INFJ negative traits... | INFJ Forum

INFJ negative traits...

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by Shadows, Apr 25, 2013.

More threads by Shadows
  1. Ever since my freshman year of college, I have been absolutely fascinated by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

    When I was taking my English-101 course in the fall semester, my professor decided to try something new. She told us that we were going to learn about ourselves, then told us to go to a computer and log in.

    I had no clue what we were about to do, but I was very excited.

    After we all were sitting at a computer, she told us that we would be taking the MBTI.

    A test appeared on the screen and we dove in  And that’s when I found out that I was an INFJ. Out of the entire class, only two students tested into this category: Me and a girl named Sharon.

    So since we all are interested in the good qualities of the INFJ personality, why don’t we look at some of the negative qualities?

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    What are some of your negative traits, behaviors, etc.… ?

    Some of mine are:

    Whenever someone asks me to hang out, I make excuses that way I don’t have to hang out with them( Even though I love people, I need my space).

    I am very avoidant.

    I rarely initiate conversations.

    Dating isn’t my friend because I am horrible with small talk.

    I don’t like being in large crowds unless it is for an out-reach program like a walk for cancer.

    Sometimes I go days without talking to people, including friends. (my friends understand this part of me by now)

    Since I never ask girls out, they’ll ask me out. And when it happens, I feel a rush of anxiety sweep over me because I don’t want to turn them down.

    I never understand why they ask me out in the first place. I write for the college newspaper, and participate in out-reach programs, but outside of that. . . I don’t really talk to anyone.

    I want to have a relationship, but I want to have my own apartment before I do that. I feel like I am passing up opportunities from time to time.

    If you were to look at me, you’d think that I hated people because I have a pretty solid stare and it doesn’t change much. My exterior image doesn’t represent who I am on the inside, in other words.

    I can be very hard on myself.

    I can be careless from time to time.

    Sometimes I overanalyze.

    The list can go on. . .
    And on
    And on.

    So what are some of yours?
  2. I overanalyze all of the time.
    I am extremely hard on myself when I make mistakes. Usually I am harder on myself than anyone else would ever be.
    I hold on to relationships that are terrible for me. I have a hard time letting people go even though they cause me pain.
    I am also careless from time to time.
    I get easily depressed by little things and from the emotions of people around me.

    But I try hard to keep the negativity to a minimum. It takes effort, but I like feeling happy, so I keep working on the things that make me sad.
  3. I doorslam people, and when I do there's no turning back. The doorslamming thing chooses no-one. I doorslammed my father and it's been months I've talked to him since.
    I project faults when I'm on extreme stress.
    Since I can almost read expressions like a psychic, I know how to lie and what to say like most of the time.
    A bestfriend of mine once defined me as a "porcupine", because I tend to push other people away when they're trying to get close.
  4. I'll list my negatives but I do want to reply too :)

    I only make an excuse not to hang out because I don't want to a burden on them, but when I get a car, that will change. Sometimes I may not be in the mood to hang out either as I do enjoy my personal space but many times I just decide to go out because moods change :)

    I wouldn't say I'm avoidant, but I may be conflict-avoidant. I try to take a step back and see what's going on. I'm very humanistic and have a lot of empathy so I don't attack back and insult others. My mom and my brother are the only two people that get me so annoyed.

    I tend to initiate conversations online and on my phone. In person, it depends.

    I also would like to have my own apartment, I have never been in a relationship and won't be in one until I am successful and fully independent first before dating.

    I'm also very hard on myself, and I do over-analyze a lot as well.

    Me too on mistakes -- or sometimes I am so sensitive I feel I may have hurt someone but I actually never did.
    Yikes on relationships -- thankfully all of my friends are wonderful. Just my Mom and brother who can irk me sometimes.
    I don't think I'm careless, I usually am very thorough.
    I can get depressed easily too, I pick up emotional energy very much so!

    Anyways here's my list besides what I replied too:

    I can get too emotional at times. This can be in a good situation or a sad one.
    For example, sooo happy, can't sleep hardly at all for almost a week. Depressed, could last for a few days.

    There are also times when I'm emotionless. This is the worst for me, as it's like a detachment from myself. Thankfully haven't been like that in awhile.

    Sometimes I am crying inside to say something but I am too scared to address it. I finally did once and it was very therapeutic and my friend wasn't hurt at all, but I certainly had a vulnerability hangover for a while! Thankfully this does not happen too often.

    I like to socialize, but after talking I may need to retreat for a bit and be by myself for a little bit.

    I don't like big parties or being around so many people. Little groups with people I know is fine and I love that.
    If I'm hosting an event, however, I don't mind as much.

    As an INFJ, I have difficulty in making more male friends (though my 2 closest friends who live near me happen to be male ironically!) -- this is due to a lot of guys being on a different wavelength as me. Being very feeling orientated, it's not the norm for most guys.

    I may also have been more avoidant or less social had I not been so isolated growing up. Because of the extreme isolation I had, I can't go too long anymore without communicating to someone. I prefer being in a social environment more now.

    I don't know if this is negative, but small-talk is not what I like, I prefer deep conversations most of the time or just deep connections with people. Not that I need a whole personal conversation, just something more meaningful.

    I don't like watching sports (blech... and talking about it *boring!*) it's really such a boring thing to hear I just can't really have friends that are so sport oriented.
    I'm not competitive at all (though this isn't really a negative thing, but can be looked at as negative to some people).

    I'm terrible at detecting sarcasm at times.
    Can get easily hurt, though am working on this.

    I'm sure there's more negative traits but I tend to be more of a positive thinker, so :)
  5. Negative traits

    My negative traits are many lol, but I have learnt to recognise when I am practising these traits and can limit there effects.
    Having strong convictions and beliefs which I won't budge on, has even ended a friendship due to them having a starkly different political beliefs than me, although this can also be positive on occasions, as I follow my own line of thought so cannot be easily lead. Self doubt, when I'm feeling the Black dog days, when I become overly assertive where I have had problems in my past with anger, one of the original reasons for me taking up meditation in the first place.
    Can become lost in my own thoughts and lose some perspective although again meditation helps here, to ground and centre me.
    A social shyness, where I sometimes feel withdrawn from people I do not know, although figuring out what it would be like to be them, does help with this (Seeing the other side of the story).
    Taking life too seriously, although I believe I have this one now cracked!
    Can be perceived as lofty and aloof by other people, although yet again practising empathy helps with this trait, as I learn to accept people for who they are and not who I want them to be. I also acknowledge that people may not always get me or my ideas, as we may not always get to know anyone truly, which makes us all enigmas of life.
    But my worst trait is Depression, which may or may not be related to my personality trait. But I see even Depression as positive, as I am more understanding of other people going through bad times, as I have experienced my own.
    I also have a problem with self analysing everything I say or do, but with this, again I refer to the idea, that if ones motives were correct in any action or conversation then what ever you said or did, what ever the result, you know that your motives were correct and that if any situation turned out differently to what you expected then its more likely down to Murphy's Law, or to use a phrase "Shit Happens!".
    lastly a lack of patience, which I am still working on lol.
    #5 Bikerdelic, Apr 26, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2013
  6. I hold myself to unrealistically high standards and so I can often come off as 'high and mighty' with what I say and do.
    When something doesn't interest me though I don't really try at all and often come off as inept (which isn't always far from the truth).
    I generally project an image which isn't very true to how I actually feel.
    My nonchalant manner often makes people think I simply don't care when really I just view certain matters as not something to worry about.
    At the same time however things that I cannot change are what worry me most and cause anxiety.
  7. I wrote this in another thread about the pros and cons of being an introvert, but I think it might apply here.

    An introverts inventory


    Rich inner life.
    Well of internal resources and creativity.
    Don't need external stimuli to stay interested.
    Many hobbies and interests.
    Sensitive to hidden subtleties in life and human nature.
    Deep thinking and feeling.
    Deep, meaningful relationships.


    Live in and have to conform to a society that thrives on, emphasizes, and rewards extroverted energy. As a result, it can be difficult to find a niche.
    Have to work at being social and meeting people. As a result, it's difficult meeting like minded people.
    Easily overloaded by external stimuli, so much so that I need to retreat, regroup, rethink, and refuel.
    Can get too caught up in my head.
    Easily misunderstood because I either miss subtle external social cues, forget to or become impatient with adhering to them, or simply don't understand them at all.
    Lack of and impatience with acquaintance type relationships.
    Have to work at balancing simple and complex activities to keep from getting too caught up in my head.
  8. I can honestly say that I feel completely lost a lot of the time. I have a desperate need to be understood; I hate being misunderstood because it makes me frustrated and worried that people have wrongly interpreted me. I'm super passionate about the things I love and when people don't love things I love, I get confused because what I love is important. For example, I'm a firm believer in the accuracy of the MBTI and I want other people to just love how much fun it can be to learn more about people, as well as themselves.
    For me personally, I have a hard time interpreting certain people and I find it insanely frustrating. These people are the most fascinating to me because I don't get 'em.

    First'd I do? Kinda anxious to be here but excited too. :)
    Any help and tips >> much appreciated.
  9. Don't ya'll eat your boogers too?
    WellNoWonder likes this.
  10. INFP here, and I feel all of these things quite intensely. So, maybe these are INFX qualities rather than INFJ specific traits?
  11. The bolded seem like positive qualities to me and are things that would drive you to be successful. What makes these negative, exactly?
  12. Feeling alone and misunderstood a lot of the time.
    My level of caring for humanity and it's seemingly "horrible" state makes me frustrated and sad often(trying to work on it).
    My sense of responsibility makes it a challenge for me to just enjoy myself(working on it as well).
    I'm pretty sure there are a couple more things, they just don't pop in my mind at the moment
  13. Overanalyzing can lead to analysis paralysis where you get stuck deconstructing patterns and are unable to make a decision.

    Being too hard on yourself can lead to a fear of failure and a reluctance to take risks. It can also damage self-esteem.
  14. I can relate to them all as well.

    I agree with [MENTION=731]the[/MENTION] in that the first two of those traits seem to be double-edged swords. But those traits would only be completely positive if they were programmed into machines rather than people. All traits come with emotional backlash, and in extremes, functional backlash.
  15. I often compare myself to extroverts and end up coming up short in comparison, especially when the topic is superficiality!
    It seems like everyone has it easy even the people who say that have it hard.
    Only 1-3% of the population know how it is to be an INFJ.
    Oh yeah and how about they had this "What type are you attracted to MBTI" forum on here where you can take the test and mine came out that I was an INFP which is another confusing part about being an INFJ you always doubt your type!

  16. I'm not sure that's type-specific. Perhaps if they tasted like bacon?

  17. BTW I can identify with everything in this thread.(almost)

  18. I can only speak for myself, but strict, absolutist thinking and narrow-minded reactions surface when I am under great duress. However, because the Jungian personality theory is vague and somewhat arbitrary, I am unsure whether this is an unhealthy attribute of my personality type (INFJ) rooted in dominant Ni, my relative youth, or if it is simply a general human characteristic to overcompensate in the face of uncertainty.
  19. I'm new here, but can relate to many of the 'negative' traits suggested, my worst is the emotional overload and shutting off, i can not control my emotions what so ever, I feel deeply so any small problem in my relationship can soon escalate to a large one. I like to run away, a habit i grew up with, whenever i'm over loaded i need to be around nature and have time to regroup and analyze my feeling and why i felt that way, problem is that others don't understand the need for em to be alone and are often offended when i run off mid conversation, that can lead to be overloading more when they chase me and do not allow me recover. I have suffered with depression and anxiety from caring to much, but meditation has helped me over come this.
    The only other trait that i would perceive as negative as i am always putting myself out there to help others yet internalize my problems when i need help from others, i tend to rely on a few set people, which has left me deeply hurt when they have not reciprocated the friendship i had given them.
  20. I tend to focus on the negative things instead of the positive things. I have a hard time ever knowing how I really feel about things. I've strayed off of my course I think, I have a hard time taking a stance right now on what my philosophical view on life is, since I've become too objective and materialist. I always question why people love me, and I expect them not to. I am very sensitive- which is good because I am always improving myself, but at the same time, I have a hard time accepting things for what they are. I have some drama in relationships, although relatively speaking, I have much better relationships than most people I know.

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