Boundaries | INFJ Forum

Boundaries

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this is intended to be a general discussion thread on the concept of boundaries.

what does the idea of boundaries mean to you?

what does it mean to have healthy boundaries, or unhealthy boundaries?

is it something that you have thought a lot about?

do you think it's something that is generally explicitly discussed a lot between people, whether in the contexts of their personal relationships, or just in the abstract?
 
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To me, boundaries define a space/context of logic. A space in which something can exist. I think what lies beyond the boundaries is just as interesting and important.
 
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It is something that I have thought a fair amount about, and I would say that it is specific to the person.

For example, some people have noticed that I don't have much of a personal space bubble. I am fine with people touching me or being really close to people usually.

But I know most people aren't that comfortable, and in addition to physical boundaries, there are mental/emotional boundaries that need to be respected.

It can be hard sometimes not to make really sensitive people uncomfortable, but I do think we should try to respect people's preferences so long as they are reasonable.

I'm not sure what it means to have healthy versus unhealthy boundaries. Obviously, if it is stressing the person out, that can be unhealthy, but I also think that some people are far too uncomfortable with everything to be given full consideration. In those extreme cases, while it is unhealthy to bump up against their boundaries even when you are being entirely respectful, you can't help it and they really need to just get over it.
 
I think it means interpreting someone else's emotions and understanding where they come from and respecting that, but keeping them separate from your own. It means watching other people's reactions and not making them angry or upset by continuing to discuss a topic they aren't comfortable with.





I wish my mom would learn some.
 
It's relative to the person I guess. The individual defines their own terms of disadvantage and personal identity..

What I've gathered is:
Bad boundaries means you do things that put yourself at a disadvantageous risk to please or benefit others. It can also mean that you lose your individual identity when you get close to others. Then there's the whole physical space thing.

Some people need very little and some need a lot. I need a lot of physical space. I almost went off my rocker in a store the other day because there were people all around me.. a lady's cart not one inch away from my behind and I was boxed in by two other carts. Ahhhhh!
 
Some people need very little and some need a lot. I need a lot of physical space. I almost went off my rocker in a store the other day because there were people all around me.. a lady's cart not one inch away from my behind and I was boxed in by two other carts. Ahhhhh!
Oh man, me too. That would've made me want to scream.
 
It is something that I have thought a fair amount about, and I would say that it is specific to the person.

For example, some people have noticed that I don't have much of a personal space bubble. I am fine with people touching me or being really close to people usually.

But I know most people aren't that comfortable, and in addition to physical boundaries, there are mental/emotional boundaries that need to be respected.

It can be hard sometimes not to make really sensitive people uncomfortable, but I do think we should try to respect people's preferences so long as they are reasonable.

I'm not sure what it means to have healthy versus unhealthy boundaries. Obviously, if it is stressing the person out, that can be unhealthy, but I also think that some people are far too uncomfortable with everything to be given full consideration. In those extreme cases, while it is unhealthy to bump up against their boundaries even when you are being entirely respectful, you can't help it and they really need to just get over it.
All of these precisely.

It's relative to the person I guess. The individual defines their own terms of disadvantage and personal identity..

What I've gathered is:
Bad boundaries means you do things that put yourself at a disadvantageous risk to please or benefit others. It can also mean that you lose your individual identity when you get close to others. Then there's the whole physical space thing.

Some people need very little and some need a lot.

Definitely all of these.

I have been there and back when it comes to having unhealthy boundaries.
 
Boundaries are likely an illusion.
 
I make up my boundaries as I go. It's impossible for me to figure out before I'm actually in a certain situation whether I'll be uncomfortable or not. For example, in dating relationships in the past I've never set "boundaries" because I figure out what I'm comfortable with as things happen. I just know.

I don't know if this is what you meant by "boundaries" or not.
 
this is intended to be a general discussion thread on the concept of boundaries.

what does the idea of boundaries mean to you?

It is a statement or action used to define what you are and aren't responsible for.

what does it mean to have healthy boundaries, or unhealthy boundaries?

Healthy boundaries are ones that allow you the freedom to fully explore your identity as you were designed by your creator. Unhealthy boundaries are not boundaries at all but a lack thereof.

is it something that you have thought a lot about?

Yep! The book, Boundaries by Drs. Cloud and Townsend has helped me immensely in this area of life. It seems this subject keeps popping up more and more too.

do you think it's something that is generally explicitly discussed a lot between people, whether in the contexts of their personal relationships, or just in the abstract?

Definitely in the abstract because most people are either violating other people's boundaries or letting theirs be violated. It's amazing what an eye opener this whole topic is.

~
 
I don't know if this is what you meant by "boundaries" or not.

for the purposes of the thread i didn't mean anything in particular. i didn't mean that there should be a right or wrong answer. i guess through times in my life people have used this word a great deal, so that i have come to a fairly particular idea of its meaning for me, and so i was interested to discover whether other people have heard a lot about it too, and to hear any ideas they might have of their own about it.
 
Boundaries are likely an illusion.

In a sense, they are.

That said, the nature of the human animal is such that certain boundaries, while abstracted in the mind, are based upon recognition of a moral good, i.e., recognizing and respecting such a boundary leads to a better outcome for those involved.

For example, when someone fucks you, and you don
 
I'm not sure what you mean by boundaries as being an illusion, [MENTION=1926]April[/MENTION]

Boundaries may be an idea, but if violated, they still bear real consequences for those involved.. as aeon said.
 
I'm not sure what you mean by boundaries as being an illusion, @April

Boundaries may be an idea, but if violated, they still bear real consequences for those involved.. as aeon said.

Honestly, I'm not sure what I mean either. It's something I intuitively know. There's no real separation.
 
Boundaries are simply what each person considers to be the limits of socially acceptable behaviour. Each person will have slightly different boundaries but with obvious overlapping. For example not many people consider being punched in the face socially acceptable. Some would find hugging a freind just fine and some would be horrified by this. It's all relative.

Boundaries are the outer most limit of behaviour before said person dissaproves of the behaviour.
 
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NO YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY JELLY BEANS!
 
Boundaries are very important to me.


What do I think they are? The defining line from being an amazing person, and being an insensitive, cruel, hard ass. (Ffrom the view of the person who's boundaries have been crossed.) They are the line where the person decides "this is how far I am going to let someone into my life, trespass over my stuff, or essentially, interact with me."


I am greatly respective of boundaries, an I hold the upmost respect for those who hold my boundaries, and I take great displeasure in interacting with people who don't respect boundaries. It's highly offensive, and just rude.

I always say, that the more defined the boundary, the healthier it is. And that's that.

I have thought about boundaries a lot, especially as a gay man. I am also valued by many straight friends, because I respect everyone's boundaries; so I don't try to turn them gay, even if (especially if) I am attracted to them.

And to be honest, I acctually this topoic relates very well to MBTI. I am not well versed enough to explain which type is which in the boundary mine field, but some types are exceptionally good at boundaries, while some are exceptionally bad... *cough* *cough*
But when it all boils down to it, it depends on the relationship, rather than the population. It's like asking (because this is how I see it) "is there enough affection shown in relationships nowadays?"

Following boundaries, especially ones for personal, and emotional space, is one of the deepest ways I not only show someone I care,but how I get it back from them. Needless to say, I am absolutely horrified when I cross a huge boundary that in retrospect was very clear to me, but at the time was not.
 
I've come to appreciate boundaries - i've found that there are lines i don't want to cross, although i've crossed them before and felt the full effects of doing so. I also appreciate that i can set boundaries for myself, which allow me to operate sanely in the world everyday so that i'm not overwhelmed. i've had do this especially since i'm too easily sympathetic and have a tendency to compromise just to please or when i focused on making myself acceptable. Since i'm over that *i think*, i'm now focused on maintaining emotional boundaries between myself and others . . . for my sake, and it's helped quite a bit to feel more comfortable, confident, and relaxed.
 
Boundaries are simply what each person considers to be the limits of socially acceptable behaviour. Each person will have slightly different boundaries but with obvious overlapping. For example not many people consider being punched in the face socially acceptable. Some would find hugging a freind just fine and some would be horrified by this. It's all relative.

Boundaries are the outer most limit of behaviour before said person dissaproves of the behaviour.

Most concise answer. I agree with the little fist shaking man here.