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Thread: INFJ + INTP?1843 days ago

  1. #1
    Regular Poster Alkali Regnant's Avatar
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    INFJ + INTP?

    I'm curious if any of you are in this sort of relationship
    I recently have found myself dating an INTP and I'm loving it!




    Also just a random blog post I found done by someone having to do with INFJ/INTP relationships: http://homepage.mac.com/bahlberg/ibl...434/index.html
    ("A relationship of total mutual miscommunication" as it says lol)
    Within all of us is a varying amount of space lint and star dust, the residue from our creation. Most are too busy to notice it, and it is stronger in some than others. It is strongest in those of us who fly and is responsible for an unconscious, subtle desire to slip into some wings and try for the elusive boundaries of our origin.
    ~K.O. Eckland, "Footprints On Clouds"

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    Gone trekking with Bilbo Baggins pics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue-S-S View Post
    I'm curious if any of you are in this sort of relationship
    I recently have found myself dating an INTP and I'm loving it!

    Also just a random blog post I found done by someone having to do with INFJ/INTP relationships: http://homepage.mac.com/bahlberg/ibl...434/index.html
    ("A relationship of total mutual miscommunication" as it says lol)
    Interesting description.

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    Permanent Fixture Naxx's Avatar
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    This is true, one of my best friends is a INTP. We get into many arguments often arguing similar points but in actuality different.

    It's hard for my INTP friend to factor in emotional aspects into analysis, that I have noticed.
    It takes courage to see truth and it takes truth to live free.

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    On Holiday Bored Now's Avatar
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    i lurve Intps. They are just awesome people. If you can find a sensitive one, life is pretty much perfect. That way they recognize your feelings but won't let you get all maudlin and mopey about them. Good luck!

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    What do you mean, I can change my Usertitle Duty's Avatar
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    I wrote this a while back, it may be of some use to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Duty View Post
    INTPs often tend to fall for INFJs, particularly in a heterosexual relationship where the male is INTP and the female is INFJ. Since I've been in one of these, and was for over 3 years, I can give my theory on why these types fall for each other:



    Why INFJs Fall for INTPs:



    1. INTPs are honest. In fact, they may be the most strait-forward and truthful of the types...to the point that their precision with the truth can seem pedantic to others, and even socially awkward when they are attempting to see social rituals through their objective lense. Still, INFJs really love this quality, and often come to rely on the INTP's sense of honesty and truth once they learn to trust the INTP.

    One of the potential pitfalls of the relationship never getting off the ground is the INFJ's tendency to think they can see the motivation behind everyone's statements and actions...but an INTP often has no alternative motivation then stating what they honestly perceive to be the case. I've had INFJs and ENFJs that have gotten on my nerves by constantly questioning my objectivity because they think they can "read me" and see alternative motives when there are none there.

    Much later in the relationship, when the INFJ has learned the INTP very well, this can become a huge boon though...as the few cases that the INTP has alternative motives, the INFJ can sniff that out and bring it to light, potentially resulting in enormous amounts of growth for the INTP as they purge themselves of prejudices and become even more objective (which is very healthy for INTPs).

    2. INTPs make fantastic and often genius connections that impress the INFJ, and even lead her to growth for herself. While our INTJ counterparts ask the question "Does it work?" our ENTP counterparts ask, "How could it potentially be?" and ENTJs ask, "How can it be best put to use?" we INTPs ask a more fundamental and base question: "Is this true?" We ask others to tell us what it IS, not what it could be, what they think about it, how it is used, etc...just what it is.

    This unique persective contributes a lot to our obsession with logical correctness and truth, and hence the attraction from #1, but it also answers vital questions an INFJ is likely to never consider, as the questions they tend to ask, such as, "Is this good for others?" and "Do people have a right to do this?" often skip over more basic questions that are answered by the INTP. Going "back" to review these questions, which is what the INTP brings to the INFJ, will often cause the INFJ to view things in a new, more precise perspective, causing much personal growth.

    3. This is related to 1, but bears mentioning separately. There is very often a constant miscommunication between the types (where the INTP is being logical in explaining his theories, thinking the INFJ is very interested, while the INFJ thinks the INTP is expressing his feelings...being open and honest about the subject) that is actually beneficial to producing attraction. If there isn't a huge gap in intelligence between the types, this can be a great thing, as the INFJ can understand the theories the INTP is communicating and contribute to the conversation, even helping modify and produce new explanations for things...it makes for great conversation.

    4. INTPs like sex. INFJs like sex.



    Why INTPs Fall for INFJs:


    1. Mystery. We INTPs love logic, mathematics, language, and anything that requires theories and explanations to learn, but we perhaps are more intrigued by those things we have extreme difficulty explaining. INFJs often have a certain "psychic" quality to them that can be extremely intriguing. They almost seem to read the thoughts of others at times. Later in the relationship, after the INFJ has learned the habits of the INTP, this quality is very beneficial, as the INFJ can "call out" the INTP on things they aren't as objective as they tend to be.

    2. The INFJ mindset ("Is this good for people?" "Do people have a right to do this?") can provoke an INTP into interest in such fields as psychology, philosophy (especially ethics), sociology, and the like. INFJs, if anything, are INSPIRING to an INTP, as they provide such a different way of looking at things that the INTP is inspired to learn and make theories on subjects the INTP may not have even considered at all important before.

    3. INFJs like sex. INTPs like sex.

    4. Life is tough to an INTP. For the same reasons INFJs and INFPs get along well, INTPs and INFJs have a similar thing: INTPs are so counter to the dominant cultural mindset that life can be VERY wearing on us. INFJs are even called "the confidants" and this quality is very nice to an INTP. When our emotions do come out, it will only be to a select person or very very limited group of people. If an INFJ is the closest person to us in life, then this rare outpouring is made much easier for the INTP, and often makes the INFJ feel great as they are trusted with a rare phenominon.

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    XXXX Norton's Avatar
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    My INFJ wife and I have been very happily married for 33 years. In our particular case, the INFJ and INTP combination has been very compatible and resonant, particularly after the first few years of experience with each other. I'm a rather extreme INTP, but over the years I've learned a lot from my wife about emotions, both hers and mine. It hasn't made me less of an INTP but it has made me more balanced and a better person. I think that many (particularly young) INTP's can be immature, insensitive, and socially inept because their life experiences are probably the most detached from the "real world" than those of any other personality type. For me, at least, I essentially have an abstraction/emulation system in my mind that filters all that comes in from the outside world. Thus, everything I see is represented by what is essentially an abstract model of reality. It allows me to manipulate ideas, thoughts, and sensory input in very interesting and, sometimes, productive ways (I'm a successful inventor). It's an extremely rich inner life. I've always been good at mathematics and other abstract ways of thinking (e.g., programming). Indeed, mathematics to me manifests the most perfect beauty to be found. Yes, I'm aware that this may sound weird, but beauty is where you find it and, like most INTP's, I don't care what people think of me. So, you can imagine that there is a steep learning curve for anyone, particularly an F, who is in a relationship with an INTP. But, when you're truly in love with someone, you want to do anything you can to understand that person and make them happy, so there is a strong motivation for an INTP in love to learn about things (like emotions) that might initially seem uncomfortable and slightly alien. For example, I learned very quickly never to disparage the validity of my wife's feelings. Boy, did I learn that fast!

    I can't imagine being married to an extravert (yack yack yack--thought interference ad infinitum ) or a sensor (totally different world views). So, because of my marriage (and one of my sons is an INFJ, too, the other being INTJ), I have an extremely tender feeling for INFJ's. Special people, for sure.

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    What do you mean, I can change my Usertitle Sithious's Avatar
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    It's a horrible match, you will both burn in fire and brimstone

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    Gone trekking with Bilbo Baggins pics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Norton View Post
    My INFJ wife and I have been very happily married for 33 years. In our particular case, the INFJ and INTP combination has been very compatible and resonant, particularly after the first few years of experience with each other. I'm a rather extreme INTP, but over the years I've learned a lot from my wife about emotions, both hers and mine. It hasn't made me less of an INTP but it has made me more balanced and a better person. I think that many (particularly young) INTP's can be immature, insensitive, and socially inept because their life experiences are probably the most detached from the "real world" than those of any other personality type. For me, at least, I essentially have an abstraction/emulation system in my mind that filters all that comes in from the outside world. Thus, everything I see is represented by what is essentially an abstract model of reality. It allows me to manipulate ideas, thoughts, and sensory input in very interesting and, sometimes, productive ways (I'm a successful inventor). It's an extremely rich inner life. I've always been good at mathematics and other abstract ways of thinking (e.g., programming). Indeed, mathematics to me manifests the most perfect beauty to be found. Yes, I'm aware that this may sound weird, but beauty is where you find it and, like most INTP's, I don't care what people think of me. So, you can imagine that there is a steep learning curve for anyone, particularly an F, who is in a relationship with an INTP. But, when you're truly in love with someone, you want to do anything you can to understand that person and make them happy, so there is a strong motivation for an INTP in love to learn about things (like emotions) that might initially seem uncomfortable and slightly alien. For example, I learned very quickly never to disparage the validity of my wife's feelings. Boy, did I learn that fast!

    I can't imagine being married to an extravert (yack yack yack--thought interference ad infinitum ) or a sensor (totally different world views). So, because of my marriage (and one of my sons is an INFJ, too, the other being INTJ), I have an extremely tender feeling for INFJ's. Special people, for sure.
    Great post. Understanding, sensitivity, and maturity along with a compatible type fit goes a long way.

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    Newbie BliG's Avatar
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    I've just gotten out of a relationship with an INTP.
    Alot of good I think, comes out of this match. The personalities are compatible in many ways but different enough to learn alot from each other. Both personalities value truth and authenticity and often come to similar conclusions about the world,but using very different approaches.
    The problem (maybe for the younger INTPs?) is that they may not want to be challenged to deal with/work on "Feeling". No doubt that this personality type cares very deeply and takes commitments seriously, but that only goes so far. I've found that INTPs I've known (all in their early 20s) still can't deal with their own feelings and it becomes a strain on their partners. However, both INTPs I know led very difficult lives and personal traumas, so they definitely avoid feelings more than the average INTP, I'd think...

    overall, much potential in the INFJ+INTP! It all depends on how willing both people are and how mature and really they are to date someone so different from themselves.

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    XXXX Norton's Avatar
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    If an INTP ever grows up (emotionally, that is) he or she can be quite an interesting companion who is compatible with an INFJ. I'm not really sure why dealing with emotions is so difficult for INTP's but it's true. After many years of marriage to my INFJ, I still find it extremely difficult to just acknowledge her emotions about a problem without suggesting a logical, well reasoned solution that would solve the problem and make the bad feelings go away. But, I've been taught by my patient INFJ and I've learned from experience.

    When I'm feeling bad, there's nothing like working on a difficult mathematical problem to escape emotional turmoil and help me feel more stable, balanced and relaxed. I know this fits the INTP stereotype but, there you have it.

    There are advantages and disadvantages with every personality type. Once committed to a relationship, INTP's are typically extremely loyal and unlikely to stray.

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    Newbie ChadLeHompe's Avatar
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    Last edited by ChadLeHompe; 05-12-09 at 02:24 PM.

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