I am a male INFJ, my wife an ENFP. We are Christians. We are compatible according to the charts. When our postitives click it is a good as perfect, but when our negatives clash it can be bad. Any one else in a marriage like ours? Any advice on making the marriage better?
Male INFJ Female ENFP
- Thread starter JudahPrayzeGod
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Well, the science of personality type says that your minds are wired exactly opposite of one another. This provides an amazing amount of fascination, but can also provide a lot of frustration because people inherently expect others to think like themselves. INFJs and ENFPs think exactly inverted to one another, so you're going to have to learn how the other one thinks to avoid this frustration. Once you can do that, you'll be able to admire one another in these moments that are currently frustrating you.
The best advice I can give you is to learn about your types, and how your minds are designed, and from there build on the respect and admiration you have for your differences because these things make you a perfect compliment, able to cover each others' weaknesses. And when it is all said and done, isn't this really what the partnership of marriage is all about?
Here is a quick summary of what I am talking about.
As an INFJ your first instinct is to look for the answer (Introverted Intuition, abbreviated Ni).
As an ENFP her first instinct is to look for the possibilities (Extroverted Intuition, abbreviated Ne).
As an INFJ your second instinct is to focus on how you feel things should be (Extroverted Feeling, abbreviated Fe).
As an ENFP her second instinct is to focus on how she feels about it (Introverted Feeling, abbreviated Fi).
As an INFJ your next instinct is to figure out how it works by examining the little picture (Introverted Thinking, abbreviated Ti).
As an ENFP her next instinct is to understand how it relates by taking in the big picture (Extroverted Thinking, abbreviated Te).
As an INFJ your last instinct is to focus on being in the moment (Extroverted Sensing, abbreviated Se).
As an ENFP her last instinct is to focus on how things used to be (Introverted Sensing, abbreviated Si).
I hope this helps. INFJs and ENFPs have amazing chemistry mentally, emotionally, and physically... especially once they can learn to admire each other for their different, but seemingly similar, approaches to life.
The best advice I can give you is to learn about your types, and how your minds are designed, and from there build on the respect and admiration you have for your differences because these things make you a perfect compliment, able to cover each others' weaknesses. And when it is all said and done, isn't this really what the partnership of marriage is all about?
Here is a quick summary of what I am talking about.
As an INFJ your first instinct is to look for the answer (Introverted Intuition, abbreviated Ni).
As an ENFP her first instinct is to look for the possibilities (Extroverted Intuition, abbreviated Ne).
As an INFJ your second instinct is to focus on how you feel things should be (Extroverted Feeling, abbreviated Fe).
As an ENFP her second instinct is to focus on how she feels about it (Introverted Feeling, abbreviated Fi).
As an INFJ your next instinct is to figure out how it works by examining the little picture (Introverted Thinking, abbreviated Ti).
As an ENFP her next instinct is to understand how it relates by taking in the big picture (Extroverted Thinking, abbreviated Te).
As an INFJ your last instinct is to focus on being in the moment (Extroverted Sensing, abbreviated Se).
As an ENFP her last instinct is to focus on how things used to be (Introverted Sensing, abbreviated Si).
I hope this helps. INFJs and ENFPs have amazing chemistry mentally, emotionally, and physically... especially once they can learn to admire each other for their different, but seemingly similar, approaches to life.
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I've been dating an ENFP girl for about a year now, it has been challenging but rewarding.
When it works it's great and we have this almost psychic connection, we intuitively
know what each other is thinking and feeling. But when conflict arises it can be infernal
and the fights are epic.
The relation brings awful lot of a conflict but there is also a positive contrast.
We support each others weaknesses (IxxJ and ExxP) and also share the NF idealism.
Our differences can be benefical when there is appreciation from both sides.
INFJ = Ni Fe Ti Se
- Ne is her external perceiving function, it replaces part of my fragile Se.
It's easy for her to bring external stimulation, new contacts, the lightness
and relaxation that IJ's often lack.
- Fi is her internal decision making function, it supports my fickle Ti. Being with
her has improved my subjective judging function which is not related to big picture.
It has enabled me to have more clear sense of identity.
ENFP = Ne Fi Te Si
- Ni is my internal perceiving function, it replaces part of her sloppy Si. I'm much
more grounded than she and with me she can safely drift around because
after she gets bored I'm her safe haven and she has something stable to rely on.
I bring the sense of continuity that EP's often lacks.
- Fe is my external decision making function, it supports her unstable Te.
her commitment with limits and rules can be pretty unsatisfacting, and I
often have to encourage her to put her feelings aside and to do what is supposed
to do to get things done.
I'm not saying it will work with every INFJ ENFP coupling because there is bunch
of other traits than MBTI which impact our personality.
I'm sx/so/sp variant on enneagram, it sometimes makes me thrill-seeking
wreckhead experience junkie which is adverse to INFJ stereotype. I'm also very
ambiverted and J/P borderline case, this meshes well with qualities of ENFP.
She gives me the most of the external input I need, but it could be too much for an
extreme introvert to handle. The enneagram playes another part in this. She is 7 and I'm 9.
According to enneagram 9 and 7 is very compatible pairing, I pretty much agree.
Right now it's going on smoothly but it can be just a matter of time when things start to fall apart again.
Our whole relationship has gone trough a rollercoaster several times.
When it works it's great and we have this almost psychic connection, we intuitively
know what each other is thinking and feeling. But when conflict arises it can be infernal
and the fights are epic.
The relation brings awful lot of a conflict but there is also a positive contrast.
We support each others weaknesses (IxxJ and ExxP) and also share the NF idealism.
Our differences can be benefical when there is appreciation from both sides.
INFJ = Ni Fe Ti Se
- Ne is her external perceiving function, it replaces part of my fragile Se.
It's easy for her to bring external stimulation, new contacts, the lightness
and relaxation that IJ's often lack.
- Fi is her internal decision making function, it supports my fickle Ti. Being with
her has improved my subjective judging function which is not related to big picture.
It has enabled me to have more clear sense of identity.
ENFP = Ne Fi Te Si
- Ni is my internal perceiving function, it replaces part of her sloppy Si. I'm much
more grounded than she and with me she can safely drift around because
after she gets bored I'm her safe haven and she has something stable to rely on.
I bring the sense of continuity that EP's often lacks.
- Fe is my external decision making function, it supports her unstable Te.
her commitment with limits and rules can be pretty unsatisfacting, and I
often have to encourage her to put her feelings aside and to do what is supposed
to do to get things done.
I'm not saying it will work with every INFJ ENFP coupling because there is bunch
of other traits than MBTI which impact our personality.
I'm sx/so/sp variant on enneagram, it sometimes makes me thrill-seeking
wreckhead experience junkie which is adverse to INFJ stereotype. I'm also very
ambiverted and J/P borderline case, this meshes well with qualities of ENFP.
She gives me the most of the external input I need, but it could be too much for an
extreme introvert to handle. The enneagram playes another part in this. She is 7 and I'm 9.
According to enneagram 9 and 7 is very compatible pairing, I pretty much agree.
Right now it's going on smoothly but it can be just a matter of time when things start to fall apart again.
Our whole relationship has gone trough a rollercoaster several times.
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I've also been dating an ENFP (on and off, and more like going on dates than 'dating' ) for about a year now. I couldn't have described my own experience better. Wow.
Perfect description of how we compliment each other as well.
This last point about Fe is SPOT ON.
I'm such a borderline I/E that I have yet to decide if I'm an INFJ or ENFJ, and my J scores are so low that on rare moments I test slightly P. I'm also a 9, and I am not sure, but I think she's a 7. Those are the fun seekers, right? Odd. Really odd.
I fully agree that it takes an INFJ with a strong extroverted streak to handle an ENFP. This is a great piece of advice to any INFJ male who is considering dating an ENFP female. If you don't have a strong extroverted side, you will develop one if you want to stay in the relationship. I think this is another example of how INFJ and ENFP can help balance each other by encouraging growth rather than discouraging strengths.
Right now it's going on smoothly but it can be just a matter of time when things start to fall apart again.
Our whole relationship has gone trough a rollercoaster several times.
Brother, I feel ya on this one. Again, this is the exact situation I'm in.
She and I are on the bottom of one of our rollercoaster dips at the moment, but she called me the other night, and it looks like we'll be on the way up again. I guess I should fasten my seatbelt. With ENFPs, you never know what's coming next.
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I could never be closely involved with one....too much energy and too all over the place. A little of that is good, and I like it (my gf is INFP, and how she expresses that is just adorable 
), but ENFPs are WAY too much for me in that respect, and it's a real turn-off.
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), but ENFPs are WAY too much for me in that respect, and it's a real turn-off.Posted via Mobile Device
I'm a 7, and I recently found out that several people I like very much are 9s!
Fun seekers are odd? That's the stuff of life, man!
No. I was saying that it was odd that I was also a borderline NFJ who is a 9 that is dating an ENFP who is a 7. The similarities between our situations are odd.
7's are anything but odd. I think 7s are the most common type.
I was so lost in the beginning of our relationship, but I have learned to handle her bursts
and all the drama, altought it's still sometimes overwhelming. Relationship with her have
been one tough way to self-development. I have the urge to prove that I can keep up with her.
This has caused me to leave my comfort zone a lot and to develop my weaknesses.
I have left my mark on her as well, she has calmed down and gained some control over herself.
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