hey i often read that infjs of all the mbti types have unanny insights into people,eg hidden motivations intensions,even being awe of there subconsious mind processing and knowing things about them that they dont even know,or knowing what they need or going to do before they do it?so how do you guys see this how well do you read people ?
[INFJ] infj and reading people
- Thread starter chad
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I don't know if i can be much of a help and I cannot speak for the rest of infjs. But personally, i've always been very observant. And when i listen, i listen intently while observing all details, i.e body language, use of words, eye movement. It's our high intuition that helps us "feel" and keen observations that help us "know" and read people. most times, people say things, but act differently from it..
- Dec 29, 2009
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- INFJ
Definitely true - it's a tell tale sign of the INFJ type. Not that we can't miss things or have 'blind spots' but usually an INFJ picks up on even tiny little things. I think it's the empathy and intuition. I think the sort of natural role for the INFJ is to 'counsel' others, so we need a high level of insight in order to be able to that. I think INFJ's need to careful of reading too much into things (I certainly do) but the INFJ instincts about people and situations are usually very accurate.
Very much what [MENTION=14825]bellisima[/MENTION] said and it all depends on the situation though and I don't do it intentionally, if I do I make mistakes, but I notice body language, eye movements, micro expressions, voice inflection, placement of feet, hand movements, an overuse of details, omission of details, whether they are moving naturally with a comfortable, fluid flow or whether they are fluid like a robot (ie forced, unnatural movements) and it is only after making these observations without any real intent that I can begin to piece it all together intentionally for a complete picture, sometimes, I do it quickly, other times it may take some time, but if I start with the intention of reading someone I end up projecting onto them and make false assumptions, also I did not use one period in this post I truly hope there are no grammar Nazi's that see this!
Just adding my few thoughts, will not rehash those thoughts already contributed, just add to them if I can.
The empathy thing is such a tricky thing. I first noticed it when one day I was like "WTF? Why am I seeing myself this way? I would never see myself this way," and then when I thought of it I was like "Oh! It's because that person over there is seeing me this way." But most of the time I am REALLY sub-aware when it comes to it. It's always there, going on, and it has a huge impact on my feelings at any given moment, but most of the time I'm not thinking about that at all. And I don't think I have developed it enough to actively read people in a way that I can use reliably in social situations. To some extent YES of course... but at the same time, it's sort of all over the place. I'm distracted, I'm not thinking about it... you know.
There is a social lexicon that's created over time, and I would say it is a pretty massive directory. I'd like to say that it's created through Se but it's only partly created through Se. Because my lexicon is not only built out of information derived from sensory input acquired from face-to-face social interactions, it's also derived from mental models created through engagement with textual types, stock phrases, generic cues, that sort of thing. Like for example, if someone uses the word "whilst", I immediately become just a little bit cautious. But I don't want to give away all my secrets ;-) Anyway... it is interesting to think about.
The empathy thing is such a tricky thing. I first noticed it when one day I was like "WTF? Why am I seeing myself this way? I would never see myself this way," and then when I thought of it I was like "Oh! It's because that person over there is seeing me this way." But most of the time I am REALLY sub-aware when it comes to it. It's always there, going on, and it has a huge impact on my feelings at any given moment, but most of the time I'm not thinking about that at all. And I don't think I have developed it enough to actively read people in a way that I can use reliably in social situations. To some extent YES of course... but at the same time, it's sort of all over the place. I'm distracted, I'm not thinking about it... you know.
There is a social lexicon that's created over time, and I would say it is a pretty massive directory. I'd like to say that it's created through Se but it's only partly created through Se. Because my lexicon is not only built out of information derived from sensory input acquired from face-to-face social interactions, it's also derived from mental models created through engagement with textual types, stock phrases, generic cues, that sort of thing. Like for example, if someone uses the word "whilst", I immediately become just a little bit cautious. But I don't want to give away all my secrets ;-) Anyway... it is interesting to think about.
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I think this is mostly what it boils down to.
I'm an extremely observant person. I've been doing it all my life, and spend most of my waking hours observing something in some way so have become quite good at it. Sometimes it's only small little things I observe while busy with other things, other times it's being 100% focused on my observation of the moment. That's a strong Ni at work.
Mix that with Fe - and you get an idea of what kinds of things my observations are directed at the most. People, society, social cues, interpersonal relationships, how other people feel, etc.
I'm so good at reading people because I've spent an entire life being deeply interested (subconsciously and consciously) observing other people. When I run into a curveball, it is extremely fascinating to me and I become obsessed with trying to figure that thing out (I.e. a relationship or person whose behavior or situation I've never experienced before). Sometimes this is to my benefit but often it isn't. Part of why breaking up with someone or cutting contact is such a long term struggle. Because for me to get to that point, it means I ran into a curveball somewhere and I become deeply invested in figuring that out. Which leads to people I've long since let go of being constantly on my mind in some way or another for entirely too long.
Haha, I use the word “whilst,” because I quite like the word, and value the whimsy that sometimes comes from using it in a playful manner.
If you find reason to be just a little bit cautious if and when the word is used, that’s your business and I am sure you have your reasons.
That said, I’m curious to know your thoughts in this regard, but I will be content to remain curious if you wish to keep your secrets. ;-)
Cheers,
Ian
Night Owl asked me about this also. I definitely don't "blacklist" anyone for using it. Most of the time it's clear people are using it for fun. But it's an archaism that has been replaced in current usage by "while", and has no special additional meaning beyond the meaning of "while". Because it gives some sort of illusion of being from a bygone golden age of more proper or better educated people, it will sometimes be used by snobs, arrogant people, and insecure people to assert some sort of superiority of cultural capital or something. Whatever. Maybe I just hate that stupid word and it annoys me. I don't always take my "readings" of people all that seriously, they are just a guide ;-)
Hey chad. Yeah its very hard to speak on behalf of other people because I can tell you now that when it happens as an infj you are literally looking around the room in confusion that nobody else can see how someone truly feels... That feeling you get when someone is dropping a hint. I get that when they arnt and its more of a pain than you may think.. for example if you are in a group and someone feels left out as the group continues about is business you know! You know straight away and because your the only one who can figure it out it becomes your god damn job to rectify the situation. And if you don't.... The vibe alone begins to eat you alive. I can also say that its difficult to be in a room with two people that don't like eachother because as much as they pretend things are fine its like there body language and passive aggressive comments are just frustrating to absorb. Of course again you feel compelled to try clear the air. I'm not saying I hate the ability to pick up intentions and emotions of others
Ps sorry for raving a bit. Only just found this site and have 15 years of it.
I see body lang and pick up on speech patterns. I then seem to apply what i see against known patterns of behavior so I can adjust to that person's needs. Sometimes it happens so fast it just rolls into a gut feeling and a coresponding reaction on my part. I just believe i know (right or wrong). Seems to work well for me most days but could do without the perceived emotion absorption.
Love the people i cannot read. It is like watching an actor. I can see the character they are playing but nothing more. Infps seem to get my attention every time for this reason.
To be fair though i often get burned out pretty fast when in public because of all this pattern searching. Kind of wish i could just turn it off. These days i wear a baseball hat over my eyes and aviod eye contact while in public. Just easier to avoid the whole process when their is no direct benifit to myself or others. Plus i don't always like what i perceive in humanity...
Love the people i cannot read. It is like watching an actor. I can see the character they are playing but nothing more. Infps seem to get my attention every time for this reason.
To be fair though i often get burned out pretty fast when in public because of all this pattern searching. Kind of wish i could just turn it off. These days i wear a baseball hat over my eyes and aviod eye contact while in public. Just easier to avoid the whole process when their is no direct benifit to myself or others. Plus i don't always like what i perceive in humanity...
Ever seen the tv show Psych? It's about a detective who is extremely observant, so much so that he fools others to believe he has psychic abilities. I feel the same way. I facebook stalk people and find their patterns. Then when I see them in person I'll tell them their deepest secrets guesstimated from the patterns. It's very entertaining, you get a lot of intrigued/creeped out/ highly interested looks. You can also watch someone from afar before meeting them to do the same. Try it, helps with confidense in meeting new people.