INFJ's darker side and anger | Page 5 | INFJ Forum

INFJ's darker side and anger

When pissed off depends on the situation and the person in how i would act. I try to come up front when facing people, i'm pretty stubborn with my opinions, and when someone unknown disrespects me, i don't see any reason to put my attention to them, i just cut them off. No need to get snarky or manipulative. Trying to tear someone apart by their emotional weakneses is just mean, and universal to all types, not an INFJ dark side imo.
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No offense intended, but the OP leaves me with the feeling that the one who wrote it treats MBTI as if it's sort of a role playing videogame with types as characters with secret powers and abilities. Don't like this description at all, seems to flatter them, in a really childish way.
 
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BrokenDaniel said:
When pissed off depends on the situation and the person in how i would act. I try to come up front when facing people, i'm pretty stubborn with my opinions, and when someone unknown disrespects me, i don't see any reason to put my attention to them, i just cut them off. No need to get snarky or manipulative. Trying to tear someone apart by their emotional weakneses is just mean, and universal to all types, not an INFJ dark side imo.
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No offense intended, but the OP leaves me with the feeling that the one who wrote it treats MBTI as if it's sort of a role playing videogame with types as characters with secret powers and abilities. Don't like this description at all, seems to flatter INFJs.
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Yep, people ascribe moral cappacities to types, as if the capacity for ethical behaviour is tied to a certain type or another. Its just not correct.
 
I don't think anger is something which has any link to INFJs. "Stupid people have short fuses!".
Its all about self-control.
 
Hahaha, I must say a beautiful description of such cases. A touch dramatic, but eh. I admit that when I was in high school, and there was one guy who was a complete jerk constantly. Self obsessed, used me as a tool to make himself look better in front of "his people". Classic simple minded school social bully. I warned him to stop. Several times over the course of oh, probably 7 months. He never did. So, with a few specific comments to the gym teacher caused him to be yelled at more often in gym and often had to do more exercises. Then some targeted comments towards his girl friend (a friend of mine at the time) and they broke up like 2 days later. Then in the end, a complete disassembling of who he was, along with a few of the other "higher-ups" of his social hierarchy going so far as to call him out on likely mother issues (later to find out his mother divorced and left when he was younger). Suffice to say he left me alone after that. I really didn't want to do it, but some people just need a slap in the face. Looking back I see I went to far, and am shamed that I did, but it is certainly true his comments would get especially vulgar/annoying and strangely effective on the rest of our classmates. I would like to think I know enough now to avoid such an instance ever occurring again, and therefore dismiss this instance as the mistake of a very inexperienced high school student.
 
I don't express my anger in any way, strong feelings make me totally blank and cold. I freeze as the feeling just passes through my body like some kind of a wave of lava or something. But that nearly never happens, mostly I'm just chilled.
 
This is my first comment. :eek:

I'm an INFJ who has been dealing with bipolar disorder for my entire life, and no one knows about my disorder unless I tell them. The reason being: my INFJ strength of self-control and higher sense of morality reigns over my tumultuous moods.

For example, when I feel very, very depressed and alone, I don't allow myself to consider acts of self-harm or suicide. I don't allow myself to entertain the irrational belief that no one else in the world could possibly understand me, no matter how often it seems to be true. I just wait until the loneliness blows over, or I go out and touch some trees or some flowers. I also don't tell other people I am depressed, because I know it is not their burden and there is nothing they can do to fix it except perhaps by completely understanding me (which I know...most people in my life just can't).

On the other end, when I get very angry, it is for no reason at all. It wells up inside me over little things (too much noise, someone bumping into me, etc.) and rather than lash out at others, I take out my irritation on myself in the least noticeable ways possible. I pick at loose skin, I scratch myself, I plug my ears to stop myself from sensing noise rather than attacking the source. I have accepted that this is the way I will always deal with anger, because I am by nature utterly incapable of hurting other people intentionally.

Because of this, even when other people do terrible things to me, I tend not to visit this "dark side" of which you speak, even though I entirely understand it. You described it very well...INFJ's have an incorruptible moral sense, and if you wrong them, they will get revenge on you not by hurting you physically, but only by telling you truths they know you don't want to hear. They disarm you. They make you feel weak and humiliated. And the thing is, even though they did it out of anger, technically they didn't do anything wrong. It's the kind of blunt honesty that might bring you to make a positive change in your life, if you're not too much of a coward to accept it.

Still, usually when people anger me, I withdraw into myself or just detach from them completely. I tend to try to protect people from these truths until I know I can present them in a way which makes it clear I am actually trying to help the person emotionally, rather than disarm them.
 
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I was looking at celebrity INFJs and I stumbled upon a list of them. They also listed horrible people in history who were also INFJs. Such as:
  • Adolf Hitler
  • Ruhollah Khomeini
  • Osama bin Laden
  • Leon Trotsky
  • Chiang Kai-shek
  • Robert Mugabe
  • Mohamed Atta

These are examples of what a darkside of an INFJ looks like. These are people we should not want to be like.

What I realized out of that entire list is that they all were dictators and masters of manipulation. A shameful trait that I think all INFJs possess but refuse to use. I believe they were all so blindsided by their beliefs; they legitimately believed that what they were doing were right. I, myself or any INFJ would never want to be associated with such bad things. But, alas... even though we are aliens among the other personalities, we are STILL human and succumb to emotions as well. Especially when it comes to our core values.

I can literally count on one hand the times I have been angry enough to show this horrible side. They were not my proudest moments and people thought I was psychotic. It was scary. It was a total of 2 times. One of them I remember more vividly than the other.

The one I remember the most was working at a fast food job while in school. The manager there was an awful person and she cared little to nothing about anyone. It was so bad that the place became a revolving door with high employment turn over. I had no idea about this until I started working there. I suffered verbal abuse from the manager and I felt like I was less than human. Eventually it wore through my patience. And as you know, INFJs have a high tolerance for a lot of things. Yet she managed to melt through it after 2 months. One day I snapped.

I remember clearly because it was just after lunch time rush and a few people were still sitting in the dining area. The manager was ridiculing me and telling me to re-clean tables several times even though they were spotless. I can still feel the smile on my face as I began to speak loudly and clearly. It was like I was giving a sermon. I systematically tore down her character. Everything about her I exposed to the other employees who watched and the customers who seemed mesmerized by speech. I spoke about how awful of a person she was. I said her mere existence was meaningless. She was never meant to be happy and everything she done in her past and present were fruitless and her future was a waste. Her life was a blight on earth and it would be best if she removed herself from the equation. From what I recall, INFJs do not crave the spotlight and avoid it, but when forced into it, they can move mountains with words if they are passionate enough. She started crying and left the area and I quit. The other customers stared at me for a long time as I took off my uniform and left.

A month later I heard that she had quit from the job because she was underperforming after the event and no one had really heard from her. Still to this day I feel horrible about what I said. I literally told this woman to commit suicide. Something I have internally struggled with myself. I could have easily been the trigger if she really was dealing with suicide. I don't know where she is or what she is doing, but I hope she is doing well.

I decided to share this story because it shows that we can be just as horrific as any other personality. The only difference is: we should have extreme amount of guilt when we do show it. Some could argue this woman deserved it. I do not, though she may have been a terrible manager, it was against my character to tell someone to kill themselves in such a disgusting fashion.

Anyways. Like I stated before. INFJs have a sense of right and wrong unless it somehow shakes them to the core and blurs the line for them. It has to be traumatic enough I believe for it to happen.
 
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Retroverse said:
I was looking at celebrity INFJs and I stumbled upon a list of them. They also listed horrible people in history who were also INFJs. Such as:
  • Adolf Hitler
  • Ruhollah Khomeini
  • Osama bin Laden
  • Leon Trotsky
  • Chiang Kai-shek
  • Robert Mugabe
  • Mohamed Atta

These are examples of what a darkside of an INFJ looks like. These are people we should not want to be like.

What I realized out of that entire list is that they all were dictators and masters of manipulation. A shameful trait that I think all INFJs possess but refuse to use. I believe they were all so blindsided by their beliefs; they legitimately believed that what they were doing were right. I, myself or any INFJ would never want to be associated with such bad things. But, alas... even though we are aliens among the other personalities, we are STILL human and succumb to emotions as well. Especially when it comes to our core values.

I can literally count on one hand the times I have been angry enough to show this horrible side. They were not my proudest moments and people thought I was psychotic. It was scary. It was a total of 2 times. One of them I remember more vividly than the other.

The one I remember the most was working at a fast food job while in school. The manager there was an awful person and she cared little to nothing about anyone. It was so bad that the place became a revolving door with high employment turn over. I had no idea about this until I started working there. I suffered verbal abuse from the manager and I felt like I was less than human. Eventually it wore through my patience. And as you know, INFJs have a high tolerance for a lot of things. Yet she managed to melt through it after 2 months. One day I snapped.

I remember clearly because it was just after lunch time rush and a few people were still sitting in the dining area. The manager was ridiculing me and telling me to re-clean tables several times even though they were spotless. I can still feel the smile on my face as I began to speak loudly and clearly. It was like I was giving a sermon. I systematically tore down her character. Everything about her I exposed to the other employees who watched and the customers who seemed mesmerized by speech. I spoke about how awful of a person she was. I said her mere existence was meaningless. She was never meant to be happy and everything she done in her past and present were fruitless and her future was a waste. Her life was a blight on earth and it would be best if she removed herself from the equation. From what I recall, INFJs do not crave the spotlight and avoid it, but when forced into it, they can move mountains with words if they are passionate enough. She started crying and left the area and I quit. The other customers stared at me for a long time as I took off my uniform and left.

A month later I heard that she had quit from the job because she was underperforming after the event and no one had really heard from her. Still to this day I feel horrible about what I said. I literally told this woman to commit suicide. Something I have internally struggled with myself. I could have easily been the trigger if she really was dealing with suicide. I don't know where she is or what she is doing, but I hope she is doing well.

I decided to share this story because it shows that we can be just as horrific as any other personality. The only difference is: we should have extreme amount of guilt when we do show it. Some could argue this woman deserved it. I do not, though she may have been a terrible manager, it was against my character to tell someone to kill themselves in such a disgusting fashion.

Anyways. Like I stated before. INFJs have a sense of right and wrong unless it somehow shakes them to the core and blurs the line for them. It has to be traumatic enough I believe for it to happen.
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Huh. The lisf of people in interesting. Adolf Hilter, Bin Laden etc... makes me wonder if Obama might not be an infj.
 
Eventhorizon said:
Huh. The lisf of people in interesting. Adolf Hilter, Bin Laden etc... makes me wonder if Obama might not be an infj.
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Hitler and Obama have soooo much in common.

You have to be right.
 
drummergirlbk said:
I once saw Obama typed as an ENTP. Thoughts??
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Idk, I don't know him well enough. I'm sure if I sat down and had a good conversation with the lad I'd have a better idea. Could def see him as an Exxx, tho.
 
hush said:
Hitler and Obama have soooo much in common.

You have to be right.
Click to expand...

Dont forget Bin Laden. And I did not say I was right. I just think its highly possible.
 
I've never been a fan of trying to decipher what other people are, in terms of MBTI. Public persona is often very different from private lives.
 
I can vouch for the dark, evil frame of mind that creeps in and often consumes me when I've been betrayed, or when an individual or a "group" offends or contradicts my personal values. I had an ex who cheated and I became incredibly dark in response to her over the course of the year following the break up. It wasn't pretty. It was paradoxical to my moral standing in regard to how I treat others, but it was so instinctively reactive that I didn't even care. I wanted her to suffer emotionally. I don't understand why such tactful, intelligent and deliberate hatred exists within me when I am betrayed in such a way. It doesn't seem right, and it doesn't seem to mirror my values. I've never experienced or reacted in any such way to any one else in my 26 years of life.

The older I get and the more I learn and grow spiritually, I see two completely opposite sides of myself. One, the part of me that I fuel, is a loving, caring person, hoping to make the best of my world and the world around me, in any way, shape or form plausible. The other side is quite dark. I often (daily) have thoughts of extreme isolation, misanthropy and hatred for humanity, my past, and how different I have always been, and how everyone seems to be all so much the same. I channel the negativity into music, but it still exists. It's frustrating to handle, sometimes. I can't open up about these thoughts to loved ones or friends, because I don't want people to see that side of me.
 
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I came to a rural area to live , found the locals stealing my stock.

there was a confrontation and i said , "Don't make an enemy of me."

It's all a game and i play to win and punish in some cases. As i said .. just a game.

The thefts cost me a lot of money.
 
"The older I get and the more I learn and grow spiritually, I see two completely opposite sides of myself. One, the part of me that I fuel, is a loving, caring person, hoping to make the best of my world and the world around me, in any way, shape or form plausible. The other side is quite dark. I often (daily) have thoughts of extreme isolation, misanthropy and hatred for humanity, my past, and how different I have always been, and how everyone seems to be all so much the same. I channel the negativity into music, but it still exists. It's frustrating to handle, sometimes. I can't open up about these thoughts to loved ones or friends, because I don't want people to see that side of me. "

My wife may suspect but i never discuss this stuff. She knows my dislike for people, my being driven, unforgiving and my pain.
 
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