INFJ + ENFP

[Cuddle Donor]

Actually I had a think about this and upon sleeping on it I realised it is I who needs to appreciate me for me, and what little pride I have was getting in the way. Regardless, unless someone happens to know a specific ENFJ who will put up with a socially gimped emotional juvenile long enough for them the improve to a point where they make make a meaningful contribution to a relationship then I think I prefer will take this journey alone. I know I will be a stronger and more independent person at the least.

Sorry for offtopic hehe.

 

[darkstar]

Oie, whew, lots to talk about.

I seem to think I would be more suited with one of the other types, maybe ENFJ or ESFJ or something like that.

I would like someone who likes to spend plenty of quality one on one time together as well as a fair amount of alone( as in away from each other and anyone ) time.

The last Extrovert I fell for would hold EVERY LITTLE thing I did wrong against me and was highly emotionally volatile. Are these traits for ENTP/ENFPs?

I sure hope not.

Also, for me I tend not to ride emotional roller coasters as to just usually slog down in the melancholy end of the spectrum for long periods of time.

INFP's sound good, except it says they "don't like their space invaded", which translates in my head to "don't touch me, leave me alone"

In a way, it was good that the last girl I fell for kind of pushed me away, there is no way that was going to work out anyway.

So, any further thoughts? this is an interesting discussion.

 

[hughnibley]

The last Extrovert I fell for would hold EVERY LITTLE thing I did wrong against me and was highly emotionally volatile. Are these traits for ENTP/ENFPs?

lol.

Not an ENTP attribute. It is difficult to get less emotionally volatile than an ENTP.

 

[Soulful]

It is difficult to get less emotionally volatile than an ENTP.

That's a mystery to me. How do you do it hugh?

 

[PsilocinProject]

lol.

Not an ENTP attribute. It is difficult to get less emotionally volatile than an ENTP.

Psh, INTP's win in that aspect. >=P

... I don't think being a spiteful douche is really a personality type kind of thing... Sounds more like the girl was just a spiteful douche.

 

[hughnibley]

That's a mystery to me. How do you do it hugh?

When I was younger, I remember being more emotional. I think it changed out of a need to be in control of myself.

The idea that someone could use my emotions as a way to control/influence me was unacceptable. So I almost never internalize anything.

For example, if someone says something rude to me, my first action is not to feel hurt, upset, or wonder if what they said is true. I try to understand what would motivate them to say something like that. One of the most liberating things in life, is learning how little people actually think about you. When people are rude/mean, they're usually just shooting from the hip. They don't know you, how could they? So, the only validity anything they say has, is the validity you give it.

I don't mean to sound trite or cliche, but it is true. So the key to emotional stability, for me anyway, is to understand that no one can know me unless I choose to let them. And even if they do, things they do, even if superficially directed at me, are more of a commentary on who they are, than I am.

 

[PsilocinProject]

When I was younger, I remember being more emotional. I think it changed out of a need to be in control of myself.

The idea that someone could use my emotions as a way to control/influence me was unacceptable. So I almost never internalize anything.


I don't mean to sound trite or cliche, but it is true. So the key to emotional stability, for me anyway, is to understand that no one can know me unless I choose to let them. And even if they do, things they do, even if superficially directed at me, are more of a commentary on who they are, than I am.

I actually felt the exact same way when I was a kid. I hated the fact that emotions could control me like that. So, as logical as I was, things just started hurting less. Unfortunately, that also killed my empathy/sympathy skills. Being callous to my own feelings kinda left me being callous to other peoples' feelings and I'm actually having to take the time and go back to being more feeling nowadays. I'm getting better at it and I'm just about to the point to where I want to be. Empathetic and sympathetic, yet still able to not let emotions cloud my judgment, rationale or understanding.

It's all about balance.

 

[darkstar]

Psh, INTP's win in that aspect. >=P

... I don't think being a spiteful douche is really a personality type kind of thing... Sounds more like the girl was just a spiteful douche.

Well, there are two sides to any story (thats the Libra in me talking...eace And the way I originally came off was equally douchee, just I can forgive, she couldn't

Anyway, trying to move on from that last one.

It doesn't help that I go to a school that is 90+% male. The rest are most likely taken.

I'm trying to figure out how to get a more, for lack of a better term (because I'm sure it's not what I mean), down to earth girl.

What sort of personality is that?

Romantic, down to earth, yet not dull? (or am I the one whose being too picky now?)

 

[hughnibley]

I actually felt the exact same way when I was a kid. I hated the fact that emotions could control me like that. So, as logical as I was, things just started hurting less. Unfortunately, that also killed my empathy/sympathy skills. Being callous to my own feelings kinda left me being callous to other peoples' feelings and I'm actually having to take the time and go back to being more feeling nowadays. I'm getting better at it and I'm just about to the point to where I want to be. Empathetic and sympathetic, yet still able to not let emotions cloud my judgment, rationale or understanding.

It's all about balance.

Absolutely. I've been struggling for a while to pull myself in the other direction, or have better filtering. Because, sadly, I'm just as likely to filter out positive comments as irrelevant, as I am to filter out negative ones.

 

[darkstar]

Absolutely. I've been struggling for a while to pull myself in the other direction, or have better filtering. Because, sadly, I'm just as likely to filter out positive comments as irrelevant, as I am to filter out negative ones.

I feel the same way. If a negative comment is just "sticks and stones" what is to say that that positive one isn't just idle flattery?

 

[PsilocinProject]

Absolutely. I've been struggling for a while to pull myself in the other direction, or have better filtering. Because, sadly, I'm just as likely to filter out positive comments as irrelevant, as I am to filter out negative ones.

We've discussed how much we suck at taking compliments before. Haha.

And, darkstar, you totally just described the perfect woman. There's no problem with searching for perfection... But you'll be surprised how different perfection in reality is compared to the perfection that you envision.

 

[Angantyr]

I am currently dating an ENFP and find her to the closest to everything I've ever wanted, she seems to be extremely willing to make this work and realizes our differences and similarities seem to work in our favour to help us grow.

As others have said the ENFP types seem to be very attracted to me, I remember working with one girl a few years ago and she was always flirting with me and I'm fairly sure she was an ENFP.

Also I know another INFJ+ENFP on the otherside of the spectrum (ENFP Male and INFJ Female) and they seem to work really well together. He really brings her out of her shell and she calms/relaxes him.

I think it is the type of relationship that can go extremely well if you are willing to accept and work with each other. We balance each other out quite nicely, but its really a matter of if you're willing to grow and it could turn into something quite amazing. It'd take time to get used to each other but its definetely worth it.

 

[midnightmelody]

ENFPs are like Arby said, a bit wacky in the intuition bit.

Overall, though, they are caring, optimistic, and passionate people. They are the less complex (not in a bad way), more sunny INFJs in a sense.

I wouldn't say this combo would necessarily be trouble, especially considering that ENFPs and INFJs are likely to have similar values, and the ENFPs seem more willing to work at building the "ultimate relationship" than some other types.

The big dangers are general mexican jumping bean loco-ness, and smothering tendancies. I think ENFPs probably make better romantics than spouses. But what do I know?

 

[VH]

ENFPs are like Arby said, a bit wacky in the intuition bit.

Overall, though, they are caring, optimistic, and passionate people. They are the less complex (not in a bad way), more sunny INFJs in a sense.

I wouldn't say this combo would necessarily be trouble, especially considering that ENFPs and INFJs are likely to have similar values, and the ENFPs seem more willing to work at building the "ultimate relationship" than some other types.

The big dangers are general mexican jumping bean loco-ness, and smothering tendancies. I think ENFPs probably make better romantics than spouses. But what do I know?

You're dead on except for the ENFP's amazing ability to be manipulative. Don't ever make the mistake of underestimating this potential. I'm not saying all ENFPs are manipulative, just that ENFPs have the capacity to be very good at it - if they choose to. (Also, and this is the most important part, don't assume that because you can see right through this that others will too. They won't unless they are Ni dominant - INFJ or INTJ - from what I've experienced.)

Also, don't underestimate an ENFP's ability to make an assumption (Ne) and assume it is the gospel (Fi) without ever telling you about it. Again, I'm not saying all of them do this, but they have the capacity to be extremely petty and underhanded - just like we have a capacity to be judgmental and domineering.

In my opinion, INFJ + ENFP = Really good if both are good, healthy, and mature people. Really bad if either of them trigger's the other's shadow modes.

For INFJ, Ne, Fi, Te, and Si are antagonistic functions until we learn to master them. When manifested in others, they can be very toxic for us, in a host of ways that encourage us to our worst. INFJs have the same effect on ENFPs who's shadow functions are Ni, Fe, Ti, and Se. However, if we've mastered these parts of ourselves, then the other person can be a real inspiration and cover our blind spots very well.

I have had more than one serious personality conflict with ENFPs. I also have several ENFPs whom are extremely close and long time friends. It all depends on the individuals. However, I've never had an 'indifferent' relationship with an ENFP that I am aware of. There was always some degree of polarity.

 

[smiffy]

ok for the last time................ stop generalising everyone of one type, just because you know of 1 or 2 examples in real life.

I have about 5 ENFP friends (who took the test and probably many more who I dont know are ENFP)

3 female ENFP's each one while they're all funny and deep display different levels of spontaneity and emotional rationality

Out of the 5 I know, at least 3 of them love the idea of lots of 1 on 1 time,we aren't all party animals, but we love people and talking to people whether In a big group or a small group, small groups or 1 on 1 only disinterests me when the people in these groups don't interest me. I spend alot of time with INTP friend and other ENFP friends very content.

I will say one thing the emotional needyness has been evident in all 5 and even myself so that is quite accuarate for this sample of people in question. We like to give and receive affection is both verbal and physical form, for the most part were very idealistic and will often back up these believes with real action. In all cases I know we are also very random in humour and can be extremely extremely loyal and hold to a high moral fabric

I have to say some of the posts seem to indicate a lack of real experience with a variety of ENFP's. I could generalize INFJ, but I know I can't because each one of you is uniquely different and I could have a relationship with one INFJ and not the next, its not black and white.

 

[midnightmelody]

You're dead on except for the ENFP's amazing ability to be manipulative. Don't ever make the mistake of underestimating this potential. I'm not saying all ENFPs are manipulative, just that ENFPs have the capacity to be very good at it - if they choose to. (Also, and this is the most important part, don't assume that because you can see right through this that others will too. They won't unless they are Ni dominant - INFJ or INTJ - from what I've experienced.)

Also, don't underestimate an ENFP's ability to make an assumption (Ne) and assume it is the gospel (Fi) without ever telling you about it. Again, I'm not saying all of them do this, but they have the capacity to be extremely petty and underhanded - just like we have a capacity to be judgmental and domineering.

In my opinion, INFJ + ENFP = Really good if both are good, healthy, and mature people. Really bad if either of them trigger's the other's shadow modes.

For INFJ, Ne, Fi, Te, and Si are antagonistic functions until we learn to master them. When manifested in others, they can be very toxic for us, in a host of ways that encourage us to our worst. INFJs have the same effect on ENFPs who's shadow functions are Ni, Fe, Ti, and Se. However, if we've mastered these parts of ourselves, then the other person can be a real inspiration and cover our blind spots very well.

I have had more than one serious personality conflict with ENFPs. I also have several ENFPs whom are extremely close and long time friends. It all depends on the individuals. However, I've never had an 'indifferent' relationship with an ENFP that I am aware of. There was always some degree of polarity.

I actually am aware of the manipulation thing. It's just that it really depends from ENFP to ENFP (or person to person, rather). I don't know. I used to think I was ENFP, but now I know I am not. I personally am not a huge fan of Fi or Te, but that doesn't matter to me as long as I like the person.

ok for the last time................ stop generalising everyone of one type, just because you know of 1 or 2 examples in real life.

I have about 5 ENFP friends (who took the test and probably many more who I dont know are ENFP)

3 female ENFP's each one while they're all funny and deep display different levels of spontaneity and emotional rationality

Out of the 5 I know, at least 3 of them love the idea of lots of 1 on 1 time,we aren't all party animals, but we love people and talking to people whether In a big group or a small group, small groups or 1 on 1 only disinterests me when the people in these groups don't interest me. I spend alot of time with INTP friend and other ENFP friends very content.

I will say one thing the emotional needyness has been evident in all 5 and even myself so that is quite accuarate for this sample of people in question. We like to give and receive affection is both verbal and physical form, for the most part were very idealistic and will often back up these believes with real action. In all cases I know we are also very random in humour and can be extremely extremely loyal and hold to a high moral fabric

I have to say some of the posts seem to indicate a lack of real experience with a variety of ENFP's. I could generalize INFJ, but I know I can't because each one of you is uniquely different and I could have a relationship with one INFJ and not the next, its not black and white.

While I agree with you, keep in mind the topic of this thread.

 

[smiffy]

I actually am aware of the manipulation thing. It's just that it really depends from ENFP to ENFP (or person to person, rather). I don't know. I used to think I was ENFP, but now I know I am not. I personally am not a huge fan of Fi or Te, but that doesn't matter to me as long as I like the person.




While I agree with you, keep in mind the topic of this thread.

I was making the point for an INFJ and ENFP realtionship, is best found out through real life interaction over hypothetical what ifs and MBTI theory! if one ENFP doesn't work out, that doesn't mean the next one wont!

I was also addressing in general posts made earlier in the thread!

Originally Posted by darkstar
Well, the thing is, the E to me pushes me away because my ideal relationship has LOTS AND LOTS of one-on-one time (an introvert thing) and I would hat to go to lots of parties to keep someone happy.

thank you

 

[IndigoSensor]

I was making the point for an INFJ and ENFP realtionship, is best found out through real life interaction over hypothetical what ifs and MBTI theory! if one ENFP doesn't work out, that doesn't mean the next one wont!

I agree with you that not every ENFP is the same.

Nevertheless, I'm sorry, and I mean no offence by this at all, but your response is SO classic ENFP.

 

[smiffy]

I agree with you that not every ENFP is the same.

Nevertheless, I'm sorry, and I mean no offence by this at all, but your response is SO classic ENFP.

good! this site needs some real life take a risk point of view! no offense taken! each type has its strength and weaknesses

 

[Zero Angel]

Two of my teachers are ENFPs, they are AWESOME! Class is definitely very interactive and not boring, they accept my suggestions, and the male ENFP plays Settlers of Catan and chess! I get along well with the rest of my classmates (who are all S types) but I definitely have closer bonds to the teachers who are ENFPs.

On an unrelated note I find the 'ENFJ' teacher bossy and with an annoying probing sense of humor (that none of the classmates appear to care for). I'm currently looking for ways to unlabel her ENFJ as she is worlds different than another ENFJ I know (though I may just have to accept defeat).