INTJ-INFP dating

[Gaze]

It is yin and yang.. And Otherworldly intense.
Great passion and magnetism.. But both types can be profoundly stubborn so there can be a lot of frustration.

yep, so true. It was intense which is why it's tough to keep going back and forth. There was that sense of not being able to stay away. So, there is a natural attraction which is ironic since we seem so incompatible. Maybe it's that opposites attract thing. There is real chemistry (or whatever you want to call it) which is nice. At least nothing felt forced.

 

[Tin Man]

Well, my ex boyfriend also thought his way was the easiest and simplest and he did usually expect me to just go along with whatever he decided or wanted, whether it was weekend plans, future plans, or philosophical beliefs..
The biggest issue we had was he thought I was too emotional and illogical and flaky, and I thought he was a bit cold and one-track minded. I think it also really annoyed him that I could mull over a lot of ideas at once, and find merit in all of them no matter how contradictory they were--and thus, put off making my mind up or forming an opinion about most things while I amassed even more information. But that is Ne for you... And of course being pressured to make a decision only made me dig my heels in the dirt even more and play devil's advocate even more with him..
He used to say, "You are the most non committal person, to others-- to ideas.. you always give yourself an out."

That describes just about every single relationship I've had with an FP. I take my time and think deeply when making decisions but once I've come to a conclusion, it takes a lot to change my mind. The way you can alter your opinion so easily can be infuriating to me. I had a discussion with an INFP friend of mine about the movie Prometheus. I dissected it and explained exactly why it was such a terrible premise. He agreed with me on just about every point but still wouldn't say it was a bad movie. I can understand having conflicted views on something like abortion or religion but having several contradictory viewpoints on a film is alien to me.

 

[Reon]

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I'm one of those super soft hearted INTJs (along with [MENTION=3096]Stormy1[/MENTION]) and I want to describe my experiences with INFPs that I've considered dating and I've been around.

Well, my ex boyfriend also thought his way was the easiest and simplest and he did usually expect me to just go along with whatever he decided or wanted, whether it was weekend plans, future plans, or philosophical beliefs..
The biggest issue we had was he thought I was too emotional and illogical and flaky, and I thought he was a bit cold and one-track minded. I think it also really annoyed him that I could mull over a lot of ideas at once, and find merit in all of them no matter how contradictory they were--and thus, put off making my mind up or forming an opinion about most things while I amassed even more information. But that is Ne for you... And of course being pressured to make a decision only made me dig my heels in the dirt even more and play devil's advocate even more with him..
He used to say, "You are the most non committal person, to others-- to ideas.. you always give yourself an out."

Unlike most INTJs, I often don't think my way is the simplest and easiest (all the time. It depends on the person and what we're doing; and no one has the best philosoph on anything) and I always take suggestions but the one that I don't deal with well is flakiness. I do kind of have a one track mind when it comes to decisions and plans and I've noticed that the INFPs that I've dealt with are either spontaneous and just change the plan (which I don't mind much) or have a counter plan so that they can stay but never inform anyone else of the happenings of their mind. I've dealt with it a little bit but I'm a planer so I either have to kick back and let it happen or just take control.

I kind of think that once an INTJ develops feelings for someone, they have a much harder time letting go, because it seems they are very selective about who they let in, so they feel a very strong bond. I don't think they can just close the gates and stop the feelings.. Maybe I'm wrong, if so, correct me INTJs, I'm basing this off my relationship with just one INTJ.

So for what it's worth, I suspect that your relationship is important to him, even if he doesn't show it or demonstrate it. In my situation, we broke up over three years ago and I get one email from him a year...just the kind of email where it seems like he's left a part of himself with me. Usually they are very vague and cryptic emails and I have to practically decode them..but in the end there is a suggestion of reestablishing some connection..and not necessarily romantic. The winter before last, he wanted to collaborate on a project, and last past winter he closed with, 'make it out west sometime.' I'm not sure how to explain how I feel about that. Though I'm no longer in love with him. I suppose I will always have a soft spot for him.

You're correct. INTJs don't just let anyone in. Once someone is romantically in my heart, they don't really ever leave. I may not like them as a person anymore and things like that but I still care for them a lot. Even my most recent ex who is, by all accounts, kind of a terrible person, I would run and save her ass if she got ridiculous drunk or sume shit like that.

 

[InvisibleJim]

Though I'm no longer in love with him. I suppose I will always have a soft spot for him.

Pros: Endless passion (for INTJs)

To be fair I've always been ENFPd rather than INFPd. I suspect that often NFPs are in more love with the idea of INTJ are then surprised to find the positives do work out but find themselves unable to cope with the negatives.

I find myself much better at managing life than I was before thanks to you.

 

[mochi]

yes, this seems to be happening. I think it would be easier with someone is more extroverted than I am or whose Fe is better developed than mine. He is very direct and honest almost to a fault, but he has trouble understanding other perspectives besides his. He has a set way of looking at things - his empathy is on the low side. He uses logic to justify insensitive comments or behavior. In other words, he uses Te when Fe would be more appropriate. I've tried to be understanding and sympathetic to his feelings or views, but yet he finds it difficult to do the same for me. I try not to contradict him directly because he thinks he is right about everything. He likes to think he is superior. It's funny because although people would assume that I'd be the one, being sensitive, to make a big deal out of things, he will often turn the simplest thing I say into something more than it is. He will question and be critical of the littlest things. He attacks almost everything through logic. He accuses me of getting upset too easily but yet I'm not the one who made it an issue in the first place. He says things to be contrary and critical and then get's upset with me for calling him on it. And when I call him on it, he responds as if I am the one who is making an issue out of nothing. It's tiring.

LOL. We used to break up like clock work every 3 months and then he'd call and we'd meet up and I would say, "I just want to be your friend.."

Oh dear oh dear lolol. This is exactly like my previous relationship with an INTJ. I'm surprised at how similar it is (!). Yes, the extreme logic and breaking up.... it does happen, unfortunately.

I think INTJs and INFPs can be very attracted to each other because their intellect can be so similar and on par. I guess the magnetism is part of what makes it so passionate but, yes, eventually there may be some differences that may need a time out between the two.

I dated an INTJ for three years. I do think an INFP INTJ relationship can work out, but in my experience it was a bad match. I suppose it's because I dated a super Thinker, so to speak (probably extremely high on that spectrum). Couple that with a conservative viewpoint with the super feelings liberal, lol... It wasn't meant to work out. I guess it's that sort of situation where the two people who could be great friends become something more, but there lacks vital relationship values and similarity.

That being said, I think relationships of any type could work out. In my personal experience, I think dating an INTJ who was a "softy" one (lol) would be better for INFPs. Looking back, the extremes were and are too different.

I kind of think that once an INTJ develops feelings for someone, they have a much harder time letting go, because it seems they are very selective about who they let in, so they feel a very strong bond. I don't think they can just close the gates and stop the feelings..

I agree.

 

[acd]

Pros: Endless passion (for INTJs)

To be fair I've always been ENFPd rather than INFPd. I suspect that often NFPs are in more love with the idea of INTJ are then surprised to find the positives do work out but find themselves unable to cope with the negatives.

I don't know what's wrong with my brain right now...
Do you mean endless passion experienced by INTJs, or that INFPs experience the passion? I'm reading that, and it seems ambiguous.
Weirdly, I think I will always regard him with fondness. Not like my other ex. (I just feel grossed out when I remember him.. he happened to be another INFP.)
Ok, and to be honest, I wonder if I ever could have learned to cope with the differences... we did break up often over them, because he was very unapologetically mean about things sometimes..and I was extremely stubborn and would disappear instead of talk about things... but the nail in the coffin was that I didn't trust him. So when I talk about INTJ/INFP relationships, I don't mean to give the impression that they can't work or are impossible. There were certain circumstances that led to our demise, and those were likely not inherently mbti based.. so the point is that it is a stimulating and challenging combination.

I also don't think NFPs are necessarily in love with the idea of INTJs.. if that is what you meant. Getting to know him was a pleasant surprise, but he definitely was not the type I seek out. (I actually find myself drawn to ENTPs and ENFPs.. It's that Ne..)
In fact, I thought he was a smug arrogant bastard when I met him.. And he only liked me at first because I wasn't impressed with him at all and called him out in front of everyone about something he said.
I don't know if that is typical.
For the positive,I think just dating an INTJ helped me to engage in critical thinking more.. it kind of changed my brain a bit.
The negatives were difficult to cope with. Lots of contention, which makes things interesting and challenging, yet can be exhausting.
It's a combination that absolutely requires both parties to develop their weaker functions.

 

[InvisibleJim]

For INTJs, then again this is how we learn to avoid relationships at all. This isnt really a downside to an end of things.

 

[Tin Man]

I'm one of those super soft hearted INTJs that

Oh dear, yet another INTJ who has lost their way. You must turn back to the darkness and hatred of humanity, it is the only way you can be saved. When you chose to accept the mantle of INTJ, when you chose to be baptised in blood and pain you were warned what would happen if you tried to shed the blackness in your heart. You are one of the few great Masterminds, do not throw it away for the blasphemy of light.

You will either return to us on your knees, begging for salvation or be ripped apart by the power of the dark sid- er I mean by the power of all that is I-N-T-J.

 

[Gaze]

So, based on what I've learned about INTJs, you guys tend to show you care through actions more than words. Actually, you guys don't like to talk about your feelings from what I observe. Rather, you show you care by giving advice or being problem solvers. My INTJ told me that even if he was in love with someone, he may never let them know, may even treat them the same as anyone else. That's like the complete opposite of INFPs who give everything but our souls to those we care for or love. And I notice that unless it's an intimate moment, you all don't like to be touched. You guys don't really like too much touch feely or lovey dovey stuff. In other words, don't seem to be fans of showing a lot of affection. Agree? Disagree?

 

[Reon]

So, based on what I've learned about INTJs, you guys tend to show you care through actions more than words. Actually, you guys don't like to talk about your feelings from what I observe. Rather, you show you care by giving advice or being problem solvers. My INTJ told me that even if he was in love with someone, he may never let them know, may even treat them the same as anyone else.

Many INTJs have that mentality and I understand it as well but I understand that some people really love hearing "I love you" or like holding hands and being hugged. Communicating my feelings isn't exactly an easy thing to do (It's just hard. I have to realize what I'm feeling then I have to judge if the person knows me well enough to tell them. If they don't know me that well then I have to figure out how to say it because I mentally gauge how to talk to most people/talk in a way they would understand.) but I do it because I know that that connections mean something. I find it somewhat shallow when INTJs say that they show their love through actions and merely actions alone. It's selfish. It's not easy, not by a long shot, but by saying "I will only show you love like this" you're not really caring. You're doing what comfortable for you. With that being said, my first reaction is advice and being a problem solver. If I know they're sick, I'll just buy medicine for them and leave it at their house (I date stubborn people so...yeah >_>)

That's like the complete opposite of INFPs who give everything but our souls to those we care for or love. And I notice that unless it's an intimate moment, you all don't like to be touched. You guys don't really like too much touch feely or lovey dovey stuff. In other words, don't seem to be fans of showing a lot of affection. Agree? Disagree?

I love to be touched by the right person. My personal bubble is huge until I'm really comfortable with a person. I like being touchy feely and lovey dovey in my own way and I like to hold hands. I personally adore affection.

@Jacobi : As I understand it, the true calling of an INTJ is to absorb the teachings of their masters and then, at maturity, rebel against the masters and take what is rightfully his/hers. If that's the case then sith lor-..INTJ master Jacobi, I reclaim my humanity and I challenge you to a battle of epic proportions! Arm yourself with a collection of sci-fi knowledge and internet memes, we shall battle to the (fake) death!

 

[mochi]

For INTJs, then again this is how we learn to avoid relationships at all. This isnt really a downside to an end of things.

:c

So, based on what I've learned about INTJs, you guys tend to show you care through actions more than words. Actually, you guys don't like to talk about your feelings from what I observe. Rather, you show you care by giving advice or being problem solvers. My INTJ told me that even if he was in love with someone, he may never let them know, may even treat them the same as anyone else. That's like the complete opposite of INFPs who give everything but our souls to those we care for or love. And I notice that unless it's an intimate moment, you all don't like to be touched. You guys don't really like too much touch feely or lovey dovey stuff. In other words, don't seem to be fans of showing a lot of affection. Agree? Disagree?

I agree to a large extent, or at least, with extreme INTJs...

This was my exact experience in the past. It was very... depriving. U_U

Oh dear, yet another INTJ who has lost their way. You must turn back to the darkness and hatred of humanity, it is the only way you can be saved. When you chose to accept the mantle of INTJ, when you chose to be baptised in blood and pain you were warned what would happen if you tried to shed the blackness in your heart. You are one of the few great Masterminds, do not throw it away for the blasphemy of light. You will either return to us on your knees, begging for salvation or be ripped apart by the power of the dark sid- er I mean by the power of all that is I-N-T-J.

@Jacobi : As I understand it, the true calling of an INTJ is to absorb the teachings of their masters and then, at maturity, rebel against the masters and take what is rightfully his/hers. If that's the case then sith lor-..INTJ master Jacobi, I reclaim my humanity and I challenge you to a battle of epic proportions! Arm yourself with a collection of sci-fi knowledge and internet memes, we shall battle to the (fake) death!

Omg Omg Battle of the INTJs going on in HURRR!!1 O w O

@Reon = Bruce Lee @Jacobi = Chuck Norris @InvisibleJim = cat

:lol:

 

[InvisibleJim]

Omg Omg Battle of the INTJs going on in HURRR!!1 O w O

@Reon = Bruce Lee @Jacobi = Chuck Norris @InvisibleJim = cat

It's relatively rare that we disagree on something; hence the joys of INTJ forum.

Thread title: Productivity is good
OP: I think that productivity is good.
Reply: Yes

No other replies; until someone says 'No'

 

[Tin Man]

@Reon : And so it begins. Just let me get my life sized Spock doll (the Leonard Nimoy one of course), my first edition copy of Solaris and my custom made ultra lightsaber.

@InvisibeJim : I disagree with a great deal of what is said at INTJ forum. There have been a lot threads with misogynistic and racist undertones.

I'v also noticed a; who is the most INTJ INTJ mentality in the forum. I saw one thread which asked when you cried last. The first poster said it was a year, the next ten years, the one after said he had never cried in his entire life. I think the culmination of this was in a thread which asked if you would kill a person. It didn't ask if you would kill for money or family, simply if you would murder another human being for no purpose whatsoever and most answered yes.

 

[Reon]

@Reon : And so it begins. Just let me get my life sized Spock doll (the Leonard Nimoy one of course), my first edition copy of Solaris and my custom made ultra lightsaber.

@InvisibeJim : I disagree with a great deal of what is said at INTJ forum. There have been a lot threads with misogynistic and racist undertones.

I'v also noticed a; who is the most INTJ INTJ mentality in the forum. I saw one thread which asked when you cried last. The first poster said it was a year, the next ten years, the one after said he had never cried in his entire life. I think the culmination of this was in a thread which asked if you would kill a person. It didn't ask if you would kill for money or family, simply if you would murder another human being for no purpose whatsoever and most answered yes.

Fair enough. A gentleman must let the opponent be prepared therefore it be a proper duel.

INTJ forum has racial undertones (and back in my hey day, I guess that would be 4 to 5 years ago now.) there was outright racist remarks in a few threads. Misogyny with that forum is weird. The picture thread had many men excessively commenting on the looks of the female members but then treated them like shit for being to feeler based and not INTJ. And the INTJs that were INTJ enough for the men were seen as hardasses who didn't care about no one else.

And yes. Oh god yes. INTJ forum is where the "Alpha" INTJ thing pops up. Someone just has to be the most of anything.

 

[Tin Man]

Aha, a true INTJ would strike while his opponent is unprepared. You are obviously not one of us, probably a lesser type, one of the many that will be cleansed when the INTJ army overtakes the world...or maybe just the internet.

The last time I was on the forum, there was a thread with the title "90% of everything worth mentioning was done by white men." I thought it would be dismissed by everyone but it went on for nearly ten pages. To be fair, most of the replies were rebuttals against his original statement but he was obviously a troll who should have simply been ignored.


My apologies for derailing the thread.

 

[InvisibleJim]

Jezebel doesnt like me on her forum, mostly because Stasis is a bastard who actively encourages that stuff. Dont be decieved by INTJ forum, I dont like it at all.

I just tell people the way I see it.

 

[Nixie]

Ohhh not to derail further....but I will...
I hated the INTJ forum

Thanks for the compliment (?) [MENTION=362]Reon[/MENTION] but I fear I have come to the conclusion I am a freaking extrovert and more than likely an ENTP....*dramatic sigh*

 

[InvisibleJim]

Back to INFPs. Simply too scatty to be reliable partners in crime. ENFJs are generally better superdomos and ExFPs generally provide more passion.

 

[Reon]

Aha, a true INTJ would strike while his opponent is unprepared. You are obviously not one of us, probably a lesser type, one of the many that will be cleansed when the INTJ army overtakes the world...or maybe just the internet.

The last time I was on the forum, there was a thread with the title "90% of everything worth mentioning was done by white men." I thought it would be dismissed by everyone but it went on for nearly ten pages. To be fair, most of the replies were rebuttals against his original statement but he was obviously a troll who should have simply been ignored.


My apologies for derailing the thread.

Ah. I am an INTJ who simply wishes to test his might. It is an even playing field, why would a sully such a truly magnificent thing with cheating and preparation. Winning through split second decisions and true intuition is something all INTJ seeks and accomplish!

Ohhh not to derail further....but I will...
I hated the INTJ forum

Thanks for the compliment (?) @Reon but I fear I have come to the conclusion I am a freaking extrovert and more than likely an ENTP....*dramatic sigh*

I see. Cool beans . I'm happy you made that decision for yourself. It makes sense, in retrospect.

 

[endersgone]