Charisma - What is it and have you got it? | INFJ Forum

Charisma - What is it and have you got it?

JustPhil

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I've been pondering charisma lately. There appear to be so many differing views on what makes a charismatic person.

Even within this forum, without most of us not really knowing one another in person, some people just come off as charismatic. They seem likeable perhaps by the way they write or interact with others. I don't feel it has to do a lot with the number of posts, as I've watched many people post a lot as well as interact a lot and not thought they have a high level of charisma. Some people hardly post at all but seem to have that "presence".

I'm happy to admit I have as much charisma as a empty wall. Hence the questions I suppose :)

What do you think makes up a charismatic person, and how charismatic do you think you are on a scale from 1 - 10?
 
I've been pondering charisma lately. There appear to be so many differing views on what makes a charismatic person.

Even within this forum, without most of us not really knowing one another in person, some people just come off as charismatic. They seem likeable perhaps by the way they write or interact with others. I don't feel it has to do a lot with the number of posts, as I've watched many people post a lot as well as interact a lot and not thought they have a high level of charisma. Some people hardly post at all but seem to have that "presence".

I'm happy to admit I have as much charisma as a empty wall. Hence the questions I suppose :)

What do you think makes up a charismatic person, and how charismatic do you think you are on a scale from 1 - 10?
This is an interesting question for me, and it's not something that I could answer about myself.

I was raised in a family of extroverts, and always felt 'boring' because I couldn't muster the same kind of energy that they had when I was in their company. However, I've been told words to the effect that I'm 'charismatic' on many occasions throughout my life and it always comes as a surprise and a shock. It's flattering to me because I suppose that I still have the inner sense that I'm 'boring'.

An 'early' memory stands out. I was 17 and in the Army Cadet Force (uniformed youth service), and I was competing for the county in a military skills competition with our team. One of the events was to deliver a speech to an audience of serving and retired soldiers, including the son of Lieutenant-Colonel 'H' Jones, who won a posthumous VC in the Falklands war. The topic was VC winners.

My speech, which I delivered in a kind of nervous internal fog - everyone was blocked out, it was 'just me - was about the love between an officer and his men when they got up to follow him after his lone charge on a machine gun post in WW1. I talked about the bond they must have had. I spoke from the heart. I didn't notice the reaction of any audience members, but when I got off stage my team - the cadets and the adult instructors - were jumping around with excitement saying how amazing it was. I couldn't believe it because I didn't 'experience' if it was going well or not. I thought it went terribly because of how nervous I was. (we went on to win the competition, by the way)

People have said things like this to me throughout my life after seeing something or other, but it's something I've never internalised or really believed. I've heard it enough from others that I believe that I'm capable of it, but it's not part of my sense of self. It's always like a 'what, really?' reaction whenever someone says it.
 
This is an interesting question for me, and it's not something that I could answer about myself.

I was raised in a family of extroverts, and always felt 'boring' because I couldn't muster the same kind of energy that they had when I was in their company. However, I've been told words to the effect that I'm 'charismatic' on many occasions throughout my life and it always comes as a surprise and a shock. It's flattering to me because I suppose that I still have the inner sense that I'm 'boring'.

I would give you a solid 8/10 charisma score Hos :kissingheart:
 
I know at times I can be passionate(and it's an earnest passion), but I don't think I am at all charismatic. The reason is, my passion comes in fits and spurts, and its usually about stuff that other people don't like, don't know about, or don't care about. But hey, I feel I give people enough respect without asking in return as it is - so I call it fair if they let me be with my nerdy passions. So... On scale of 1-10 I'd give myself a 3, for sometimes "charismatic" passion, but difficult to be a true influence (esp. due to getting lost in translation).

Maybe 'charismatic' is not the right word, but you do have a unique presence and vibe.

And yes undoubtedly you come across as passionate about certain things.
 
What do you think makes up a charismatic person, and how charismatic do you think you are on a scale from 1 - 10?

There can be a plethora of definitions of what charisma is, but the simplest and most illustrative I can think of is: when there is a group of people, the most charismatic is the one that everyone instinctively listens to whenever he/she speaks.

Charismatic people seem like they don't have to make a great effort to assert a kind of authority and inspire a willingness in others to follow them.

I think I have something, but it isn't the above, or not quite. So I wouldn't say I am particularly charismatic. Compared to the average person I am perhaps a tad little bit more, but only slightly above average.
 
A further question after thinking on this .. for anyone. Do you think the more extroverted you are the more chance you have of being charismatic?
I think extroverts are more likely to have a more socially aware brand of 'charisma' - that what draws us to charismatic extroverts is their familiarity with how to navigate the social rules. They have it as more of a conscious skill.

Introvert charisma tends to be more enigmatic and mysterious. People are drawn in because it's so different to what they're used to hearing.

A confident extrovert might command a noisy room by being the loudest, while a confident introvert might do the same by sucking everyone in to a pocket of quiet intensity.

I remember being out in the pub once fairly recently with a bunch of PhDs and faculty after a seminar, with people having different conversations in small pockets. Then I started telling a story about seeing the Pope comfort a small boy about his deceased atheist father (a story I was taken with for various reasons), and I felt the attention of the room zone into me as I told the story and what it meant. The room became quiet with rapt attention. I think that's a kind of 'unexceptional' or 'day-to-day' example of a more introverted kind of charisma. You're not the bombastic 'life of the party', but the zone of cool intensity at the center of the room.

If I recall the moments when this has happened, on large and small stages, it's been my 'calm intensity' that silences rooms and has people focus and listen.
 
A further question after thinking on this .. for anyone. Do you think the more extroverted you are the more chance you have of being charismatic?

I think so yeah, but like Hos said there is also the 'quiet intensity' type among introverts that can be quite charismatic in its own way.

On average though I'd say ENFJ, ENFP, ESTP, ENTJ etc. are probably the more charismatic types.
 
In case this is useful, I once made a video on the topic of "INFJ charisma".

 
@Ren I watched your video on INFJ charisma. Is it really all that different from what you prescribe as thinker charisma? To me that still sounds like someone someone would confide in, whether it be trust to lead, or moral support, is there really a such fundamental difference here? You trust someone's judgement, no?
 
@Ren I watched your video on INFJ charisma. Is it really all that different from what you prescribe as thinker charisma? To me that still sounds like someone someone would confide in, whether it be trust to lead, or moral support, is there really a such fundamental difference here? You trust someone's judgement, no?

I'm not sure I understand the point you're making. If you're saying that ultimately charisma is charisma, well yes. But it does manifest differently according to the type of person you are. Some people derive their charisma from their warmth, others from their intensity, yet others from their passion, etc. And there is also a link between charisma and physical presence, I'm pretty sure.
 
I'm not sure I understand the point you're making. If you're saying that ultimately charisma is charisma, well yes. But it does manifest differently according to the type of person you are. Some people derive their charisma from their warmth, others from their intensity, yet others from their passion, etc. And there is also a link between charisma and physical presence, I'm pretty sure.
Oh no it's just I thought you made it sound so mutually exclusive in the vid. I couldn't help but think that I do both.
 
Oh no it's just I thought you made it sound so mutually exclusive in the vid. I couldn't help but think that I do both.

I haven't watched the video in a long time, it's possible that my presentation of the difference is a bit too black and white though.

But @Ren what about you? How would you rate your xarisma?

I would say 8/10. For the "quiet type of coolness"

8/10? Well well, thank you Maikl :smile:

I said above that I didn't think I was particularly charismatic, but probably slightly above average. I feel like it's difficult to gauge one's own charisma. I have been called charismatic before, by some, but others have said that I'm more charming than charismatic. So I'm not sure.

As for the "quiet type of coolness", I wonder if you'd find the same thing in real life. I think I can be a bit goofy sometimes.
 
In case this is useful, I once made a video on the topic of "INFJ charisma".


Thanks for that Ren .. an interesting perspective.

Call it Ci versus Ce :)

I can relate to what you said and we should stop thinking we can have Ce when we should sometimes look to our Ci and improve that.

I can relate inasmuch as there have been times .. moments .. when my "character" has come into its own. A comment here that is taken up, or an idea that shows a completely different path and helps the other person make a decision, usually in times of indecision or stress in the external environment. I took that as being that I was a stressed shadow INFJ, but perhaps it was just the Ci coming to the fore. It was it's time to be seen and recognised although those times are rare :/.
 
I would give you a solid 8/10 charisma score Hos :kissingheart:

I think I would have to agree. Listening to his sound bites. the voice is very charismatic. It draws you in I think. The seminar comment @Deleted member 16771 made later in the thread alludes to the same thing.

The book I am reading currently seems to talk a lot about presence, and to attain that, being in the present moment when talking to someone. I have to say I have little ability to be in the present moment. Always thinking of what I want to say rather than listening, or thinking of something else altogether, which is something I need to work on improving (not just for charisma but for common courtesy!).
 
I could say I have charisma. And I also have bluntness. I've been known to self deprecation to make a point. I think it comes out when your coming from the heart. Something you are very sure about. It's like you can just pull the words out of the air as you speak them. But it's also very dangerous in the hands of the bull shiter. The one who uses his charisma to infect others with lies. Cannot stand those types. Used car salesmen. Maybe I'm just being too literal.
Two types of charisma going on here.
 
As this thread has shown, my quick reading shows @Deleted member 16771 is a charismatic figure within this forum. I looked at some of his posts and I understand why. #no compliments intended, I am just refering based on a case study.

https://www.infjs.com/threads/infjs-physical-appearance-so-so-below-average-or-above.36992/page-6

I tried to create my own definition of charisma in general.

1) It should involve a mix of wisedom and intelligence (or to be specific being knowledgeable). Wisedom alone isnt enough to create charisma, as the person should be seen as being able to be the problem solver when other people can't do it, be it emphasize his/her wisedom or smartness/vast knowledge.

2) When one is recognized to be brave to take a stand when noone dare to. One's quality is also defined by his guts, which differentiate from the overall crowd. I remember a story of a smart lady minister, who is seen more charismatic than a fellow smart gentlement minister.
Many believes the later is smarter, but the lady minister has more guts to "get things done". Guts sometimes define whether you win the chess game, or not, apart from you have to be smart.

4) When you stand up for your own people (or countrymen). Still correlates with the No. 3, standing up for own people can mean differently for others (possitive/negative). For his fans Hitler was/is super charismatic, for some other Hitler is a super vilain.

Added:
4-A) When you are consistent with your stance/with what you believes, even when nobody believes it or think you are insane. Introverts and INFJs may be good at this one, at a risk of being marginalized in social lives.

5) When you do something beyond service to humanity. Mother Theressa is a good example, the feeling may come from our respect and emphaty for what she has done to help humanity, beyond what people could imagine if they would go through her life. Despite some conspiracy controversy also follows her fame, most people who knows her could not deny she did aclaims the tittle as being a charismatic person.

6) When you are a good public speaker or "mind bender". Hitler, a good preacher, a good motivator, a good writer, and even a good manipulator (some like to include politicians in the later noun), share some similarities.

They have abilities to make people agreeing with them, be it their points, views, standards or values. Despite their chronic introvertion, INJFs are known to be very good at it, IF they wanted to do that, or took the road.

7) When people know that you have a great power, which you can chose to do good or bad, but you chose the first one. Many admires people who doesn't abuse their powers. I dont know what examples can fit this generalization, but I believe each countries have their own "heroes". One line in the Spiderman movie best describe this: "With great power comes great responsibilities".

8) When you are just being genuine for any positive social interactions, i.e. consistently being friendly, helpful to your neighbors, people or anyone in the need (who cross your path). When you are a good listener, and a good "empath".

The rests are very subjectives:

9) When your silence kills the room.

10) When your stares frightens the liars

11) When your fearless emotion scares some thugs

12) When cheaters scare you.

13) When some big-mouth extroverts dare to say no words when the silent pure-blood introvert is anywhere near. Uups no mean to disrespect the extroverts (I was being specific referring only to the big mouth ones).

14) When your presence suddenly makes your childs behave, and their sparkling eyes (because they blink less than adults) show "hey mom/dad, I want to make you proud"

Anyway, any self claim about one's quality, as I learned from another thread, would be prone to "overstatement" accusations.

As for @Deleted member 16771 charismatic level?
I would rather pass the hot ball to others.

Cheers,
Me
 
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