Charisma - What is it and have you got it? | INFJ Forum

Charisma - What is it and have you got it?

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by JustPhil, May 8, 2020.

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  1. JustPhil

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    I've been pondering charisma lately. There appear to be so many differing views on what makes a charismatic person.

    Even within this forum, without most of us not really knowing one another in person, some people just come off as charismatic. They seem likeable perhaps by the way they write or interact with others. I don't feel it has to do a lot with the number of posts, as I've watched many people post a lot as well as interact a lot and not thought they have a high level of charisma. Some people hardly post at all but seem to have that "presence".

    I'm happy to admit I have as much charisma as a empty wall. Hence the questions I suppose :)

    What do you think makes up a charismatic person, and how charismatic do you think you are on a scale from 1 - 10?
     
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  2. Hostarius

    Hostarius A R C

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    This is an interesting question for me, and it's not something that I could answer about myself.

    I was raised in a family of extroverts, and always felt 'boring' because I couldn't muster the same kind of energy that they had when I was in their company. However, I've been told words to the effect that I'm 'charismatic' on many occasions throughout my life and it always comes as a surprise and a shock. It's flattering to me because I suppose that I still have the inner sense that I'm 'boring'.

    An 'early' memory stands out. I was 17 and in the Army Cadet Force (uniformed youth service), and I was competing for the county in a military skills competition with our team. One of the events was to deliver a speech to an audience of serving and retired soldiers, including the son of Lieutenant-Colonel 'H' Jones, who won a posthumous VC in the Falklands war. The topic was VC winners.

    My speech, which I delivered in a kind of nervous internal fog - everyone was blocked out, it was 'just me - was about the love between an officer and his men when they got up to follow him after his lone charge on a machine gun post in WW1. I talked about the bond they must have had. I spoke from the heart. I didn't notice the reaction of any audience members, but when I got off stage my team - the cadets and the adult instructors - were jumping around with excitement saying how amazing it was. I couldn't believe it because I didn't 'experience' if it was going well or not. I thought it went terribly because of how nervous I was. (we went on to win the competition, by the way)

    People have said things like this to me throughout my life after seeing something or other, but it's something I've never internalised or really believed. I've heard it enough from others that I believe that I'm capable of it, but it's not part of my sense of self. It's always like a 'what, really?' reaction whenever someone says it.
     
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  3. Maikl Jexocuha

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    I don't know.

    My personal interpretation of what is normally called "charismatic" is a person who expresses a kind of "energy" and "passion" that is attractive and influential to others. It's a total "personality" thing. A lot ENFJs definitely have this - naturally(and they can be control freaks sometimes too...but I digress). It's the kind of personality expressions that people describe as being "electrifying" and "spellbinding". You really need a lot of extroverted energy to be known as "charismatic", imo. You really need to pay a ton of attention to other people, what they are doing, what they like, and what they care about. You need to know how to be charming but also recognizable and easy to spot and notice.

    I know at times I can be passionate(and it's an earnest passion), but I don't think I am at all charismatic. The reason is, my passion comes in fits and spurts, and its usually about stuff that other people don't like, don't know about, or don't care about. But hey, I feel I give people enough respect without asking in return as it is - so I call it fair if they let me be with my nerdy passions. So... On scale of 1-10 I'd give myself a 3, for sometimes "charismatic" passion, but difficult to be a true influence (esp. due to getting lost in translation).
     
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  4. Ren

    Ren Pin's android / The Maker

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    I would give you a solid 8/10 charisma score Hos :kissingheart:
     
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  5. Hostarius

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    I'm just gonna go right ahead and flip that '8' on its side :sunglasses:

    Lol, thanks, man.
     
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  6. Ren

    Ren Pin's android / The Maker

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    Maybe 'charismatic' is not the right word, but you do have a unique presence and vibe.

    And yes undoubtedly you come across as passionate about certain things.
     
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  7. Maikl Jexocuha

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    ( ◜‿◝ ) thx @Ren
     
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  8. Ren

    Ren Pin's android / The Maker

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    There can be a plethora of definitions of what charisma is, but the simplest and most illustrative I can think of is: when there is a group of people, the most charismatic is the one that everyone instinctively listens to whenever he/she speaks.

    Charismatic people seem like they don't have to make a great effort to assert a kind of authority and inspire a willingness in others to follow them.

    I think I have something, but it isn't the above, or not quite. So I wouldn't say I am particularly charismatic. Compared to the average person I am perhaps a tad little bit more, but only slightly above average.
     
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  9. OP
    JustPhil

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    A further question after thinking on this .. for anyone. Do you think the more extroverted you are the more chance you have of being charismatic?
     
  10. Hostarius

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    I think extroverts are more likely to have a more socially aware brand of 'charisma' - that what draws us to charismatic extroverts is their familiarity with how to navigate the social rules. They have it as more of a conscious skill.

    Introvert charisma tends to be more enigmatic and mysterious. People are drawn in because it's so different to what they're used to hearing.

    A confident extrovert might command a noisy room by being the loudest, while a confident introvert might do the same by sucking everyone in to a pocket of quiet intensity.

    I remember being out in the pub once fairly recently with a bunch of PhDs and faculty after a seminar, with people having different conversations in small pockets. Then I started telling a story about seeing the Pope comfort a small boy about his deceased atheist father (a story I was taken with for various reasons), and I felt the attention of the room zone into me as I told the story and what it meant. The room became quiet with rapt attention. I think that's a kind of 'unexceptional' or 'day-to-day' example of a more introverted kind of charisma. You're not the bombastic 'life of the party', but the zone of cool intensity at the center of the room.

    If I recall the moments when this has happened, on large and small stages, it's been my 'calm intensity' that silences rooms and has people focus and listen.
     
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  11. Ren

    Ren Pin's android / The Maker

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    I think so yeah, but like Hos said there is also the 'quiet intensity' type among introverts that can be quite charismatic in its own way.

    On average though I'd say ENFJ, ENFP, ESTP, ENTJ etc. are probably the more charismatic types.
     
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  12. Ren

    Ren Pin's android / The Maker

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    In case this is useful, I once made a video on the topic of "INFJ charisma".

     
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  13. Maikl Jexocuha

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    Oh yeah, totally.
    I forgot about ENTJ and charisma (like Jordan Belfort, the Wolf of Wall Street)

    But I could mention talented ISFPs too who I think(especially when tapping into their tert. Ni) can excude both the loud type and quiet type of charisma effectively (and I'm thinking of Bruce Lee, Michael Jackson,Jimi Hendrix, and yes even Kanye West). ...them cool crazy ISFP folk...
     
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  14. Elis

    Elis Permanent Fixture

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    @Ren I watched your video on INFJ charisma. Is it really all that different from what you prescribe as thinker charisma? To me that still sounds like someone someone would confide in, whether it be trust to lead, or moral support, is there really a such fundamental difference here? You trust someone's judgement, no?
     
  15. Ren

    Ren Pin's android / The Maker

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    I'm not sure I understand the point you're making. If you're saying that ultimately charisma is charisma, well yes. But it does manifest differently according to the type of person you are. Some people derive their charisma from their warmth, others from their intensity, yet others from their passion, etc. And there is also a link between charisma and physical presence, I'm pretty sure.
     
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  16. Maikl Jexocuha

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    But @Ren what about you? How would you rate your xarisma?

    I would say 8/10. For the "quiet type of coolness"
     
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  17. Elis

    Elis Permanent Fixture

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    Oh no it's just I thought you made it sound so mutually exclusive in the vid. I couldn't help but think that I do both.
     
  18. Ren

    Ren Pin's android / The Maker

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    I haven't watched the video in a long time, it's possible that my presentation of the difference is a bit too black and white though.

    8/10? Well well, thank you Maikl :smile:

    I said above that I didn't think I was particularly charismatic, but probably slightly above average. I feel like it's difficult to gauge one's own charisma. I have been called charismatic before, by some, but others have said that I'm more charming than charismatic. So I'm not sure.

    As for the "quiet type of coolness", I wonder if you'd find the same thing in real life. I think I can be a bit goofy sometimes.
     
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  19. Elis

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    Oh I wouldn't worry about it :sweatsmile:
     
  20. OP
    JustPhil

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    Thanks for that Ren .. an interesting perspective.

    Call it Ci versus Ce :)

    I can relate to what you said and we should stop thinking we can have Ce when we should sometimes look to our Ci and improve that.

    I can relate inasmuch as there have been times .. moments .. when my "character" has come into its own. A comment here that is taken up, or an idea that shows a completely different path and helps the other person make a decision, usually in times of indecision or stress in the external environment. I took that as being that I was a stressed shadow INFJ, but perhaps it was just the Ci coming to the fore. It was it's time to be seen and recognised although those times are rare :/.
     

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