[INFJ] Helping people understand your personality

I think it's about identifying how you fit in with other people. Be understood mainly with your actions as opposed to your explanations. Be experienced. That is a universal language.

I don't share who I am with new people because the responses are unpredictable. I have to see the potential for the person to be trustworthy first. I am very careful now about not being open with 90% of the people I know. I was going through a hard time and I tried being more open with more people a few years ago. I was betrayed, stalked, crushed on, was the subject of gossip and was given career opportunities. So, the result was a lot of positive but there was negative as well.

If you can suspend your fear, choose carefully and open up to the ones who seem trustworthy. Even if the person doesn't understand you, it is good practice to reveal yourself under certain circumstances a little at a time.

RosesAndViolets said:

Hello, fellow bloggers.

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Hello RosesAndViolets,

Welcome to the forum.

RosesAndViolets said:

I hope my question is simple yet descriptive enough to create some dialogue.

This is a personal problem that I don't think is related to my personality type, but I have a really hard time telling people about myself. Whenever people ask, I feel a pretty intense sense of panic as I try to quickly summarize things they may want to know about me.

I think I have thr logistical things down. The where and what checklist is covered. But telling people about how I am as a person is where I struggle.

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Personally, the "where and what checklist" is all I tend to concern myself with. You can try/struggle to explain the how, who, and why about yourself, but even if it's an excellent description, people's impression of you (how they think you are) is all they are going to really see or accept.

I think I'd like people to understand me, but I don't always understand myself or my motives. It seems impractical to even try to explain these things to someone else. Also, sometimes the perspective of an outsider can be more truthful of you than you are with yourself so you should be open to hearing the interpretation of others.

RosesAndViolets said:

I know that as an infj, quite a few in this community have a strong sense of being misunderstood. I guess my question is how have you guys explained your ways to people you're getting to know? I wish I could just send them a series of personality profiles, but that's clearly not how it works. I just want people to have a better understanding of how I am, and I'm wondering how others go about this.

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I've never tried explaining everything about myself to someone, but I doubt that would work. It depends on which aspects of yourself you want to explain. I think you may be looking at it in a perfectionistic way... you want to summarize and explain the most important parts of who you are... that's a lot of pressure for anyone. I suggest you take things a question at a time.
Don't burden yourself with the pressure of having to explain yourself to the world, but I understand that there will be certain people who you will very much want to understand you.
As people get to know you, ask questions, and spend time with you, their understanding of you develops more and more. If you find they are misunderstanding you, do your best to explain yourself, but if someone just can't adjust their view of you, then there's not much you can do.

The best way to help people understand you is to explain yourself the best way you know how. This will depend on your understanding of your self. The problem with that being we are imperfect and so are not always honest with ourselves or others. Ideally, the best people to spend your time and effort on are the people who accept and value you regardless of whether or not they understand you. Be careful who you open up to and invest a lot of thought and effort in. If someone doesn't want or care to understand you, then no manner of explanation will do you any good.

"I feel different, but I'm not sure it's just me or if I am just imagining it"~ INFJ