any INFJs with INFP siblings? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

any INFJs with INFP siblings?

My J and P are very close, so sometimes I swing into this state too...

Being in healthcare for so many yrs, I have learned to develope my Ne and Fi together well. It's sometimes overwealming, but it's the J I guess, that helps me stay detatched when someone dies. It helps me stay objective and rational. (working around dying people 5 days a week, well, it can get pretty taxing if you're not cut out to do the work).
 
My sister's an INFP, we're very close in age. On the whole, I admire her for many reasons, including her Ne, Fi abilities.. but sometimes, her temperament bugs the crap out of me. I'm unsure about my own type, but like a few INFJs here, I also wish she would confide in me more, and generally be more assertive in seeking me out - as in, "hey! you wanna do something?". I feel like she hides a lot of the time. She's also really shy and going through a lot, but she also keeps a lot to herself, and that bugs me. I wish she was more outgoing and dynamic, and took greater initiative.

I also dread having to do things with her that need to be planned. Example:

Me: Hey, mom asked us to do such and such
Her: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah. When do you want to do it?
Her: Oh I don't know
Me: (thinking: that's not an answer!!) Well how about tomorrow?
Her: Yeah, maybe
Me: Well if not tomorrow then maybe *-day
Her: I guess we could do it tomorrow
Me: Okay.... *pause, not wanting to ask the next thing* do you know what time might be good for you?
Her: I'm not sure
etc.
 
jlynnr said:
Well...I AM an INFP...and two of my very very very closest friends are INFJ. Feel free to ask me questions about how I interact with them....?
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Which is why I like you so much! :)
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WellNoWonder said:
I worded that incorrectly. Thanks. I think I should say she is able to erect boundaries more quickly because of her perceptions of people. Does this make sense?
Posted via Mobile Device
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Oh, that's interesting. I only know one INFP, my ex-bf. (I haven't known about mbti very long). He had one long relationship before me that sounded extremely drama filled... a woman with mental health issues who got into major problems... and he proudly stuck with her. I guess it must be a variation from typical infp-ness.
 
this is interesting!

I think I'm very extraverted for an INFP but when something is on my mind I also withdraw to solve that on my own. And other people really can't help me. Especialy when I have to make a decision. I need to connect with my inner values to know what feels best for me, to know my path and what I need to deciside to continue on my path. When other people give me there input (especially logical thinking) it confuses me. It happens a lot that other people try to convince me to take this decision because it is the most logical one and I'm like "yes yes you are right". But when I'm alone afterwards, I reconnect with my inner self and just Know that I have to take the other option because that is the right one for me :becky:

I also am very secretive about myself because I have the impression that nobody really seems to understand me. they do to a certain level, but they can never see the whole thing. Like I'm a stream of feelings and energy. You can't describe something that is ever changing and without bounderies. Trying to describe myself would mean I have to put walls around myself and than I'm only describing a part of me, never the whole think. Could you other INFP's relate to that?

Ow, I also asks a lot "are you ok" because I get the feeling that she/he is not ok. It is exactly like jlynnr said:
jlynnr said:
oh it appears like this and this and this has happened in their life, or they're reacting like this, or that's a weird thing to do...that would be me in my NOT ok state."
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And I get the reaction: "what are you talking about?? Ofcourse I'm alright!" I haven't figured out yet whether they are lying or I'm just wrong... A lot of times I asks this when I get a bad feeling when I'm around with them, mostly anxiety and therefore I'm not determined in me asking how they are because I actually don't want them to talk about it because than this feeling will grow inside of me and I don't want to feel it. Maybe I'm just dillusionate :loco:
 
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Soulful said:
My sister's an INFP, we're very close in age. On the whole, I admire her for many reasons, including her Ne, Fi abilities.. but sometimes, her temperament bugs the crap out of me. I'm unsure about my own type, but like a few INFJs here, I also wish she would confide in me more, and generally be more assertive in seeking me out - as in, "hey! you wanna do something?". I feel like she hides a lot of the time. She's also really shy and going through a lot, but she also keeps a lot to herself, and that bugs me. I wish she was more outgoing and dynamic, and took greater initiative.

I also dread having to do things with her that need to be planned. Example:

Me: Hey, mom asked us to do such and such
Her: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah. When do you want to do it?
Her: Oh I don't know
Me: (thinking: that's not an answer!!) Well how about tomorrow?
Her: Yeah, maybe
Me: Well if not tomorrow then maybe *-day
Her: I guess we could do it tomorrow
Me: Okay.... *pause, not wanting to ask the next thing* do you know what time might be good for you?
Her: I'm not sure
etc.
Click to expand...

gawd!!! This sounds just like my trying to pin down plans and specifics with my ISTP bf. :s

how can an INFJ not get annoyed with this? lol
 
My little sister is infp, and we really don't get along that much. We didn't speak for several years... now our relationship is...cautious. But she can really drive me nuts. But there is more behind our relationship issues than personality type. Nothing super dramatic, but just normal sibling family stuff.
 
Morgain said:
I also am very secretive about myself because I have the impression that nobody really seems to understand me. they do to a certain level, but they can never see the whole thing. Like I'm a stream of feelings and energy. You can't describe something that is ever changing and without bounderies. Trying to describe myself would mean I have to put walls around myself and than I'm only describing a part of me, never the whole think. Could you other INFP's relate to that?
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Ohhhh, hell yes.
happy0039.gif


Soulful said:
Me: Hey, mom asked us to do such and such
Her: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah. When do you want to do it?
Her: Oh I don't know
Me: (thinking: that's not an answer!!) Well how about tomorrow?
Her: Yeah, maybe
Me: Well if not tomorrow then maybe *-day
Her: I guess we could do it tomorrow
Me: Okay.... *pause, not wanting to ask the next thing* do you know what time might be good for you?
Her: I'm not sure
etc.
Click to expand...

Well see, that's your problem right there. :D

"I don't know" is most definitely an answer for an INFP, and it usually means one of two things.

Either we don't have any opinion on it either way so we feel like we can't make a decision on it (usually this is a bigger problem for those who haven't developed their Te, because they'll be making most of their decisions with Fi, so things will have to have some kind of personal value attached to it for them to make a decision), so whatever you decide is good for us.

Alternatively we do have an opinion on it but for whatever reason we're not comfortable with voicing that preference (often it might be because it feels like we'd be forcing our own choices on you, especially if for some reason we're getting the feeling from you that you only asked to be polite and that you have a particular preference of your own).
 
Soulful said:
I also dread having to do things with her that need to be planned. Example:

Me: Hey, mom asked us to do such and such
Her: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah. When do you want to do it?
Her: Oh I don't know
Me: (thinking: that's not an answer!!) Well how about tomorrow?
Her: Yeah, maybe
Me: Well if not tomorrow then maybe *-day
Her: I guess we could do it tomorrow
Me: Okay.... *pause, not wanting to ask the next thing* do you know what time might be good for you?
Her: I'm not sure
etc.
Click to expand...

I have two INFP friends who I did this dance with for years. We're all trying to be too affable. Eventually, I came up with a way around that dance.

Me: Do you want to do such and such at this specific time and date?
Them: I don't know, maybe.
Me: We don't have to do such and such.
Them: Okay, we can do such and such then.
-or-
Them: No, I can't do such and such then.

Seems to work like a charm.
 
My dad is INFP and we can relate a lot and we get along just fine as long as I just assume things will get done "whenever." It will always happen, but there is absolutely no time frame and as soon as I expect anything of that nature I can become frustrated pretty quickly. It has taught me patience.
 
DefectiveCreative said:
Ohhhh, hell yes.
happy0039.gif




Well see, that's your problem right there. :D

"I don't know" is most definitely an answer for an INFP, and it usually means one of two things.

Either we don't have any opinion on it either way so we feel like we can't make a decision on it (usually this is a bigger problem for those who haven't developed their Te, because they'll be making most of their decisions with Fi, so things will have to have some kind of personal value attached to it for them to make a decision), so whatever you decide is good for us.

Alternatively we do have an opinion on it but for whatever reason we're not comfortable with voicing that preference (often it might be because it feels like we'd be forcing our own choices on you, especially if for some reason we're getting the feeling from you that you only asked to be polite and that you have a particular preference of your own).
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SPOT on. Yes.

Although...I don't make decisions with Te, I optimize various processes (paper writing, darkroom, etc.) with Te. Decisions are Si (and a bit of Fi), which means I look at how I'm feeling right now and then reference how I felt the last time I was asked to do whatever, and then make a time judgement on how long it will take me to feel that state. Ex: watching a movie with family. Right now, I am really drained (like......REALLY REALLY REALLY drained....) and just need to relax. My sis wants me to watch a movie with her (this takes a lot of energy, cause she's a HUGE extrovert). Judging on my current condition, it will take me till tomorrow night to feel restored enough to do that (I told you, I'm really drained); that's when I told her I'll watch it with her.

I tend to use Si a lot for things, like navigation.

I also look a lot more J than the typical portrait of the INFP, because both of my parents are HARDCORE J and I had to learn to be in order to not die...I think Si and Te picked up a lot of that in various ways. I'll have to think about it.
 
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We are in the same house right now..

She is watching football and I am in the back room typing away and reading. It's still comforting though even though we haven't said two words to each other since our quick mall run earlier.
 
jlynnr said:
SPOT on. Yes.

Although...I don't make decisions with Te, I optimize various processes (paper writing, darkroom, etc.) with Te. Decisions are Si (and a bit of Fi), which means I look at how I'm feeling right now and then reference how I felt the last time I was asked to do whatever, and then make a time judgement on how long it will take me to feel that state. Ex: watching a movie with family. Right now, I am really drained (like......REALLY REALLY REALLY drained....) and just need to relax. My sis wants me to watch a movie with her (this takes a lot of energy, cause she's a HUGE extrovert). Judging on my current condition, it will take me till tomorrow night to feel restored enough to do that (I told you, I'm really drained); that's when I told her I'll watch it with her.

I tend to use Si a lot for things, like navigation.

I also look a lot more J than the typical portrait of the INFP, because both of my parents are HARDCORE J and I had to learn to be in order to not die...I think Si and Te picked up a lot of that in various ways. I'll have to think about it.
Click to expand...

Well Si is a perceiving process, not a judging one, so as far as the theory goes you can't actually make decisions with it, you can only use it to inform decisions that are then made with either the Thinking or the Feeling functions.

Which to me sounds just like what you were doing in your movie example, you used Si to reflect on previous experiences and then used those to inform a decision that was then made with one of the judging functions.

IMO that function was probably Te, because rather than making a decision about how you felt about watching a movie with your sister (the fact that the question you were asking yourself wasn't whether you wanted to watch a movie with your sister, but rather when you were going to watch it with her suggests that the feeling decision "I like watching movies with my sister." had already been made by that point), you instead made a decision about setting a particular time and date for watching that movie, and Te is all about categorising and ordering things and stuff like that.

And I wouldn't be at all surprised to hear that the "J" side of you is more developed than the norm because of your environment, my Ti is quite well developed for an INFP and that's largely because one of my closest friends is an INTP, and he pretty much trained me in how to improve my Ti (because my feeling based arguments kept getting on his nerves.
happy0039.gif
).
 
This is usually a trait of a more matured INfP. You're right though. We do create walls, but this only happens when a goal needs to be achievedz. Usually, I'm very open to meeting people of any background, but because I know that I do this too often, I recognize that when I overcommit, I don't really help anyone. So the end result is a conscious decision of only helping those who are willing to help themselves. It's a very painful decision that some INFP's have to go through, but it is a very enlightening one.

Also, my brother is an INfJ, and we have a very secretive relationship. My dad is ISTP, so he doesn't have the strength to tell either my brother or me anything serious. I'm only hurt by it, because he doesn't show trust, but I watch my brother hurt so much by my dads inability to plan things out or warn him. My brothers need for emotional structure is very much damaged, so I'm moving him in with me soon. My mom is ENFj and her controlling attitude is easy for me to work around, because its just a simple affirmation that she needs every once in a while, but again, my brother struggles with that a lot. She has a tendency of lying, and both my brother and I call her out on it. She of course, doesn't understand how she's the one doing wrong, but she accepts it eventually and doesn't bring it Up.

At the end of the day, my brother and I are extremely close, and we both share a lot of concerns and joy. I do admit that it is hard for me to be around him, because I want nothing more than the best for him, so I put myself in a lot of emotional fire, but he's worth it to me. And he is sensitive to the pain I pick up on, and has worked on simply being happier. I love him and the relationship we have.
 
DefectiveCreative said:
Ohhhh, hell yes.
happy0039.gif


Alternatively we do have an opinion on it but for whatever reason we're not comfortable with voicing that preference (often it might be because it feels like we'd be forcing our own choices on you, especially if for some reason we're getting the feeling from you that you only asked to be polite and that you have a particular preference of your own).
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yep, yep, yep. This is soooooo true. yep, yep, yep.
 
My sister's ISFP/INFP 50/50 split. She's like my best friend. I think it's a good sibling relationship. She's more artsy and go with the flow, whereas I'm the writer and super perfectionistic. So pretty stereotypical really. She keeps me in check though because her Fi balances out my Fe, which causes me to be hyperemotional and dramatic sometimes, and I keep her on her toes to get stuff done because she's always procrastinating and stuff. We have a pretty functional sibling relationship actually. It's also good because both our parents are ISTJ, and sometimes we can clash with their way of thinking, but her and I are closer to the same page the way we work.
 
I lost my job this week and was sobbing and an emotional mess when I came home. I decided to cook to release some energy and my fiance, who is infp, just continued to silently sit in the next room on the computer. I was very upset thinking he was being so distant when I really needed closeness at this time. When I returned to the next room I found he had been filling out job applications he knew I would excel at and enjoy simply to reduce my stress. The closeness came later, but he went straight to work remedying the problem. (He processed a solution internally, thus leaving me in the dark.) I was so glad I didn't rage on him and though I desire communication, it is a lesson in trust and patience.
 
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