[ENFP] - An ENFP falling for an INFJ; a tale of confusion, bliss and the missing link | INFJ Forum

[ENFP] An ENFP falling for an INFJ; a tale of confusion, bliss and the missing link

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Red, Feb 20, 2015.

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  1. Red

    Red Newbie

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    So, I'm completely lost, crazy about, depressed, obsessed, demoralized, empowered, devastated, and madly in love with an infj... I believe with all my heart that I love her(I don't use the word loosely, even if she decided to have a relationship with someone else I would still do anything for her), but sometimes i find it hard to know what she thinks of me... Sometimes i believe that she likes me and wants to have a relationship with me, and sometimes I feel like she is distancing herself from me. I try not to bring up my feelings for her because while she may be pleased to hear it at the time, for a while thereafter she becomes distant. I've noticed the distance has lessened over time but doesn't make it any less heart wrenching.

    And it hurts like hell... I lay awake at night wondering where I went wrong, why she is different and why I find it irresistible, questioning my motives, and general abdominal discomfort are all symptoms.(lets face it guys im an ENFP, gotta at least try to make ya smile.)

    I just need some help knowing if what I'm doing is right or ifit would be better for her if I just moved on to different pastures (a tactic I've tried without much satisfaction or happiness for me.)
     
  2. Erlian

    Erlian Community Member

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    What are you to each other?
    Are you dating?
    Are you friends?

    Are you close friends?
    Are you flirting occasionally?
    How long do you know her?

    I just googled 'over infatuation' and clicked one of the links. I think it could help you.
    http://beingridiculouslygoodatlife.blogspot.no/2013/05/dealing-with-infatuation-how-to-stop.html

    It will help you get over the excessive feelings and at the same time will give you a higher chance at winning her.
    You're not attractive if you do everything for her. Like the blog says, live your own life. Don't live hers. Be independent.
    Learn to be happy on your own and you'll be much more attractive.
     
  3. OP
    Red

    Red Newbie

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    At the moment we are really good friends, I've known her for about 4 years, I transferred to her high school and actually dated her for like 3 days in the first year before my adolescent tendencies pushed her away, ever since that point I've made it my goal to really understand her, which wasn't always easy, but i feel like I know her pretty well.

    As to that blog... HOLY SHIT... I had no idea... Well i thought it was a little unhealthy at times but i generally rebound, then we start reconnecting, we get close then either I want to much to soon, or she cuts me off(no longer access to her) or one as a result of the other.

    Its like driving up a hill on ice, you take it easy cause you know if you don't you'll spin out and slide back down the hill. But as i get higher and higher i begin to see the peak, and in a weak moment gas it... Which if youve never tried this i spinout and slide all the way to the bottom and hope i didnt soil myself in the process.
     
  4. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    This was my now ENFP husband as he described it to me years later. He was terrified to let me know and when he told me he said he wanted to be with me even if I wanted to see other people (he didn't know I was INFJ). At the time, the distance on my side was because my emotions were so overwhelming, I didn't want to show them. So, I distanced.

    Go for it. Sounds like you need to know.
     
  5. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    This is true. However, the thing that got me was that he showed me how much he felt. He was honest AND independent -had a great job and was super smart with a great sense of humor - and not afraid to take chances. He also wanted a monogamous relationship and was not a cheater. He was also very patient with the amount of time it took for me to decide that sex would occur the first time. All of these were very important for me to trust him.

    If you have all that.... well, hang on for the ride!
     
  6. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    .....yeah, well, good luck.

    I think she should know your feelings. Go for it :) I doubt you can move to any sort of other pastures at this point.

    At the same time, do not take distance as 100% of a fading interest-- we NEED our distance.

    Sorry x.x i do hope you will be well....
     
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  7. Dreamer91

    Dreamer91 Newbie

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    I wouldn't let her distance hurt you so much. I understand that it does but really, it shouldn't. We infj are like that sometimes. Sometimes we just need space to think or process or just daydream. It may not be about you at all :)

    Have you told her this hurts your feelings? I would want my so to tell me that. Maybe not in a dramatic or accusatory way, but just something like "is everything ok? Sometimes when xxxxx happens I wonder if I upset you -- should we talk about anything?" And see what she says. If you invite her to talk about a problem in a calm way she probably will. If she says it's not about you then it's not.

    Enfp are really outgoing and energetic people :). That's is awesome! But sometimes infj just need to recharge alone. Doesn't mean we don't like you:)
     
  8. Yva

    Yva Regular Poster

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    That's wonderful to hear a male express his feeling of love. Honesty is something all INFJ look for. Don't hold back how you feel, she can probably sense that your holding back something. Also what could be "moving on" to you would be like "abandonment" to her. Patience is key.
     
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