INFJ's and Asking for Help

People don't always want to help. For those who struggle with denial, this can be a major deterrent when asking others for help.

When asking for help from certain people one must always know that the possibility of being denied is very real. Though that possibility hinges on who you are asking and in what context.

If you ask a teacher's assistant for help with your English paper you will most likely be helped. If you were to ask a complete stranger to help with your English paper you would most likely get a funny look.

To ask for help is to put yourself in the hands of another which can be very hard to do at times. But remember, the worst than can happen is you will be denied help. If that happens just ask someone else, preferably a close friend, family member, or professional.

There is always help to be given. You just need to look in the right place.

I often will not ask for help. I might if it is a friend I know I can count on but most often I won't ask at all. I don't because of the possibility of someone saying no. Them saying no feels like rejection to me and I struggle with rejection. When someone says no it is the same as saying I'm not important and that hurts me. So I avoid it. I know that is not the case and most often people have perfectly good reasons for saying they can't help. I usually start by saying don't worry if you can't or no pressure I understand because I don't want pitty and feel better giving the person an easy out. I just prefer not to need or ask anyone for help.

After all the struggles these past 4 years, I found myself not only have major depression, but also avoidant disorder. I don’t know how to overcome it as I can’t afford theraphy and now it gets much worse, maybe in my worst state. I’m starting to think it’s okay not to have friends at all, not to get married, not to get a job as long as I can thrift, and the most recent thought; its okay to die this young.

However, when APD itself is caused mainly because of fear of critics/rejections, I’m isolating myself from the world because I think sooner or later I’m gonna avoid those people repeatedly anyway, why bother building/keeping a friendship with them? Though I’m also sensitive to critics in harsh/offensive language.

I have tried everything by myself; get a job, socialize, regular exercise, etc. None of them was effective in my case. I didn’t try pursuating a hobby as I don’t have any hobby/passion at the moment due to my depression. I’m not suicidal, but I have to admit that I’m just waiting for ‘my time’.

Well as an extremely turbulent INFJ... I snuggle with asking for help. I thought it was my pride. But no, I have recently discovered it's guilt. I feel guilty for putting myself in a position where I need help. I feel guilty for not having everything in control, in order, and taken care of. It's a form of being scared of conflict and judgement. I am aware that it is my fault that I need the help. I should have done better. I also know that they may see it that way, and proceed to tell me so. Which I could go into panic mode then because it feels like that person disapproves, and that is one of my biggest triggers. To have someone mad at me, disapprove of me, not like me, hurt by me, etc... That can send me into a panic attack. Sometimes if the conflict is enough, a full blown, hyperventilating attack.

So, my avoidance of (or extreme dislike of) asking for help is indeed a defense mechanism. I don't want it to be that way. I just have to try and develop myself more.

Yes, I am in therapy.

I struggle with asking for help, as people usually tend to build up the boundary wall then, "This is oh too much for me. Sorry. Please keep your bullshit to yourself." So I don't really bother asking for help anymore. Still, I'm there for even these "boundary people" ... preaching water, drinking wine.