What is a normal amount of jealousy or control in a relationship? | Page 4 | INFJ Forum

What is a normal amount of jealousy or control in a relationship?

Lurk said:
http://outofthefog.website/
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Jealous behavior is annoying, but what people actually dislike is being with someone who is worth less than they thought. That is what jealousy really is.
 
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Free said:
Could you expand on this thought?
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When people are jealous, it's human nature for the other person to value the jealous person less.

People will easily believe that jealousy is about love for a specific person, but in reality it's about the jealous person feeling like he/she has little options, or feeling incomplete without the other. Both being factors we human animals will devalue each other by.
 
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Lady Jolanda said:
Emperor @Pin, no one is a finished product. Each and every one of us are forever a work in progress. There is always room for improvement. You know how you get there? Inspiration. Incentive. Setting examples. Not by fault finding. In fact, acceptance is required for love. Only once we feel accepted, we feel motivated to rise up.
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Ok, here's where I'm confused: if you're fine dandy and acceptable, why rise up? Why improve? Where's does this incentive to become better come from?
 
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Lady Jolanda said:
Each and every one of us are forever a work in progress. There is always room for improvement. You know how you get there? Inspiration.
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Lady Jolanda said:
In fact, acceptance is required for love. Only once we feel accepted, we feel motivated to rise up.
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ruji said:
in reality it's about the jealous person feeling like he/she has little options, or feeling incomplete without the other.
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So if you improve/increase people's ability to see more options or make them more independant (self complete), in theory they could become less naturally prone to jealousy

:hmm:
:m123:
 
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Wyote said:
So if you improve/increase people's ability to see more options or make them more independant (self complete), in theory they could become less naturally prone to jealousy

:hmm:
:m123:
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I don't like having too many options. They make it hard to choose. It can make you feel free, but you never know how your choice can influence you further down the road. In the end, you could be forced to stand still because you have so many options. I don't see how this could make you less jealous.

Independence wouldn't make you less prone to jealousy, because you can be independent and still stand on your own, fearing loneliness and being left to envy other people's connections. Considering that you have self-worth would be something else to take into account, if you'll let me add this little nuance.
 
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Pin said:
I don't find constructive criticism demeaning, hell, it's doing you a favor. If someone is willing to continue to criticize you, especially after you've failed a million times, they probably love you.
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Pin said:
Ok, here's where I'm confused: if you're fine dandy and acceptable, why rise up? Why improve? Where's does this incentive to become better come from?
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Pin, I agree with you that human beings are always potentials capable of improvement. Try to take your own example, and imagine this virtual path of improvement that you have. The path is not linear, but it has a certain logic to itself. Not all kinds of criticism are going to contribute to your progress along this path. Some kinds of criticism may in fact distract you from it. And this latter kind of criticism might well be the type selected by the jealous person, because if a jealous person manages to weaken your confidence, that is, slow down (rather than accelerate) your progress along that path of improvement, they will gain more control over you.

That's the logic. Not all criticism is constructive, and it's important to have the sense of self-worth to distinguish the constructive from the destructive kinds.
 
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Ginny said:
you could be forced to stand still because you have so many options
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Indeed it's that ole cheese problem. It's better to place only a few types of cheeses out for people to buy because when you give them a hundred options at the store they won't buy it.
We like constrictions to an extent. The illusion of choice is very comforting, as is the illusion of independence.
 
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Ren said:
963def428fad93c4be0a36503af6f73c--eng-college-life.jpg
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Well, your life is. Mine is awesome and totally free because I haven't been outside ever and I only talk to my lampshade and imaginary projections of people on the internet :smiley:
 
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Wyote said:
Well, your life is. Mine is awesome and totally free because I haven't been outside ever and I only talk to my lampshade and imaginary projections of people on the internet :smiley:
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You do that too!?
 
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Wyote said:
Well, your life is. Mine is awesome and totally free because I haven't been outside ever and I only talk to my lampshade and imaginary projections of people on the internet :smiley:
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Are you me? Oh wait...
 
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