Housemates... | INFJ Forum

Housemates...

blueflame

Regular Poster
Dec 22, 2008
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This is a new day and age. Some people feel comfortable living with people they are dating almost right away. I was thinking that it use to be considered a serious move in a relationship, but now I think maybe is has to do with having a "housemate". Is this a new concept I have never heard of before or am I just to old fashioned? Everyone has different preferences but isn't that a risky move to get a live in boyfriend/girlfriend a soon as you start dating...I would think that it would be harder to get out of a relationship (if necessary) when you live with the person, because there is more investment.
 
Living with a significant other before they truly become a significant other seems like a potentially messy proposition. What would happen to the living arrangement, or lease contract, in the event of a breakup? How awkward and stressful/painful would it be to live with someone you had broken up with? How much of a hassle would it be to have to move after a potentially short period of time, and to incur the costs associated with moving as well as breaking a lease and putting a deposit down on a new place? Add to that the potential emotional stress of learning how to manage an intimate relationship with a shift from the usual set of boundaries that living together would entail. For all intents and purposes related to financial, emotional, and physical needs, it just seems highly impractical.

To each their own, but it isn't something I would advise to new couples unless the above points didn't apply to them.
 
From the ones I've heard about, usually doesn't work very well. Many of these "test the waters" situations usually lead to someone taking advantage of the idea, especially if there is no real committment or long term interest in staying with the person.
 
"To each his own" is right, it makes me cringe at the thought, but that is just my point of view. Unless you just don't care about the outcome of the relationship or your have the ability to change your living situation hassle free, what would make someone reason with themselves it is a good idea?
 
Circumstance forced me to do so very early into a relationship. It was incredibly challenging and stressful, and looking back it's amazing that it worked out the way it did. When you don't have money for food and you're living out of a back-pack in public spaces, it's kinda hard not to accept an offer for a roof over your head. With debt payments taking up every pay-check, I didn't have many other options. It definitely made us stronger, but there is also the incentive for commitment that we realized we had after a couple of months. If we made it through everything that life threw at us, I don't have any reservations for the future. I think it only worked though because of the type of people we are, and the relationship that we developed very early on. Once I was able to get out from debt and actually pay for things it took even more stress out of the situation. The idea of living together became the accepted norm. It's weird not living together. That's the hardest part; after doing it for almost a year, moving out (again, due to circumstance) was very hard to do. I'm currently living back in the parent's house due to the inflated costs of grad-school tuition, but in nine months when it's done we're moving back in together for sure. I wouldn't have done it any other way.

TL;DR
I wouldn't recommend it early in a relationship, but sometimes it works marvelously for the individuals involved as long as there is open communication and each has their needs being met.
 
If you are a young person with no place to live that would be a perfect example of such a circumstance, but when you are both full fleged adults who could live anywhere you choose, it seems like you did just because you could or perhaps one person pressured the other into thinking it was a good idea.