18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating That You Have To Deal With | INFJ Forum

18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating That You Have To Deal With

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Jan 8, 2014
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This came across my newfeed- I had a laugh! What do you guys think about these truths? Have you experienced them?

1. The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested.

2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun.

3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two.

4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options.

5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren’t the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun/interesting than you on the table.

6. Someone who hurt you isn’t automatically going to have bad karma. At least not in the immediate future. I know it only seems fair, but sometimes people cheat and betray and move on happily while the person they left is in shambles.

7. The only difference between your actions being romantic and creepy is how attractive the other person finds you. That’s it, that’s all.

8. “Let’s chill” & “Wanna hang out?” are vague phrases that likely mean “let’s hookup” – and while you probably hate receiving them, they’re the common way to invite someone to spend time these days, and appear to be here to stay.

9. Some people just want to hookup and if you’re seeking more than sex, they won’t tell you that they’re the wrong person for you. At least, not until after they score your prize. While human decency is ideal, honesty isn’t mandatory.

10. The text message you sent went through. If they didn’t respond, it wasn’t because of malfunctioning phone carrier services.

11. So many people are scared of commitment and being official that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t. I’ve said it many times before, I’ll say it again — “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn’t cheating because, hey, you weren’t together together.

12. Social media creates new temptations and opportunities to cheat. The private messaging and options for subtle flirtation (e.g. liking of pictures) aren’t an excuse or validation for cheating, but they certainly increase the chances of it happening.

13. Social media can also create the illusion of having options, which leads to people looking at Facebook as an attractive people menu instead of a means of keeping contact with friends & family.

14. You aren’t likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too anxious, too nerdy, too nice, too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced.

15. Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point. These are equally terrifying concepts.

16. When dating, instead of expressing how they feel directly to you, a person is more likely to post a Facebook status or Instagram a Tumblr-esque photo of a sunset with a quote or song lyric of someone else’s words on it, and while it may not mention your name, it’s blatantly directed at you.

17. There are plenty of people who’ll have zero respect for your relationship and if they want the person you’re with, they’ll have no qualms with trying to overstep boundaries to get to ‘em. Girl code and guy code are wishful thinking and human code isn’t embedded in everyone.

18. If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and voilà, relationship over. The easy way out is far from the most considerate

http://thoughtcatalog.com/christopher-hudspeth/2014/04/18-ugly-truths-about-modern-dating-that-you-have-to-deal-with/#0o5mzSYmA2kbJ0ST.01


I think most of them are a bit universal with time...but I do think social media and texting are adding an interesting feature to dating. Communication is really interesting now...you send a text or a facebook message and wait for a reply. The longer it takes, the more you think they're not interested. Yet I had a girlfriend that said this guy was insta replying and it was like he was a 15 year old stalker boy- there's no right answer!!
 
Sitting around thinking about what may or may not happen cant be good. If you like someone, you like someone.
I know there’s a market for it but I honestly don’t understand the allure media that says, oh if he\she did this, this is what it means. You have to make sure your relationship is doing x, if its not there something wrong. There’s no way every relationship can fit into a box like that. Two people make it work or they don’t. They talk about it or they don’t. At some point they come home to each other every night or they don’t.
 
but I do think social media and texting are adding an interesting feature to dating. Communication is really interesting now...you send a text or a facebook message and wait for a reply. The longer it takes, the more you think they're not interested. Yet I had a girlfriend that said this guy was insta replying and it was like he was a 15 year old stalker boy- there's no right answer!!

I agree, social media/technology has warped the way we communicate in relationships. I don't think "set plans" are dead, however. Flaky people will be flaky, regardless of Facebook events. For me, "maybe" is I'm definitely interested and will go, but I need to make sure I have that time available first.
 
This is modern dating in America I suppose, which I've heard from guys who go there its all crazy and a "clarity of confusion".
 
This is modern dating in America I suppose, which I've heard from guys who go there its all crazy and a "clarity of confusion".

What's it like in Romania?
 
[video=youtube;yNPs3nkxAQI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNPs3nkxAQI&feature=share&list=UUNeCzet_WoNEaysTCgZSdkQ&utm_source=Victore+email+updates&utm_campaign=2ea8a4e5e4-fight_distraction_4_8_2014&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_10028804d6-2ea8a4e5e4-313889509&mc_cid=2ea8a4e5e4&mc_eid=76109c63b0[/video]
 
What's it like in Romania?

I don't know if its better or worse, but is certainly very different. It is more traditionaly aimed, if I coud say so.
"one night stands" are rarely happening here (except in specific places like brothels) and are considered not healthy and abnormal by the majority of population.
There is a expectency for marriage by society standards and taboos. Five years of friendship whihout a more "serious" commitment, its also not good.
And its all about a good reputantion here. There aren't "bad boys" here, or "bad girls", nor "sleeper's around". Just to give a example, if a guy like to flirt with girls constantly (especially if he is more mature in terms of age), he could earn a reputation of being not trustworthy. I've seen some videos on youtube, what guys do to girls on street and how they talk and other things. In Romania, you would have to be alone with the girl to do anything like that. On the streets, you would probably eat puches from a old woman, in case a man wouldn't be around.
Of course, this is accurate more for the simple population. Probably the high society, in rich people's circles, things are much more like in America.
 
2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun.

3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two.




these, I've especially never understood. i guess it's a power play. it just comes across as childish. But apparently, if you don't play hard to get or appear hard to get, then you're not much of a catch. ridiculously weird. Never understood these "rules."

And *14 is also a kicker.
 
Bring back the ancient scottish tradition of 'handfasting'!

A couple who fancy each other live together for an allotted period of time (traditionally a year and a day) with no expectations, no pressures and no bind

If after the time they still like each other then they stay together; if not they part amicably accepting that it wasn't supposed to be.....or if you were the highland chief and father of a woman who didn't end up marrying the son of a clan chief of a rival clan then you get a war band together and go and burn down some crofts and drive off their cattle

Hmmm....maybe it would be important to stress that a non committal and experimentally fun attitude is benefical to the experience so that no noses are put out of joint
 
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Hmm...yeah, many of these are sad.
I kind of wish I hadn't been exposed to The Game and such (not the rapper, he's a G)
 
To this list, I'll like to just add a damn lack of enthusiasm... where people are just commodities that can be taken off the shelf by just the click of a button
:m067:
 
I'm pretty sure if you changed the name of this list to problems with dating in the 20th century you'd only have to make moderate edits for accuracy, like how writing letter is going out of style and we'll all have to adjust to making phone calls as our primary means of communication over distance.
 
This came across my newfeed- I had a laugh! What do you guys think about these truths? Have you experienced them?



http://thoughtcatalog.com/christoph...at-you-have-to-deal-with/#0o5mzSYmA2kbJ0ST.01


I think most of them are a bit universal with time...but I do think social media and texting are adding an interesting feature to dating. Communication is really interesting now...you send a text or a facebook message and wait for a reply. The longer it takes, the more you think they're not interested. Yet I had a girlfriend that said this guy was insta replying and it was like he was a 15 year old stalker boy- there's no right answer!!

I could give a chapter and verse counter point to each of those points you know, although it was interesting to read them and I think whoever wrote them was writing from the heart. Do you think they are wounded though?

If you'd asked me about dating in my teens, even my late teens, like seventeen or eighteen, I'd have given you a very different picture of things to now in my mid thirties. That's because dating at that time is also a social mine field and lots of group dynamics are in play. I remember one of my friends whose relationship with his girlfriend lead to fraught dealings with his friends because they were convinced that the two were from different social circles in terms of popularity or status and shouldnt be together as a result. I would guess that this is pretty perrenial (before it happened I would have thought this was an "American" phenomenon, which shows my prejudice, it eventually broke down because they were from different religious communities and this being the north of ireland some pretty nasty menacies were involved).

The introductions of mobile phones and facebook does change things, although I've done it myself from time to time, and would characterise it now as a phase through which I've passed and wouldnt repeat, the quasi-OCD texting, awaiting replies etc. is a sort of techno induced neediness which I think is awful.

There's a story about overthinking someone told me the other day about two farmers, one has a new tractor and has asked the other to visit to see it, the guy sets out and thinking on his journey to the neighbouring farm about asking to borrow the tractor, then thinks what he will say when the guy says yes, if the guy says no etc. etc. until he gets to the farm and sees the farmer with his new tractor out in the drive but doesnt stop just drives by and shouts "Fuck you and your new tractor", the other farmer is left wondering what's going on there.

That's in play a lot and modern "hyperconnectedness" I think just ramps it up a lot.
 
Sitting around thinking about what may or may not happen cant be good. If you like someone, you like someone.
I know there’s a market for it but I honestly don’t understand the allure media that says, oh if he\she did this, this is what it means. You have to make sure your relationship is doing x, if its not there something wrong. There’s no way every relationship can fit into a box like that. Two people make it work or they don’t. They talk about it or they don’t. At some point they come home to each other every night or they don’t.

I think there's a problem in that people are under occupied, they dont have a lot going on, they invest everything in a single person and a single relationship with devastating results for all involved.