Featured Anyone ever go no contact with their whole family?

No, but I know many people who have gone no contact with everyone but their sibling(s). Sometimes it is necessary.

 

I have an uncle who I've never met. He went no contact with the entire family. Parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, etc. I don't really know why. My family says his opinion was poisoned by his then girlfriend (now wife), who convinced him that all of us are crazy and that he's better than us and better off without us. I would like to hear my uncle's side of the story, but that's not possible for obvious reasons. All of this took place before I was born.

When I first heard of the story as a child, I felt a bit insulted. How can he judge us (cousins) when he hasn't even met us? How can he extend his conflict with a few people to the entire family? Some of my aunts and uncles are lovely people.
But as I got older, I realized his existence has no impact of any kind on my life and he became a nonfactor.
(I mean, it still feels a bit insulting when I think about it now, but the only reason I think about it is because of this thread. I don't ever think about it otherwise.)

It's like he doesn't exist. It's not a taboo subject or anything, but life went on without him. I think it's best compared to having a family member's relationship end. The ex leaves the family and you sort of forget about them after a while. They may come up in conversation at a birthday party once in a blue moon, but that's all.

 

I wonder if something happened or if the wife is controlling.


My maternal grandfather's side of the family more or less disowned him because they were Irish Catholic (my great-grandfather was orphaned and raised by nuns) and my grandfather married a protestant (also, not Irish). I grew up believing his entire family lived far away when they lived in our area. I didn't meet most of them until I was in my twenties. My mother and her cousin were best friends in school but were not allowed to be friends as adults because of this rift. They never spoke again after graduation. We all reconciled after my mother and grandparents passed, but all the people who needed that forgiveness and love were gone. It was my father who accepted them. I understand how things were in Ireland, but my great grandfather left Ireland at age four.

 

I'm sorry your grandfather (and the rest of the family) had to go through that, Asa. My grandparents told me about friends who had similar rifts with their families cause marrying someone of the 'wrong' religion. My paternal grandparents had the same religion, but fought about which church to go to instead.
Thankfully people are a bit more tolerant these days.

I wonder that too, but I don't expect to ever find out as my uncle won't talk and my grandparents passed a long time ago. We do have a few crazies in the family, but definitely not all of them (not even the majority), so I don't understand the decision to shun the entire family. Oh well. I just hope he's happy with his life's choices but if he ever regrets them, I'm open to getting to know him.

 

I would be the same way.

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In cases like what @MsLonelyHearts is talking about, the people I know who are voluntarily estranged from their families did it for mental health reasons so they could heal from past abuse, or because their parents don't accept them because they're LGBTQX, or because their parents are religious and they chose a different path. Society places so much weight on keeping family relationships, but if it is preventing you from functioning as a healthy person, move on. Try to build a strong network of chosen family, though. It's difficult to go through life without a support network. This will matter more and more as you get older.

 

I no-contacted my parents for 10 years, during my 20s—because of my mother.

For a few years after that, contact was sporadic. I was hypervigilant for any of the mental processes, words, engagement, and so on, that would indicate I would be at risk in making deeper contact.

I don’t really remember the point where my mother also became my friend.

She changed. I changed too. If you told me during the no-contact that this was possible, I wouldn’t have believed you. I would have told you it could not, and would not, happen.

I talk to my mother nearly every day—perhaps not for ~2 days in a month’s time. And it’s not a five- to ten-minute call. At least a half-hour, more typically an hour.

I’m at her house right now.

When I say friend, I mean if she was not my mother, I would still want to talk to her every day.

My mother types as INTP, and she types as an Enneagram Type 5.

I’m beyond fortunate. I never could have imagined this, but people (can) grow and change, and so changes the situation.

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My contact with my sister during that time was sparse, but I had no issue with her. We love each other very much.

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So my mother, my sister, and I are going to get a family photo tomorrow. I find this amusing:

mother, INTP, wearing a black dress
sister, INFJ, wearing a dress that looks like a Klimt on acid
me, ENFP, wearing a dress shirt of the purest, perfect pink.

Never Say Never,
Ian