Hi everyone, I'm Gwena. I joined this website because I love INFJs. Though I have a problem. I've been trying to figure out my type for around 4 years so far and I haven't made any progress. Events that have made trying to find my type difficult include having abusive parents, being suicidal/depressed for more than half my life, and being a teenager. It's hard to know whether I'm looping or in the grip of my inferior half the time.
I cannot resist helping others no matter how tired I am, or how much I need help myself. One of my personal values includes helping others whenever they need help. I think in our world, we need to have more sympathy towards others. Though to be honest, I don't really give a damn about others. I'm fairly apathetic towards everyone, I just want to do the right thing in order to achieve inner peace. I find that if I do something morally wrong, even if my mind doesn't realize it, my conscience impairs my ability to focus on other tasks. I have around 70 moral and behavior rules dedicated to doing what I consider to be the right thing.
Nothing disgusts me more than people who invalidate other people's feelings and/or experiences. People who decide that others are oversensitive for reacting to anyone get on my nerves. If I hurt someone, even if I didn't mean to, I always will apologize. This has stemmed from people deeming me as oversensitive or insane from being very emotional/depressed when I was in 8th grade even though I was going through depression and attempted suicide. Nobody showed any sympathy towards me even though it was quite obvious in my opinion.
I'm somewhat of a sociable misanthrope. I absolutely love interacting with others and discovering their stories, quirks, etc. I find most of the people around me kind of shitty but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy interacting with them. I hate talking about anything personal though but yeah.
I'm somewhat escapist. I used to be obsessed with the Harry Potters series and various other fantasy novels and I remember daydreaming about them quite frequently. I loved fanfiction and literature analysis essays. Because of this, along with having abusive parents (both of them are ESFJs), I had rather terrible social skills when I was younger. I used to hit people all the time (I meant for it to be playful) and make inappropriate/weird jokes. Also, I remember I really wanted to belong to this one group and they used to call me a stalker even though I just wanted to talk to some people. Because of this experience, I decided to try to avoid making other people feel excluded. I don't understand how people can do that though since it's so awkward and kinda mean. I like making other people feel like they belong but only when I deem them worthy of it.
I believe in using shock effect to make others pay attention to what I'm saying. I love getting attention. I am a proud attention whore but I don't do just anything to get attention. That would be inauthentic. I put a bit of myself into everything I do. I try to make things me.
I've always been wanting to impact the world and be remembered forever. I have 10 planning journals dedicated to exactly what I want out of life. I don't believe in short term goals because everything adds up in the end. The future is a beautiful thing that gives me hope that one day, I'll live a better life.
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