways to progress myself. If someone has a strength that I don't posess, I WANT IT. I will often attempt to figure out how they do it, and if it doesn't change me too much, I will incorporate it into how I am. Usually we end up helping each other out, as I share my own strengths as well.

 

This goes back to a thread soulful posted the other day. About seeing what others have be it talent fame or happiness we look at them and think they really have it all. But when we look to out own lives we think we have nothing.

I do this too even though of the items on the list of things soulful posted, I had a great many, I still caught myself feeling like I didn't have those things. I think we all need to look at ourselves and realize we are blessed. We are talented and we are loved.

This is the pot calling the kettle black tho...

I'm totally guilty of this behavior.
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I personally do this not out of spite but to grow and progress. If someone had a technique that is superior in results than mine I would like to know why.

Perhaps I can integrate part of their technique into mine, perhaps that technique can help me learn another stage in my game.

 

yeah of course, I think everybody does this from time to time, and it can be a great way to motivate yourself into doing better

 

Criteria are defined by other people. Also because the goal is to contribute. If you were born with cannibals, you would have self-improved to capture more bodies from the other tribe. You would have believed that is the right, just, honorable thing to do.

You can't define all goals completely by yourself, you couldn't imagine them. There's no magic in how you come up with your motivation: What you see is what you get (in this case ^^).

However, it isn't useful to overdo this. Because you have individual strengths. Following closely the steps of others won't bring out your own best. You need to combine; and optimally, to make your strengths eventually reach the goals that would help others too.

Envy, I think, is a result of language and symbols, viewing each other as the same thing. You don't envy the stars in sky, because you know they are not like you. Just enjoying them is enough. But you assume the other person is just like you, from the same entity, and you should (must!) be able at reach their level. This is a little misleading. There are additional passions involved like pride, duty, righteousness; they could burden you with unjustified harshness.

I think, if you were free from such burden, you would eventually achieve more, developing your own abilities. Every person that you envy, also could envy you about another quality (for example, for the lacking of the quality they possess, which surely has negative sides you can't be aware of). You both could assist each other to improve weaknesses, but none of you would reach the other. So there's no reason for envy really, when people are able to fully understand and appreciate their personal qualities and the qualities of the others.

In short: The key is people to understand what they are, and not be expected to be something they aren't.

 

Hmm, usually not.

 

It is exactly like that for me sometimes. And I also know I shouldn't feel like that. Like this evening, I was talking to my father about my idea to start a little business (besides my full time job) for shiatsu massage. And he asked me to really think about it because he didn't think I would have enough time to earn enough money with it (and he is probably right). At the same time my brother is telling about his business (next to his full time job) with which he makes good money. I felt like he was succesful in my fathers eyes and I am not. He is good in it and he is allowed and I am not allowed because I suck. It is like he stoled something from me, my fathers appreciation

I'm sorry, I simple have to get this of my chest now

 

i guess if you are in school and the subject is something like maths etc you can become competitive

but i work in arts.. it's something more personal. there is no way to have a competition
everything i do is a personal exploration

(i understand some people are competitive in arts, like skill-wise. how realistic they can paint something. but i am surrounded by people like me than that.)

 

You don't get as much recognition for something if someone else is better at it than you are.

 

In past, i used to do this. I always try to compare myself and after sometime i found myself in difficult position. I feel sadness, or i think i am lower than them.

But i realized something, there is no need to compare yourself to others.
Everyone is unique and have their own special capabilities.

If you are going to compare yourself, you will find these two options:
1. You are greater than them or
2. They are greater than you

 

This is how I have always experienced it, too, at least professionally.

On a personal level, I used to get caught up more in comparisons with others until one day (probaby 27 years ago) when I began to realize I had more in common on a deeper level with certain people in history. Over time, in some odd way through ongoing study, they became the standard...which was somewhat easier since their lives were completed and I knew the outcome. Frankly, in some ways it relates to an idea we have lost....the power/forces of respect for ancestry. No, these were not blood relatives, but they were soul relatives in some way, and they can speak to us today.

Anyhow, that was a long time ago, and having these "relationships" that were a bit more time-tested has made a big difference...it something very solid, rooted, and I am less swayed by the craziness I am surrounded by each day. I can relate to it, yes, but my inner anchor is elsewhere.