Comparison to others | INFJ Forum

Comparison to others

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by sookie, Nov 13, 2009.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 1 user.
More threads by sookie
  1. sookie

    On Holiday

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2009
    Threads:
    109
    Messages:
    1,202
    Likes Received:
    71
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFX
    Does anyone find that they compare themselves to others. I do this and I find myself getting competitive. Someone once said, he was a musician, that he wondered why he felt that someone was successful that it was in someway like they stole something from him. He knew that this was not the right way to go about life. I wonder about this. Why do we get jealous of someone elses success.

    Does this happen to anyone?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2008
    Threads:
    762
    Messages:
    14,154
    Likes Received:
    1,297
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2 sx/so/sp
    I do this often. Not so much in the sense that it makes me competive. It is more the fact that I need to give myself something tangible to work with to gauge how I am doing and progressing. If I don't have anything to compare myself to, I won't know how I am doing to the level that I want to know and I then stress out.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  3. Naxx

    Naxx Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2008
    Threads:
    82
    Messages:
    974
    Likes Received:
    80
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ESTP
    Enneagram:
    9w0
    I think it's partly due to competitive nature of humans in general. It's useful in survival, one person is benefiting over you and you mean to find a ways to that comfort.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2009
    Threads:
    197
    Messages:
    8,794
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    949
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    5w4

    x2

    I am constantly on the lookout for ways to progress myself. If someone has a strength that I don't posess, I WANT IT. I will often attempt to figure out how they do it, and if it doesn't change me too much, I will incorporate it into how I am. Usually we end up helping each other out, as I share my own strengths as well.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  5. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2008
    Threads:
    280
    Messages:
    10,016
    Likes Received:
    533
    Trophy Points:
    755
    MBTI:
    INF
    Enneagram:
    messed up
    This goes back to a thread soulful posted the other day. About seeing what others have be it talent fame or happiness we look at them and think they really have it all. But when we look to out own lives we think we have nothing.

    I do this too even though of the items on the list of things soulful posted, I had a great many, I still caught myself feeling like I didn't have those things. I think we all need to look at ourselves and realize we are blessed. We are talented and we are loved.

    This is the pot calling the kettle black tho...

    I'm totally guilty of this behavior.
    Posted via Mobile Device
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. Naxx

    Naxx Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2008
    Threads:
    82
    Messages:
    974
    Likes Received:
    80
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    ESTP
    Enneagram:
    9w0
    I personally do this not out of spite but to grow and progress. If someone had a technique that is superior in results than mine I would like to know why.

    Perhaps I can integrate part of their technique into mine, perhaps that technique can help me learn another stage in my game.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2009
    Threads:
    245
    Messages:
    9,350
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,217
    Trophy Points:
    966
    MBTI:
    ^.^
    Enneagram:
    .
    yeah of course, I think everybody does this from time to time, and it can be a great way to motivate yourself into doing better :)
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  8. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2009
    Threads:
    36
    Messages:
    2,538
    Likes Received:
    288
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    enfp
    Enneagram:
    -
    Criteria are defined by other people. Also because the goal is to contribute. If you were born with cannibals, you would have self-improved to capture more bodies from the other tribe. You would have believed that is the right, just, honorable thing to do.

    You can't define all goals completely by yourself, you couldn't imagine them. There's no magic in how you come up with your motivation: What you see is what you get (in this case ^^).

    However, it isn't useful to overdo this. Because you have individual strengths. Following closely the steps of others won't bring out your own best. You need to combine; and optimally, to make your strengths eventually reach the goals that would help others too.

    Envy, I think, is a result of language and symbols, viewing each other as the same thing. You don't envy the stars in sky, because you know they are not like you. Just enjoying them is enough. But you assume the other person is just like you, from the same entity, and you should (must!) be able at reach their level. This is a little misleading. There are additional passions involved like pride, duty, righteousness; they could burden you with unjustified harshness.

    I think, if you were free from such burden, you would eventually achieve more, developing your own abilities. Every person that you envy, also could envy you about another quality (for example, for the lacking of the quality they possess, which surely has negative sides you can't be aware of). You both could assist each other to improve weaknesses, but none of you would reach the other. So there's no reason for envy really, when people are able to fully understand and appreciate their personal qualities and the qualities of the others.

    In short: The key is people to understand what they are, and not be expected to be something they aren't.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  9. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Threads:
    332
    Messages:
    10,231
    Featured Threads:
    40
    Likes Received:
    15,924
    Trophy Points:
    1,741
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Enfp
    Enneagram:
    6-4-9
    Hmm, usually not.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  10. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
    Donor

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Threads:
    114
    Messages:
    2,721
    Likes Received:
    467
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ again
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    It is exactly like that for me sometimes. And I also know I shouldn't feel like that. Like this evening, I was talking to my father about my idea to start a little business (besides my full time job) for shiatsu massage. And he asked me to really think about it because he didn't think I would have enough time to earn enough money with it (and he is probably right). At the same time my brother is telling about his business (next to his full time job) with which he makes good money. I felt like he was succesful in my fathers eyes and I am not. He is good in it and he is allowed and I am not allowed because I suck. It is like he stoled something from me, my fathers appreciation

    I'm sorry, I simple have to get this of my chest now :D
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  11. Top cat

    Top cat Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2009
    Threads:
    14
    Messages:
    910
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    29
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    ?
    i guess if you are in school and the subject is something like maths etc you can become competitive

    but i work in arts.. it's something more personal. there is no way to have a competition
    everything i do is a personal exploration

    (i understand some people are competitive in arts, like skill-wise. how realistic they can paint something. but i am surrounded by people like me than that.)
     
  12. easy_rider

    easy_rider Community Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2009
    Threads:
    42
    Messages:
    123
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    You don't get as much recognition for something if someone else is better at it than you are.
     
  13. OP
    sookie

    On Holiday

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2009
    Threads:
    109
    Messages:
    1,202
    Likes Received:
    71
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFX
    This is very true...
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  14. Roger

    Roger ...

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2009
    Threads:
    80
    Messages:
    2,203
    Likes Received:
    218
    Trophy Points:
    205
    MBTI:
    ENFP
    Enneagram:
    -
    In past, i used to do this. I always try to compare myself and after sometime i found myself in difficult position. I feel sadness, or i think i am lower than them.

    But i realized something, there is no need to compare yourself to others.
    Everyone is unique and have their own special capabilities.

    If you are going to compare yourself, you will find these two options:
    1. You are greater than them or
    2. They are greater than you
     
  15. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2009
    Threads:
    8
    Messages:
    2,145
    Likes Received:
    308
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    This is how I have always experienced it, too, at least professionally.

    On a personal level, I used to get caught up more in comparisons with others until one day (probaby 27 years ago) when I began to realize I had more in common on a deeper level with certain people in history. Over time, in some odd way through ongoing study, they became the standard...which was somewhat easier since their lives were completed and I knew the outcome. Frankly, in some ways it relates to an idea we have lost....the power/forces of respect for ancestry. No, these were not blood relatives, but they were soul relatives in some way, and they can speak to us today.

    Anyhow, that was a long time ago, and having these "relationships" that were a bit more time-tested has made a big difference...it something very solid, rooted, and I am less swayed by the craziness I am surrounded by each day. I can relate to it, yes, but my inner anchor is elsewhere.
     
Loading...

Share This Page