Asking permission from parents to wed

[Lark]

I like the film Look Who's Coming To Dinner, with Sidney Poitier, I like a lot of his films but I was wondering what everyone's views may be of the asking of permission from the parents of someone you choose to marry and whether or not you would cancel any plans to propose if the parents did not conscent or approve?

 

[Little Dove]

If asking permission to wed is a part of someones religion and both parties were aware of this and consented to it (given the possibility of rejection from the brides parents) then I don't see a problem.

Personally, I am not religious and I believe that it is my decision who I want to marry, if I do at all. It is not cut and dry anymore when it comes to marriage and sexuality. I think people have the right to do the thing in their life that make them happy and if that means it doesn't jive with some family members so be it, as long as said individual is enjoying what they have made of their life.

 

[Eventhorizon]

I would never think to ask them for permission even if they were still here. I suspect I might ask something like "hey I think shes the one, what do you think of her" but their answer would not have any effect on the outcome.

 

[La Sagna]

Asking permission doesn't seem quite right to me but marrying somebody who's parents like you will make your life much easier and your marriage much more likely to survive. Unless your fiancée is estranged from her or his family than you better think twice before deciding to get serious if you don't like their family or they don't like you. You would have to be two very strong and mature people to have a relationship that survives that.

 

[barbad0s]

It depends on how much you like your parents and value their input when it comes to that, I suppose.

 

[Cornerstone]

Isn't a wedding traditionally paid for by parents? Humans are notoriously bad at giving gifts gracefully.

 

[Little Dove]

Isn't a wedding traditionally paid for by parents? Humans are notoriously bad at giving gifts gracefully.

"- traditionally, the father of the bride would pay for everything. Today, however, the bride and groom themselves pay for the wedding about 30 percent of the time; the bride's parents pay about 17 percent of the time. As for the rest of the time, costs are covered by different sources -- the bride and groom and one or both sets of parents, according to surveys by Bride's magazine."

Not sure how accurate the source (being a bride magazine and all.. HA..HA). But there you have it. There are many articles out there saying that the trend of parents paying for the wedding is on a downward slope.

 

[Cornerstone]

"• traditionally, the father of the bride would pay for everything. Today, however, the bride and groom themselves pay for the wedding about 30 percent of the time; the bride's parents pay about 17 percent of the time. As for the rest of the time, costs are covered by different sources -- the bride and groom and one or both sets of parents, according to surveys by Bride's magazine."

Not sure how accurate the source (being a bride magazine and all.. HA..HA). But there you have it. There are many articles out there saying that the trend of parents paying for the wedding is on a downward slope.

If that's the case, it was make sense (to me) if asking permission was on a downward slope as well.

 

[Little Dove]

Logically yes, I am curious to know the ration of paid for wedding with and without seeking permission first.

Edit: Sources seem to be scarce

 

[cvp12gh5]

Personally, I don't think "permission" should be asked. But if it is important to the asker or the askee's parents, then I think it would be nice to ask for the parents' 'blessing'. Something along the lines of:

"I will be asking your daughter for her hand in marriage, and it would mean a lot to me if I had your blessing."

That way, it doesn't leave any decisions up to them but it makes them feel included. You are just informing them of what will be taking place in the near future in a respectful manner.

 

[say what]

Personally, I don't think "permission" should be asked. But if it is important to the asker or the askee's parents, then I think it would be nice to ask for the parents' 'blessing'. Something along the lines of:

"I will be asking your daughter for her hand in marriage, and it would mean a lot to me if I had your blessing."

That way, it doesn't leave any decisions up to them but it makes them feel included. You are just informing them of what will be taking place in the near future in a respectful manner.

I like this too!

For some reason, I think it's extremely respectful to do this...it's also kind of romantic. I reminds me of a gentleman, and understanding that they're making a promise to the family to take care of their daughter.

I don't see it as 'my family has the right to choose who I marry' or 'my family can stop me from marrying'...but it's is nice to know that there's a line of communication between your SO and your family, and they both are happy for the marriage to happen.

 

[sprinkles]

Not all parents are good people, not all have good judgement, not all are worth asking. Some parents are fairly shitty and nothing should ever hinge on such people. So it all depends.

Edit:
Also I think this is going to become more an issue than it has been previously because a lot of kids today have parents that just plain suck.

 

[Ryanbutler]

I would tell them in the most conciliatory way possible that we are to be married, but if they don't agree then I honestly don't care, they'd just have to live with it and hopefully turn their opinion around someday.

 

[Nixie]

I would never marry if my family did not approve. I would not marry someone if their family did not approve. I do no exist within a vacuum of self, my family was first in my heart. It would be a terrible blow to be with someone my family actively said they didn't like...because I know they love me and value my happiness...so if there are negative words, they would have great weight with me.

I think the first time you present yourself as a couple, you are inherently asking for permission from family and friends about the coupling. Formal words don't need to be spoken, but I'm not against the asking. The joining of families is an event worthy of discussion.

 

[the]

If you ask a father for permission to marry his daughter and he says no, and then you go ahead and marry her anyway. Then you are actually the rude one. You being a fellow human is inconsequential here.