Are there any other INFJ's that do not naturally help other people. Im 26, male.
Infj Not A Helper
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In what context?
I can relate from a general point of view. I'm very ambitious lately, and that ambition and drive has me focused like none other, so I spend very little time in the company of others. The only help I generally give is assistance at work, because it is my contractual obligation.
I'm too self absorbed in my works (which I revel very little in before pursuing the next piece) to really give much of a damn about other people. My best friends and family are important obviously, but in public, I generally ignore people, and if I see someone in distress, I'm usually at odds whether to help because of my anxiety, which has me doing my deed (groceries, etc.) in a timely, orderly fashion so that I can get back home without a peep or as little human interaction as possible. If I'm in a good mood, and usually always, I am morally obligated to open doors for people, or to assist if someone has fallen, dropped something, et cetera. But if a mass shooting were to occur, I'd walk the other way, simply put. I'm not interested in further reproduction of our species, so I often see humanity in whole as a parasite, leeching, feeding, barely existing, so part of me doesn't give a shit. The other half of me, the protector, aims to give attention to the individual. The paradox has to do with empathetic overload and anxiety, the Fe, resulting in a lot of shutdown, and ultimately, ignoring people, because I simply can't afford to exert the energy. I need it for more important matters, the things that drive my existence, my passions.
I think I just figured it out. It's a means of protecting and preserving my own energy and empathy. Edit, to OP, for whatever it's worth to you, I'm 27, male.
I can relate from a general point of view. I'm very ambitious lately, and that ambition and drive has me focused like none other, so I spend very little time in the company of others. The only help I generally give is assistance at work, because it is my contractual obligation.
I'm too self absorbed in my works (which I revel very little in before pursuing the next piece) to really give much of a damn about other people. My best friends and family are important obviously, but in public, I generally ignore people, and if I see someone in distress, I'm usually at odds whether to help because of my anxiety, which has me doing my deed (groceries, etc.) in a timely, orderly fashion so that I can get back home without a peep or as little human interaction as possible. If I'm in a good mood, and usually always, I am morally obligated to open doors for people, or to assist if someone has fallen, dropped something, et cetera. But if a mass shooting were to occur, I'd walk the other way, simply put. I'm not interested in further reproduction of our species, so I often see humanity in whole as a parasite, leeching, feeding, barely existing, so part of me doesn't give a shit. The other half of me, the protector, aims to give attention to the individual. The paradox has to do with empathetic overload and anxiety, the Fe, resulting in a lot of shutdown, and ultimately, ignoring people, because I simply can't afford to exert the energy. I need it for more important matters, the things that drive my existence, my passions.
I think I just figured it out. It's a means of protecting and preserving my own energy and empathy. Edit, to OP, for whatever it's worth to you, I'm 27, male.
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I'm 28 female..
i help kids and poor people(homeless,beggars,orphans)
But funcional adults? No. I don't give any f*cks(sorry for the word)
I have my opinions though, whether or not they listen is up to them, but other than that, i don't care anymore.
i've learned that sometimes, being selfish is good.
i help kids and poor people(homeless,beggars,orphans)
But funcional adults? No. I don't give any f*cks(sorry for the word)
I have my opinions though, whether or not they listen is up to them, but other than that, i don't care anymore.
i've learned that sometimes, being selfish is good.
I found out I don't really help other people either, except when they specifically ask for help... (24, female)
I think it's not really in my nature. This doesn't mean I've never helped anyone before who didn't ask for help. It happened in some situations, but those were rare. It does make me feel bad occasionally.. :/
I think it's not really in my nature. This doesn't mean I've never helped anyone before who didn't ask for help. It happened in some situations, but those were rare. It does make me feel bad occasionally.. :/
- Sep 28, 2008
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I think it's sort of a misconception both as a type and also within the infj mind. Having a desire to help and actually following through on it are completely different. INFJs are counselors, not helpers. We don't cater to people, we simply offer an ear and the best advice we can muster up. We only do things when we are called upon. It's similar to how we don't naturally lead, but we will if we don't see it happening. We don't help, but we will if we don't see it happening. We don't fight but we will if we don't see it happening.
I believe it depends on the INFJ and stage in life. I see many young people's answers here. As with many young adults there is a phase where their personal life goals take presidence over the needs of others ... I'm approaching 50 and find I'm selective in counsel, guidance, helping, etc...as an older Empath, hyper sensitive to people, animals, and environment I've learned overtime how to differentiate between what is mine & what is theirs. Not all INFJ's I've been talking to are 'in tune' with their True Self...also many INFJ's I've talked to are not natural healer's rather they are natural seekers. I'm grateful to have found this site ...it has been quite productive in insights in the short time I've been aboard 
I can relate to this. In my youth, I was more of a natural seeker and never really helped anyone unless I had to. After finding "that place" within, helping others is natural and automatic. The "helping" takes on many forms. Listening, giving advice, holding doors, giving food, money, time, validation, hugs, etc...
Oh yeah, I'm 37, male and finally realized I had enough love for everyone shortly before my 29th birthday
This is very interesting Aaron, can you tell us more about your experiences and thoughts related to not helping others? It would be great to hear your ideas.
I mean... I kind of have to...? I feel incredibly horrible and guilty if I don't. I don't like other people feeling horrible, because it makes me feel horrible too. And I'm not just saying that. In order for me to be happy, people around me have to be happy, which makes things a little difficult. I'm typing this in between texting/listening to someone's bad day. Just sympathising with them and letting them vent. If I feel like I have advice to give, I'll give it. etc etc.
I help people fairly often, I think, whether I like it or not. I'm part of a volunteer group that gets called if the ambulance is delayed or wants/needs extra help. I've been to three of those calls already this week (that is an incredibly busy week though-- that's not EVERY week). Yesterday I was on my way to the lake with some friends, my buddy was driving and she lost control. The car ended up backwards (no one was hurt, and neither was the car!). I should be freaking out, right? Nope, I was completely chill because I knew I had to think for everyone else. So I calmed down my buddy and got her to get the car back onto our side of the road. It's weird, I'll be calm in a situation like that, but I'm a bottle of nerves the rest of the time. I honestly thing I had more anxiety BEFORE she lost control of the car. XP
So... I think it really does depend on the INFJ, as usual. Also I'm a 19 year old female ('cause everyone else was stating their age).
I help people fairly often, I think, whether I like it or not. I'm part of a volunteer group that gets called if the ambulance is delayed or wants/needs extra help. I've been to three of those calls already this week (that is an incredibly busy week though-- that's not EVERY week). Yesterday I was on my way to the lake with some friends, my buddy was driving and she lost control. The car ended up backwards (no one was hurt, and neither was the car!). I should be freaking out, right? Nope, I was completely chill because I knew I had to think for everyone else. So I calmed down my buddy and got her to get the car back onto our side of the road. It's weird, I'll be calm in a situation like that, but I'm a bottle of nerves the rest of the time. I honestly thing I had more anxiety BEFORE she lost control of the car. XP
So... I think it really does depend on the INFJ, as usual. Also I'm a 19 year old female ('cause everyone else was stating their age).
I was recently described as "extremely helpful" in a media release for my role in a project developed by a large organisation. I find that I've been overwhelmingly described by others as helpful, caring, thoughtful. I give my change to homeless people. I offer to help carry strangers' luggage up stairs. I contribute volunteer work to a cause that I truly believe in. My career choice was largely determined by a willingness to be helpful. I would say that I am probably the kind of person who most other people would consider to be a helpful person. Being helpful to others is fundamental to my ability to justify my existence in this world.
That's not to say that I'm universally helpful. If I can see that someone else has taken control of a situation, I'm more than happy to walk away. I'm not exactly the most outgoing individual and I don't have a lot of energy so I save it for occasions when I can be helpful. Sometimes I'm not helpful and I don't know why. These kinds of incidents bother me and I tend to spend a lot of time regretfully thinking about why I was not helpful, and trying to figure out how I can be more helpful in similar situations in future.
I don't necessarily blame anyone who is not helpful. There are many different ways of existing in this world. We have to do our best.
That's not to say that I'm universally helpful. If I can see that someone else has taken control of a situation, I'm more than happy to walk away. I'm not exactly the most outgoing individual and I don't have a lot of energy so I save it for occasions when I can be helpful. Sometimes I'm not helpful and I don't know why. These kinds of incidents bother me and I tend to spend a lot of time regretfully thinking about why I was not helpful, and trying to figure out how I can be more helpful in similar situations in future.
I don't necessarily blame anyone who is not helpful. There are many different ways of existing in this world. We have to do our best.
I mostly don't care about other people either. I'm more interested in trying to figure people out than actually caring about them.
I was trying to figure out how I relate to this, I knew that I did somehow.
Recently I read on Stellar Maze, "There is a place in every INFJ where they are so removed from this world and its petty miseries, that what you are actually seeing in many of them is a husk of sorts, it is not their true self."
I think that for some, that part is maybe the part that is not a helper ... the part that is so sick and disgusted with all the bullshit that it just wants to evacuate the scene and leave humanity to its beloved devices.
Recently I read on Stellar Maze, "There is a place in every INFJ where they are so removed from this world and its petty miseries, that what you are actually seeing in many of them is a husk of sorts, it is not their true self."
I think that for some, that part is maybe the part that is not a helper ... the part that is so sick and disgusted with all the bullshit that it just wants to evacuate the scene and leave humanity to its beloved devices.
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@invisible Probably 100% true. Find any person living their life in accordance with their true self and you will find a natural helper of sorts, regardless of type. We are hard wired to assist humanity in its survival in whatever way we are capable. To not have this drive in some capacity is to be broken of humanity.
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^^ Along the same lines:
Yesterday I was riding in a car past a university, and a woman with a smartphone was asking a police officer for directions. It made me think about how technology influences how "humane" people are. If we don't need each other, will we still be kind to each other?
Rage and bullying is a bigger problem in areas where we are less connected (internet, driving, crowds of strangers).
How helpful will we be if our society morphs to reflect how little we need each other?
I have a friend who "makes" us do a good deed and post photographic proof of our kindness on her FB page for her birthday. I think it is rad.
Yesterday I was riding in a car past a university, and a woman with a smartphone was asking a police officer for directions. It made me think about how technology influences how "humane" people are. If we don't need each other, will we still be kind to each other?
Rage and bullying is a bigger problem in areas where we are less connected (internet, driving, crowds of strangers).
How helpful will we be if our society morphs to reflect how little we need each other?
I have a friend who "makes" us do a good deed and post photographic proof of our kindness on her FB page for her birthday. I think it is rad.
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^^
My brother was telling me about theories of Raymond Kurtweil that in future humans will become more fragmented, with little parts of themselves everwhere like a cloud of water droplets integrated interactionally with other humans.
(Ermmm I think I described it properly... this may be completely irrelevant... I just thought it could potentially be of interest.)
My brother was telling me about theories of Raymond Kurtweil that in future humans will become more fragmented, with little parts of themselves everwhere like a cloud of water droplets integrated interactionally with other humans.
(Ermmm I think I described it properly... this may be completely irrelevant... I just thought it could potentially be of interest.)