What is the secret to falling out of love? | Page 4 | INFJ Forum

What is the secret to falling out of love?

Zero Angel said:
In my experience it's harder to move on than it seems. I'd say its more of a deliberate 'freezing of the heart', where even though we can appear to have moved on fully, theres still a small part of us that misses it -- because the INFJ doesnt like to be 'strung' along, he thus hardens himself against the possibility of being used, and tries to move on. Sometimes it works to the extent where we can dial down our feeligns, but there will always be a little something there -- and it hurts when we dig down and access it.

That's been my experience anyways!
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You know what's crazy. I thought he'd totally moved on (he's dating another woman and it's getting pretty serious) and I was the one that couldn't figure out the secret to just...getting...over...it.

Well, I finally figured it out. I let my Ti work overtime and do some serious maintenance on my Fi. I let the emotions run their course, processed them in as healthy a way as possible and finally convinced my heart that it was over.

So... he recently looked me up again. (Something I keep telling him is a bad idea.) I'm done, but it seems he's not 100% done. He appeared to move on, but he said he continues to feel an empathic pull toward me and he can't figure out how he could have such a strong connection to two different women at the same time. I indicated that since this new love of his is the future for him he really should be concentrating all of his focus there. It's not fair to keep looking back, and I gave him total permission to essentially ditch me (which, oddly enough, were in his words entirely what he needed - permission).

I know I've changed his life forever, just like he changed mine. But now that I've done my grieving (and believe me, it was some hardcore crappity crap crap) it seems he's far more in stasis than I am. And I didn't even do it by jumping the next love train, I just let it go.

I was really resentful of his moving on so quickly, but it appears I was wrong - he actually didn't. Now I feel bad that he's in a relationship in which they're 'perfect for each other' and he's still missing me. And while I appreciate the memories of the past, I don't miss him at all.

I never thought I'd say this in love, but NT - ftw!
 
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Yeah if he's trying to contact you that means he hasnt completely moved on.

Anyways, at least the suckage is over and done with. You guys said what you needed to say. Glad it worked out.
 
I try to occasionally reel out a few stale crouton excuses for soggy bait but I seem to make their flinching eyes spit so I decide to pity their judgmental pity and wing relief with a bad fall out boy breakup song full of detox but not self-pity.
 
Soulful said:
Interesting and well-said!
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For me, it’s a process initiated by a thought, action or idea. I realized that no one will ever come close to God’s love for me so I don’t see the point in allowing humans too close. I like things about them and I’m required by biblical standards to love them as Christ loves, but aside from that, I don’t care or get close. If I happened to get close, the love of God encompasses my heart so all else becomes easily disposable.

S.N.S.
 
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As an INFJ, I usually cut off the relationship before I feel too deep about the said person. It’s very easy if the person is not genuine or manipulative.

But if I let them in and it’s too late, I guess I will hold on as long there is a possibility to have the relationship. Eventually it’ll fade away if the love is not reciprocated.

And other thing:
Distraction + new projects + new environment + people in need for your help = excellent painkiller.
 
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dragulagu said:
Nope (and yes)
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But Jesus.

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Pin said:
We have much to learn from Christ, especially when trying to quench our thirst for infinite love with instant gratification.
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Pin, the bible was written for the community back then. It doesn't have that much impact in our current time.
 
dragulagu said:
Pin, the bible was written for the community back then. It doesn't have that much impact in our current time.
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Not all of it is limited to the past, there's lots of timeless stuff in there. For example, the ten commandments, Christ's parables, the examples of David and Joseph. It didn't do much for me until I really learned the stories.
dragulagu said:
PS: you still have to write the buddy text for me, roast me bro.
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I'll get to it eventually but I need to interact with you more. The time will come.
 
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