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Thread: INFJs With Full Control Over Their Emotions?820 days ago

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    Regular Poster Lex Orandi's Avatar
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    INFJs With Full Control Over Their Emotions?

    In my inaugural post on this forum, I mentioned that I feel that I have deadened my emotions since I was young because I feared that empathy between myself and other people left me vulnerable to emotional manipulation (such as sulking or anger). As a consequence, I know have a lot of control over my emotional state and am extremely good at suppressing my feelings in situations where it is beneficial. This is not to say that it's comfortable to do so--on the contrary, it's usually at least somewhat stressful--but that it's a finely-honed skill I've developed as a defense mechanism. I think my primary reasons for doing this were because I moved a lot as a kid and was always an outsider, and thus vulnerable to ridicule, and because my sister and father were emotionally manipulative (I think they're INTJs, maybe a bit sociopathic).

    Has anyone else done this? Or am I just nuts?



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    N0. purplecrayons's Avatar
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    I try to accomplish this, and am not completely successful. Things seep out, but not usually in public. I can decide to reign it in, and not act out on a rise of emotion.
    "Don't let anyone else disturb your peace of mind." ~my sweet Honey Badger

    -demand nothing. give all.

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    no chocolate flavored gum? wow JGirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lex Orandi View Post
    In my inaugural post on this forum, I mentioned that I feel that I have deadened my emotions since I was young because I feared that empathy between myself and other people left me vulnerable to emotional manipulation (such as sulking or anger). As a consequence, I know have a lot of control over my emotional state and am extremely good at suppressing my feelings in situations where it is beneficial. This is not to say that it's comfortable to do so--on the contrary, it's usually at least somewhat stressful--but that it's a finely-honed skill I've developed as a defense mechanism. I think my primary reasons for doing this were because I moved a lot as a kid and was always an outsider, and thus vulnerable to ridicule, and because my sister and father were emotionally manipulative (I think they're INTJs, maybe a bit sociopathic).

    Has anyone else done this? Or am I just nuts?
    i block my emotions too. not that i don't feel them because oh yes i certainly do! i don't allow them out so to speak. the bigger the crisis or hurt the further they go back into my secret spot.
    i've been accused of being cold and aloof, but that couldn't be further from the truth.
    i almost cry when i pass car accidents because i can feel the fear and pain and all that. i can actually feel it.
    if i were to allow my emotions free reign i would be a puddle.
    i honed a skill that has been very helpful to me in my journey
    feel with my heart but think with my head.
    it's amazing how much more sense things make when i do that.

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    Charon's rejection Radiant Shadow's Avatar
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    You are not alone.

    I have too much control over them, to the point where I don't feel anything except occasional dredges of anger. It's nifty as temporary shield against abuse, but being disconnected with yourself is harsh and unhealthy. Take care, Lex Orandi, that control does not become dominance - the line is subtle.
    Hope is an anytime wreath, hung as a noose for the naive and savored as a wine for the wise.



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    Banned LostPianist's Avatar
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    I think I am somewhere between INFJ and INTJ I pathologically block my emotions in social settings - In private I can be very intimate - And when alone I can let things out - And my piano music expresses a lot about me as well, so I can identify with you (all).

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    Community Member Optimist's Avatar
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    Yes... Controlling for me began with just a shut-off of all emotional and physical feeling, which I have since learned is not at all uncommon. Still, I cycle through phases of complete apathy in order to stop the pain without a source, but I know this to be unhealthy.
    The way I see it is this: being a deep feeler means you will have more pain than anyone, but you will also have a more satisfying joy as well. Feeling is a gift, but with such a gift comes the responsibility of wielding it well. Will you allow your gift to be rendered nonexistent by controlling it to the extent that it ceases to possess the quality of passion? Will you become such a liar that you forget what it means to give a sincere response? Are you so afraid of being hurt that you will abstain from giving the world your heart?
    We do have a fine line to balance on. We must be responsible with our powers and wield them without harming others, but at the same time, we cannot cage them.
    Emotions are like horses... Train them, then ride them. You are the master, but they the artist. You steer, but after a time, you learn to trust and allow them a bit of their own length of rope. Ride well.

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    fhtagn Jill Hives's Avatar
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    I so wish I did. My emotions are crazy when they get out of hand. I'm usually a pretty chill person but...I have a really hard time hiding how I am feeling, and I can have strong emotional reactions. My face is too expressive. But with me this is confusing for people I think, because I also just look pissed off sometimes when I am just concentrating or thinking about whatever it is I am doing. Which then annoys me because my thoughts were interrupted to be asked "how are you?" as if something was wrong, when NOTHING IS WRONG! But now it is, cuz you are annoying! hahahaaa....

    Make me mad enough I might even *gasp* slam a door. This, I am not proud of but, it has happened. And I wouldn't be so sure it wouldn't ever happen again.

    I need a physical outlet for my emotions. Or things like door slamming happens.

    I'm such a child, I know.
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    On Holiday 894tt3h9's Avatar
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    I can block out and deaden my emotions also and have done it for many years. But emotions are there for a reason and they'll find a way to express themselves eventually. You can only stuff feelings down for so long before you don't have any more room to stuff them. My suppressed emotions express themselves through anger but mostly heightened anxiety which leads to panic attacks.

    Sometimes it's necessary to not run away with your feelings and to know when it's beneficial to keep them on lock down. I tend to let my logic override my feelings a lot and it generally keeps most people in my life at arms length and difficult to connect with others. My empathy sometimes is non-existent. I like it this way sometimes when I see what a struggle others have with their feelings. But it just creates problems to stuff them down TOO much either way.

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    maybe the dingo ate your baby Sensiko's Avatar
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    i'm good at controlling my emotions in public except when it comes to my achilles heel. if there is something really important to me and i feel the other party is not hearing me out i will lose it. my parents did this to me growing up, i can't fucking stand it. i lost it like this at work once and i hated myself for like a month. we're talking tears, low blows, basic crazy lady-ness.

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    is invisible invisible's Avatar
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    yes, i believe that in normal situations the responsibility for our emotions is our own, we choose what to feel based on our thought approaches. i think that the shutting down of emotion is more usually a reaction to trauma.

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    mechanical and habitual agent Vict's Avatar
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    The INFJ emotional dam is well-constructed but inevitably overflows.

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    no chocolate flavored gum? wow JGirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sandra_b View Post
    I can block out and deaden my emotions also and have done it for many years. But emotions are there for a reason and they'll find a way to express themselves eventually. You can only stuff feelings down for so long before you don't have any more room to stuff them. My suppressed emotions express themselves through anger but mostly heightened anxiety which leads to panic attacks.
    i had trouble with anger (more like rage) and panic attacks for a long time too.
    thankfully i don't anymore!
    i do abstract drawings to express the overflow i feel sometimes. some of them are very intricate and hectic, but when i look at them i can go back to when i was drawing each part and feel how i was feeling at that time.
    i don't give these drawings away or sell them. i can't because it's like the emotions are stored in them.

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    What do you mean, I can change my Usertitle Apone's Avatar
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    I used to be a lot more emotional when I was a kid-- I think because if you're a guy you can only really get away with that stuff when you're young.

    I don't think it had anything to do with protecting myself from manipulation or whatever-- it was mostly about trying to be more like a guy. Probably just before you hit puberty you start picking up on the fact that the other guys don't cry and aren't emotional about things, so you learn from that and start bottling everything up to meet the social expectations. It's not a trauma and it's not at all uncommon, it's just the way guys are… if you don't toughen up then people will think you're a girly weakling and you probably won't have any friends. The same thing goes for your homosexual thoughts… even though past a certain age people care less and I think that this is becoming more socially acceptable in general.

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    All Systems Go Flavus Aquila's Avatar
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    I can't say that I actively try to suppress my emotions. Mind you, I am mostly emotionally numb - I seldom experience emotions - and when I do experience them, they are usually pretty strong.

    If I have focused on anything, it is not showing emotion, which I am very successful in.


    Isn't there a concern that suppressing emotion is an unhealthy thing?

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    What do you mean, I can change my Usertitle Apone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flavus Aquila View Post
    Isn't there a concern that suppressing emotion is an unhealthy thing?
    If psychiatrists think that there's money to be made, then it's a concern.
    Desensitization to sex and violence is one thing, but not crying and being overly emotional all the time is just a normal part of growing up.

    And I don't think that it would cause panic attacks-- I'm not a scientist or anything, but I'd blame environmental pollutants, food additives and unhealthy lifestyles before I'd blame suppressed emotion.

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    never mind no matter nevermind charlene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist View Post
    Yes... Controlling for me began with just a shut-off of all emotional and physical feeling, which I have since learned is not at all uncommon. Still, I cycle through phases of complete apathy in order to stop the pain without a source, but I know this to be unhealthy.
    The way I see it is this: being a deep feeler means you will have more pain than anyone, but you will also have a more satisfying joy as well. Feeling is a gift, but with such a gift comes the responsibility of wielding it well. Will you allow your gift to be rendered nonexistent by controlling it to the extent that it ceases to possess the quality of passion? Will you become such a liar that you forget what it means to give a sincere response? Are you so afraid of being hurt that you will abstain from giving the world your heart?
    We do have a fine line to balance on. We must be responsible with our powers and wield them without harming others, but at the same time, we cannot cage them.
    Emotions are like horses... Train them, then ride them. You are the master, but they the artist. You steer, but after a time, you learn to trust and allow them a bit of their own length of rope. Ride well.
    Very nice thoughts, the lows certainly make the highs higher and vice versa. Emotions are so fundamental for passion and understanding the human experience.

    As much as I love my experiencing the depths of my emotions I also find it scary. Sometimes emotions can make me a lot less productive and irrational, but at other times they provide me with motivation and inspiration. I feel most things very deeply but am an expert at hiding my emotions from others, particulary negative ones.

    I can be very robotic and monotone, and actively suppress emotion when I'm trying to be logical or having an arguement with someone. Otherwise I can experience bouts of anger, rage, anxiety and sadness. All emotions serve a purpose though and emotions are essential to connect with others.
    Love = Consciousness...ELE!
    We are One
    All roads lead home

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  18. #18
    Banned Feelings's Avatar
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    Feelings are really hard.

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    Regular Poster Don Leo's Avatar
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    I tried controlling emotions and stress but it got so huge that my skin started reacting. I formed a sort of hardened shell that would break. Diagnosis: not relaxing enough and stressing too much. I now have ointments and I do breathing exercises and I found this forum.

    I can try to reason them away or do something about it. I cannot afford to just let it sit because then my body starts to disintegrate, I lose the big picture and just mull over one single thing as if that is the most important thing in the world...
    I can go into this weird private nobody can see crash where I throw everything away and my overly organised desk becomes a pile of piles.

    It helps to have an obligation to set the example. Many youths look up to me and want to grow up to be like me, compared to what their parents or family is doing... I don't drink, smoke, never been to jail. Academically schooled, knowledgeable in things that interest me. It is my duty to keep my calm because in doing so, I protect them, I keep them off the streets, I make them smarter, I give them a solid ally in a hostile world.

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  20. #20
    Regular Poster Craig Weiler's Avatar
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    I don't think it's a good idea to try to control emotions. What I've done over the years is let them just pass through. If I'm just calm about it and wait it out, they go away. Especially anger and depression. Never hold on to those two.

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