Being open with people... | INFJ Forum

Being open with people...

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by Jana, Dec 12, 2009.

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  1. Jana

    Jana Searching...

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    ...when you feel bad and low.

    Before, I used to "open up" myself to friends. I realise that I always felt bad after admitting that I am, for instance, in depression. With most friends in real life (this forum is somehow different, as a matter of fact, I found out that I feel better if I complain online, thanks Tamagochi:) at this period of my life I avoid admitting anything more. I may say "Well, i am not well.", but that's it. Is it arrogant to say that there are only 2 persons that have my respect. I have need from time to time to tell them that I am sad, depressed etc. And only with them I don't feel regret for being open.
    Was I clear enough? (that language problem:)
     
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  2. Moxie

    Moxie Absent-Minded Professor

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    I know how you feel. I hold onto it, but it leaks out slowly until one day I can't take it anymore. Hang in there sweetie.
     
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  3. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    No it's not arrogant. You've just adapted toward this more cautious approach and I think if it protects you from expending valuable resources, it's a good thing. Perhaps your circle of trust will expand again in the future and perhaps not, but so long as you feel comfortable with it, there is no harm, and in fact a lot of good sense in applying this method for self-preservation.
     
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  4. OP
    Jana

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    I am not sure that it's matter of trust. Or maybe it is...
     
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  5. Isis

    Isis Community Member

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    You say that you regret being open with most of the people. Do you consider opening up to people as weakness? Maybe you don't want to burden others because you think that they'll never really understand what you're going through.
     
  6. Gaze

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    +1
     
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    I struggle with this. I have been trying to better at opening up to people when I am in pain. In someways I have been forced too really. It's good for me though. The problem is I can verbally and mentally open up to someone, but I never feel like I am opening up to someone. I have deduced it down to being afraid to being close to people. It runs so deep that I don't actually even experience fear about it. I think the best way to go about it is to actually say the things that you feel a resistance to saying, with someone who you feel very safe with. From there things will become easier, I hope.
     
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  9. Isis

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    I can relate to this so much. I constantly have this feeling that there's more and more I could tell but it just doesn't come out. Maybe it's also about the language and words seeming too limited to actually convey the whole spectrum of feeling that is involved.
     
  10. On my own path

    On my own path Community Member

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    I can relate to those statements also. I suppose it can also be attributed to a fear of being criticised for my emotions acting as a gate that restricts the full disclosure of said emotions.
     
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  11. Isis

    Isis Community Member

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    This is very true. Being criticized and maybe even ridiculed for disclosing something is horrible and even the slightest possibility of this happening makes me want to close up. This might not even be intentional, but being very sensitive is a curse sometimes and even the slightest change of tone, look or poorly chosen words can cause this.
     
  12. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    With most people, I feel like I'm only really giving about 5% of myself, the rest is fermenting beneath the surface. Now that is probably where it all should be, but it feels...wasted somehow.
     
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  13. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    Is it maybe a feeling of shedding privacy?

    If personal issues that cause you pain that you have kept to yourself for most of your life, suddenly are shared, it can feel like you are standing in strange territory.

    Do you find it unnerving to begin to be open more with people, because if you have not done it, you feel quite sensitive about the process of actually doing it? I guess then, maybe you feel suddenly vulnerable, and likely the reactions of others, won't display any understanding of this, leaving you to feel even more vulnerable, and regretful of opening up, afterall?

    If this is true, then yes, I understand, and I agree, this forum is a safe place to open up to, as people here are generally very kind and empathetic. (well, most are) ;)
     
  14. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    Ya totally... that's why after 38 years, I decided to change all that about myself, here on this forum. Hope you don't wait that long...
     
  15. OP
    Jana

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    No...and yes, when I think twice. I am not sure whether is that wakness or courage.
     
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    Jana

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    Yes. Telling is probably just one part of being closed. And I usually thinking "Are you care for what you heard in a way I want that..". Problem is that I don't want to be preached later. If I want advice, I will ask for one (I don't have problem with that).
     
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  17. OP
    Jana

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    I agree completely.
     
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  18. OP
    Jana

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    It's like being naked in public (I think, I 've never been:)
     
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  19. Isis

    Isis Community Member

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    If you don't mind me asking, how did you overcome the barrier to change yourself and what did you do? The reason I ask is that I always make decisions like that and I seem to be doing something but it never feels like it's enough. I always want more, it's supposed to feel like I'm doing more.
     
  20. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    This is a good question, and I guess it all really started to happen when my type and my intuition was always attacked and unappreciated by my current bf before he began going to an addictions group. He was hiding his adiction from me, but I could sense something was wrong, most of the time and he hated that he couldn't hide it from me. It just ended up happening because I just couldn't live my life anymore, soaking it all up and keeping it all in, any longer.

    After about 2 years of being together, I finally snapped and began to become really different, for example, I'd be regularly agitated and living somewhat in the infj shadow type. My P is quite strong anyway, so it just became a slow proces of me almost not being able to control it any longer. I just began to shift somehow, in order to adapt better to my surroundings.

    I am more centred now, but still striving for balance. Some days it is hard.

    I still actually feel regretful after posting here sometimes, and I try to not go back and delete my posts because it's part of pushing the boundaries of my comfort levels, and expanding on my experiences. Probably one of the biggest reasons too, is that I know how lonely it can make introverts feel, and infj's especially. I see a lot of younger members here, and I want to let them know that it's ok to be who they are, and that if I share more, then maybe they can feel safe enough to share too and know that they are understood. There is something satisfying to keep close to yourself because it just feels good to do that. I haven't shared everything here by any means and probably wont actually do that, but it does feel like I have been challenging myself for sure.
     
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