Could you ever see yourself living the rest of your life being permanently single? No flings or anything. Sure, some friends of the opposite sex, but nothing intimate. Why or why not? If you did live your life this way, how do you think you would be different?
A Life Without Dating
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Yes. Not because I want to though. I've been single for 9 years now and I just can't imagine dating again for various reasons. I'm not super social, I'm awkward with new people, and the current dating scene sounds so stressful and insincere to me that I don't think that I could do it. However, I would love to meet someone for something serious. I just don't know if life has something like that planned out for me.
I think I just decided this will be my life. I won't be completely closed off to the idea but there is no way I want to date.
- Dec 29, 2009
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I think if you have been single that long, and you want to meet someone? You should try to find some social group or activity, maybe through work or friends to try to meet someone. I would normally say something like "you have to meet the world half way" but sometimes you have to do almost all of the work yourself. Don't just wait to see what life, may or may not have planned for you. If you are happy just being single, then I think that's fine, but if not? Then give it a whirl. Good luck with whatever you decide.
@Scientia - don't give up too soon, there must be a Yankees fan, who hates Springsteen, loves high heels, and wants to see Top Gun with you somewhere, watch out for the toes though, some of those guys have monster hairy feet...
You have a point there. I'm a person who prefers to wait, but of course those kind of things don't just happen magically. Hopefully I will be able to grow out of that soon!
- Dec 29, 2009
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I think maybe it's easier for men, society sort of has an unfair 'expectation' of ladies in the west, that they don't make the first move. I think that's b.s. though and there's no reason why a women shouldn't do so. I can guess most would probably act with a lot more grace than some of the guys I have seen. I know how you feel about the dating game, I am glacial in such things usually. Also since I had been in a relationship since my early 20's, so the prospect seems very daunting to go back to that. However 'faint heart ne'er won fair maiden and such'.
Whilst I am not scared of being on my own, I think I would be happier being with someone, and that despite my many awful, terrible, hideous faults, I could actually be very good for the right person. Provided they were a "Mets" fan..
I can imagine it, but it is never going to happen because it would not allow me to meet my needs as a human being.
I’d either be severely depressed, or dead from having suicided.
Cheers,
Ian
i just decided im better off alone. relationship sucks.
Yeah I could, but only if I became widowed. I love my husband and I am happy with him. But I wouldn't want to go through the dating routine again. I did a lot of it, and now the concept bores me. Besides, I don't feel I could replace who I have now and I wouldn't ever want to try. My bio time-clock has about ticked out, so I don't have that drive. I am comfortable on my own. I am not driven to seek out sex and can't see myself doing so if I were ever on my own again.
EDIT: And to answer the rest (how would I be different), I can't say exactly. I would probably only ever wear super comfy (read ugly/saggy) panties and I would be more reclusive.
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It’s not even the sex.
I think about how I could never hold someone’s hand again, or smell their hair, and the feeling I immediately get is so painful, so one of loss, so void...that would not be a life worth living for me. I would not want to live it.
This is just an imagination exercise, but if I actually imagine it I am distraught and in tears. No, I would renounce that life because that would not be life to me except as some kind of thing designed to break my heart, mind, spirit, and will.
It would be soul death. I would no longer be me.
No.
Added: Thinking of this triggers my deepest, core fear, and so that is why I react as I do. Death would be easier.
I think about how I could never hold someone’s hand again, or smell their hair, and the feeling I immediately get is so painful, so one of loss, so void...that would not be a life worth living for me. I would not want to live it.
This is just an imagination exercise, but if I actually imagine it I am distraught and in tears. No, I would renounce that life because that would not be life to me except as some kind of thing designed to break my heart, mind, spirit, and will.
It would be soul death. I would no longer be me.
No.
Added: Thinking of this triggers my deepest, core fear, and so that is why I react as I do. Death would be easier.
I think this every so often but I just end up back on tinder anyways.
I think as introverts who prefer being alone most of the time can say we won't, or don't need to date, but you are going to change your mind eventually.
I also am of the opinion that it's far too often we say we won't date not only because it's easy as fuck to say whatever you want, but because you're currently not feeling the emotions you had while in the best part of a relationship.
I also am of the opinion that it's far too often we say we won't date not only because it's easy as fuck to say whatever you want, but because you're currently not feeling the emotions you had while in the best part of a relationship.
I think this is especially true if you've, for example, just gotten out of a relationship (particularly a bad one), and are feeling sour about dating, and relationships in general. Emotions bias our thoughts.
Feelings can and do change, so even if dating might not hold any interest for me at present, I can't say with any certainty or conviction that this might not change somewhere down the road. One could swear off dating, and then meet someone amazing a year or however long later. Suddenly, that whole anti-dating preference mysteriously vanishes...
- Dec 29, 2009
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If that's what you want, and being single or alone makes you happy then that's a good choice. Some relationships do suck. Others ? They can be deep, wonderful, transformative and fulfilling. It takes work and commitment from both partners, but I think the rewards of love and understanding make it worth the risk and effort. For me personally, I have just gone through a horrible breakup. It has been crap. But I don't want to close myself from love, due to the risk of hurt and pain, no matter scared I am. I will be far more careful, and far more aware of the dangers, but I am not going to hide away from it.
Gradually in my own time, and in a prudent way, I will try again.
^^^^ These are the things we go into relationships for ^^^^
well... actually i was (still is, a bit sour and bitter on relationship topic) at the moment, i just gotten out from a relationship, which i thought i took my time (2 1/2 yrs before i decided to enter another, never had a relationship for 7yrs prior to that because my ex died) so.. well.. i dont know, maybe i have a curse or something, but im just done with it. i dont know until when, but for me, i'd rather just be single than suffer from it again.
- Dec 29, 2009
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Truly - I am very sorry to hear that, and I hope you find happiness, whether single or with someone. I don't think you have a curse, but I can understand why you would feel that way. Life is hard sometimes, but there is to my mind still those moments, when the world seems to come together and work ok. I think we all need more of those moments. Take Care.
It's not a tragedy or a waste to be alone. It's completely fine.
If I were to choose to live the rest of my life permanently single I would put a lot of effort into friendships - especially those people that already like me because of my flaws. It's the connection with others that is very important to me - and surprisingly to me and for which I am eternally grateful for - is the acceptance and connection that has been freely given to me on this site. I did the single thing for 2 or so years and I found it particularly difficult. But with work, routine, exercise regime, courses, spirituality, extended family, friends, alone hobbies - I managed - just. I'm hard wired for connection and if that isn't in the form of a partner, I actively seek it like my life depended on it. And it probably does.