[INFJ] Loosing yourself in a relationship

Yeah! What @Wyote Ze Coyote has said!

What I notice in some couples—not all though— is that they become so entangled with each other that one person or both persons in the relationship never puts enough time to put their own interests in their own hobbies; especially with friends, work, etc, etc.

Being an INFJ, I can immediately attest to this because I have seen this with my own good friends in real life—male and female. It’s quite easy to start becoming into the aspects of your partner and is quite psychological, many studies looked into this. And sometimes, my friends literally discarded what they used to love doing.

Before some of my friends have entered their current relationships, they have their own activities and pursuits as a single person; they were literally their own person! But as soon they became involved with their partner more over time, they started integrating a loooott of the majority of their time with their partner, and funny thing is that I would notice that some of my friends would also adopt their partner’s behavior and characteristics, even their texting styles! It’s the oddest thing hahaha! But not so great because the moment if a separation ever ensues, it is more difficult to recover because you literally have put all the focus on one person; hence why some people feel as if they “lost” themselves in the relationship and now they have to recover themselves back.

So, do your own passions and interests. Make sure to stay the person you were before getting serious with someone. It’s understandable that you start adopting some styles and behaviors like your partner, but don’t get to the point where you lose yourself.

The right person would accept you no matter what, differences and all. Being too dependent on someone never ends well.

TheFool said:

I agree what you said Jenny and I have been that person that you described.. It took quite a long time for me to recover myself after we separated but it was also because we have two daughters. The harder part was to accept that I no longer had a core family..

I have always done things for others and it feels almost selfish to focus on myself. But I have recognized the lack of self-value that I am currently working on it. Saying “No” has such an empowering effect and I am going to keep on saying it more often. It feels good to allow myself to set boundaries and to storage the energy for myself.

Thank you for your sincere reply!

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You’re very welcome!

TheFool said:

I have always done things for others and it feels almost selfish to focus on myself. But I have recognized the lack of self-value that I am currently working on it. Saying “No” has such an empowering effect and I am going to keep on saying it more often. It feels good to allow myself to set boundaries and to storage the energy for myself.

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I think you are taking the right approach. No shame in saying "no" — on the contrary, it is fundamental

I think that after a while, it will begin to feel more natural. Good luck!