Changing, growing etc. | INFJ Forum

Changing, growing etc.

Jana

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Apr 18, 2009
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Have you ever felt that it is time? Not little changes or everyday selfimprovment, but really time for something specil, something that will really change your life.
How did you it was right time?
What hapened that made feel like you need that change?
How old were you?
What did you do?
Who helped you or you made it alone?
 
Have you ever felt that it is time? Not little changes or everyday selfimprovment, but really time for something specil, something that will really change your life.
How did you it was right time?
What hapened that made feel like you need that change?
How old were you?
What did you do?
Who helped you or you made it alone?
..In one way, yea; coming out to two of my friends. It happened recently (and there's a topic here too, but that's irrelevant.) It's special, in the way of "...oh, so being honest doesn't hurt -that- much in the short run." I'm sure in the longer run, there's going to be repercussions (and that my friends are not exactly a novice in backstabbing and talking behind someone's back..)

It wasn't exactly the right time, but I just felt a void. Like, I guess, a minor INFJ doorslam, only done towards some aspect of mine as an offensive buff. They're talking about relationship and pestering me about who are the people I liked during High School, etc etc. And I was just pretty pissed off atm.

What happened? Hmm. One part is guilt. I'm haunted with it; of not being honest, of hiding something; I'm afraid of the repercussions when it got out outside my control. Another is ...honesty itself. I'm mostly tortured by the guilt of "...I want to tell!" I might keep it secret, but then I'm not respecting myself, not respecting them, and would make things better by the actions of hiding them. I'm 20. Just like today.

What did I do? "Oh, I'm not interesting in girls, if you insist to know. *smiles*"

I did it alone, albeit I wouldn't be able to do this if not for my RL friends (they've helped me in the past), and this forum as a whole.

===

Another is my decision to move out from my old house.
I..don't know it's the right time, to be honest. I still feel I'm -able- to fight the good fight with my mother (I called it 'sparring'). But at that time I thought that fighting means beating. Means I'm going to broke her down and laugh over her broken psyche. This one is helped by one of my best friend; she basically drove it down towards, "you can't -even- be sane atm." And I agreed. So yeah, I definitely didn't do it alone, in terms of mental preparation. In terms of actual preparation, I also got help from my sister and brother.

What happened? Soul-sucked. Emotional Blackmail + Victim Mentality + ENFP + Entitlement = OMG. I'm...about 18. going to 19.

I...moved into my new house. I stopped going back there up to this moment, and I...well, pulled a doorslam.

It helps me becoming sane, and it helps me putting back perspectives on myself.
 
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I'm feeling that way now, and I don't feel it's the right time. In fact, I feel its years overdue. What happened that made me feel I needed the change.. well let's say I was awoken from a dream sort of speak. I had convinced myself that all was well at the cost of years of my life. No longer does such a vision blind me. As far as what I'm going to do my mind bends in several directions. Until I fully realize what my ultimate goal is I fear I may have to involuntarily head down a path which I may not be able to turn from. I could get rather in depth and philosophical and explain every possible fabric of my thoughts.. I would be here quite a while and I do not wish to divulge such detail.

I apologize for the vagueness of my post. I began with the intention to pour out my soul but then I remembered I don't want to.
 
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I am change.
Although changing that of myself might be an option.....
Though that would be rather counter intuitive........

:mhula: Irony dance :mhula:
 
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