Can you change your baseline level of happiness?

[Skarekrow]

Just curious what people think or what their own experiences are.
I have had a depressed baseline for as long as I have memories.
My parents were always supportive and I can’t think of a single or a combination of incidents that would have made my thinking in such a way.
I remember being 3 or 4 and crying on my Mom’s lap that I “hated myself”.
Pretty much this baseline of depression has carried throughout my life to the point where I am looking at alternative therapies like Magic Mushrooms, MDMA, and the Ketamine infusions that have had such incredible success.
According to the Dali Llama such a baseline can be changed with practice and you can raise your overall perspective to a “happier” level.
Is this living in denial? Am I living in denial now by thinking I can change it?
Any thoughts or ideas?
I have basically learned to live with it, but it isn’t exactly what I would call “living life to it’s fullest”.
Diet, meds, exercise, even meditation all have limited results….I feel I need something drastic.
Like if I don’t hit that reset button soon…it won’t be there anymore.
I know I’m not stupid, but no amount of reasoning will break you from being depressed.
Suggestions?

(BTW, as some of you know I am physically limited by the arthritis in my spine, so suggestions of physical things are tentative at most)

 

[Wyote]

What have you tried thus far, and for how long?

There is a fair amount of genetics at play, but if you work diligently enough I think you can curb it enough to live satisfactorily. Maybe you won't be the "happiest" person ever, but who wants that anyway? Psychos and game show hosts.

-Meditation will help if done twice a day, but you won't see immediate results. Do not let this discourage you
-Vitamins. Take an honest inventory and be vigilant about consuming what you need regularly and consistently
-Environment. Your environment is essential. If you aren't in an ideal environment for your happiness, work hard to get there
*First you have to really understand the type of environment that truly gives you peace and happiness though

Despite your physical limitations, it is important to move in whatever capacity you are able. If you feel stifled or lethargic, talk to somebody about alternative methods.
*Feeling stuck is a large contributor to negative feelings

Diet can also have an impact, but can be the toughest thing to be persistent with for some. Do what makes you feel good while not poisoning yourself with sugars and fats

 

[Eventhorizon]

Yes. When I first started posting here I never would have said that. Now I can actually effect myself and bring foward happiness with deliberate intent.
It feels like cheating, it feels like a lie but the truth is, it actually works.

What I haven't figured out though yet is how to stay happy on auto pilot or without making the effort yet.

 

[Siimplicity]

it's gloomy up here this time of year (today excepted GORGEOUS!)..my cousin gets restless and depressed around February because she's been missing the sunlight -- she swears by the sun lamps that mimic sunlight. Vitamin D supplements help her too.

as for my own experiences...in terms of heredity, my mother often remarked that my dad from time to time would have "blue moods". I know I have inherited them as well. but I also learned that mood can be a choice. for instance this morning, groggy and not much in the mood for office drudgery, I nevertheless walked into my office and announced to my cube-mates that today would be "productive and fun". and it hasn't been half-bad.
there were/are darker times, still -- I too remember crying my eyes out as a child and not knowing why but it was something inside. these days, I accept what I am feeling, then try to determine the source. once I have come to terms with that, I can say ok there is that, but there are also these wonderful things. then I choose the light. I choose over and over. I know it's not drastic, like what you feel you might need, but it works. simple will to be happy. I don't have the energy for all of the depressive moods and so after recognizing it and being present with it for a moment, I name it and give myself permission to move out and away from it.

one other thing that combats a depressive mood -- do something kind and wonderful for someone else. it takes all the focus off of yourself and how you are feeling and puts emphasis on someone else's happiness that you helped create.

 

[Skarekrow]

What have you tried thus far, and for how long?

Just about every anti-depressant short of MAOIs…tried mushrooms once with positive results though I don’t think I gave sufficient time for the Remeron with an 80 hour half-life time to fully eliminate from my system, it blocked part of it I think.
Meditation…I do meditate…counseling.
I have given all these things sufficient time to work if they were to work at all.

There is a fair amount of genetics at play, but if you work diligently enough I think you can curb it enough to live satisfactorily. Maybe you won't be the "happiest" person ever, but who wants that anyway? Psychos and game show hosts.

No, I don’t expect to be unnaturally happy. I expect not to be unnaturally unhappy…that is my only expectation.

-Meditation will help if done twice a day, but you won't see immediate results. Do not let this discourage you
-Vitamins. Take an honest inventory and be vigilant about consuming what you need regularly and consistently
-Environment. Your environment is essential. If you aren't in an ideal environment for your happiness, work hard to get there
*First you have to really understand the type of environment that truly gives you peace and happiness though

Despite your physical limitations, it is important to move in whatever capacity you are able. If you feel stifled or lethargic, talk to somebody about alternative methods.

Thank you, I will reassess what I am doing in regards to your suggestions.

*Feeling stuck is a large contributor to negative feelings

Yes, so much this.
But not trapped in my life per say, or even in this body…trapped by negative thought processes that no amount of reason seems to dent.

Diet can also have an impact, but can be the toughest thing to be persistent with for some. Do what makes you feel good while not poisoning yourself with sugars and fats

My diet sucks I won’t lie…that’s the other half of the medical issue that has sprung up within the last couple months…my arthritis has moved to my jaw - has made me lose one of my back teeth and possible more (fucking rad)…but it hurts me to eat basically…I eat lots of soup…apple sauce…if I eat pizza or something I cut it in to tiny bits.
I will have to have surgery probably next month that could leave my jaw deformed, which I have come to terms with like I have everything else life likes to throw at me…it isn’t that stuff that gets me down…it’s really the general underlying lack of meaning and purpose now that I am disabled and cannot do surgery anymore.
I try to be the best SO and best Father to my Son, but the underlying nature of my drive to help without being able to I think my be partially to blame.
Still, it all adds up you know?
We all have our issues to deal with, and I think I would be in a better and healthier position to deal with them if my depression would subside at least for a while…it’s the continuity of it that sucks and almost seems unbreakable.

 

[Skarekrow]

Yes. When I first started posting here I never would have said that. Now I can actually effect myself and bring foward happiness with deliberate intent.
It feels like cheating, it feels like a lie but the truth is, it actually works.

What I haven't figured out though yet is how to stay happy on auto pilot or without making the effort yet.

I can do that with meditation and it does have some lasting effects (though not very long)…when you figure it out all the way let me know

;-)

it's gloomy up here this time of year (today excepted GORGEOUS!)..my cousin gets restless and depressed around February because she's been missing the sunlight -- she swears by the sun lamps that mimic sunlight. Vitamin D supplements help her too.

as for my own experiences...in terms of heredity, my mother often remarked that my dad from time to time would have "blue moods". I know I have inherited them as well. but I also learned that mood can be a choice. for instance this morning, groggy and not much in the mood for office drudgery, I nevertheless walked into my office and announced to my cube-mates that today would be "productive and fun". and it hasn't been half-bad.
there were/are darker times, still -- I too remember crying my eyes out as a child and not knowing why but it was something inside. these days, I accept what I am feeling, then try to determine the source. once I have come to terms with that, I can say ok there is that, but there are also these wonderful things. then I choose the light. I choose over and over. I know it's not drastic, like what you feel you might need, but it works. simple will to be happy. I don't have the energy for all of the depressive moods and so after recognizing it and being present with it for a moment, I name it and give myself permission to move out and away from it.

one other thing that combats a depressive mood -- do something kind and wonderful for someone else. it takes all the focus off of yourself and how you are feeling and puts emphasis on someone else's happiness that you helped create.

I do have a Verilux light to prevent seasonal affective disorder, which I turn on when it’s gloomy, but I can’t say I can tell a difference…though I put it on just in case there is some difference I can’t consciously realize.
Tried the vitamin D…sorry no go.

 

[Skarekrow]

as for my own experiences...in terms of heredity, my mother often remarked that my dad from time to time would have "blue moods". I know I have inherited them as well. but I also learned that mood can be a choice. for instance this morning, groggy and not much in the mood for office drudgery, I nevertheless walked into my office and announced to my cube-mates that today would be "productive and fun". and it hasn't been half-bad.
there were/are darker times, still -- I too remember crying my eyes out as a child and not knowing why but it was something inside. these days, I accept what I am feeling, then try to determine the source. once I have come to terms with that, I can say ok there is that, but there are also these wonderful things. then I choose the light. I choose over and over. I know it's not drastic, like what you feel you might need, but it works. simple will to be happy. I don't have the energy for all of the depressive moods and so after recognizing it and being present with it for a moment, I name it and give myself permission to move out and away from it.

one other thing that combats a depressive mood -- do something kind and wonderful for someone else. it takes all the focus off of yourself and how you are feeling and puts emphasis on someone else's happiness that you helped create.

I have come to accept it….it doesn’t mean that I won’t actively try to change it for the better though, I get what you are saying and thank you very much for your input!
You know I actually do try to do nice things for people like that (unbeknownst to them), it does help.
I have a whole list of things that stimulate your Dopamine naturally I can link you to if you are interested?

 

[Sriracha]

I can understand what you are talking about. I struggled with depression since I can remember (teenage years.) Perhaps instead of asking yourself how to raise your baseline, is asking yourself how to achieve inner peace. When do you feel at peace with yourself/your surroundings and is it attainable/can you make regular time for it? Peace recharges the soul.

 

[Skarekrow]

I can understand what you are talking about. I struggled with depression since I can remember (teenage years.) Perhaps instead of asking yourself how to raise your baseline, is asking yourself how to achieve inner peace. When do you feel at peace with yourself/your surroundings and is it attainable/can you make regular time for it? Peace recharges the soul.

Working on the inner peace thing too.
I’m sure they go hand in hand.
Lately, I just haven’t felt at peace with anything…within or without, though I am trying my best to not let it affect how I behave and act toward people.
I think I spend most of my effort not trying to effect others with my issues than I do addressing them.

 

[#@&5&49]

I love these difficult questions you can spend years thinking about. This is one of the really difficult ones. I think it might be easier to figure out world peace. I think this is the kind of thing that everyone has to find their own niche with. I honestly wish I had an answer to your question but all I can do is tell you what I do.

I do a variety of things; exercise and diet are probably the biggest for me. I do cheat on both though but I always manage to come back to true North. I try not to bog my body down with too many things that make it work really hard to digest. I mean, the harder my body has to work to digest crummy food the less time it has to spend on feeling good. I can't exercise anything like I used to but I do everything I still can. I also believe in paying it forward, and from reading your posts it sounds like you do as well. I believe that kind of energy comes back to you. Lets see, what else do I do…I use focused intent.

I saw a movie years ago about "happiness", how we can change the neurological connections in our brain by where we put our thoughts and energy. Meaning, if I think about, talk about, etc, how crappy things in my life are over and over I am making those neurological connections bigger and bigger, and if I think about and talk about the wonderful things in my life I would be making those neurological connections in my brain bigger and bigger. This is not promoting denial. Its just focusing on where I am putting my energy and how much of it I am putting there. This is one of the reasons I keep the "grateful" thread. Everyday I try to focus some of my energy on something I really like about my life. Sometimes I have to really stretch to find something and some days I can't find anything at all to be happy about. I figure it can't hurt. This is something I picked up from Oprah. I also journal, this is where I get out a lot of my frustration, anger, etc. Hence my "adventures in healthcare " thread and scream therapy. Its important to let that shit out so it doesn't eat you up inside.

Happiness is subjective. Like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I mean, I try to figure out and understand what makes me happy. I try not to look at my life in comparison to other peoples lives or even in comparison to how my life used to be versus where my life is now, or what the media or anyone else says is happiness. I try to look at what makes me happy right now, this day, this moment. For me that is key. It isn't about tomorrow, or yesterday, or any long amount of time. Its just about today, right now. When I look at life and happiness like that I find that a lot of times I catch myself being happy. Its when I look at life in terms of a span of time that I have a lot of trouble being happy. The Dali Lama said,

"There are only two days where nothing can be done. One is called yesterday, and the other is called tomorrow. So do all your living and loving today."

I also do meditation, creative visualization, Reiki, have a good support system and people in my life who aren't draining, set good boundaries, limit dysfunction, and take care of myself. I don't have an answer for your question. There are times in life that just suck ass and there are things that happen in life that suck even bigger ass. But life itself is a gift. I mean getting to live it.

I once heard that we give the advice we most need to take ourselves. I think maybe today I needed to remind myself of some of these things. So thank you skarekrow. Now I think I will go take some of my own advice.

 

[invisible]

May be possible for some. Thinking about suicide every day is just part of how my mind works. There will be sunbeams through the cloud cover, of greater or lesser duration, sometimes more focused, sometimes more diffused.

 

[Matt3737]

[MENTION=5045]Skarekrow[/MENTION]

I think you're struggling against your negative emotions as if you were caught in sinking sand, a tar pit, or entangled in webbing where fighting it only makes it worse.

Expressing your negative emotions can help alleviate them. Be angry, be sad, let it out.

 

[Eventhorizon]

I need to ask if I may. There must be times in your life where you have been happy or happier than at other times in your life. So what happens when you remember those times of being happier and expand them? Meaning what happens when you hold those memories in your mind? What happens when you remember happiness and what it felt like?

When I need to this is what I do. Its a bit like meditation. Take one of those times and try to remember every detail that you can. What you were doing. The smells that might have been present. The sound whatever it may have been. Every detail.

 

[Paraoxysmal]

I'm going to throw out ideas and maybe one feels right.

Are you having intuitive conversations? This is super important to use intuitive drivers very very important.
Do you self talk? (if yes) Do you self talk negatively? (ie, fuck I'm stupid, I can't... , and so on.)
Are you getting at least 15 minutes of sun light a day at the base minimum?
Are you in a healthy relationship?
Do you have 1 or 2 people where you can have full disclosure?
Do you know what your passions are?
Are you on a team? (anything sport, online game, charity)
Do you know what drives you?
Do you know what to build on yourself?

If comfortable could you skype and talk through it? It would be a learning experience for both of us.

 

[Skarekrow]

I love these difficult questions you can spend years thinking about. This is one of the really difficult ones. I think it might be easier to figure out world peace. I think this is the kind of thing that everyone has to find their own niche with. I honestly wish I had an answer to your question but all I can do is tell you what I do.

I do a variety of things; exercise and diet are probably the biggest for me. I do cheat on both though but I always manage to come back to true North. I try not to bog my body down with too many things that make it work really hard to digest. I mean, the harder my body has to work to digest crummy food the less time it has to spend on feeling good. I can't exercise anything like I used to but I do everything I still can. I also believe in paying it forward, and from reading your posts it sounds like you do as well. I believe that kind of energy comes back to you. Lets see, what else do I do…I use focused intent.

I saw a movie years ago about "happiness", how we can change the neurological connections in our brain by where we put our thoughts and energy. Meaning, if I think about, talk about, etc, how crappy things in my life are over and over I am making those neurological connections bigger and bigger, and if I think about and talk about the wonderful things in my life I would be making those neurological connections in my brain bigger and bigger. This is not promoting denial. Its just focusing on where I am putting my energy and how much of it I am putting there. This is one of the reasons I keep the "grateful" thread. Everyday I try to focus some of my energy on something I really like about my life. Sometimes I have to really stretch to find something and some days I can't find anything at all to be happy about. I figure it can't hurt. This is something I picked up from Oprah. I also journal, this is where I get out a lot of my frustration, anger, etc. Hence my "adventures in healthcare " thread and scream therapy. Its important to let that shit out so it doesn't eat you up inside.

Happiness is subjective. Like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I mean, I try to figure out and understand what makes me happy. I try not to look at my life in comparison to other peoples lives or even in comparison to how my life used to be versus where my life is now, or what the media or anyone else says is happiness. I try to look at what makes me happy right now, this day, this moment. For me that is key. It isn't about tomorrow, or yesterday, or any long amount of time. Its just about today, right now. When I look at life and happiness like that I find that a lot of times I catch myself being happy. Its when I look at life in terms of a span of time that I have a lot of trouble being happy. The Dali Lama said,

"There are only two days where nothing can be done. One is called yesterday, and the other is called tomorrow. So do all your living and loving today."

I also do meditation, creative visualization, Reiki, have a good support system and people in my life who aren't draining, set good boundaries, limit dysfunction, and take care of myself. I don't have an answer for your question. There are times in life that just suck ass and there are things that happen in life that suck even bigger ass. But life itself is a gift. I mean getting to live it.

I once heard that we give the advice we most need to take ourselves. I think maybe today I needed to remind myself of some of these things. So thank you skarekrow. Now I think I will go take some of my own advice.

Thank you for your well thought out and wise response.
I really do try to live in the moment…which actually a lot easier to do when you are on Disability than trying to juggle work and family and such.
I constantly redirect myself away from negative thinking…stop, reassess where I am, what is my current state of being, etc.
All of what you wrote I will very be thoroughly about today, thank you again.

 

[Skarekrow]

May be possible for some. Thinking about suicide every day is just part of how my mind works. There will be sunbeams through the cloud cover, of greater or lesser duration, sometimes more focused, sometimes more diffused.

I don’t think about suicide anymore, I do once in a while think about if my funeral will be kick ass or not…I would want an open bar and a DJ honestly.
After my near death suicide at age 19, I promised myself to never seriously consider it as an option ever again…so far I have stayed true to my promise.
I will keep going if it sucks or not…and I’m not expecting every day, every moment to be, “happy”.
I just feel unnaturally unhappy…I think as a young INFJ I perceived things that could have effected me.
Like I have said before….my Grandmother (my Mom’s Mom was dying of cancer while I was in utero, then she died right after I was born, sending my Mom into a depression - who’s to say I didn’t get stress hormones or hormones that made me depressed via breastfeeding and the umbilical cord?
*shrug*

 

[Skarekrow]

@Skarekrow

I think you're struggling against your negative emotions as if you were caught in sinking sand, a tar pit, or entangled in webbing where fighting it only makes it worse.

Expressing your negative emotions can help alleviate them. Be angry, be sad, let it out.

I feel like I let them out…but if I try and force them out, then won’t that just be fighting them in the same way?
How does that work…I’m missing this and maybe that’s part of the issue.

 

[Skarekrow]

I need to ask if I may. There must be times in your life where you have been happy or happier than at other times in your life. So what happens when you remember those times of being happier and expand them? Meaning what happens when you hold those memories in your mind? What happens when you remember happiness and what it felt like?

When I need to this is what I do. Its a bit like meditation. Take one of those times and try to remember every detail that you can. What you were doing. The smells that might have been present. The sound whatever it may have been. Every detail.

Thank you.
I do actually meditate and I do focus on times of my life that were good and I still have time of my life that are good.
I meditate at my happy place a lot - we used to go camping, just us boys with my Dad every year at camp Wishon in the Sequoias…anyhow, the Tule river runs past the campground…there was one spot this here granite boulder that hung over this pool in the river 20 feet up…I took my fishing pole and could see the trout swimming below….I dropped it right in front of his face and he didn’t move an inch…so after a while a just held the pole, and lay face down on this sun-warmed granite boulder…hearing the river…the wind in the trees…the smell of the forest….that was peace.
The fish finally did bite and turned out to be the first one I ever caught….it was a whopping 8 inches maybe…I ate it.

Thanks for your suggestions, they are much appreciated!

 

[Skarekrow]

I'm going to throw out ideas and maybe one feels right.

Are you having intuitive conversations? This is super important to use intuitive drivers very very important.

Yes. I actually live with another INFJ…we are very intuitive with each other.

Do you self talk? (if yes) Do you self talk negatively? (ie, fuck I'm stupid, I can't... , and so on.)

I talk to my Dad if I talk to anyone (who has passed)…I actually get upset when my SO talks negatively about herself and remind her to stop…my issue is my brain playing negative scenarios for future events more so.

Are you getting at least 15 minutes of sun light a day at the base minimum?
Are you in a healthy relationship?

Yes and yes.

Do you have 1 or 2 people where you can have full disclosure?

Yes.

Do you know what your passions are?
Are you on a team? (anything sport, online game, charity)

Yes…I’ve just been wrapped up in the medical issues that I’m dealing with and the medications that don’t really work well. I used to do much more. I used to be very passionate about my job which was assisting with open heart surgery…but finding a replacement for something that occupied my mind so much is difficult.

Do you know what drives you?
Do you know what to build on yourself?

The people in my life drive me…and no, I don’t know what to build on myself other than to just continue to learn and be the best person I can try to be - I feel best when helping others…but physical limitations limit that.

If comfortable could you skype and talk through it? It would be a learning experience for both of us.

I will have to think about that, but I may…thanks for the offer I will let you know.

 

[ImaginaryBloke]

I prefer to operate on first principles. Physics is science of matter and energy, while chemistry is the science one layer of abstraction above that. The same holds for spirituality and psychology. Psychology is far from perfect for various reasons, so try spirituality if psychology fails.

I found an interesting website, www.wingmakers.com.

First, go to https://www.wingmakers.com/content/neruda-interviews/ -> fifth interview. Read the instructions on breathing at the bottom. The idea of Oneness - you and the rest of the university - is the idea there.

The human body is badly disconnected to source, so this should make you feel your soul better.

Also read about Dr. Neruda's spiritual beliefs of breathing. See if that gives you an idea.

Second, go to https://www.wingmakers.com/6-heart-virtues/. Read about the six heart virtues. Do anything there that looks useful.

What I found useful was the Three Subtle Desires: The Desire for Instant Gratification, The Desire for Control and The Desire for the Next-Thing. It seemed as though I have always had some weird subconscious thoughts that made it difficult for me to function normally. That vanished a couple of days ago.

I developed an own method to accomplish that. Take the example of Instant Gratification. I usually have compulsive thoughts, for example wanting to take that chocolate bar in a store. Eckhart Tolle tells us to check for compulsive thoughts, observe them and then let them go. I tried that and it offered some relief but did not solve the issue. So I tested instead to catch a thought when it arrives, let it run its course to fulfilment now and in the future.

Imagine that you buy the chocolate bar and remember the feeling of eating it. That relieves of the effort of having the chocolate bar now. But the point is that the compulsive thought may return in the future. So imagine next that you repeat the same process one million times over. That will satisfy all your future demands in a future timeline. Merge your present timeline and that timeline. Then, thank the thought for being with and release it like a bird. Now you are relieved of the need for buying that chocolate bar for all future possible timelines. Thus, the thought will not return. Do similarly for any other compulsive thought that you have.