Help an intp feel? | INFJ Forum

Help an intp feel?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Mkenya, Feb 10, 2011.

More threads by Mkenya
  1. I think I want to know how to use Fe in a more positive way. I think I already use it, but in unhealthy ways. I've been trying (for the last week or so) to consciously allow Fe to do what it wants to do. I guess in the past I've always suppressed it. I have thoughts like "I should say thank you..but..wouldn't that be awkward? Maybe the person will think I have ulterior motives.." or "I want to talk to that person..but I hardly know him/her. Maybe they'll get the wrong idea about me. Maybe they're busy. I'll probably be just annoying them.." I think this is underdeveloped Fe. (Correct me if I'm wrong).

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    So in an effort to develop this function (and/or get over this block) I've been trying to let my wants do the guiding sometimes. I've tried to tone down the over analyzing especially in social situations. But this has led to some problems..
    (Skip to bolded part below for cliffs)

    1) People are starting to annoy me more than they did. Before I'd think that a person is annoying me but I wouldn't do anything in response to this feeling because I didn't think feelings were a good thing to be making decisions based off of. So I just dealt with it. Now, since I'm allowing my feelings more and more influence over my actions I find that I want to not interact with people who give me these feelings. But I still like people. And I would like to like all people (or at least accept them for who they are, which I was doing previously). My question is then "If what I am using is Fe, and Fe can sometimes cause you to not particularly like a person, how do you resolve the issue of wanting to like a person and not being able to?"

    2) I have no idea how to express Fe. The thing is, I appreciate people a lot. But I've never really acted on that appreciation because it was an "illogical" thing to do. But now I feel like acting on that appreciation a lot more (again letting my feelings do some guiding for a change). But mere words I guess don't really capture the amount of appreciation I want to give. A simple "thank you" is not enough in some situations. I want to do more..but I don't know how to. So sometimes my intention to show someone how much I appreciate them comes off as something else. This has led me to quite a few awkward situations where I'm guessing the person thought that my wanting to show them some appreciation was weird or something. So how do I show my appreciation in such a way that I feel satisfied and they feel satisfied as well, without out it being weird?

    3) How do I sharpen the ability to know what other peoples wants and needs are? I think inferior Fe drives me to want to know what they are, but doesn't really give me a clear picture of what they actually want and/or need. Instead it gives me like guesses and hunches. How do sharpen it to the point where I don't need to have rely on "my best guess". Is that even possible?

    I have many more questions but I'll leave it at that for now.
    actually cliffs....
    1)How do I resolve the problem of making negative value judgments and not wanting to make those judgments?
    2)How do I more accurately express Fe? How do I convey the message I want to convey? How do I learn to do this?
    3)How do I sharpen Fe? Is it even possible..or is it really just your best guess?


    Any insight is appreciated. oh and Hi..
     
    Neuropedia likes this.
  2. If you really had a heart, you wouldn't make us read all this crap
     
    Serenity likes this.
  3. That seems rather hostile.
     
    IndigoSensor likes this.
  4. I agree :)

    But I wouldn't take it to heart (if he had one)
     
  5. it's impossible
    intps don't have souls
     
  6. But I didn't. I provided cliffs. Which means I might have a heart. Which means there is hope?
     
  7. I don't know, but I'm keeping my eye on you.
     
  8. Watch out for the cult.
    It's an intp trap.
     
  9. Actually all Fe is, in a crude, nutshell kind of a way, is putting others' needs ahead of your own. Putting other people first and knowing what would be best for them by ignoring your needs is extreme Fe.

    When you're on a crowded bus, and there are no seats left but yours, and you see someone with child or a pregnant woman, or what have you...you give up your seat for them.

    If someone says they're feeling down, you take the time out to listen to them.

    If you're having a rough day but someone else is having an equally rough day, you let them talk it out first.

    And so on.

    Again, this is CRUDE Fe. Sometimes you can feel like a "doormat" if it's out of control. But start listening to people, and hearing what their concerns are. Then you try and help them. That's all it is.
     
  10. My interpretation was that Fe is being able to get what you want through an emotional channel.
     
  11. Mmmm...not so much, I'd say:

    From here

    And

     
    DevilDoll likes this.
  12. I think that what arbygil said about the crude Fe is generally correct although recognize that there are other examples of Fe that do not involve people emotionally trampling over you. I think the biggest thing Fe does is let you react to people's emotions. You can literally feel their pain.

    About Fe getting what they want through emotional manipulation, I think that Fe helps with that when paired with or channeled through Ni. Very dangerous. You can tell people what they want to hear and still control the conversation because an experienced Ni will know exactly the way people will react to something.

    Overall, Fe is passive and let's other people go first at the emotional four-way-stop-sign-you go-no you go clusterf**k
     
  13. Fe, Fi ... I've never taken the time to understand what this means. Doesn't interest me so I can't make any intelligent response to those posts. However, as an INTJ, I struggle with making decisions from a place of Feeling. I make rational decisions usually without trouble and where logic does not apply I use intuition. In any situation where I am forced to depend on feeling I experience an extreme lack of confidence and will make poor decisions. I have never been able to become better at it through my own efforts. What I have found is that some people bring out that side of me. Take away those people and that side disappears. Try seeking out people who bring out those qualities in you. Just be careful that they do not misinterpret that to be all of you. When they find out that it is only a minor aspect of you than can feel betrayed even if you were not being dishonest.

    As to helping people, I listen and I assist with solutions. Sometimes, I attempt to comfort them but I have serious limitations there and always give way to others who are more talented in that area.

    I hope someone can give more practical suggestions because they would help me also. My only concern is that my tendency is to apply them mechanically and that does not work.
     
  14. It's perfectly logical to respect feelings as a legitimate value. They have authority over comfort, desire, and a long list of other crap. You just have to be aware of them enough and where they repeat themselves, to identify them. A Ti/Ne (or Ni/Te ^)-dominant's default style is not so much to ride the flow of feelings (usually), but to pinpoint, categorize and make accurate decisions about "objects." So consider feelings just different objects to deal with.

    Actually Ne is good at predicting others' feelings about particular things, if that gives you more reason to believe that you already have that skill.
    The area where it wouldn't apply as strongly would be with people who you haven't yet gotten to know anything about, like you mentioned.
    In this case, just learn through trial and error. If you value your apparent feeling of awkwardness, then you're already giving it authority over your actions. Make rational note that the potential for other feelings outweighs this obstacle.
     
  15. What the heck, this thread is a month old. Well intp dude, I hope this will help you out if you're still around to check.

    1) Why do you want to like people even if you don't like them? Tell yourself to stop liking them if they've crossed certain boundaries.
    2) Just go with the flow. Being very appreciative isn't a bad thing. It's usually better than not being appreciative enough. Just express whatever you need to, but find a way to make it somewhat concise. Don't do it so that you end up wasting the other person's time or make them feel uncomfortable because you're a lot more appreciative than the effort they put in called for or what you received as a result of their efforts called for.
    3) You sharpen Fe by staying open to learning new things and paying attention to your environment all the time. The more experience you get, the more likely your Fe will be sharpened over time.
     

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