Ability to love
- Thread starter Soulful
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Self love involves willing good things for oneself.
Love of others involves willing good things for others.
It doesn't seem necessary that one love oneself in respect of material goods, in order to be able to materially love others. However, if the good one wills for others is an intellectual, emotional, interpersonal/relationship, spiritual, etc good - then it is necessary that one be receptive of these things, if one wish to share them.
How can you give friendship, if you are unwilling to accept friendship?
So yes, for all but material giving forms of love, some self love is necessary.
Love of others involves willing good things for others.
It doesn't seem necessary that one love oneself in respect of material goods, in order to be able to materially love others. However, if the good one wills for others is an intellectual, emotional, interpersonal/relationship, spiritual, etc good - then it is necessary that one be receptive of these things, if one wish to share them.
How can you give friendship, if you are unwilling to accept friendship?
So yes, for all but material giving forms of love, some self love is necessary.
Perhaps so.
When you judge yourself poorly, you will love others so as to make yourself seem to be of more value due to the fact that you love. As another example, take someone who joins a particular cause, not out of sincere belief in its goals, but due to a lacking in one's person. The desire to belong stems from an avoidance of being independent, which stems from low self-esteem, or lack of self love.
In these cases, there is a degree of contingency for your devotion on your own lack of self worth.
You are loving another to replace self-love, and thus it is not true love-for-other
When you judge yourself poorly, you will love others so as to make yourself seem to be of more value due to the fact that you love. As another example, take someone who joins a particular cause, not out of sincere belief in its goals, but due to a lacking in one's person. The desire to belong stems from an avoidance of being independent, which stems from low self-esteem, or lack of self love.
In these cases, there is a degree of contingency for your devotion on your own lack of self worth.
You are loving another to replace self-love, and thus it is not true love-for-other
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I think that it's possible to love others without loving yourself,
but the love just won't run as deep. There is always going to be a huge gap,
an emptiness inside. You are using life to numb yourself to the pain of the absence of love.
When you love yourself, you feel more full,
more willing to share love with others.
It will feel more natural for you,
You will feel more at peace with yourself,
especially if you can maintain a balance between the love for yourself,
and the love you give to others.
but the love just won't run as deep. There is always going to be a huge gap,
an emptiness inside. You are using life to numb yourself to the pain of the absence of love.
When you love yourself, you feel more full,
more willing to share love with others.
It will feel more natural for you,
You will feel more at peace with yourself,
especially if you can maintain a balance between the love for yourself,
and the love you give to others.
I agree, and the reason why is because if you don't love yourself the reason you are loving that other person is likely based on you attempting to validate yourself rather than you loving them for them. When I say love here I mean it in the romantic sense. I do believe you can love others as friends, parents, or children without loving yourself first.
I disagree. Not everyone seeks validation through interpersonal relationships.
I agree..
If you love yourself, you are capable of making yourself happy. If you are capable of being happy on your own, you don't have a barrage of demands for other people to meet to please you.
So then you are capable of truly enjoying and appreciating people for who they are instead of what they do for you.
What is illogical about that?
Also, and I might catch some flak for saying this, but people I have met who do not love themselves seem to be very self-absorbed and needy, with little to give.
And I don't mean that offensively, but it just seems to be the nature of the beast and it can change if the person is willing to work on healing.
A functional mutually reciprocal relationship isn't possible with someone who doesn't love themselves because it will always be about their insecurities.
But I define love as a relationship that nurtures and accepts and encourages.
If you love yourself, you are capable of making yourself happy. If you are capable of being happy on your own, you don't have a barrage of demands for other people to meet to please you.
So then you are capable of truly enjoying and appreciating people for who they are instead of what they do for you.
What is illogical about that?
Also, and I might catch some flak for saying this, but people I have met who do not love themselves seem to be very self-absorbed and needy, with little to give.
And I don't mean that offensively, but it just seems to be the nature of the beast and it can change if the person is willing to work on healing.
A functional mutually reciprocal relationship isn't possible with someone who doesn't love themselves because it will always be about their insecurities.
But I define love as a relationship that nurtures and accepts and encourages.
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I agree with what [MENTION=564]acd[/MENTION] said-
This is very important. If you love what someone does for you or how they make you feel I'm inclined to think that you are not loving them just for who they are. I think people who are not whole, who are unhappy with themselves and who don't love themselves have a tendency to place expectations on other people and form dependencies in order to fill the void. Sure, you can call it love if you want but it's generally not healthy and I think it can be unfair for the other person. That is, unless, they don't love themselves either. Then you can be co-dependent and unhealthy together.
This is very important. If you love what someone does for you or how they make you feel I'm inclined to think that you are not loving them just for who they are. I think people who are not whole, who are unhappy with themselves and who don't love themselves have a tendency to place expectations on other people and form dependencies in order to fill the void. Sure, you can call it love if you want but it's generally not healthy and I think it can be unfair for the other person. That is, unless, they don't love themselves either. Then you can be co-dependent and unhealthy together.
You can love others without loving yourself. You can love yourself and not others. You can love yourself and others.
The quote has merit. The more self-respect you have for yourself the more you can give others; however, you can love something for what it is and means to you without loving yourself. Some might say this is envy or inadequacy-based but I see it as a thing to fulfill in yourself (learn by example, in a nutshell) so one does start growing and self-loving.
All in all, I agree with [MENTION=564]acd[/MENTION], [MENTION=1834]Honey Badger[/MENTION], [MENTION=3096]Sonya[/MENTION], [MENTION=2873]Serenity[/MENTION], etc.
The quote has merit. The more self-respect you have for yourself the more you can give others; however, you can love something for what it is and means to you without loving yourself. Some might say this is envy or inadequacy-based but I see it as a thing to fulfill in yourself (learn by example, in a nutshell) so one does start growing and self-loving.
All in all, I agree with [MENTION=564]acd[/MENTION], [MENTION=1834]Honey Badger[/MENTION], [MENTION=3096]Sonya[/MENTION], [MENTION=2873]Serenity[/MENTION], etc.
First off, we are all unique. What's seemingly pssible for one may not be possible for someone else. Some can love others completely but only with strong and true self love. Others can love completely without loving themselves or using the person to validate or fill a need. Some people find it easier to give love than to receive.
Agree. Rather, I see loving someone as a reflection of who I am or my capacity to love, not a validation of a self which is needy for validation.
Yeah, although many don't seem to think this is possible. It is more than possible. It's the equivalent of saying you can't love and admire someone else's work or artistry because you are a bad artist or hate your own artistic talents or work.
Agree. Rather, I see loving someone as a reflection of who I am or my capacity to love, not a validation of a self which is needy for validation.
Yeah, although many don't seem to think this is possible. It is more than possible. It's the equivalent of saying you can't love and admire someone else's work or artistry because you are a bad artist or hate your own artistic talents or work.
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So the statement in the original post begs the question, do you love yourself?
Gotta murk that question, hang on...
Do you love yourself? 
Do you
love yourself?
>>>Stuffing question in a suitcase and dumping it on the side of the road.<<<
Questions along that line usually precede some judgmental, passive aggressive low-blow. However generalized the statement was in the OP, I can't help but hear the more commonly heard version of "How can you love someone if you don't even love yourself!"
What does that even mean ...love yourself?? Do you love yourself a little, a lot, some days, most days, when you're drunk, when you're cheating in Algebra class, when you're yelling at your grandma or killing the baby seals? It's too subjective, who really does? Anyone who does immediately arouses suspicion in me. Are you really qualified to make that judgment call for yourself? I know a handful of self-destructive/hating types that would answer that question with a "Hells f***in yeah!"
How would the statement, "It is only by loving yourself that you can truly love others" apply to someone like Charles Manson? Something tells me he has a healthy dose of self-love.
Would you agree/disagree with this statement:
"it is by loving others that you can truly love yourself"
Gotta murk that question, hang on...
Do you love yourself? Do you
love yourself?>>>Stuffing question in a suitcase and dumping it on the side of the road.<<<
Questions along that line usually precede some judgmental, passive aggressive low-blow. However generalized the statement was in the OP, I can't help but hear the more commonly heard version of "How can you love someone if you don't even love yourself!"
What does that even mean ...love yourself?? Do you love yourself a little, a lot, some days, most days, when you're drunk, when you're cheating in Algebra class, when you're yelling at your grandma or killing the baby seals? It's too subjective, who really does? Anyone who does immediately arouses suspicion in me. Are you really qualified to make that judgment call for yourself? I know a handful of self-destructive/hating types that would answer that question with a "Hells f***in yeah!"
How would the statement, "It is only by loving yourself that you can truly love others" apply to someone like Charles Manson? Something tells me he has a healthy dose of self-love.
Would you agree/disagree with this statement:
"it is by loving others that you can truly love yourself"
So it's impossible to spontaneously feel love toward another person without feeling a love of oneself?