INFJ's darker side and anger | INFJ Forum

INFJ's darker side and anger

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by yosh, Sep 20, 2012.

More threads by yosh
  1. I saw this on a blog, thought i'd share it here. It's long but i thought it was worth it. Random thoughts welcome.

    Shadow of INFJs: I'm queen bitch of the universe and you WILL listen to me.

    Yep. That self righteous bitchiness? That's what makes us ugly.


    In the unlikely event you have betrayed an INFJ, cut deeply through their hearts then watch out - because nothing is more frightening than seeing one get their all. Afterall, Jesus was apparently an model INFJ. That's right. Beware the scorch. You get him angry and he'll go locust on your arse.

    Of course, everything below is 'worst case under-developed' INFJ anger cases. It isn't what INFJ's do all the time. It is, extremely rare. Most have the patience of an iceberg waiting for hell to freeze over. Or a turn the other cheek style. But for those of you who want some insight into the darker, shadier side of an INFJ ...venture down below, i dare you.

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    INFJ Anger style: The incorruptible ninja on a vendetta:

    It means facing your fears and exposing the grittiness of your own human existence. Sound familiar INFJ? Okay, it sounds like martyr-dom and yes, it is. An INFJ knows ALL about martyrdom.

    In extremely threatening cases, an INFJ can go all angry ninja style on anybody's arse. And i mean emotionally. They will cut you up and hang you out to dry. Emotionally. That is the key word here.

    First, the light: He we won't stop until he's wasted your emotional landscape, and neither will we. INFj's at their weakest or best can be like double edged swords, yes we can see deep into people's hearts, their motivations their good qualities, mirror their thoughts, actions and their desires to bring you relief or joy. INFJ's listen not only with their ears, but with their heart, they can process and nurture people's good qualities instinctively and mirror your what you want to hear. They are capable of forgiveness even of those with heinous crimes on their records, because yes - they know instinctively that everybody is human, all of us are interconnected and we all make mistakes, an INFJ has an uncanny ability to recognize that everybody is just a mirror of themselves. The best INFJ's carry a karmic awareness at all times.

    With that knowledge they back it up like a hard drive. They remember. How they use that information, is up to them. That choice, is what makes them grow or go backwards.

    God forbid anybody come across an INFJ, hell or highwater because once you cross them - at best they will drop you like a hot pan and dissappear regardless of how long you've known them. At worst, be prepared for having all your insecurities and fears gutted and exposed. And they make sure you remember. They can dive deep into your heart to inspire you, but like that double edged sword they can cut straight into your heart with their words. They tell you the truth exactly as it is, whilst you are still grappling with the fact they knew how you felt all along, they expose all your ugliest motivations to air and for all to see. INFJ's are adept at understanding the language of the human heart and what it wants and needs on an intangible level. They are expert emotional anthropologists. They understand boundaries and will not tell people how you feel, what is on your mind. This is because they know this information is precious, of course... until the shit hits the fan so to speak and then, they reveal everything about you. The ugly you. Every. Ugly. Detail.

    They get under your skin and let loose slowly and methodically (yep, there's that organization in action) anything they know about your weaknesses, everything they use turns it a kind of melodramatic piece of theatre relaying everything from your sexual indiscretions, faults, lack of listening skills and weaving it expertly by making sure every one of your emotional weaknesses are exploited. They hone in on your fears at the present moment and creatively exploit them for full effect, targeting fears, anxieties, guilt and expertly play them like a symphony. They understand the darkness in themselves and they recognize it in you.

    Hell hath no fury like an INFJ scorned. Subtle, slow and insidioius is the scorned style of an INFJ. They can get creative with their scorn - they might have the dignity and coldness of a queen while they exploit your weaknesses. They personally tailor each and every remark for full emotional effect. They may tell you calmly and caustically why you cheated them and explain your insecurities in front of a large group of intimate friends whilst you sweat, hiding their motives behind dry wit and humour. They will adjust their level of scorn for whatever is appropriate for your character. If it's a quick, derisive comment or a long confession of your insecurities - they will know which button to press to get to your heart. If it's guilt they want to summon, they know what to say to make you feel it, they'll remember an event or a whisper of an insecurity you have and they will bring it up. They remember the nuances in your dialogue, your emotional landscape - they remember your weaknesses and in an organized (judging) manner, categorically shoot each and every one of them down till they are satisfied you have sated their need for justice.

    The scariness (or genius) of an INFJ however lies in the fact that they know how to adjust the temperature of their perceived hurt so that the other person feels the full effect of their remarks. Just as they can easily take the emotional temperature of a room just by walking into it, they know that getting completely angry is ineffective. So they manage their delivery intuitively, depending on your character so that the recipient has no room to retaliate - an INFJ instincitively knows if they expose a certain insecurity in you and say something softly, it is more effective than going completely a-wohl. They skirt over your anger and any issues they know will completely provoke you to not listening at all. They want to expose the truth, come hell or high water and if that means you feel reduced to something like a small child - totally exposed and a little humiliated, so be it. They will broach the topic carefully, and then caustically add something they know you will feel weakened by but will not be able to retaliate to because the topic for you is so personal. It is completely tactical. They want to expose you remember, so they think carefully about the delivery of a remark and it's intention before it comes out.

    You know that secret you told them when you first met them with an open heart and open mind? They will remember it, bring it up and flippantly tell you they weren't really listening, and they didn't really care for it if that's what it takes to hurt you.

    The purpose? The truth of course. The phrase, 'Shed light on your sorry ass', has never been more apt.

    This is the darkness and shadow of an INFJ.
    bellisima likes this.
  2. Could be true :) Yes, most of the time I tend to be veeeery patient, but if someone manages to overfill my glass - they better run and hide. For a damn looong time :) Unless I decide that its not worth my time and effort. Someone said, never go to sleep while angry, stay up and plot revenge hahaha :D
  3. Adapted from

    Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about INFJs?
    A: INFJs are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, INFJs are very careful and precise.

    Q: I heard that INFJs are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
    A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, INFJs can be mean OR totally awesome.

    Q: What do INFJs do when they're not cutting off heads or flipping out?
    A: Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometimes they stab. (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)
  4. This is true. I'm aware of just how angry I can be. Like I-will-not-be-satisfied-until-I-cut-you-down-to-the-core type of anger. Sometimes I even hate myself for that darker side lurking inside of me. But also for this reason, I am very tolerant of other people so that I won't get angry because I know that hurting people won't make me feel good in the end.
  5. I beg to differ. This isn't an INFJ thing. Everyone has a dark side.
  6. What happens to these evil dark INFJs if they cant hurt you with words or emotionally because you simply dont care what they think? INFJs you are describing only have the power to hurt people who apparently care enough about them to tell them things like some dark therapist...

    I dont usually get down like that. If I want to deliberately hurt someone I will either just do it, or I will go along with some shit they want to do, give them enough rope to hang themselves make sure everyone is watching and then pull the rug out from under them and watch them go down in flames.
    #6 Billy, Sep 20, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2012
  7. I dunno I always see the INFJs being the type to guilt you to playing the martyr and such--more an internally focused destruction. See how bad things are because of you and the things you did to me...see me drowning?.....see....blurbble.....blurbble...blurbble.
  8. yess.....will drop your arse like a hot pan; and I will destroy you if you hurt me really bad.
  9. I unfortunately have to say this is an accurate portrayal of an INFJ gone bad.

    I have turned into a twisted paragon exploding with cold rage in a period of severe stress, acting exactly as the OP describes. Under the illusion that forced enlightenment would rectify the situation, I systematically sheared every security within reach and exposed every single fault I could find in the name of "truth". Unbridled self-righteous martyrdom. In reality of course, it was a double-edged blade used for psychological execution. Without a doubt the most horrifying and eye-opening thing I've ever done - I realized that love can kill. The fuzzy side of an INFJs Fe is matched only by its harmful potential; in other words, the best saints make the best sinners and the only difference between them is a thin slicing of principe.

    This behavior is blessedly atypical and, imo, particularly profound to the self-aware. I know that I gained an immense appreciation for honest and thoughtful communication so nothing like it would ever happen again.
  10. I wasn't going to comment in here but feel compelled to confess after Radiant Shadow's post.

    The things described in the OP are malicious. I've been that person.
  11. When I am really angry, and have gone nuclear, all empathy goes out the window. I can and have been told that when angry I cut through to the bone with just a few words. I need to remain conscious of this and weigh my words carefully.
    After the fight, the waves of empathy come crashing back onto me ten fold and I feel like shit for saying what I did.

    Passive aggressiveness is another process. I don't know if it is because of my MBTI, or just my cultural up bringing since it is a common trait in people from Minnesota to be passive aggressive.
    Everything may appear fine on the surface. :nod: But I am keeping score and you will pay. Yes, you will pay. :laser:

    I went through anger management counseling 20 years ago. It was an eye opener for me. Both what I learned there and age has tempered my anger and how I deal with it.
    But still....sometimes....I just want to....nope!:tape:
  12. I was a little afraid to comment here. Yes, I was precisely that terrible person. But I must say it takes a lot to get me to that point. Another passive-aggressive here (unhealthy, imo). I must even confess that I enjoyed doing it to these particular people because I couldn't justify their deeds. I warn people that they shouldn't push my buttons if we're close to a disaster but, of course, they never listen. I think they deserved it BUT I wouldn't do it again to anyone, I think. I should learn to overcome my rage.
  13. We all have dark side, dear Jedi knights...Yes, I can feel very dark, but I admit that most of my hurts caused most paint to me. I am definetly cruel without purpouse sometimes. But, intentionally? Too much guilt would that be. I don't want it.
  14. :nod:
  15. I wonder if Medea was an INFJ. Her destruction of Jason's sons after he tries to leave her is so horrifying that even the Romans were shocked ( I mean in Seneca's play). I also like the ancient epic of Jason and the Argonauts. At the end she stares down a giant and kills him just by focusing hatred at him. I wonder if this is not an INFJ speciality. Can you kill at a distance? Medea could, by focusing her hatred into a tiny point and beaming it at a giant, she brought him down. Is this humanly possible? If anyone can do it, it's an INFJ.
  16. Basically. I hate these "dark side" of INFJ self congratulatory threads.. its like INFJs cant even be not passive aggressive when they are raging out... guilt only works on people who care. INFJs only have the power to hurt people that care about them.
  17. No, of course, one can be the opposite of passive aggressive. I tend to think it is healthier to rage out other than supress. I just can't make myself to hit someone in the face. And I agree with you that guilt works only on the ones who care. Guilt is not the universal way to hurt someone, I've never favored it. Just can't imagine it would work with anyone but an ex, family members, etc.
  18. Quite frankly I dont think INFJs can do this. I have to call bullshit. All these "dark side of the infj" posts that come around every once in a while are the result of the author infjs feeling hurt or scared and the writer is trying to bluff a warning out to everyone. Or maybe the author is trying to convince themself, but whatever the reason is its not because you are ninjas or any other little kid shit.

    Everyone can do bad things and has a dark side, but these posts are just written in such a way that you are just trying to puff your chest out but you cant back it up. Basically put up or shut up. They are always as elegantly written as if a high school freshman wrote them.

    I do agree with this though:" That self righteous bitchiness? That's what makes us ugly." That is what these dark side posts are, self righteous bitchiness. Really you should feel ashamed, or at least ashamed for the author, when someone puts these up because it makes INFJs look silly.
    CindyLou likes this.
  19. Why should it necessarily be guilt? There are plenty of ways to bring someone down. I tend to bottle up most things and not let myself down by doing something cruel to anybody, I dont like hurting people - granted... but sometimes something bursts in me, and then I become someone else. I did some stuff I'm not proud of, not gonna go into details, but looking back I dont believe myself how cold-hearted, manipulative, cruel and precise I was with the whole thing. I didnt use a drop of guilt, I took my time to identify all the weak spots on a person and then hit all of them at the same time. It worked perfectly. Cant say I'm eager to repeat it, I was scared of myself.
  20. You are sooo jealous
    purplecrayons likes this.

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