[INFJ] - Any of you really really hate yourself? | Page 4 | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Any of you really really hate yourself?

I do not hate myself constantly, however sometimes I do reproach myself when I disappoint myself, and that happens when I behave in a way that isn't in line with who I am.

Also, there were times where I was unkind to myself because it was the only way I saw at the time to justify the pain or hurt I was going through, and give meaning to the injury I suffered from someone I was vulnerable with at the time. The important thing for me was being able to move past it, and it is a lot of hard work.

@HelloItsMe would you say that your hate for self stems from feelings of regret when you walk away from a social settings? Does it make it better when someone other than yourself confirms to you that you did all the right things in that situation?
 
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I hate myself a lot. Like for years the main words repeatedly going round my head are 'i hate myself, i hate myself', 'stay away from people', 'im sorry'. I know loads of people dont like themselves/hate themselves, but do any of you feel it really strongly?

Every time I socialise, I can't help but go out when the plan is easy - fomo? - and i also cant help but talk usually, I sound confident probably, I sound like I like myself probably. Then the second I walk away this shitting dread comes along, 'fuck, fuck, what have you done, why did you talk again? why cant you just keep quiet? you worded things the wrong way, you talked about the wrong things, you must've been annoying people, get over yourself, i hate myself, i hate myself' - and that's every day of my life.

I know others must feel the same way, I just never get to talk to people who feel it as strongly as me, I guess its personal and/or people might be too nervous to talk about something like that. I think the purpose of this post is to try to start a conversation, people who feel this way might need it too. Why do we feel it this strongly? Are we as bad as we think we are? Why do you think you hate yourself so much? Is it obvious to you? Why do you think other people don't hate themselves as much? Is there any way to run away from this feeling? I'm tired.

I can relate to you a lot; your life sounds miserable.

I quit assuming that everyone was better than me. Look at the hard facts, I mean listen to people. See who they really are, ~sans expensive clothes. Probably average SJs.

Choose your own success metric; you don't have to follow society's template of success.
 
I used to do that a lot too. But that inner critic just gives way to a void. Then you are just spiraling, stuck. It never builds anything. It doesn't make you better. It doesn't teach you anything. It's not even correct in it's assessment of you. It just keeps you low. What if you tried an experiment; challenge the hateful inner voice with a more helpful and supportive one? When you start to get into a self loathing session try to drown that voice out or counter it with one that says things like, "You're doing fine!" "Those people seemed to like hanging out with you." Etc., Etc. Maybe it can become a habit as you start to nudge that hostile inner voice aside. Might feel weird to do at first but I recommend if you try it that you stick with it and it will get easier. You probably wouldn't say those negative things to one of your friends so practice saying more supportive things to yourself.

Honestly other people are usually going through their own stuff and I'd bet they don't spend nearly as much time or energy picking you apart as you may think... Or as you may do to yourself.
 
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I do not hate myself constantly, however sometimes I do reproach myself when I disappoint myself, and that happens when I behave in a way that isn't in line with who I am.

Also, there were times where I was unkind to myself because it was the only way I saw at the time to justify the pain or hurt I was going through, and give meaning to the injury I suffered from someone I was vulnerable with at the time. The important thing for me was being able to move past it, and it is a lot of hard work.

@HelloItsMe would you say that your hate for self stems from feelings of regret when you walk away from a social settings? Does it make it better when someone other than yourself confirms to you that you did all the right things in that situation?

In response to your first bit, I try hard to notice when I do wrong, like when I've genuinely been thoughtless and not realised how a situation really was. Like you say, that happens when you behave in a way that isn't in line with who you are, I'm usually one to notice these things and yes like you would be disappointed in myself.

To the second thing, it is the only thing that makes sense. It does justify how I'm feeling, but I also don't understand why I would feel this way if it wasn't true. My friends seem to like me and treat me the same as all the other friends. Of course I come across people I don't match great with, but my close friends never give me reasons to feel and think the way I do, but I think it anyway. I also feel guilty, me stressing constantly about annoying them and saying the wrong thing when theyve shown me so much love, its offensive for them really. I have never expressed these thoughts to them, they don't know I'm thinking it.

To the third thing, it is intense regret. It has never ever helped when someone has tried to say I did the right things, I just think they aren't reading the situation right. I've spoken to friends about how I feel about other friends, without talking about how I feel the same way about interactions with them too. I just tell myself they don't know the peope land the friendship I have with them well enough. I hate that I say things too quick, things I could've thought through and said in a better way, like in regards to humour for example. People say weird stuff and that makes them funny, comedians stand out because they say stuff others don't. Im not a comedian but that's the sort of thing I can relate it to, the things people say that others might not think of is what makes them, them and unique. I guess maybe my issue is about sense of self. Dammit I don't feel like a valid person, if I was I would just talk and it would be OK because I'd know I was just me and that people would've told me if I was acting wrong.

Sorry for rambling, you don't have to reply
 
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I hated myself and my life growing up due to many frustrations. I had no grasp on what my purpose was.

As an adult I find that eliminating as much stress as possible is very helpful. Also I try to avoid using the word hate. Negativity breeds negative thoughts and outcomes.

@infinite dreams @Asa
:heartu:
Did you find yourself going backwards at times? There was a period of time about 3 years ago where I had some realisation and everyones place in the world and how important everyones unique qualities were. The main realisation was probably regarding me, I had always appreciated others but at that point I suddenly thought, damn, I, >> I! << have a place, I make things happen, there are good things I make happen, I can do things some people can't. It might have been when I learnt more about MBTI. I feel like I've lost that now. I don't know where that sense of purpose went or why.
 
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Not all the time but more than what's probably considered healthy. I'm just so over my own BS that at this point of my life I wish somebody could see through and call me out on it because obviously I am not an effective critic of myself.
 
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Not all the time but more than what's probably considered healthy. I'm just so over my own BS that at this point of my life I wish somebody could see through and call me out on it because obviously I am not an effective critic of myself.

Stop with all your bullshit. You're perfectly imperfect.
 
I hate myself a lot. Like for years the main words repeatedly going round my head are 'i hate myself, i hate myself', 'stay away from people', 'im sorry'. I know loads of people dont like themselves/hate themselves, but do any of you feel it really strongly?

Every time I socialise, I can't help but go out when the plan is easy - fomo? - and i also cant help but talk usually, I sound confident probably, I sound like I like myself probably. Then the second I walk away this shitting dread comes along, 'fuck, fuck, what have you done, why did you talk again? why cant you just keep quiet? you worded things the wrong way, you talked about the wrong things, you must've been annoying people, get over yourself, i hate myself, i hate myself' - and that's every day of my life.

I know others must feel the same way, I just never get to talk to people who feel it as strongly as me, I guess its personal and/or people might be too nervous to talk about something like that. I think the purpose of this post is to try to start a conversation, people who feel this way might need it too. Why do we feel it this strongly? Are we as bad as we think we are? Why do you think you hate yourself so much? Is it obvious to you? Why do you think other people don't hate themselves as much? Is there any way to run away from this feeling? I'm tired.

Whats the cause? Are you conscientious, are you experiencing boundary violations, do you keep letting people down? Or is it a combination of all three?
 
My youngest memories of myself are of me crying into my Mom’s lap and telling her I hated myself.
I tried to break my arm in the 3rd grade to get out of school by jumping off the toilet in the bathroom with my wrist wedged into the coat rack hanger...it didn’t work. :(
I was born clinically depressed.
Tired to die at 19.
Have been able to keep depression/anxiety at bay the past few years amazingly for the first time in my life with meditation and safe/therapeutic use of entheogens.
Much love to you.
PM me if you want to talk more in depth.
 
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Yeah I share this tendency. I'm not sure where it stems from, but it's like a mix of being overly critical of things that can't be changed, and too focused on external validation. It's something I battle on a daily basis, like ruminating on some stupid thing I said years ago or obsessively replaying some interaction in my head for the millionth time.

Yep, yep, yep, me too!

I'm not talking about hating being alive at all, just myself. Did you ever feel differently? At times when I've had a big break, like a 2 week holiday where I'm not even socialising with my best friends much, I am able to feel the way you do. But the moment I get back to people the same thoughts come back. It's so hard to work out what is my problem and what isn't. I know it's not others problem, so that leaves me.

I struggle with this as well. It doesn't matter whether others think well or ok of me, it's what's inside my head. I think it's difficult to understand for many people, because many people think you can rationalize your mind out of thinking these thoughts and it's not always that simple.

I would feel fine one minute, and then feel like the worst person in the world once I left a situation. Being self conscious is a huge thing for me, and causes some social anxiety. Although things have gotten better, I still struggle with a few social situations where I feel out of place. I often feel as if I need a little more space than most to rewind from a lot of social interaction or my mind will go a little haywire with negative thinking. And it's not something that can be brushed off.

That's really great. What did you need to do? At the moment I feel like the only way I wont have as much of these thoughts is if I build a life where I can stay away from people forever- which is giving into the thoughts, not getting rid of them.

I used to think that staying away from people would make things easier, but the thought just made me feel more alone. I think it came down to realizing that I need to find quiet moments for myself away from the noise and the crowds, so I can breathe, feel renewed, and learn to calm myself. I think it also helps if I tell myself the issues are mine, not anyone else's.
 
No, I don't hate myself.

But I used to, oh how I did.

It took a while to get the level of self-love and contentment I have now towards myself--- through lots of deep reflection and realizations, and of course, trial and error. Insecurity, doubt, alienation, and deep loathing were altogether my frequent sources of dark company throughout my adolescence. It wasn't until I was 20 when I started to treat myself with kindness and care.

It was a difficult process mainly because I had a lot of inner work and soul-searching I needed to focus on; however, I am proud to have gotten where I am---I still have my moments of insecurity, but it is a lot more easier to snap out of those pesky negative thoughts and come back to reality.
 
Woooow... nobody actually hate themselves I totally imagine a pussy masturbating reading those posts. Clinically depressed? Most of people would stop hating a person if they knew he's a pussy and feel sorry for him. You would like that person that you hate would be hated by everybody that you wouldn't be awkward one. LOOK AT ME, I can't even have 100likes on this post really ''I don't make sense", I can't write anything normal enough. I'm not enough for things at all. I will try in the future probably.