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Deleted member 16771
2,000,000BC, 2020, what's the difference? lol
In my experience, they've gone tits up on too many occasions.
In my experience, they've gone tits up on too many occasions.
Pin
"Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart
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I told a young lady that she's not going to be happy if she actually wants love but just hooks-up with people in place of that.
I said she's got to be clear with men about her intentions or she's just going to fall for anything because she isn't clearly standing for anything.
I asked her if she believed in lifelong love. She said "Yes." So I said, "Then you've got to make it clear. That's my challenge for you."
I also ranted a little bit about how I generally try to be clear as possible and how I'm a no bullshit kind of guy and not really that nice either.
She stopped talking to me. That scum.
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Somnium
Community Member
I was so mesmerized by your story until the part you mentioned “married”. No, I’m not gonna say this as a hopeful sign for you, but the person’s actions really mean they feel connected to you. That’d be all butterflies and rainbows if not your romantic feeling towards them.
Well, some people are meant to be important to us, also the same people are possibly going to challenge our emotional the most, since liking someone is unconsciously making them part of you. The thing is, in order to respect yourself and them, where are you most likely to get? Also, I think it may be interesting for you to get to know more about their marriage in a certain way, not only to make you suffer, yet to make their feeling towards your friendship clearer to you. That being said, I guess you'll figure this out for yourself while considering your friend's side too.
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It's evident you know how wrong these interactions are by your focus on outside perception as to how you two act, so instead of slowly toning it down just
Beat that emotional affair down quickly with some enforced principles, oh yeah
Beat that emotional affair down quickly with some enforced principles, oh yeah
- Aug 21, 2015
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The opening paragraph is a common reaction to INFJs. In most cases, it is not reciprocated and it can be a false positive because one of the things we do well is understanding and adapting to the other. We're not being fake. We're sincere, but it doesn't mean there is a genuinely deep connection that goes two-ways. I'm telling you this so you know. In this case, the connection may be mutual.
The rest sounds like the INFJ's marriage is on the rocks.
Mature INFJs tend to be the loyal type and are deeply invested in their partners because they crave deep connection, not surface relationships. Immature/under-developed INFJs may be more devious.
The touching is the obvious behavior. That's flirtation. The rest may or may not have been flirtation, depending on the circumstances. For example, I would not call an INFJ staring at you a little too long (if you are friends) "flirtation". It could just be communication. Still, people flirt for many reasons that do not mean they actually want to go through with it. So, keep that in mind. It's everything wrapped up together and the vibes you are getting that tell you, and us, that the INFJ is interested.
Going forward....
To get over this crush: Create distance. Interact less. Acknowledge your contribution and change your ways. Encouraging people to talk about themselves creates a bond because people who are talking about themselves feel understood and accepted by the listener. It's a classic technique in dating. Stop doing that. Stop encouraging lengthy texts by texting short, polite replies that are not open-ended and don't encourage the conversation to continue. Don't look at the person who is trying to stare and wink. Move out of 'touching distance". It's fine to be friendly, and be polite, but subtle changes in behavior will give the "not interested" signal. If you get wrapped up in a conversation that is not work related ask about the INFJ's spouse. (Or change the subject.)
Be good to yourself and give yourself other healthy avenues for dopamine rushes, and make sure you care for the inevitable cortisol spike that occurs with heart ache. Find ways to occupy your time. Find avenues through the arts, science, religion, or whatever your interest is, to feel less alone and better understood in this world. When this virus subsides, spend time with other friends, particularly in situations (like parties) where you could meet new people. Ask those new people on dates.
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Do you also remember what happened in 1821?
Pin
"Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart
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Dude, I'm the first homosapien male. I've been around a long time.
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Deleted member 16771
Oh I thought you were conceived by mass shaman sacrifice?
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Deleted member 16771
I appreciate the INFJ insight on this. That's what I was hoping to get when I posted, especially in relation to questions 2 & 3. The INFJ, from everything I know and have seen so far, is a very principled person with strong morals. A lot more professional and collected than me, and definitely doesn't seem like the type to just up and leave a marriage, unless something was seriously wrong. That is mainly why I do not think the feelings are anything more than platonic on their end. But, regarding the 2nd question in my post, something that I can't get my head round... Naturally, the INFJ is an extremely observant and smart person. They psychoanalyse people in depth and share their observations with me, which are detailed, complex and often highly accurate. Not a lot gets past them, and they are always watching. Considering how intuitive they are, and how revealing some of my behaviour and nonverbal cues must be, I struggle to believe they haven't put 2+2 together yet or at least pondered over my feelings towards them? Personally, if I can tell someone likes me and I'm not interested in them or it is inappropriate for them to like me, I will make a conscious effort to start regulating my behaviour to make sure they don't misinterpret my actions as interest. I will speak to them less, try to keep conversations casual, won't tease/laugh as much, etc. INFJ is obviously not doing this. But after sleeping on this post and thinking some more, I'm finding it so hard to believe that they don't already know or suspect something. Ugh.
Which brings me to this:
I read on a different post that some INFJs get a lot of pleasure from knowing someone is into them. And that's that, they want nothing more to do with it, other than enjoying the attention. From my limited research on INFJs and my experience here I think this could be the most likely conclusion? What do you think? I think that could explain the behaviours such as messaging me often, and the winking etc, because they know the effect it has and enjoy the attention and reactions they get back?
Meh. I suppose asking these questions are pointless, because I'd never talk to them about my feelings, and I'm fairly certain they would never initiate the conversation either. But I like to know these things, and having browsed this forum over the past few days and reading posts from INFJs, I have yet again been astounded by the accuracy of MBTI. I also haven't exactly helped myself by reading about the INFJ/ENFP connection but everything I have read is just so scarily true... Which is why I wanted to hear some INFJ perspectives as it's the next best thing to outrightly asking them. I will try follow the advice you gave though - the spouse part especially I think is a good idea. I do find it strange that I know so much about the rest of their life already but barely anything about the spouse. I have tried, albeit feebly, to do some of your recommendations already, for example I will say that I'm putting my headphones in to get some work done and that I won't be talking, only for them to ask me for "help" 5 minutes later, and the "help" always seems to be dragged out a lot longer than it should be. Once the virus is over and we are back at work, I will endeavour to be more disciplined.
- Aug 21, 2015
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Caruso, you seem mature, thoughtful, and interesting.
I think INFJ must know. That said, if they want attention or connection, well, they are human. If the marriage is on the rocks, this INFJ may be acting on shadow mode or may be in the grip, too, so expect some non-INFJ behavior. You did share a connection and INFJ knows this even if you are rejecting it.
Personally: It's rare for me to have a connection with people, so I have a weird way of valuing that person to the extreme no matter the role they play in my life. So, that could be the case with others, too.
I'm not sure if this is an INFJ trait or a human trait. I definitely used to be this way when I was younger and had low self-esteem about my looks and value as a human. If someone had a crush on me I felt valued. I'm not proud of this. I see other people who are not INFJ feed their egos in the same way.
Good-looking people can have "beauty privilege" and get very comfortable with that privilege without even realizing it. It manifests in different ways.
It isn't pointless to learn how a watch functions even though you can still tell time without learning about the gears.
It sounds like this person is taking advantage of the work situation and that seems shadowy. Definitely keep politely reinforcing your boundaries.
I think INFJ must know. That said, if they want attention or connection, well, they are human. If the marriage is on the rocks, this INFJ may be acting on shadow mode or may be in the grip, too, so expect some non-INFJ behavior. You did share a connection and INFJ knows this even if you are rejecting it.
Personally: It's rare for me to have a connection with people, so I have a weird way of valuing that person to the extreme no matter the role they play in my life. So, that could be the case with others, too.
I'm not sure if this is an INFJ trait or a human trait. I definitely used to be this way when I was younger and had low self-esteem about my looks and value as a human. If someone had a crush on me I felt valued. I'm not proud of this. I see other people who are not INFJ feed their egos in the same way.
Good-looking people can have "beauty privilege" and get very comfortable with that privilege without even realizing it. It manifests in different ways.
It isn't pointless to learn how a watch functions even though you can still tell time without learning about the gears.
It sounds like this person is taking advantage of the work situation and that seems shadowy. Definitely keep politely reinforcing your boundaries.
Pin
"Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart
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I will have more descendants than Genghis Khan.
Pin is right tbf, but for decidedly un-Catholic reasons.
I think you're very consistent. After all, your views regarding the sexes are pretty medieval, as per my signature.
Pin
"Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart
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Your expression when you see how strong your army has become
Why did it take this long for people to break out the 40k memes.
I'm disappointed, especially in you @Deleted member 16771 since I know you're British.