[INFJ] - All these masks... | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] All these masks...

TheFool

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Dec 13, 2018
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Anyone else find it exhausting and frustating that most of the people try to hide things from you? Like this social game everyone is used to where very rarely people actually say what they mean, nevertheless the truth.

I find these psychosocial masks that we are expected to bear to be the biggest obstacle why I can’t spend much time around people. If you don’t play along their game people get mad or start backstabbing you.

Maybe I am imagining it but since apps like facebook were launched, people have become increasingly untrustworthy.. You would expect the opposite since now hidden agendas can be exposed but what I see is that instead of becoming more honest people have stepped up with their games. Now there is hardly anything that is “real” and that is accepted as our new “reality”.


8TtMyu.gif
 
Anyone else find it exhausting and frustating that most of the people try to hide things from you? Like this social game everyone is used to where very rarely people actually say what they mean, nevertheless the truth.

I find these psychosocial masks that we are expected to bear to be the biggest obstacle why I can’t spend much time around people. If you don’t play along their game people get mad or start backstabbing you.

Maybe I am imagining it but since apps like facebook were launched, people have become increasingly untrustworthy.. You would expect the opposite since now hidden agendas can be exposed but what I see is that instead of becoming more honest people have stepped up with their games. Now there is hardly anything that is “real” and that is accepted as our new “reality”.


8TtMyu.gif
I was just scrolling through facebook and saw posts that project awesomeness and yet I know it was all a bluff. Sincerity and transparency is priceless nowadays. The best solution is to stay away from social media. Or don't believe it. Use it with a grain of salt. I use it to express ideas that I wish would change those who see them. Also, to make others seethe in envy just because... No seriously, use the medium for yourself and not to observe others.
 
I was just scrolling through facebook and saw posts that project awesomeness and yet I know it was all a bluff. Sincerity and transparency is priceless nowadays.

Unfortunately, sincerity and transparency can also be performative. Virtue signalling, anyone?

Social media is a breeding ground for reaction formation. I actually find it kind of comforting to look at it this way. People always want to put their best face forward. That's natural. Especially in this culture. You're expected to sell yourself. But when you see someone working super extra hard to project a certain image, harder than anyone else, it starts to ring a little hollow, doesn't it? A mask stops being a mask when you recognize it for what it is.

As for envy, I think a little bit of envy is healthy... if it awakens desires and motivation. If it gets you to realize: I could have this too. But yeah, when you know it's a bluff, it does the opposite. It's demotivating and overwhelming. Especially when the barrage is constant.
 
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hard to project a certain image, harder than anyone else, it starts to ring a little hollow, doesn't it?

YES!!!!!
little bit of envy
I want to use envy to get people to do the more important things, but I have learned repeatedly that if it doesn't interest their personal agenda, they'll pass up on it. Not all people are awesome, sadly so. When they're not, well there's not much i can do about. We are all barely awesome either way.
 
I want to use envy to get people to do the more important things, but I have learned repeatedly that if it doesn't interest their personal agenda, they'll pass up on it. Not all people are awesome, sadly so. When they're not, well there's not much i can do about. We are all barely awesome either way.

At the heart of it, we're all a bunch of insecurities and their coping mechanisms stacked together in a trenchcoat trying to figure out how to make ourselves happy. If you know what makes someone tick, what will make them happy, it's easier to motivate them.

Envy can be a motivator if it gently presses on what someone already wants (consciously or unconsciously) and feels deserving and capable of having. If the person wants something but doesn't feel worthy or capable of having it, envy is a sledgehammer. If someone doesn't want something, envy won't move them.
 
It has always been that way. It's just more in your face with social media. Check out Goffman's Presentation of Self in Everyday Life.

Imagine if we were all completely vulnerable with one another all the time. We'd be angels not humans.

Unless you're talking about something else. What hidden agendas are you seeing? I am not so much bothered by people wanting to convey themselves and their circumstances in the best light so long as they aren't hurting someone else to do it. I wouldn't put so much stock into social media interactions. And I would not expect so much honesty or openness from others who aren't close relations or friends.
 
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It has always been that way. It's just more in your face with social media. Check out Goffman's Presentation of Self in Everyday Life.

Imagine if we were all completely vulnerable with one another all the time. We'd be angels not humans.

Unless you're talking about something else. What hidden agendas are you seeing? I am not so much bothered by people wanting to convey themselves and their circumstances in the best light so long as they aren't hurting someone else to do it. I wouldn't put so much stock into social media interactions. And I would not expect so much honesty or openness from others who aren't close relations or friends.
I rather expect social media to be pretty much what it is. . a vast wilderness of misinformation and soap boxing of one kind or another. .I enjoy it for it's entertainment value. I have been known to stand on a box or two myself.
 
It has always been that way. It's just more in your face with social media. Check out Goffman's Presentation of Self in Everyday Life.

Imagine if we were all completely vulnerable with one another all the time. We'd be angels not humans.

Unless you're talking about something else. What hidden agendas are you seeing? I am not so much bothered by people wanting to convey themselves and their circumstances in the best light so long as they aren't hurting someone else to do it. I wouldn't put so much stock into social media interactions. And I would not expect so much honesty or openness from others who aren't close relations or friends.

I agree.

We all wear masks.

I expect few people treat their bosses the same way they treat family and friends.

We always adjust ourselves to try and paint better versions of ourselves to people.

Of course some people are better at it than others.

But its always been there. Its a part of human nature. To dislike it is to dislike our current culture which I wholeheartedly agree with.

We'll never have a perfect society where everyone is honest but we could at least move away from material, personal asthetics and celebrity worship and start celebration knowledge and accomplishment.

One can dream.
 
Anyone else find it exhausting and frustating that most of the people try to hide things from you? Like this social game everyone is used to where very rarely people actually say what they mean, nevertheless the truth.

I find these psychosocial masks that we are expected to bear to be the biggest obstacle why I can’t spend much time around people. If you don’t play along their game people get mad or start backstabbing you.

Maybe I am imagining it but since apps like facebook were launched, people have become increasingly untrustworthy.. You would expect the opposite since now hidden agendas can be exposed but what I see is that instead of becoming more honest people have stepped up with their games. Now there is hardly anything that is “real” and that is accepted as our new “reality”.


8TtMyu.gif

Yeah social media can be depressing sometimes, especially when you see people you actually know pretending to be something they're not. I've been trying to take a more positive/neutral approach to it. I think of it now as just a tool to either market yourself, or project yourself in some way. I think sometimes people feel like they need to project a certain false image because they've been taught that it's what they need to do (think about how many times you've been told to lie in job interviews, for example). I think if you're more honest about who you are, and what you want, it can attract the right people, which I think is what we all want at the end of the day. I think it takes some people a while to learn this, because when you're young, you're not always sure what you want/need.
 
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I guess what I mean is the selling part.. Yes it’s true, we have always put on our “best” for those we try to impress somehow. It is the human nature. But social media works like steroids to reinforce that kind of behavior.

For me when people presents themselves with these “sale pitchs” I smell bullshit and can’t take them seriously. It’s fine, it is how they want to live their lives. But it gets tiresome to see through people’s bullshit, especially if you are expected to play along because of your work and etc.

About showing your best to your boss, well that is why I chose self-employment. Ended up getting fired every job I had since I didn’t respect their “hierarchy”.
 
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I guess what I mean is the selling part.. Yes it’s true, we have always put on our “best” for those we try to impress somehow. It is the human nature. But social media works like steroids to reinforce that kind of behavior.

For me when people presents themselves with these “sale pitchs” I smell bullshit and can’t take them seriously. It’s fine, it is how they want to live their lives. But it gets tiresome to see through people’s bullshit, especially if you are expected to play along because of your work and etc.

About showing your best to your boss, well that is why I chose self-employment. Ended up getting fired every job I had since I didn’t respect their “hierarchy”.

I think a lot of people are as frustrated with it as you, but it's unfortunately our new reality and short of a cultural revolution, we have to develop ways to cope with it. A lot of people have a 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em' mentality about it. And others, like you and I, just choose to opt out.

What do you suppose bothers you most about this? Is it the fakery specifically or something else?
 
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That most people accept this fakery as a norm.

I bet that depression and other mental “issues” that we have today are not actually issues but natural reaction to all the bullshit that people are expected to accept and even to embrace. Of course people feel depressed when they can’t be true to themselves and be accepted as who they really are. But instead of seeing depression as a healthy reaction to something that is not unhealthy, meaning the constant fakery, depression is seen as a failure. it is only a failure to bear the mask of bullshit.

Just ranting here.. Gotta get some sleep so that I have the energy to deal with some more bullshit tomorrow. :sweatsmile:

I think a lot of people are as frustrated with it as you, but it's unfortunately our new reality and short of a cultural revolution, we have to develop ways to cope with it. A lot of people have a 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em' mentality about it. And others, like you and I, just choose to opt out.

What do you suppose bothers you most about this? Is it the fakery specifically or something else?
 
That most people accept this fakery as a norm.

I bet that depression and other mental “issues” that we have today are not actually issues but natural reaction to all the bullshit that people are expected to accept and even to embrace. Of course people feel depressed when they can’t be true to themselves and be accepted as who they really are. But instead of seeing depression as a healthy reaction to something that is not unhealthy, meaning the constant fakery, depression is seen as a failure. it is only a failure to bear the mask of bullshit.

Just ranting here.. Gotta get some sleep so that I have the energy to deal with some more bullshit tomorrow. :sweatsmile:

I would agree that social media probably does contribute a lot to the present day mental health epidemic. I don't think we were ever meant to be so plugged in and accessible all the time. There's no place to really retreat and just connect with other people without bringing some aspect of social media into it. We are so much more aware of everything going on in the world and everyone is watching us in turn. It's social pressure and information overload.

(That and staring at a screen for more than a minute can trigger the dopamine-seeking reward loop and down regulate the neurotransmitter, so as soon as you get back to the 'real world,' it's like you're crashing after a sugar high. We are a society of addicts sliding along the narcissistic spectrum like a piccolo)

That being said, I don't think that there was ever a time in human history where people were allowed to be themselves or fully accepted for who they were. Social stratification always existed in some shape or form at pretty much every level in society. 'Fakery' to fit in isn't anything new and it was once far more limited as to what kind of fake you got to be.

All things considered, society is the most tolerant it's ever been. You don't really have to conform to anything; you can always find a tribe and your preferred echo chamber of choice somewhere online. So paradoxically, people are also more themselves than ever.

Strange food for thought.


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Anyone else find it exhausting and frustating that most of the people try to hide things from you? Like this social game everyone is used to where very rarely people actually say what they mean, nevertheless the truth.

I find these psychosocial masks that we are expected to bear to be the biggest obstacle why I can’t spend much time around people. If you don’t play along their game people get mad or start backstabbing you.

I think this has been the case since forever and social media are only legitimising it in a more ostentatious fashion.

Dostoyevsky wrote The Idiot in 1869. The book is pretty much about what you're describing. I recommend reading it.

Maybe what bothers me in our current era is that fakeness seems more 'vulgar' than ever, if this makes sense. It's not even really subtle anymore. Perhaps this is precisely because the internet makes it so visible.
 
I think this has been the case since forever and social media are only legitimising it in a more ostentatious fashion.

Dostoyevsky wrote The Idiot in 1869. The book is pretty much about what you're describing. I recommend reading it.

Maybe what bothers me in our current era is that fakeness seems more 'vulgar' than ever, if this makes sense. It's not even really subtle anymore. Perhaps this is precisely because the internet makes it so visible.

I agree with this point on "The Idiot", it is an excellent illustration.
I also agree we all wear masks (some several layers of them), though people always used to seek validation in these ways. It's just that in our digital age, it became so "in your face".
From personal experience, I've come to understand that many people are propelled to act in this way by deep-seated insecurities, but eventually, they have to come to that awareness on their own. I am still quite bothered by this, but I try not to give it too much significance by limited use of social media and focusing instead on connections with close people.
Because, despite this being so dominant nowadays, in the end, we still have a choice to filter such social interactions (as much as it is possible) and not to allow that fakeness into our mind/life.
 
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