INFJ's and Asking for Help | INFJ Forum

INFJ's and Asking for Help

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  1. Like it or not, everyone experiences a time in their lives where they may need to call on others for help. From big events like moving to a new home or the loss of a job, to smaller events such needs a little help sometimes. While needing help from others at times may be a universal experience, different personality types feel very differently about the prospect of asking for help.

    As an INFJ, you are likely to face some specific challenges and opportunities when it comes to asking for help. Let’s discuss some examples below.

    Where Do INFJ's Struggle?

    Advocates (INFJ's) are natural helpers, and many devote themselves to helping professions and community service activities. While noble, this tendency can cause trouble for them when they refuse to ask for help when they truly need it. Our research shows that Advocates struggle with asking for help because they are:
    • More comfortable helping others than receiving help;
    • Reluctant to ask for help, even when they really need it;
    • Upset that they cannot help everyone; Advocates (especially Turbulent ones with 91% in agreement) are the most likely personality type to feel this way.
    Most Advocates feel an obligation to help those who are less successful, not passing up an opportunity to do so if they can. However, they should also allow others to help them. Turbulent Advocates in particular are likely to have difficulties here, both being afraid of appearing weak and feeling helpless more often than many other types.

    Opportunities

    But now these days are gone and I’m not so self-assured. Now I find I’ve changed my mind, I’ve opened up the doors.” – The Beatles “Help!”

    Advocates (INFJ's) can benefit a lot from learning to ask others for help and working towards overcoming their fear of becoming a burden to others. By taking advantage of their strengths and the connections that they make when helping others, Advocates can:
    • Feel comfortable knowing that others will be more than willing to help them when they need it;
    • Understand that many people will not view helping them as a burden and may actually wish to return some of the many favors that Advocates have provided;
    • Use their many strengths and talents to continue helping others in need instead of getting overwhelmed with life’s many challenges.
    How do you feel about asking for help from others? Do you believe that improving this skill would be useful, or is it just a waste of time?


    Source: 16Personalities/INFJ

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Comments

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  1. April
    Well as an extremely turbulent INFJ... I snuggle with asking for help. I thought it was my pride. But no, I have recently discovered it's guilt. I feel guilty for putting myself in a position where I need help. I feel guilty for not having everything in control, in order, and taken care of. It's a form of being scared of conflict and judgement. I am aware that it is my fault that I need the help. I should have done better. I also know that they may see it that way, and proceed to tell me so. Which I could go into panic mode then because it feels like that person disapproves, and that is one of my biggest triggers. To have someone mad at me, disapprove of me, not like me, hurt by me, etc... That can send me into a panic attack. Sometimes if the conflict is enough, a full blown, hyperventilating attack.

    So, my avoidance of (or extreme dislike of) asking for help is indeed a defense mechanism. I don't want it to be that way. I just have to try and develop myself more.

    Yes, I am in therapy. :p
      RonjaRaeubertochter likes this.
  2. RonjaRaeubertochter
    I struggle with asking for help, as people usually tend to build up the boundary wall then, "This is oh too much for me. Sorry. Please keep your bullshit to yourself." So I don't really bother asking for help anymore. Still, I'm there for even these "boundary people" ... preaching water, drinking wine.
      Gaze and Free like this.
    1. Free
      It's the same for myself, even when pushing my own limits and capabilities. I think that's a habit for our type, always being there for others with whatever help they need, and always pulling back when we ourselves need help.

      Sometimes this can lead to resentment within others and for others. Sometimes an INFJ will become hurt because another person failed to recognize help was needed. Other times, we can be seen as self - alienating from our peers.
    2. Free
      In high-stress settings, I think it's important to know where the breaking point is, and also to realize that by not asking for help, at work we're not working as a team. At home with family or friends, we're excluding those that would actually want to be there for us Just like we were for them.
      Misadventure likes this.
    3. Free
      Misadventure likes this.
  3. Wyote
    If you are not able to receive help from those around you, you are denying them the same sense of comfort you get by being able to help those same people
      Misadventure and Free like this.
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    2. Free
      You know, you just hit on something. Maybe it's less about being uncomfortable about burdening others and more about being uncomfortable relinquishing the glass... Like what if you drop my glass? Hmpht! That was a very delicate glass asshole! :p (just chewing in the thought, don't mind me)
      Misadventure and Wyote like this.
    3. Wyote
      It is difficult to trust people with fragile things
    4. Free
      Yes it is. Especially with glasses. <3
      Misadventure, Chiwhtsx and Wyote like this.