Loyalty

[Asa]

INFJs are 'known' for having extreme loyalty.

Do you view your loyalty as an asset or a fault?
Please feel free to reply to this thread if you are not an INFJ! Loyalty is not a trait exclusive to us.

I believe my loyalty is a fault. It has led to more heartache, drama, disappointment, and anger than anything else in my life.

I also believe loyalty, like 'love', is different for every person. There is an old saying about love: Don't expect others to love the same way you do. The same is true for loyalty.

Don't get the wrong idea. My SO is a loyal romantic partner.
I run into bigger trouble with friends and family, and often make a fool of myself defending my loved ones (including my SO).

 

[invisible]

It's pretty intense but people can definitely lose it if they demonstrate their willingness to take it for granted, and then I will walk away pretty much without batting an eyelid.

I see it as a very valuable and highly sought after quality that is closely related to integrity. But I think it is interesting and valid to examine it as a fault.

 

[endersgone]

One of the most integral parts of my persona are integrity/loyalty.
Many people view it as unusual, but I truly do believe I'd rather die than be "unloyal" to a significant other/lover/whatever.

I value loyalty very strongly in friendships as well... and I'm not very forgiving when it's violated.

I view it as an asset.
It has helped me feel a very: secure, deep, and fulfilling sort of love/ connection at times(when I'm with the right kind of person). It has also given me friendships that have lasted a lifetime (thus far)--

There is indeed a great deal of hurt I associate with this personal attribute, but I would never want to change it.

(I'm an INFP -- i'm sure it's difficult to tell : P)

 

[Free]

I believe my loyalty is a fault. It has led to more heartache, drama, disappointment, and anger than anything else in my life.

I also believe loyalty, like 'love', is different for every person. There is an old saying about love: Don't expect others to love the same way you do. The same is true for loyalty.

Don't get the wrong idea. My SO is a loyal romantic partner.
I run into bigger trouble with friends and family, and often make a fool of myself defending my loved ones (including my SO).

Asa, you took the words right out of my mouth... um.. fingertips...

<3

 

[Paradox]

Loyalty to my ideal, my vision, my archetype of perfection. What is good, what is just, what is dignity and poise, what is wisdom and celerity. Strength, power, aggression (I'm a male, after all), intellect, mysticism, romanticism - these are all qualities I admire and see as aspects of the Ultimate Reality.

Lose yourself in God, and find yourself as a harmonious expression of the Godly Substance.

Loyalty to people, to human beings, are descended from this higher loyalty. 'Loyalty' abstracted. Loyalty to human beings must be tempered by the cold rationality of Ti and the singular wisdom of Ni. We cannot be loyal to those who are toxic. If we are, we in fact separate... we remove ourselves from the comprehending the unity with God.

This is why you feel pulled apart, ripped from within.

When you change yourself, you change the world.

 

[invisible]

Well! That was highly instructional.

 

[Paradox]

I love you all.

 

[James]

INFJs are 'known' for having extreme loyalty.

Do you view your loyalty as an asset or a fault?
Please feel free to reply to this thread if you are not an INFJ! Loyalty is not a trait exclusive to us.

I believe my loyalty is a fault. It has led to more heartache, drama, disappointment, and anger than anything else in my life.

I also believe loyalty, like 'love', is different for every person. There is an old saying about love: Don't expect others to love the same way you dany o. The same is true for loyalty.

Don't get the wrong idea. My SO is a loyal romantic partner.
I run into bigger trouble with friends and family, and often make a fool of myself defending my loved ones (including my SO).

Oh Asa, I was sorry to read that.

We get hurt easily really as INFJs, it's the downside to that empathy. I have had my loyalty called into question by others, when I wouldn't agree with their actions and plans, as I knew they were unethical or impractical. I consider myself to be a very loyal person. My closest personal friends are those I've known from school age, I've always been faithful to my now ex partner etc. I don't really see INFJ loyalty as extreme, we just want to keep our promises. I'm sure other types can be as loyal, and I'm sure there will be some INFJs who turn to the dark side.

I think though that when others take advantage, or abuse our loyalty we can be deeply hurt. The good thing is I think INFJs are usually quick to spot such betrayals. I would always defend those close to me, except when I know they have done wrong. I would still support and help them, but I couldn't condone wrongdoing, I would feel that was letting them down even more.

Often I think others do appreciate that loyalty and do reciprocate.

 

[Tin Man]

Hm, I'm not exactly the most loyal person. I'm quite loyal to my family and those very close to me, but rarely to a fault. I suppose it's because I only trust people to a point. And so I'm only willing to be loyal to a point.

I know a few who are very loyal, and while I respect that, I don't see it as a wholly positive thing. It often leads them to disappointment and being used. Worse it can lead to a bitter and cynical outlook on life.

 

[the]

Ted Cruz has a good sense of loyalty to his family but is a traitor to Canada. Is he only half infj?

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

Speaking of my romantic relationship...
I am loyal. Loyalty starts out great as my partner has no fear of me running off or abandoning her. It is when she does those things to me that my loyalty becomes a fault. I tend to adjust my boundaries to accommodate mistakes with the hopes of that person learning from them and growing. I stick around through mounds of crap looking for solutions, enduring heartache when it would be much less painful and tiresome to drop it all and move on. I think some people view extreme loyalty as a weakness, which it can be,(in my case, right now it is) but it takes strength and courage to stick by someone and believe in them when they don't necessarily deserve it.

We must be careful because extreme loyalty could lead to another fault when a relationship goes south, such as martyrdom. I could destroy this person by comparing my supreme morality to her hedonism. Lol so I won't, even though I just did. It's true dammit!

 

[Sandie33]

I think some people view extreme loyalty as a weakness, which it can be,(in my case, right now it is) but it takes strength and courage to stick by someone and believe in them when they don't necessarily deserve it.

However...by remaining in the relationship you may be hurting each party not helping. Have you thought of cutting the cord to see if she flops or flys? Often times when you give a person enough cord they hang themselves, you sever the cord you find how far they'll come to repair it...or not

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

However...by remaining in the relationship you may be hurting each party not helping. Have you thought of cutting the cord to see if she flops or flys? Often times when you give a person enough cord they hang themselves, you sever the cord you find how far they'll come to repair it...or not

ThIs is true. The emotional cord has been severed on my end. She is hanging on to it now. The loyalty I spoke of was mainly about the first several years of the relationship. It is clear to her now that "infj loyalty" does have its end if abused taken for granted. Massive changes are happening, but even so, it may not be enough to get it back.

Our (infjs) level of loyalty and commitment is a beautiful thing if handled properly by the other person. If it's not, it can be detrimental to our own health. If we make clear that enough is enough and remove parts of ourself from a relationship, it is as if we depleted their oxygen supply. At least that's how it is over here in this microcosm. Is it mean of me to enjoy watching her suffocate? (Figuratively, of course)

 

[Sandie33]

Hurt and animosity are hard emotions to wrestle for sure. Yes, it's not healthy for YOU to watch HER suffocate. As INFJ it will feel righteous and just in the moment, yet you may feel regret later.

I agree with most of what you all say regarding INFJ loyalty. My personal motto has always been 'I'll stand for you until you give me reason not to", lol. However, I also tell suitors: This is acceptable, this is workable & open to discussion, and this is a deal breaker. Some hang around to see what I mean, some run to the hills and others tell me I scare the hell out of 'em. Most men are confused by a woman who knows herself

Often I see issues arrise in relationships once the infatuation phase is over. Because of the 'picture' of what we wanted it to be isn't what reality is. And we can lead ourselves not others. If they hang around long enough for love to evolve to agape level, ending the love relationship becomes much more difficult...they become a part of you, bad behavior & all. Heaven help us once realized it's over and the we can be friends talk happens causing sparks to fly.

Yet, sometimes just being friends is best.

 

[Asa]

....It is clear to her now that "infj loyalty" does have its end if abused taken for granted. Massive changes are happening, but even so, it may not be enough to get it back.

Our (infjs) level of loyalty and commitment is a beautiful thing if handled properly by the other person. If it's not, it can be detrimental to our own health. If we make clear that enough is enough and remove parts of ourself from a relationship, it is as if we depleted their oxygen supply.....

Whenever I have put an end to behaviors that are hurtful for me the relationships (friendships in this case) end*. The other person labels me "unreasonable" and "irrational" and moves on. This is because I keep behaving like their bad behavior is fine, so they continue doing it, getting worse and worse about it and wandering well over my boundaries before I say anything. When you willingly give a privilege, then take that privilege away, people freak out.
(*except w/ my SO.)

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

Hurt and animosity are hard emotions to wrestle for sure. Yes, it's not healthy for YOU to watch HER suffocate. As INFJ it will feel righteous and just in the moment, yet you may feel regret later

There is something incredibly beautiful in watching the woman I used to love drown in her own filth while clinging dearly to the deflating life raft that is her false identity built on a false belief of being unlovable. When she sinks below the surface, she will know what it means to truly live.

 

[Asa]

I think watching someone you love turn into someone you can't love is the most horrible torture in the world. I'd rather feel
physical pain, and thanks to cortisol, heartache comes with physical pain. No thank you. That is terrible.

 

[aeon]

When you willingly give a privilege, then take that privilege away, people freak out.

My my, Asa, you really do have a remarkable gift for understatement.


Thanks,
Ian

 

[Asa]

My my, Asa, you really do have a remarkable gift for understatement.
Thanks,
Ian

LOL! - at observation and self.
((takes understated bow))

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

I think watching someone you love turn into someone you can't love is the most horrible torture in the world.

No no ding dong! Apparently, I wasn't clear with all my speak of drowning and struggle! I thought it was beautiful and may get those words tattooed on my nether regions.

I'm speaking of (or at least trying to) a person I don't recognize or love facing the consequences of her destructive behavior, which comes from a place of self hatred and unlovability, where said actions reinforce the self hatred in a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy, growing into the person she already is through self discovery and finding within her a place of self acceptance and self love which would give birth to non destructive behavior.