Can you help me to formulate an answer to the question: What is life about?

[Somewhereelse]

Hello, my fellow souls.

This question is probably the very reason that I was drawn to this forum to begin with. But it's such a big question that I hesitated for weeks until I eventually throw it out here now. There won't be a perfect answer, I am aware of it, despite I am longing for one.

Out of blue, I was hit by mid-life crisis. Half way done with my life quota, I'm nowhere near what I thought I would be. And when I tried to put my old dreams in a more substantial context, I realized that I actually had never had "a real dream".

Over mid 30s, I safely come to the conclusion that the answer to my question would not be a successful career. I have a family which I love, but it wouldn't be enough to fill that black hole in my soul which is so powerful that I feel half empty inside. If I try to put it more precisely, I feel that I would hate myself if I carry on living a life for myself for the rest of my life.

Yes, that's what I mean. I would look down upon myself if my life is all about myself. We come to this world and we leave one day. Everyday we take, we consume and we destroy, but without much giving back. The world is mostly not becoming a better place than when we just arrived. I truly feel ashamed to accept it comfortably without doing anything... But my partner said, to do good needs sacrifice, not sacrifice of one's own, but also those who rely on her. He's right. I feel strongly willing to throw myself into a cause, but if it's at the cost of the well-being/standard of life of my family, I just couldn't do it. As a full time working mum of a young child with nearly 30 years mortgage to pay back, (time wise and money wise) I don't see any alternative than just carrying on to live for myself... I feel deeply ashamed in my heart for this.

What's your answer to the question - What is life about, my fellow INFJs?

(My thought is a bit of everywhere on this topic and I am still not sure at this moment if I shall speak out of what bothers me. But, let me just click "Submit" before I delete everything. Please don't laugh at me if you disagree or think the entire thing is totally over idealistic...)

 

[muir]

You can do things in every day life that make a difference to the wider system

Voting in the political system has some serious drawbacks not least of all the fact that big business controls all the big political parties and you only get to vote every 5 years

But how you spend your money is a vote for the kind of world you want to see

Every pence/cent/whatever you spend has a shaping effect on the world; we mould the market with our money

Whatever you spend money on creates a demand for more of that thing

So think about what kind of world you would like to live in and then spend in that way

This is something a mum with a mortgage can do

So that's something towards the question of 'how to be the change you want to see in the world' whilst constrained by the usual life stuff

If you can feel good about the kind of world you are voting for with your money then that's a start

 

[Somewhereelse]

Thanks, muir. I've not thought it this way before. It does make good sense. Thank you!

 

[sassafras]

Creating value however way you can. By being creative and sharing with others, and sharing in the creative endeavors of others. By reaching out and enriching other people's lives with your company and your unique insights. By being open and honest and speaking your mind while at the same time, cultivating your perspective through learning, experiencing and listening to others. It's a give and take system. It's like breathing. What goes in, must come out.

Never fear. When you fear and shut down, you stop living, you stop connecting. You become totally and completely selfish by keeping you to yourself.

 

[DonTaushMe]

Life in general for anyone is about whatever they choose to make it about, there is no one answer.

You seem to want to help people in your life, or at least claim that you would like to, you're excuse for not doing so would be your mortgage and your debt. Volunteering for your community does not take a whole bunch of your time, it is not your job and you can set your own hours and where you'd like to be in order to make the most difference. Volunteer work would be the first thing I would look into if I were you. As far as you debt, how much crap do you pay for that you don't actually need? Do you have cable/TV/phone all boxed into one? Do you have cell phones? Do you actually watch your TV? Could you cancel your phone and TV, get Netflix and just pay for internet? There was a guy in a wheel chair that I had volunteered with, though I suppose that was his job, he ran through his budget of how much he gets paid and in an instant it was all gone through bills. He had a plan where he had phone, internet and cable. He also had a cell phone. The guy was pitiful and 'woe is me' and full of shit. The things he was paying for he never needed to be paying for. If you feel stuck now, that's fine, everyone gets stuck but the second you get tired of it it's time to get unstuck. 'Where there's a will there's a way' is a saying for a reason, it's true. Go find your will.

 

[casie]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think this thread is 100% about the question of what life is about. I have no idea what to say to someone about life who has so much more life experience than me. However, I think it is important for me to show solidarity with people who can see the world isn't getting better and who do not like living just for themselves.

I think that you should hold on to your desire to make change and do good in this world, but to measure it in perspective to the opportunity you have to do so. I don't have dependents, and I often joke that if I die tomorrow the main question would be where to put all of my stuff. That gives me tremendous opportunities to work, develop, and contribute, so I try to take advantage of that. You don't have as many opportunities, and that's ok. I don't think anyone could judge you for looking after your family at this point in your life, rather than throwing yourself at a cause.

Of course, that might not make you feel better because the problems of the world are still going to be there whether or not you have a legit excuse for not sacrificing to make a difference. Then again, the problems of the world would almost certainly still be there even if you got involved.

I am also privileged to know many women who have accomplished great things either during or after raising children and living with significant debt. Some of them have waited until they were much older, or took on part-time work. I'm sure they have sacrificed, but I am also sure that they have made it work.

I think it is wonderful that you have the perspective that a successful career won't make you happy and won't fulfill you. I'm sure that you know people who are struggling against that tide well past their "mid-life crisis". I can't tell you what life is about because it is different for everybody, but at least you can be confident that you're asking the right question now. I think you should be confident in that, and confident in your ability to answer it. I hope that helps.

 

[LucyJr]

I think its good to keep asking those questions yourself again and again, and again and again.

The answers are many: some say the life its all about learning to pass the appearences, some say its all in the extol of virtues, some say it has its meaning in pleasure and desire, or to never wonder about anything ( "Nihil admirare propres res una quae possit facere er servare beatum" - Horatio), other say its in enlightement or the overcomming of self, other say its about knowledge and reason, the worship of sciences, or the knowledge of the truth( "Felix qui potuit rerum cognoscere causas" - Virgillius), while other say its about denial and skepticism, and finaly there are those who say "Thy will be done, as in heaven so on earth" and "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"...

 

[LucyJr]

Over mid 30s, I safely come to the conclusion that the answer to my question would not be a successful career. I have a family which I love, but it wouldn't be enough to fill that black hole in my soul which is so powerful that I feel half empty inside. If I try to put it more precisely, I feel that I would hate myself if I carry on living a life for myself for the rest of my life.

Yes, that's what I mean. I would look down upon myself if my life is all about myself. We come to this world and we leave one day. Everyday we take, we consume and we destroy, but without much giving back. The world is mostly not becoming a better place than when we just arrived. I truly feel ashamed to accept it comfortably without doing anything... But my partner said, to do good needs sacrifice, not sacrifice of one's own, but also those who rely on her. He's right. I feel strongly willing to throw myself into a cause, but if it's at the cost of the well-being/standard of life of my family, I just couldn't do it. As a full time working mum of a young child with nearly 30 years mortgage to pay back, (time wise and money wise) I don't see any alternative than just carrying on to live for myself... I feel deeply ashamed in my heart for this.

But aren't you living for you're family?

 

[LucyJr]

Never fear. When you fear and shut down, you stop living, you stop connecting. You become totally and completely selfish by keeping you to yourself.

I find this to be very intelligent and true. Thank you, it helped me .

 

[Kolmio]

Life is about being conscious: using your five senses, thinking, imagining, using your memory, reflecting and understanding. You should experience. This information that you gather through your body into your brain, you should evaluate and judge. Life is about taking action based on this process. What I think is important for any living organism is their need to thrive and reproduce. So anyway that you think you can thrive is a way to go. First things first, it's about taking care of your health. Because you're not sure what to make of this life, you should look at the possibilities and experience stuff. Use your five senses. Give inspiration a chance. This way you'll figure out the value of things. Try and understand things. Even if you're making bad choices, you're at least living to the fullest.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

One cannot give what one does not have.

To love others, one must have love oneself. And to love oneself is to wish and pursue good things for oneself. The greatest love for oneself is to wish the greatest good for oneself - and excuse me for being religious here - the greatest good is not some pecuniary, or worldly thing.

 

[LucyJr]

One cannot give what one does not have.

To love others, one must have love oneself. And to love oneself is to wish and pursue good things for oneself. The greatest love for oneself is to wish the greatest good for oneself - and excuse me for being religious here - the greatest good is not some pecuniary, or worldly thing.

Isn't love by its very nature for somebody else, or "out"? Loving oneself is a contradiction, it violates the very nature of love.
"men will be lovers of self..."

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Isn't love by its very nature for somebody else, or "out"? Loving oneself is a contradiction, it violates the very nature of love.
"men will be lovers of self..."

Self-love is of two types:
1. Acquiring for oneself things which can be lost (are insecure goods), and are diminished by sharing with others.
2. Acquiring for oneself things which cannot be lost (secure goods), and cannot be diminished by sharing with others.

The first is conducive to insecurity, fear, selfishness, defensiveness, and miserliness.
The second is conducive to peace, generosity, and love towards others.

Material goods cannot be shared, except with loss to one's own collection; but immaterial goods, like knowledge, are not diminished by sharing - and indeed, when shared become opportunities for gaining even more knowledge.

To become loving, it is best to divest oneself of material goods (either in fact, or in affection/interest) and pursue the greatest of immaterial goods - God.

 

[just me]

[video=youtube;YmIbJ81MbKI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmIbJ81MbKI[/video]

 

[just me]

You are wondering aloud about an ages-old question. I'm going to visit a special place to me in this world this evening. Going fishing, but the camera is always with me. I see something new every time I go there.
I may see new ospreys taking to flight their very first time. I may see a flower in the middle of the pond, nestled up in the shade of a cypress tree, all by itself. I take the picture, and it becomes part of my journey in life. I have remembrance of it. I feel a certain longing in my soul when I'm there. My Mother and her family were raised close to the place before the military bought it. Today I will see the ospreys I watched learning to fly a month ago again. Red-winged blackbirds will fuss if we get too close to a nest. We saw a deer and her fawn walking about in the middle of the day last time.

What is success, anyway? Children? Loving someone that loves you? Sharing your life with others? There are those that only think of success as in business or work-related ventures. I left my business and let it go to care for parents, and the wife was right by my side. We now feel lost, as our three pets died since they died. The business? Not paying the bills. Tell me; would I have been more successful keeping our business going well? The life choices we made make us successful people, our business was not put first over family. Telling someone how much you have missed seeing them smile when you feel they are in trouble? Success.

Around every corner and behind every curtain is another chance to live life more fully. Now, where's my camera?

 

[La Sagna]

Isn't love by its very nature for somebody else, or "out"? Loving oneself is a contradiction, it violates the very nature of love.
"men will be lovers of self..."

You need to love yourself or you cannot properly love others. If love is about being kind, considerate and forgiving of others and to want their well-being than you need to be able to do that for yourself as well or your relationships will be dysfunctional.

 

[La Sagna]

[MENTION=11542]Somewhereelse[/MENTION]

Life is about what you are doing right now. Loving and taking care of your family is not a selfish thing and it does make the world a better place. I have been a working mom, and I know that stretching yourself too thin will not make the world a better place no matter how much you want to. If you take on too much you will then probably feel guilty about something else you're not doing. Every thoughtful gesture, every kind word, every smile is one little way that you are giving back. You can make a difference in lots of small ways. Feeling guilty is a waste of time. Just try to do what you can when you can and enjoy your life. One day you will have a lot more time on your hands to do more, right now your only responsibility to the world is to be the best person you can be in the life situation that you are in.

 

[Skarekrow]

Hello, my fellow souls.

This question is probably the very reason that I was drawn to this forum to begin with. But it's such a big question that I hesitated for weeks until I eventually throw it out here now. There won't be a perfect answer, I am aware of it, despite I am longing for one.

Out of blue, I was hit by mid-life crisis. Half way done with my life quota, I'm nowhere near what I thought I would be. And when I tried to put my old dreams in a more substantial context, I realized that I actually had never had "a real dream".

Over mid 30s, I safely come to the conclusion that the answer to my question would not be a successful career. I have a family which I love, but it wouldn't be enough to fill that black hole in my soul which is so powerful that I feel half empty inside. If I try to put it more precisely, I feel that I would hate myself if I carry on living a life for myself for the rest of my life.

Yes, that's what I mean. I would look down upon myself if my life is all about myself. We come to this world and we leave one day. Everyday we take, we consume and we destroy, but without much giving back. The world is mostly not becoming a better place than when we just arrived. I truly feel ashamed to accept it comfortably without doing anything... But my partner said, to do good needs sacrifice, not sacrifice of one's own, but also those who rely on her. He's right. I feel strongly willing to throw myself into a cause, but if it's at the cost of the well-being/standard of life of my family, I just couldn't do it. As a full time working mum of a young child with nearly 30 years mortgage to pay back, (time wise and money wise) I don't see any alternative than just carrying on to live for myself... I feel deeply ashamed in my heart for this.

What's your answer to the question - What is life about, my fellow INFJs?

(My thought is a bit of everywhere on this topic and I am still not sure at this moment if I shall speak out of what bothers me. But, let me just click "Submit" before I delete everything. Please don't laugh at me if you disagree or think the entire thing is totally over idealistic...)

Can I suggest a book for you?
It does make religious references, but in a rather vague way…so it could easily encompass any or no religion if you so choose.
Anyhow, whenever I start to feel lost in my life I like to re-read it (I have read it many, many times lol)
It is called “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran…he was a Lebanese poet.
Here is a link to the e-book - http://www.katsandogz.com/gibran.html

As far as the question of what this life is about, I feel the answer is different for everyone…for me personally, I think my life is about the personal connections that I make, my loved ones in other words, growing and showing my compassion to them and to strangers in general. To learn as much as I can while I am here is also very important to me…not just from a book, but learning who I am, what compels and drives me, how I can be the best version of myself that I can.

 

[sprinkles]

Cat collection simulator.

 

[LucyJr]

[MENTION=862]Flavus Aquila[/MENTION] [MENTION=9809]La Sagna[/MENTION]

I said that to love oneself is contradictory, because that's not the nature of love. One must be loved by another, to love oneself is a contradiction, a malformation of sin.

And both of you skip that and begin to argue how it is best to love oneself...