Being a debbie downer?
- Thread starter Artemisia
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- Dec 29, 2009
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How we look at the world, and how we want to deal with 'the reality' of it, I think is substantially up to us.
I like the Chinese saying which I think goes something like " a wise man realizes, we cannot control the world, only our reactions to it." Yes the world can be a hostile, brutal and, violent place. It can also be warm, gentle, loving and beautiful. I think we are meant to experience and learn from it all, good and bad and where possible, to face it with love and courage.
I have worked with and known people who had money, power and status, and were miserable and appreciated none of it. I have also known people, whose day to day lives were hard, they were poor and had little money, luxuries or status, but they valued and appreciated everything they did have, they were happy, loving and kind. I am looking forward to the paralympic games which start next week. In my last job, the lady who sat next to me at work, was partially sighted, she had 5 children and was very quiet and diligent in her work. She laughed and joked and made the most of everything, every day. I loved working with her ( I was her manager) and I admired her greatly. By comparison ? I stubbed my toe earlier and I am still ....ing grumpy about it, and writing this in the hope of undeserved sympathy..
So I think @Artemisia it's up to you. I am not being a critic, as I am well known for my at times 'Mr Buzzkill" attitude. Sure it's good to be honest and accurate about things, but life is short, and not all of it is as bad as you may imagine. Lastly ? If you have any aspirin or ointment for sore toes, please send it to me...
I like the Chinese saying which I think goes something like " a wise man realizes, we cannot control the world, only our reactions to it." Yes the world can be a hostile, brutal and, violent place. It can also be warm, gentle, loving and beautiful. I think we are meant to experience and learn from it all, good and bad and where possible, to face it with love and courage.
I have worked with and known people who had money, power and status, and were miserable and appreciated none of it. I have also known people, whose day to day lives were hard, they were poor and had little money, luxuries or status, but they valued and appreciated everything they did have, they were happy, loving and kind. I am looking forward to the paralympic games which start next week. In my last job, the lady who sat next to me at work, was partially sighted, she had 5 children and was very quiet and diligent in her work. She laughed and joked and made the most of everything, every day. I loved working with her ( I was her manager) and I admired her greatly. By comparison ? I stubbed my toe earlier and I am still ....ing grumpy about it, and writing this in the hope of undeserved sympathy..
So I think @Artemisia it's up to you. I am not being a critic, as I am well known for my at times 'Mr Buzzkill" attitude. Sure it's good to be honest and accurate about things, but life is short, and not all of it is as bad as you may imagine. Lastly ? If you have any aspirin or ointment for sore toes, please send it to me...
There's a winner!!! Package up some ointment and label the tube "Banged Yer Toe Gel". We would all get rich!
Seriously...hugs...There's no worse pain
- Dec 29, 2009
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@Sandie33 Omg, is there a hidden camera here ? Where did you get my photo lol ? That was hilarious, I am still laughing (at myself) thank you !!
You are welcome @James!!! LOL
I would have given you a metal. It's hard to do all this at once.
I saw the lashing you took in one of your threads. There was definitely a shortage of patience and compassion. One of the things I love about MBTI is that it can help you understand not just that it's important to choose your words carefully, but also why and how. I am more likely to put up a blog post limited to any followers I gain rather than start a thread. In addition, moving forward, any responses I have to a thread post will probably end up in a private message to the solicitor.
Have I been called a Debbie Downer, literally or with an equivalent phrase? No.
There's little I can say on the notion of a Debbie Downer as it's been covered so well. Especially by @atree.
However, on a related note, I have noticed however there is a kind of false-optimism held by some people. An optimism that is based on pretending things are great by repressing the gravity of the circumstance. Whereas authentic optimism admits reality for what it is (be it recognising real suffering, the injustice of a situation etc.), but sees the good that can come from it, and refuses to be destroyed by it, and to be persuaded that the darkness is absolute. It recognises the cloud, but sees its silver lining as the greater reality. It doesn't consist in deluding oneself the cloud isn't there.
In contrast, I suppose the Debbie Downer is a cloud watcher, a perpetual cloud pointer-outer even if there's nothing there; ever ignoring the silver lining and desperate not to embrace it lest it spoil their pity party. They are themselves a walking cloud of negativity. It would be unfair however, to write someone off for simply pointing out a cloud (a negative seeming reality). Those inclined to simply resists any negative reality, probably adhere to a false-optimism that consists in an ostrich-head in the sand kind of thing. Debbie Downers are a drag, and Ostrich Optimists are annoying. Grateful Gretels who can be joyful (not that it has to involve radical happy-chappy smiling, just a choice to be happy) and find a reason to be grateful, like in the context @James mentioned, no matter how tough, terrible and exhausting life is, are refreshing.
There's little I can say on the notion of a Debbie Downer as it's been covered so well. Especially by @atree.
However, on a related note, I have noticed however there is a kind of false-optimism held by some people. An optimism that is based on pretending things are great by repressing the gravity of the circumstance. Whereas authentic optimism admits reality for what it is (be it recognising real suffering, the injustice of a situation etc.), but sees the good that can come from it, and refuses to be destroyed by it, and to be persuaded that the darkness is absolute. It recognises the cloud, but sees its silver lining as the greater reality. It doesn't consist in deluding oneself the cloud isn't there.
In contrast, I suppose the Debbie Downer is a cloud watcher, a perpetual cloud pointer-outer even if there's nothing there; ever ignoring the silver lining and desperate not to embrace it lest it spoil their pity party. They are themselves a walking cloud of negativity. It would be unfair however, to write someone off for simply pointing out a cloud (a negative seeming reality). Those inclined to simply resists any negative reality, probably adhere to a false-optimism that consists in an ostrich-head in the sand kind of thing. Debbie Downers are a drag, and Ostrich Optimists are annoying. Grateful Gretels who can be joyful (not that it has to involve radical happy-chappy smiling, just a choice to be happy) and find a reason to be grateful, like in the context @James mentioned, no matter how tough, terrible and exhausting life is, are refreshing.
I had to add the clause that I don't think being 'a happy' person has to involve "happy-chappy smiling, just a choice to be happy" (as @Pleiades pointed out already) because otherwise it can make people who are authentically depressed, despite their willfulness to be anything but, feel guilty as if because they don't act Ronald McDonald happy, it's their fault for not willing hard enough.
This is a terrible attitude, and it's quite prevalent. Such people can be unfairly painted as Debbie Downers. I've known people who struggle with clinical desperation, and yet, in spite of their illness, they are happy people, because despite their negative emotions which they are tormented by, they've chosen to have a positive attitude. Yet this is easier to say than do, so I have no judgement for those who struggle to make that daily choice to be happy when they are plagued by depression. A happiness that is deeper than the flux of emotions, despite the idea of happiness that prevails today.
I know it's stretching the OP, but it relates!! I also mentioned the word Debbie Downer :S
This is a terrible attitude, and it's quite prevalent. Such people can be unfairly painted as Debbie Downers. I've known people who struggle with clinical desperation, and yet, in spite of their illness, they are happy people, because despite their negative emotions which they are tormented by, they've chosen to have a positive attitude. Yet this is easier to say than do, so I have no judgement for those who struggle to make that daily choice to be happy when they are plagued by depression. A happiness that is deeper than the flux of emotions, despite the idea of happiness that prevails today.
I know it's stretching the OP, but it relates!! I also mentioned the word Debbie Downer :S
I really should be cleaning my room right now. Heh.
I don't think anyone's ever told me I'm a downer, HOWEVER I do do the thing where I'm like "I have a bad feeling about so-en-so" and I've actually started telling family members about it. But I make sure to be like "but that's just my feeling- they might not be like that at all." Yes there's a hell of a lot of bad in the world, but there's also a hell of a lot of good in the world. I really like the good parts of the world so I'm willing to put up with the crap.
I don't think anyone's ever told me I'm a downer, HOWEVER I do do the thing where I'm like "I have a bad feeling about so-en-so" and I've actually started telling family members about it. But I make sure to be like "but that's just my feeling- they might not be like that at all." Yes there's a hell of a lot of bad in the world, but there's also a hell of a lot of good in the world. I really like the good parts of the world so I'm willing to put up with the crap.
Goat.
So I think that a lot of times, a person being called a downer is more a reflection on the one calling them out rather than the "downer" themselves. I mean, life doesn't have to be all rainbow shits and glitter giggles. Sometimes life sucks. It is okay to acknowledge that. It is okay to talk about it. I mean the amount of times people get all super awkward and uneasy when I state just as a fact that my brother died. Like what am I supposed to do? Ignore the fact that he ever existed because it makes you (general you) uncomfortable when you find out he is dead?
So I think that a lot of times, a person being called a downer is more a reflection on the one calling them out rather than the "downer" themselves. I mean, life doesn't have to be all rainbow shits and glitter giggles. Sometimes life sucks. It is okay to acknowledge that. It is okay to talk about it. I mean the amount of times people get all super awkward and uneasy when I state just as a fact that my brother died. Like what am I supposed to do? Ignore the fact that he ever existed because it makes you (general you) uncomfortable when you find out he is dead?
Some people can be downers without imposing themselves, but there are people who tend to suck the life out of people, and deliberately do so.
People live at difference frequencies, and that includes the spectrum of positivity. If people are around others who aren't in sync, of course they have bad things to say about each other.
Yes, there is melancholic or overly pessimistic, and then there's just being cautious and realistic. Major differences. Stewing in negative all the time is not healthy. Also, being constantly pessimistic, meaning only having depressing things to say whenever someone makes a comment, or offers a solution is being a downer, and doesn't help anything. Acknowledge, find a healthy way to deal with it, and then move on. Always having something negative to say when someone tries to be positive isn't helpful. You can be positive and realistic without being a downer.