Annoying, chatterbox, boring people!

[LearningSelfishness]

It really annoys me when people corner you at a social event and drone on and on about things you have zero interest in. Like unnecessary gossip about people you don't even know, constant 'I'm so great' comments (fishing for praise), details about their daily life that you don't need to know (mundane useless facts). They don't know how to zip it for even ten seconds let alone look for signs that I'm even interested. Honestly, I wish I could just disappear sometimes!

But the devils advocate in me feels guilty and I remain polite and just keep on listening(or at least pretend to). Sometimes I would like to care a lot less about hurting other people's feelings. It may be the death of me one day!

I just got home from a party where this happened... the silence now is amazing!

 

[Scientia]

I guess I am a bit more tolerant of people who need to talk. I don't find them annoying unless they exhibit negative traits such as racism or misogyny.

 

[INFJ16]

So you describe a bunch of different people and grouped them together. I get where you are coming from, but I also want to be fair to both sides involved.

It really annoys me when people corner you at a social event and drone on and on about things you have zero interest in.

Yeah, I get to the point in social settings where people nonstop talking to me grows tiresome especially if it's over something I deem superficial (like talking about hair dying for a few minutes is totally fine, but if it goes on for a half hour, I want to change topic).

Like unnecessary gossip about people you don't even know,

These are "the gossips." Some have bad intentions, some are indifferent to how their comments affect other people, and others have no idea they're doing anything wrong...It's just carrying out an interesting conversation to them.

constant 'I'm so great' comments (fishing for praise),

So these people are often super insecure. On one hand it makes me uncomfortable when I know someone is fishing for compliments, but on the other, I figure the person needs to hear something positive about themselves for whatever reason, and I will oblige as long as I don't have to lie. I also want to mention that a single conversation with someone is more of a snapshot of them in that moment rather than them as a whole. Most of us get in the mood to hear some nice things about ourselves from other people. We all crave a little external validation.

details about their daily life that you don't need to know (mundane useless facts).

Does all conversation have to be useful to you in someway? People like talking about themselves. It may not impact or help you to know where someone went out to lunch that day, but it's a way to keep the conversation going. Seemingly superficial or mundane comments about someone's day can lead to a deeper conversation. I.e. "You ate at Hibachi? I went there last week for my husband's birthday dinner."
Superficial/mundane conversation is necessary. It helps you establish a foundation for understanding the other person and how the communicate. After that deeper conversations can occur comfortably.

They don't know how to zip it for even ten seconds let alone look for signs that I'm even interested. Honestly, I wish I could just disappear sometimes!

Not everyone is good at listening or picking up on social cues. Plus, lots of people actually enjoy some of the aforementioned types of conversations.

But the devils advocate in me feels guilty and I remain polite and just keep on listening(or at least pretend to). Sometimes I would like to care a lot less about hurting other people's feelings. It may be the death of me one day!

Yep. As long as you don't want to be rude, you're going to have to deal with it. There are a lot of ways you can help things go better for you though: Politely excuse yourself because you absolutely need to talk to that person over there before they leave or you forget, change the conversation topic, ask questions that interest you, find (or make) an introverted friend , etc.

I just got home from a party where this happened... the silence now is amazing!

Silence at last! I know the feeling.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

^
A very insightful consideration.

What bugs me is when people can't read, or choose to ignore polite suggestions that their interjections aren't pertinent.

For example, if the discussion is getting interesting, and someone keeps derailing (irl verbal conversation), or interrupting, the polite process eventually gives way to actually engaging it directly.

A critical encouragement usually works. Eg: You really should take a course/class on that topic.

 

[invisible]

I like them because I find it difficult to be talkative in social situations. It may sound strange but I find this type of person to sometimes be an exceptionally loving, caring, generous, and accepting type of person who after dominating my attention, will want very much to contribute some aspect of extraordinary affection to me.

I think listening is a practice. Not a selection process. You get better at it by applying the skill. Not by withholding the skill. Some people are annoying, yes. Some of them have very shitty, annoying lives.

 

[ashishkk]

such things happen a lot ,I am used to it and always looking for new place to hangout ,it's more like finding my kind of place.

 

[Jet]

Then why even go to such gatherings?

How do you know they are the ines who can not pick up on your non verbal clues that you are bored or don't like the conversation. Maybe your body language is as poor as your verbal language at conveying your actual desire.

(All yous general not directed to OP)

 

[INFJ16]

Then why even go to such gatherings?

How do you know they are the ines who can not pick up on your non verbal clues that you are bored or don't like the conversation. Maybe your body language is as poor as your verbal language at conveying your actual desire.

(All yous general not directed to OP)

If you've never been obligated to attend a social gathering you knew would be unpleasant then you are very lucky indeed.

This is valid, but the issue isn't necessarily being bad with body language, but feeling the need to be polite and thus hiding body signals that would show boredom.

It's always possible to bail on a conversation though so I don't think of any of this as much of an issue.

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

When this happens to me I eventually ask if their mouth is tired. Usually, the answer is no, but by that time my ears are tired so I cut them off and lay them on a pillow and walk away. Hopefully, the chatterbox gets the hint.

Really though, I'll listen to a person indefinitely as long as I don't pick up on them being toxic in some way. When I'm "forced" to listen to someone go on and on, I don't always seek to contribute anything meaningful. Sometimes I'll smile and nod, or validate them in some way, "wow that must be tough," or "whoa that's impressive." Then I'll get in my car later and say, "that son of bitch did not stop flapping that fat face hole all f'ing night!"

If you're not social and your at a social event, having people blab at you is ok. You look like you belong, you may make a new friend, you may learn who to stay away from in the future, it could lead to a good time. The alternative is sitting in a corner by yourself farting into your own mouth like every other introvert does.

Listening to people is a good way to connect.

 

[acd]

We used to have an elderly neighbor over for dinner on Sundays. She talked nonstop and told the same stories over and over (drove me crazy at the time) but I loved her. She was a pistol and I would definitely sit through an evening of her storytelling again if I could. I wouldn't call her annoying or a chatterbox or boring though. Harsh! Some people just need to talk. Maybe some people feel annoyed by our silences.

 

[ihavenofriends]

It really annoys me when people corner you at a social event and drone on and on about things you have zero interest in. Like unnecessary gossip about people you don't even know, constant 'I'm so great' comments (fishing for praise), details about their daily life that you don't need to know (mundane useless facts). They don't know how to zip it for even ten seconds let alone look for signs that I'm even interested. Honestly, I wish I could just disappear sometimes!

But the devils advocate in me feels guilty and I remain polite and just keep on listening(or at least pretend to). Sometimes I would like to care a lot less about hurting other people's feelings. It may be the death of me one day!

I just got home from a party where this happened... the silence now is amazing!

it's weird because sometimes i zone out without even listening to them and they still keep fucking talking what the fuck

 

[Jet]

it's weird because sometimes i zone out without even listening to them and they still keep fucking talking what the fuck

Sometimes I zone out when talking to someone and they still keep fucking silent and don't engage in conversation or walk away what the fuck


I actually don't get pissed at people over that but I do zone out when talking sometimes.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Sometimes suspending interest and mental projects leaves enough space for fun and creativity. It doesn't matter what people are saying at those times, because there's still room for convivial games.

 

[LearningSelfishness]

I have to admit looking at my original post now, I feel I was a little harsh. To be honest, there is only really a handful of people in my life who set off this feeling in me. The similar trait between these people is the constant talk of other people negatively. They all have this innate need to bash others just to feel worthy and to prop themselves up on a pedestal.

I am aware this comes from a place of insecurity and approval seeking and I do feel bad for them because of it. Still, it doesn't stop me from feeling frustrated having to listen to it. It's impossible to steer the conversation away from such topics. I am also not very assertive and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, even if they are being ridiculous.

Here's an example. My father in law is jealous of my sister in laws family. They are financially well off and are professors. They have made a nice life for themselves and have worked hard. They are also some of the nicest people I know. My sister in law is a very close friend of mine too. Even though my father in law knows how close we are, he repeatedly talks about her and her family negatively when I'm around. He can be really mean and petty and will find anything to pick at. They eat too healthy, they are too 'book' smart, they can't work on there own cars, they make too many lists, they are too scheduled. I just think to myself 'why are we discussing this? None of this should have any effect on us!'.

It's these situations that I really struggle with, even when I'm not close friends with the person we're talking about.

 

[ihavenofriends]

Sometimes I zone out when talking to someone and they still keep fucking silent and don't engage in conversation or walk away what the fuck


I actually don't get pissed at people over that but I do zone out when talking sometimes.

thats just you being retarded honestly,its obvious if someone does not want to engage in conversation but to just try to continue it for the sake of it without taking the other person into perspective is rude

 

[Deleted member 10171]

On these occasions, I never allow myself to feel guilty - I interrupt them frequently with questions (so it actually feels like I'm having a two-way conversation with them rather than feeling like they're talking at me) - works wonders! Also when you speak up for the person/group that the person is gossiping about (ie presenting an opinion/view that they may not have thought about) - they generally don't know what to do with themselves. But I do agree....it's draining listening to people who just go on....me, me, me, me.....

 

[LearningSelfishness]

On these occasions, I never allow myself to feel guilty - I interrupt them frequently with questions (so it actually feels like I'm having a two-way conversation with them rather than feeling like they're talking at me) - works wonders! Also when you speak up for the person/group that the person is gossiping about (ie presenting an opinion/view that they may not have thought about) - they generally don't know what to do with themselves. But I do agree....it's draining listening to people who just go on....me, me, me, me.....

I hate though when you try to actually partake in the discussion to offer up other perspectives for someone to consider and they just fob you off and continue with their own very biased views. My own mother does this all the time to me. She sometimes treats me like a young kid who knows nothing about anything the second I disagree with her... So now I tend to keep my mouth shut while she rambles... it tends to be the most painless approach (not painfree but still.)

I think my fear of confrontation is at play a lot here... then I feel as though my own voice gets trapped, hence the internalised anger...

 

[Deleted member 10171]

I hate though when you try to actually partake in the discussion to offer up other perspectives for someone to consider and they just fob you off and continue with their own very biased views. My own mother does this all the time to me. She sometimes treats me like a young kid who knows nothing about anything the second I disagree with her... So now I tend to keep my mouth shut while she rambles... it tends to be the most painless approach (not painfree but still.)

I think my fear of confrontation is at play a lot here... then I feel as though my own voice gets trapped, hence the internalised anger...

Hi @LearningSelfishness
So there's no confusion, my post was in response to your original post (annoying people at party). I've only now read your no:14 post and understand the context is in relation to your parents/in-laws etc.

I think you already answered your own question. It sounds to me that your parents aren't receptive (or in a mature) place to listen to anyone apart from their own biased views. It's difficult to know what to do/say in these situations without knowing the dynamics of your relationship with your parents. I can imagine how incredibly frustrating it must be for you to be shut down - you clearly bring different perspectives which could potentially further discussions but it's clear you're not given the chance to do so (unless of course you behave like a bull in a china shop manner).

What does confrontation mean to you and what do you think will happen if you confronted them?

Relationships with immediate family members can be tricky. I have two sister-in-laws (on my side) who resent each other and in-laws (on husbands side) who play avoidant games....and somehow I end up in the middle listening to all their bickering. There are times when I simply need to listen and offer support (regardless of my time/energy and even when I may disagree with them), other times when I have to interject and challenge their words and other times when I just have to withdraw. I wonder if long-suffering is a trait associated with infj's - hmmmm...just thinking out loud.

 

[LearningSelfishness]

Hi @LearningSelfishness
So there's no confusion, my post was in response to your original post (annoying people at party). I've only now read your no:14 post and understand the context is in relation to your parents/in-laws etc.

I think you already answered your own question. It sounds to me that your parents aren't receptive (or in a mature) place to listen to anyone apart from their own biased views. It's difficult to know what to do/say in these situations without knowing the dynamics of your relationship with your parents. I can imagine how incredibly frustrating it must be for you to be shut down - you clearly bring different perspectives which could potentially further discussions but it's clear you're not given the chance to do so (unless of course you behave like a bull in a china shop manner).

What does confrontation mean to you and what do you think will happen if you confronted them?

Relationships with immediate family members can be tricky. I have two sister-in-laws (on my side) who resent each other and in-laws (on husbands side) who play avoidant games....and somehow I end up in the middle listening to all their bickering. There are times when I simply need to listen and offer support (regardless of my time/energy and even when I may disagree with them), other times when I have to interject and challenge their words and other times when I just have to withdraw. I wonder if long-suffering is a trait associated with infj's - hmmmm...just thinking out loud.

Oh sorry for the confusion there...

I know what you mean, people sometimes need to externalise their own frustrations which they don't know how to work through on their own. They just don't always consider how that can affect people around them (or in some cases, selfishness prevails). I think I need to try and be a little less invested in the subject matter of such conversations (including when people tend to be talking for the sake of talking) and just play my part in order to survive the event. Like you said, just listen and offer support, act interested and interject if I feel the need to stand up for something. I guess it will take some practice!

 

[ihavenofriends]

Oh sorry for the confusion there...

I know what you mean, people sometimes need to externalise their own frustrations which they don't know how to work through on their own. They just don't always consider how that can affect people around them (or in some cases, selfishness prevails). I think I need to try and be a little less invested in the subject matter of such conversations (including when people tend to be talking for the sake of talking) and just play my part in order to survive the event. Like you said, just listen and offer support, act interested and interject if I feel the need to stand up for something. I guess it will take some practice!

do you think you'd be more extroverted if people said interesting stuff rather than the chatterbox or something