I recently broke up with a (male) ENFJ. We had a wonderful relationship. I have had a lot of experience with dating and he was by far the best boyfriend I have ever had. We were so in tune with each other. I had to end it for two reasons. First, he was struggling with being an individual. Prior to meeting him, he was in a long term relationship. We started dating a few months after it ended and he has felt like he hasn't had an opportunity to just be single and explore who he is. Second, I don't like his relationship with alcohol. I feel like he drinks past his limit and he recently decided to drink and drive.
I'm struggling with this. I do love him very much but I (somewhat) understand why he needs to be single and I can't accept his substance abuse. ENFJs always try to make everyone around them happy... why won't he cut back on the drinking for me? Why is being an individual more important than being with me?
He has said time and time again that he wants to be with me after he "finds himself" and gets to be his own person for once. He insists that the drinking is just a temporary thing (through college). My thoughts are that if he really loved me he would fight to keep me and all of this other stuff wouldn't matter. Will he come around? I want him to come back and tell me he didn't want this after all and he will be responsible with drinking. I fear that's just a silly fantasy. What do you all think? Experiences?